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Am I broken? (explicit content)


Godith

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I call myself asexual because I have never orgasmed, nor been sexually attracted to someone, nor been aroused for more than a second or two at a time. I used to be fine with that, but as I get exposed to more and more sexual people and things, I couldn't help but wonder what all the fuss was about and want to experience an orgasm for myself. I would watch some porn, read some erotic stories, but I could only ever be aroused for a few seconds, and touching myself never gave me any pleasure at all. After seeing this webcomic http://www.erikamoen.com/comics-portfolio/silver-bullet/ I had felt so sure that it would work on me like it did her, and that for once in my life I would be normal, in at least one area. If I could start off with something like that, maybe I could even work my way up to penetration, and finally be able to sexually satisfy someone I loved romantically.

Well today I bought a vibrator. Just a cheap little bullet vibe to see if I was capable of feeling sexual pleasure at all. I tried it out and it felt weird, but not really good. I thought maybe if I just kept going it would get better, that maybe if I couldn't arouse myself on my own, that use of the toy would arouse me. It made me feel faint and ill after a little while, so I decided to kick it up a notch and see if I liked a more powerful setting. My body twitched and spasmed, and I thought maybe it was working so I held it against myself more firmly, and then... I wet the bed. I thought maybe it was the start of an orgasm, but no, just peed myself. I hadn't even felt the need to pee at any time today, it just happened when i was trying to stimlate myself! So obviously even a vibrator didn't work at all for me, and now I feel awful in every way imaginable and just want to go cry and pretend I don't exist.

What the hell is wrong with me?!

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Do not worry about it. Give your self time..

I"m 20 years old, how much longer do I need to wait for something to change?

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I've heard of women peeing when they might orgasem.

But, there is nothing wrong with you. Your sex drive is very low. This can be a problem if it just happened, but if you have always been like this, then it's how you were born. You can still of course see a doctor if you think it's fitting.

But please don't feel bad about it. I can enjoy myself, but it's not that big of deal.

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You might find it helpful to Google a phenomenon which is sometimes referred to as "female ejaculation" and sometimes as "gushing" or "squirting". It was something I was curious about as I'd experienced it myself. I have read a few things about this and no-one seems to be able to agree about whether the fluid that's released is urine, or partly urine, or some other kind of body fluid. But it is certainly something that some other women experience.

And, if it doesn't feel good, I don't think you should feel that you "ought" to do it.

Hope this is helpful.

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You might find it helpful to Google a phenomenon which is sometimes referred to as "female ejaculation" and sometimes as "gushing" or "squirting". It was something I was curious about as I'd experienced it myself. I have read a few things about this and no-one seems to be able to agree about whether the fluid that's released is urine, or partly urine, or some other kind of body fluid. But it is certainly something that some other women experience.

And, if it doesn't feel good, I don't think you should feel that you "ought" to do it.

Hope this is helpful.

It was definitey urine. I've seen the 'squirting' phenomenon before, and there's a lot less than what I produced. Also the smell kind of gave it away, though it wasn't very strong.

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Do not worry about it. Give your self time..

I"m 20 years old, how much longer do I need to wait for something to change?

Actually, that may not have been pee. Some women do ejaculate when they orgasm like a guy does, and it is a fluid that comes out of the urethra. I would say try what you did again, but pee before you try it, that way you will know that if something comes out, that it isn't pee.

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Your orgasm is your individual feeling. Many people think it looks like in porns, you know, this wriggling , screaming women :) In fact it's sth more personal, sth different.

I suppose you could have had it using vibrator. I'm convinced the fluid you left on your bed was an effect of female ejaculation. IIt can look like peeing.

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Do not worry about it. Give your self time..

I"m 20 years old, how much longer do I need to wait for something to change?

Actually, that may not have been pee. Some women do ejaculate when they orgasm like a guy does, and it is a fluid that comes out of the urethra. I would say try what you did again, but pee before you try it, that way you will know that if something comes out, that it isn't pee.

Your orgasm is your individual feeling. Many people think it looks like in porns, you know, this wriggling , screaming women :) In fact it's sth more personal, sth different.

I suppose you could have had it using vibrator. I'm convinced the fluid you left on your bed was an effect of female ejaculation. IIt can look like peeing.

I've heard of this phenomenon but I am 100% positive that's not what it was. It wasn't just a little bit of fluid.

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Maybe there's nothing wrong with you. Why does something have to be wrong because you don't like sex. If you feel something is physically wrong, ask your doctor.

But, please, don't blame yourself for what could be a perfectly natural outcome to something your body rejects as unnatural. And, don't beat yourself up about it.

Use this a a learning experience to help you figure out what's right for you.

Did you enjoy any part of the experience?

As a homoromantic male I'm not familiar with women, so, no offense, but have you been having any...um...female troubles?...medical issues? *For us males I'd say plumbing trouble?*

Are you experimenting because you want to, or feel you ought to?

Is someone pressuring you to be sexual?

Romantic love doesn't mean you have to sexually satisfy a partner. Being asexual is just as normal as being sexual!

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Was it pee? Some females ejaculate a large amount of clear liquid from their vaginas. A very large amount ! It comes out maybe looking like urine but it actually isn't! Totally a normal okay thing. If you hit specific locations inside yourself it is more likely to happen.

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Maybe try the vibrator on the inside of your vagina against your upper wall (tummy side) and moving it around just a bit as it feels right? Don't get discouraged just because you are hitting a few bumps. Walt Disney was fired from a local newspaper for not being creative enough.

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I have a close friend who had sex because she thought she should - because it's normal - and admitted to me when she was 24 not once had she achieved an orgasm by herself or during sex. She now has a healthy (for her) sexual lifestyle where she does achieve orgasms.

Age has nothing to do with achieving your own pleasure - and sexual stimulation might not be for you. However, please do not judge your vibrator a waste after one time. I suspect there's a level of stress on your shoulders to try to make this work. Self pleasure can be a very relaxing and enjoyable thing for many people - but it's not for everyone. If you're worried about a repeat performance, lay down a towel or maybe even hop in the bathtub.

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I can only speak for myself, but being a gray asexual the only orgasm I ever had was a unique experience. I believe because I am asexual my way to an orgasm was going to be different than that of a sexual person. We don't start with the same motivations. For a long time I, like you, thought something was wrong with me, and then one day I just accepted that I was not going to be like everyone else. My life became a little easier after that. Although I rarely orgasm, I have other wonderful powerful positive emotions that make me happy. I hope you worry less about trying to be like every one else, and learn to be your unique you.

Just know you are not alone. I've gone through similar experiences.

I hope you have a great night.

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editingatwork

I agree with much of what's been said here; that you should feel free to keep experimenting, but don't stress yourself out if your body won't respond the way you want. It may take time, and it may be something that's not right for you. If there's nothing medically unbalanced in your body, it may just be that you're not built for arousal and climax. And that's fine! Whatever you decide to do with this information about yourself and this experience, just make sure you don't put yourself down for it, or consider yourself broken or wrong.

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ethereal_energy

You might find it helpful to Google a phenomenon which is sometimes referred to as "female ejaculation" and sometimes as "gushing" or "squirting". It was something I was curious about as I'd experienced it myself. I have read a few things about this and no-one seems to be able to agree about whether the fluid that's released is urine, or partly urine, or some other kind of body fluid. But it is certainly something that some other women experience.

And, if it doesn't feel good, I don't think you should feel that you "ought" to do it.

Hope this is helpful.

It was definitey urine. I've seen the 'squirting' phenomenon before, and there's a lot less than what I produced. Also the smell kind of gave it away, though it wasn't very strong.

I've squirted before, and it can be a pretty lot! But in my experience it was clear and odorless. It may be different for some people though. Also maybe the vibrator pressed up against the bladder, or indirectly. Maybe it was pee.

Try the vibrator on the outside (clitoris.) It may be different, especially if the mental aspect may be getting in the way. If the mental aspect of something inside of you feels strange, then maybe the outside may be better mentally.

Oh, and don't just stick it in/on there. You have to be a little physically aroused before it starts feeling good.

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It has varied degrees of urine in it...some may have more parts than others. It just all depends.

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