LevanaMoon Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 I think I'm fully romantic, meaning I can fall for anyone at anytime, but if I don't have crush on anyone I don't really have any romantic feelings at all... Is there like some kind of romantic drive where you feel undirected romantic feelings stirring within you? Is that why people enjoy flirting? And... can an aromantic person have a romantic drive? Link to post Share on other sites
Robin L Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 Though it's not an "official" phrase, some people here (including me) do separate the concept of romantic attraction and romantic drive, just like their sexual counterparts. Link to post Share on other sites
LevanaMoon Posted April 16, 2014 Author Share Posted April 16, 2014 Though it's not an "official" phrase, some people here (including me) do separate the concept of romantic attraction and romantic drive, just like their sexual counterparts. So..... do you or does anyone you know have a romantic drive, and if so, what does it feel like? Does flirting or romantic books/movies/songs arouse it? Link to post Share on other sites
Robin L Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 It's like the difference between sexual attraction and sex drive, where the former is to a specific person, and the latter is just a general desire for sexual gratification. A romantic drive is a desire for romance. It's not focused on anyone in particular. Looking at romantic things might either trigger or gratify it. Cuddling with pillows or blanks also works. I fantasize romantic scenarios, but the other person is not anyone. It's blank, just a abstract person. I'm somewhat lithromantic, so the concept is useful for me. Note that I'm only speaking for myself. Other people might have different feelings and experiences. Link to post Share on other sites
Cherellice Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 I think I've got the romantic equivalent of a low sex drive. I never really thought about a romantic drive before but from what I've observed it most definitely exits. Some people desire romance more than others and vice versa. I only rarely ever experience a desire for romance and my romantic fantasies are few and very far between. Link to post Share on other sites
LevanaMoon Posted April 16, 2014 Author Share Posted April 16, 2014 It's like the difference between sexual attraction and sex drive, where the former is to a specific person, and the latter is just a general desire for sexual gratification. A romantic drive is a desire for romance. It's not focused on anyone in particular. Looking at romantic things might either trigger or gratify it. Cuddling with pillows or blanks also works. I fantasize romantic scenarios, but the other person is not anyone. It's blank, just a abstract person. I'm somewhat lithromantic, so the concept is useful for me. Note that I'm only speaking for myself. Other people might have different feelings and experiences. Oh, okay. I think I do experience that sometimes? I'm not sure though; I think it's usually directed toward a person. The thing is I love songs and the idea of happy relationships, but I'm not sure if when I'm not in love, I just love the beauty of it or if I actually feel any romantic feelings. I couldn't say right now, because I'm definitely in love. If I ever fall out of love, I'll have to ask myself if I have general romantic feelings toward nobody. The reason I ask is because flirting makes me uncomfortable and actually quite bored, and I was wondering if people with a (greater) romance drive enjoy flirting because it triggers/gratifies their feelings...I just don't know! I think I've got the romantic equivalent of a low sex drive. I never really thought about a romantic drive before but from what I've observed it most definitely exits. Some people desire romance more than others and vice versa. I only rarely ever experience a desire for romance and my romantic fantasies are few and very far between. Interesting! I think I may be the same way, because sometimes I am like "I really want to make someone feel loved" or "I really want to feel loved" but that's difference than a romantic drive, because I'd feel loved by a friend or counselor, too. When you have a high sex drive think "well, I really want some form of pleasure, and I'm all out of chocolate and ice cream, so I guess I'll just go have sex." It has to be a specific desire that only romance can satisfy, right? Link to post Share on other sites
paperwishes Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 I think this makes total sense! I understand that music and art can arouse romantic feelings. I can feel the same physical sensations towards art that I can towards a person, and this leads me to desire more things to keep this feeling. Just as love is a broad term, you can love not only people but have love for many things and concepts. Right now, I am not ready for a relationship so I desire to be surrounded by things that cause these feelings without the other person having to be involved (because then it gets messy and complicated :( ) Link to post Share on other sites
LevanaMoon Posted April 16, 2014 Author Share Posted April 16, 2014 I think this makes total sense! I understand that music and art can arouse romantic feelings. I can feel the same physical sensations towards art that I can towards a person, and this leads me to desire more things to keep this feeling. Just as love is a broad term, you can love not only people but have love for many things and concepts. Right now, I am not ready for a relationship so I desire to be surrounded by things that cause these feelings without the other person having to be involved (because then it gets messy and complicated :( ) Yes yes, I can totally relate :) Music and art give me so much love haha, and I trust them more than people :P Is it romantic if it's not even about the IDEA of a person? Like if it's just a romantic-y feeling like from seeing a sunset or a fire or something? What brain chemicals cause romantic feelings? I don't think aromantics are lacking in those chemicals; they just don't experience romantic attraction, correct? Link to post Share on other sites
paperwishes Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 I think this makes total sense! I understand that music and art can arouse romantic feelings. I can feel the same physical sensations towards art that I can towards a person, and this leads me to desire more things to keep this feeling. Just as love is a broad term, you can love not only people but have love for many things and concepts. Right now, I am not ready for a relationship so I desire to be surrounded by things that cause these feelings without the other person having to be involved (because then it gets messy and complicated :( ) Yes yes, I can totally relate :) Music and art give me so much love haha, and I trust them more than people :P Is it romantic if it's not even about the IDEA of a person? Like if it's just a romantic-y feeling like from seeing a sunset or a fire or something? What brain chemicals cause romantic feelings? I don't think aromantics are lacking in those chemicals; they just don't experience romantic attraction, correct? I used to feel romantic feelings when I would daydream about having a boyfriend when I was younger, just ones that I would invent in my head, and then after having a few messy relationships I think I lost the ability to do that anyway. I'm sure it has something to do with serotonin and dopamine, maybe some norepinephrine. Link to post Share on other sites
TheBioNerd Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 I'm really glad you brought this whole thing up, because something kind of clicked for me when you did. Around that time when everyone my age started developing sex drives, I just didn't. I never cared about pursuing sex aside from a vague hint of curiosity that's only natural for someone like me. However, looking back, I think when everyone else's sex drives kicked in, my romantic drive kicked in. Ever since then, I always fantasized about being with other people in a romantic way. To this day, I can't fall asleep unless I'm picturing someone next to me to cuddle with. I've always preferred thinking about specific people since the fantasy is just more realistic to me that way. That's one of the reasons I feel really awful when I find out I can't be with someone I like. Since it's uncomfortable for me to fantasize about people I'm not interested in romantically and I've never cared for mentally interacting with faceless generic figures, I no longer have someone to join me in my romantic daydreams. I don't know if that spiel helped you out in anyway, but thanks for bringing this up because I found it helpful :). Link to post Share on other sites
LevanaMoon Posted April 17, 2014 Author Share Posted April 17, 2014 I'm really glad you brought this whole thing up, because something kind of clicked for me when you did. Around that time when everyone my age started developing sex drives, I just didn't. I never cared about pursuing sex aside from a vague hint of curiosity that's only natural for someone like me. However, looking back, I think when everyone else's sex drives kicked in, my romantic drive kicked in. Ever since then, I always fantasized about being with other people in a romantic way. To this day, I can't fall asleep unless I'm picturing someone next to me to cuddle with. I've always preferred thinking about specific people since the fantasy is just more realistic to me that way. That's one of the reasons I feel really awful when I find out I can't be with someone I like. Since it's uncomfortable for me to fantasize about people I'm not interested in romantically and I've never cared for mentally interacting with faceless generic figures, I no longer have someone to join me in my romantic daydreams. I don't know if that spiel helped you out in anyway, but thanks for bringing this up because I found it helpful :). Interesting, interesting. And I'm glad this post helped things click for you in your life!!! :) It did help me feel less confused about whether people have a romantic drive... Or at least whether people have romantic fantasies...Is that the same as a romantic drive, do you think??? :) Link to post Share on other sites
TheBioNerd Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 I'm really glad you brought this whole thing up, because something kind of clicked for me when you did. Around that time when everyone my age started developing sex drives, I just didn't. I never cared about pursuing sex aside from a vague hint of curiosity that's only natural for someone like me. However, looking back, I think when everyone else's sex drives kicked in, my romantic drive kicked in. Ever since then, I always fantasized about being with other people in a romantic way. To this day, I can't fall asleep unless I'm picturing someone next to me to cuddle with. I've always preferred thinking about specific people since the fantasy is just more realistic to me that way. That's one of the reasons I feel really awful when I find out I can't be with someone I like. Since it's uncomfortable for me to fantasize about people I'm not interested in romantically and I've never cared for mentally interacting with faceless generic figures, I no longer have someone to join me in my romantic daydreams. I don't know if that spiel helped you out in anyway, but thanks for bringing this up because I found it helpful :). Interesting, interesting. And I'm glad this post helped things click for you in your life!!! :) It did help me feel less confused about whether people have a romantic drive... Or at least whether people have romantic fantasies...Is that the same as a romantic drive, do you think??? :) I think they're definitely tied together. I mean, you usually have fantasies because of your drive...although I'm sure people have a drive without having fantasies. I know I find it hard to experience one without the other, so maybe I'm not the best person to ask :lol:. Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 I have a romantic drive and desire where I sometimes would like a boyfriend to be with. I take care of it a bit by fantasizing about a crush. Although it's worse than a sex drive for me. I can masturbate for sexual release but I'm not sure what works for romance. Link to post Share on other sites
LevanaMoon Posted April 18, 2014 Author Share Posted April 18, 2014 I have a romantic drive and desire where I sometimes would like a boyfriend to be with. I take care of it a bit by fantasizing about a crush. Although it's worse than a sex drive for me. I can masturbate for sexual release but I'm not sure what works for romance. Interesting, same here. I don't think masturbation works, but playing love songs, reading romance novels, watching romantic movies, looking at beautiful pictures, and talking about your feelings to people you trust can help ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
DexM Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 I draw a lot of similarities between what Robin L describes, and how I have felt. I am a very romantic, some would say, soppy individual. I like mushy love stories, often seeking them out and often dreaming of a purely romantic relationship. It was these feelings, then knowing that I couldn't have taken it to a more physical level, that made me begin to suspect that there was "something wrong with me." I adopted an older saying: I was in tune with my emotions. My mum once said to me that it was an inner "feminine side" that had started to take over. But I did strive for a romantic connection, a romantic relationship and I always got teary eyed over the flower sending, door holding, coming-together-of-the-main-protagonists-no-matter-the-odds, loving lyrics, beautiful words, type of things. Link to post Share on other sites
NualaCatrionaMarie Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I would say yes, yes, YES. I can't think of any other explanation for the love-at-first-sight kind of things I have experienced more often than I would like to admit. I don't go out looking for it, but once in a blue moon, *poof*, there it is. It's more than an instinct to fall in love. It's almost more natural to me than breathing. It's kind of a pain sometimes. On the other hand, I like to think it makes life a lot more beautiful, when kept under control. Sunshine and lollipops and fields of daisies all over the place. :P Link to post Share on other sites
abacct Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 I say there is. I am 100% certain I am aromantic, but sometimes I wish I had a boyfriend even though I avoid anybody that tries flirting with me. Link to post Share on other sites
WhenSummersGone Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 I have a romantic drive and desire where I sometimes would like a boyfriend to be with. I take care of it a bit by fantasizing about a crush. Although it's worse than a sex drive for me. I can masturbate for sexual release but I'm not sure what works for romance. Interesting, same here. I don't think masturbation works, but playing love songs, reading romance novels, watching romantic movies, looking at beautiful pictures, and talking about your feelings to people you trust can help ^_^ I sometimes feel like I should start reading romance books. It might help but I'm afraid of the sexual stuff in it when I don't have a connection towards the characters. Link to post Share on other sites
moonmagegrl Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 daydreaming about fictional characters helps me :P Fictional characters can be quite reliable Link to post Share on other sites
Sally Posted April 21, 2014 Share Posted April 21, 2014 Yes, that's what drew me to my ex-partner years ago. I now know it was a romantic drive -- an emotional and aesthetic attraction.. It certainly wasn't sexual, although he thought it was and I had no idea back then, so the whole thing got very complicated for a number of years. Link to post Share on other sites
Ziggy_G Posted April 22, 2014 Share Posted April 22, 2014 hmm..this is actually quite an interesting and useful concept. I would say that I would be aromantic but have a romantic drive by what I think people are saying here. I don't have romantic attraction to people, but maybe i have a romantic drive...hmm food for thought that is... Link to post Share on other sites
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