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Feel angry


silvernlilac

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silvernlilac

Im starting to feel really angry and down about being asexual. I know it is one of the major things that is stopping me from having a relationship and I am sick of feeling different to everyone else and not being able to understand the way other people feel about sex and relationships. People keep asking me about my relationship status and I honestly feel like telling them all to **** off. Its like just cos I dont have a boyfriend people think they have the right to question me about it. At least if I wasnt asexual Id have a choice you know, at least I could go on a dating site and at least feel like I had a bloody choice at meeting someone :-( I dunno Im just upset about it at the moment as I am SO sick of being single and I am SO sick of feeling alone. Im sat here crying now because I am just so damn sick of this and feeling like nothing is ever gonna change because of the damn asexuality. I am pining my hopes on therapy as I have emailed a counsellor but what if that doesnt help. Lets face it if you are female, asexual and not stunning looking (Im average at best) then what chance of you got of meeting a fellow asexual and having a relationship? I would say virtually nil. I am just so sick of hiding away and pretending Im happy being alone when Im really not. But whats the point of getting out there and looking when I am never gonna find what I am looking for? I would honestly rather die young than spend the rest of my life alone because of this stupid condition/orientation (or whatever you want to call it) :(

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littleheartsofjoy

Aw, I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. :(

I could have written parts of your post myself almost a year ago. I get how you feel about being an asexual female who isn't stunning or conventionally attractive and thinking that at least if you were sexual, that could help some. I used to think the same myself. I don't know if what I'm about to say will help or not (I would hope that it can, but it's also ok if that isn't the case), but I'll like to say it anyway.

Being asexual does not mean that you will be "forever alone", by any means. It might mean that the dating pool might be slightly smaller at most, which can depend on if you are sexually repulsed or not. Even so, not every sexual holds sex to be of the same importance as an ace might assume. To some, it isn't a major deal, and they can be fine going without it. If you aren't sexually repulsed, a compromise can be worked out.

You can try the asexual dating sites, meetups, and even just making friends on AVEN and see how that is (I'm not saying to have expectations that things will happen, btw). In addition, I know that you are angry, but you have to try to work on accepting yourself (which includes your sexuality). It can be hard to meet people in general if you are angry because of your sexuality and being single. People might not be attracted to that energy. Eh, I'm starting to ramble now, so I wish you good luck.

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I can relate. Discovering my asexuality sure hasn't opened up horizons for me - it's got to the point where I'm cautious when meeting new people, for fear that I'll end up liking them more than they like me. It does sometimes feel like I've been cheated out of something. Being asexual makes it harder, because asexuals aren't that different so unrequited love is still a thing ...

I seem to recall I met you once on an AVEN meet in Birmingham. Was it your first meet, I'm sure it was? Anyway, as I recall you're kinda cute (Not just saying that)

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I was in the same point as you some years ago. I was really sad about being ace but the reason was very simple. Aces are not much represented in medias and public life. If there were more of them, it would be probably easier to accept it. You are who you are and you have to accept it. There're many people like you. So, don't worry and enjoy the life.

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Yup, I feel the angry too. Just that endless hopeless feeling that I have enough trouble with this stuff anyway being so shy, a lot of the time now, I just feel angry, confused, isolated, I feel sometimes like I can't remember how to even talk to the opposite sex anymore, whether I like them or not.

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This. I was literally just sitting here at my computer, crying, when I saw your post. I just got on this site a few days ago and it's been so wonderful getting to understand myself better and making certain connections I wasn't making before. But with this new understanding comes a slap in the face from reality...

Before I realized I was asexual, my odds of finding someone were already pretty small because I'm gay, introverted, "picky" about who I fall for (not intentionally, believe me), and I'm a full-time college science student making my life outside of school non-existent. Adding on the asexual factor just narrowed my choices down to such a small amount of people, why even bother?

But, I do bother. I bother because there has to be something better out there. This can't be it. Don't get me wrong, I've really grown to enjoy my life and the people in it. But I need to believe there's someone else out there for me who I can share myself with 100% and be completely happy with. I know it sucks being lonely, believe me. Just don't lose hope. A positive outlook on life makes all the difference (just because it's cliche doesn't mean it's not true).

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