tsaikou Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 I have been with someone for 2yrs. And this is my first encounter with a relationship with an asexual person. We talked about this about a year and a half ago. His first wife left him because their relationship lacked the physical aspect. He was teased in school being called gay. But he is attracted to women. I married him knowing what I was getting into. I love him enough that this is not a relationship issue... but it is my issue. Having my own attitude that affection and sex equal love, I have days where I feel ugly and unloved by him... and there are times we have physical intimacy because my needs matter to him. Does anyone have any advice on how I can work on feeling more secure in the relationship without subjecting him to what seems rather uncomfortable for him? Link to post Share on other sites
Null_and_Void Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 I have been in a relationship with an asexual girl for almost two wonderful years, so hopefully I can help. Your biggest issue seems to be that you seem to see sexual attraction, aesthetic attraction, and love as one, and they are not. Your boyfriend is simply incapable of feeling sexual attraction. This does not mean that he does not love you and it does not mean that you are ugly. For instance, I know that my girlfriend loves me very much, but she is incapable of sexual attraction. It's not even that she just isn't attracted to me, she isn't attracted to anyone, so there is no reason that I should take this personally. Think of it like this: A world-renowned chef is famous for his steaks. Persons A, B, C, and D all love his steak, but person E doesn't like steak. It's not that person E doesn't like his steak, they just simply don't like steak at all. This should not be taken as an insult to the chef's cooking, and person E may like tons of other things that the chef cooks. I hope this is a good analogy. Another thing to think about is: If you two weren't having sex, or any sort of sexual contact, would you still love him? Hopefully your answer is yes, and if it is, then doesn't that show you how love is entirely possible without sex? Link to post Share on other sites
pinki Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 awesome Prince_Deity Link to post Share on other sites
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