What did you think was "wrong" with you before you knew the word asexual?

[Slayerin96]

I thouhgt I'd develop belatedly.

[Hooded_Crow]

At first I didn't give a thought about it. Back in high school when everyone was talking about sex I thought I'm not interested because I don't have a boyfriend. My first boyfriend... That was interesting, because I didn't feel any sexual attraction towards him, I believed it's because I'm not really into him and that's why we broke up. To be honest after that I didn't have many romances, and the thought came back I don't care about sex because I don't have anyone.

The turning point was when I went to college. There was this one guy, we were spending almost every minute together (same class, same rent, really we just slept in a different room). When he wanted us to become a couple I stepped back. I thought that I can't love him if I'm not attracted to him sexually, that he's just a really, really, really good friend. I realized that something's not right when a few other guys hit on me, and I never really felt anything. This was far above the 'you haven't found the right one yet', so I looked it up on the internet. First thing that came up was that I might have depression... After a few days of thinking I was sure that's not the case, and that was when I found out about asexuality.

True that. I used to think about people I liked and go 'Well it's clearly just a great friendship since I don't feel sexually attracted to them.' It's a bit tricky to differenciate between strong platonic attraction and romantic attraction. I find that the main difference, for me at least, is a desire for exclusivity, for an extra priviledged relationship.

[EmotionalAndroid]

I just thought I was immature or something. To this day, I have never been in a relationship, so I figured I just didn't understand. I also have social anxiety, and people generally pick up on that and are condescending toward me. Therefore I've always considered myself as a child, even though I am not.

[Mandie June]

i thought i was doing something wrong. Like, at one point, i thought if i had sex more often, i'd be normal. Maybe it was like an acquired taste. that kind of thing. Obviously it's not, lol. but Yeah, i really thought there was something wrong with me.

[glitter_and_gold]

I don't know if I ever thought something was wrong, but I definitely knew I thought and felt differently from my peers as I got older. When I was 14, I decided I never wanted to have sex outside of marriage, which seemed like an easy task considering I'd never felt the need for it in the first place. I thought that perhaps it was just because I was young. But over the years, when guys would ask me out or tell me they were interested in me, I would always end up rejecting them. I liked a few of them, a lot actually. They were funny, kind guys. I wouldn't have minded spending time with them or going out on dates. But every time I thought about doing something physical with them, that in and of itself was a turn off and I was no longer interested. I was very confused because I always found guys attractive and my friends and I would discuss "hot" celebrities and how we were lusting after them. It wasn't until a few years ago that I realized we had very different versions of lust. Their's was sexual, whereas my "lust" was all about cuddling and deep conversations. About one and a half to two years ago, I came across this site somehow. I can't remember how. I read the FAQ and realized that I'm an asexual heteroromantic. I think that for a long time I thought that because I had made up my mind to not have sex outside of marriage, I somehow rejected any biological urges and so never experienced them. But now, even the thought of sex within the confines of marriage turns me off. I just don't have a desire for it at this point, and while I know that may change, I certainly don't expect it to. So I suppose I thought I just had impeccable self-control and will power and was able to magically dictate what my hormones wanted (or didn't want) lol.

[Guest Cairne Bloodhoof]

I've never thought about me and relationships, sex, etc, until the beginning of this year. And I found about asexuality(for the second time, actually) in the second half of February/the beginning of March. So I practically didn't have the time to feel weird or that there is something wrong to me, so to speak :lol: .

So no, I didn't felt there was something wrong with me in the past, nor do I think it now :) .

[butterflydreams]

I started feeling weirder as I got older.

In high school, if friends talked about sexual stuff, or asked me "who was hot" or told me who they thought was, I just assumed they were messing with me. (I actually got sexually harassed by guys and at least one girl in high school. I actually thought it was normal, or worse, I deserved it for being...*shudders*..."inferior")

In college I was definitely "different" though sexuality was the very least of my difference concerns.

When I talked to my old high school friend a few months ago, I basically asked him, so, all that stuff you said back then, and now, that's real? And he responded that yeah, of course it was real.

...and then my sexuality cabin depressurized hahaha

[Boo Cat]

I used to think that maybe I was just more mature than everybody, or that maybe it was due to my religious background. I assumed that everyone was only pretending to be interested in sex because they thought it was "grown-up" or "cool," like smoking and drinking. And me? I could look at a guy or even a girl and think or say that they're cute/good-looking, but I didn't think about them any further than that. I've never even had the desire to kiss anyone. I actually used to believe that sexual attraction was only in books and movies. I didn't totally believe that stuff happened to real people - it was like magic or telepathy. And when I read books, I was always disappointed when the main characters had sex. I felt that the sex cheapened their love, made it into lust, and that having it proved that's all they wanted in the first place. I know that's not always true, but that's how it felt to me. It sounded more animalistic than loving. I could never understand what drove them to do such things instead of settling for a long hug, cuddle, or kiss. Spending time with each other should be enough to show how much you love someone, right? That's what I've always thought. I'm glad to find that I'm not the only one!

To be honest, I didn't sit myself down and seriously consider my sexuality until a year or so ago. It didn't seem important. I figured that I would become sexual someday and fall in love and get married and blah blah blah. But the older I've gotten, the less important and appealing it is. Falling in love sounds great to me. Sharing the rest of my life with the person I love sounds great. But sex? Eh. I think I'll pass.

[Sebastian Grace]

I thought I was just depressed and that my depression was affecting my sex drive...

[deleted_account]

deleted

[Sinead Buckley]

Well I knew that even despite all my friends assurances, they were always looking down on me and had no intention of letting me get closer to them. They treated me like a baby, like I wasn't cool enough to be included in their conversations about boyfriends and sex. Whenever they were having problems with that stuff they went out of their way to keep me out of it. I had to do all the things they did just to get them to like me and in the end it drove me to depression. We ended up going our separate ways. To this day some sexual people still treat me like this, but now I'm not going to let them pressure me. I can't be bothered with people who waste all their time on sex and cheap imitation love.

[znbkhn]

I wasn't a sexual person in high school, so I ended up being labelled as "weird" and "frigid" by people-including my friends. As I went to a single-sex school, I figured maybe I was just really sheltered and my sexuality would emerge at some point. When it didn't, I thought it was my fault so I tried to be more interested in sex, I visited clubs, I asked friends, I watched things that made my stomach turn and it still didn't click. Eventually I was flicking through Netflix and I saw this documentary called (A)sexual and thought "meh. why not?" So I watched it and was floored by the fact that there was a community... and they had a website! That was when I finally realised that I was different and that there wasn't anything wrong with me. I haven't "come out" to my friends and family yet because I don't think they understand. My sister (who watched the documentary with me) kept saying "ugh, this is clearly fake, there's no such thing" so I can't really talk about it.

[Heart]

My sister (who watched the documentary with me) kept saying "ugh, this is clearly fake, there's no such thing" so I can't really talk about it.

That's really unfortunate :( I hope that, when and if you decide to come out to her and/or others, that they are more understanding when you actually claim the title!

[Rabger]

I never thought there was something wrong with me, but I did wonder what was wrong with everyone else.

[Philip027]

I never thought there was something wrong with me, but I did wonder what was wrong with everyone else.

Exactly how most of my original thoughts went.

Which is... pretty much what I said in my post in this thread almost half a year ago.

[Trinity Power]

I had a mild interest as a child - but mainly because I wanted to know how everything worked (still do!). When everyone hit high school and were going on and on about it, I modified my behaviour to fit in but didn't 'get it'. Attractions I felt were, with hindsight, all about the personality of the person. I just wasn't interested in sex and thought that was proof that everyone else was just over the top. I'm a late boomer who grew up in mainstream Aussie culture, so I did the conventional thing. Went to uni, met a man - who is still my best friend, and married. And then the problems began. He reasonably expected a 'normal' marriage with a 'normal' sex life. I struggled (and still do) to meet him half way. All kudos to him, we're still married after 30 years.

It was seriously only 3 or 4 years ago it dawned on me that most people actually have a real live sex drive a lot of the time - and I don't (virtually all the time). Call me a slow learner but I'd never heard of asexuality - apart from in biological terms at uni re plants and animals. I happened to pick up a magazine in a coffee shop one day with an article about an asexual girl who was about to marry a sexual guy. Lightbulbs popped!! How did I get this far through life thinking I was broken and not considering that there was a different explanation?

Nonetheless, I'm still in this situation with my husband. We get on very well in every other facet of life. Where to from here I have no idea. It seems unfair to him, yet also to me. Maybe I'm looking at it all the wrong way round. Anyone else in a similar situation with some wisdom to share?

[Isa]

At first I also thought there was something wrong with everyone else, but during my teen years it all went upside down. Everyone else were normal and I was the one who had some problem. For a long time I thought I was a late bloomer or I had been more or less traumatized by others of my age for whom having sex seemed to be as common as eating or breathing. I also thought I'd come to like sex eventually if I pretended to like it and if I just had some positive experiences of it.

When I found out about asexuality it felt like a heavy load would've been taken off of my shoulders. No need to feel quilty about it or pretend to like something you don't like. \o/

[Hikuroi]

I always thought everyone was weird until like 11th grade (I think) and than I thought it was a brain malfunction or something. One of my history classes we watched a documentary about the French Revolution and they said Lois XVI never consummated his marriage(or took a long time to?) and that he was never interested in sex and I immediately thought "maybe I have what he has?" I tried to tell my mom that day but she argued with me so I dropped it until this year when I found AVEN.

[Contrarian Expatriate]

I thought the women I was dating were simply not attractive enough for me to want to have sex with them. I then pursued women who were EXTREMELY attractive and realized that the problem lay with me somehow.

I also thought that my status as a virgin until my thirties made the thought of sex distasteful since I would be embarrassed due to inexperience with new partners.

But when I learned it was possible that some people just don't like sex or have the urge for sex, I knew this was the explanation that eluded me for me for so many years.

[Rock and Roll Dear]

Well I didn't think anything was wrong with me just that I hasn't met anyone of interest yet but then sometime last year my friends would start talking about sexual things in a less abstract way and I started to realize something may be off when it came to me. One things that comes to mind is my friend was complaint that she was horny at school and one of my friends said "it happens to the best of is even Natalie" and I immediately responded saying that it really doesn't and they just laughed. Then I was hyper aware of all the people around me and how to them sexual attraction wasn't an abstract thing and I realists that I was different.

[Rock and Roll Dear]

Well I didn't think anything was wrong with me just that I hasn't met anyone of interest yet but then sometime last year my friends would start talking about sexual things in a less abstract way and I started to realize something may be off when it came to me. One things that comes to mind is my friend was complaint that she was horny at school and one of my friends said "it happens to the best of is even Natalie" and I immediately responded saying that it really doesn't and they just laughed. Then I was hyper aware of all the people around me and how to them sexual attraction wasn't an abstract thing and I realists that I was different.

[Amber5886]

At first nothing. I've actually always had a very healthy interest in sex and sexuality just not as it pertained to other people.

I never noticed boys when I was younger. When my friends would ask who I liked I would just blurt out a name or avoid the topic all together like the plague because it genuinely wasn't interesting to me.

Then when I got older and I started dating things changed. I found that the guys I "liked" we're cute, funny, interesting and all of that and I liked the kissing, handholding and cuddling but anything more and I just shut down. I started feeling like something was way off and I couldn't put my finger on it but it felt wrong.

So after a while I assumed I was gay. I started dating girls and it was exactly the same thing over and over again.

After I met my ex husband i tried to ignore it but I still felt totally wrong when I was put into those situations. I loved him, I liked spending time with him and there was even a point where we went six months without sleeping together an it honestly didn't bother me.

But in the end we divorced and I kept dating thinking that I was just dating all the wrong people. I was because they did this or that that I wasn't attracted to them...

It took me a year to come to terms with myself after findin out that there was a third option.

So I though I was gay.

I thought I was broken.

I thought I was Just dating all the wrong people.

It was me all along. And knowing that feels... Free.

[Debellator]

I've never felt wrong, despite knowing that it was not 'normal'. Not that I ever thought it was a bad thing, less distractions for me~

[A_Star]

Okay, when I was 12ish, I was feeling pressured to figure out my sexuality. I went to an all girls school and a lot of the girls were either sent there as punishment for sneaking out of their houses to be with boys or they had significant others in the school or in their home neighbourhoods. And that was what most of them spoke about, so needless to say, I was feeling left out.

When I saw either a boy or a girl, I never felt the need to 'jump them' like everyone else said they felt. I figured that first, I needed to figure out was whether I was more attracted to males or females (at this point I didn't know of asexuality) and thought that the easiest way was to count how many songs I had on my phone that were sung by either a male or a female and that would decide my sexuality (surprise surprise, it didn't work).

[Torus Orion]

My ex was so distraught over my disinterest that I did see a Dr just to make her feel better. They found no physical or hormonal reason. She suggested that it was psychological, but I blew that off. Id never had any real interest, so its not a product of my life.

[Deathraven]

I've always known I was ace, but had no word for it. All the signs were there looking back now (never had a porn collection, never have been to a strip club) there was just no interest. I always figured it was some kind of chemical imbalance, some biological defect that just made me want to have sex. An actual orientation never occurred to me. What did other people think about their asexuality before you knew the word, not so much in what did you call it, but what did you think was the cause of your lack of desire?

I've always enjoyed pornography, and I wanted romantic relationships with members of the same sex, so I've spent most of my life thinking I was gay. When I started to realize I didn't want sex, with anyone, it began to bother me. It's such a central part of the gay community, of sexuality in general. How could I not want it? I didn't understand it, I thought there was some imbalance. My partner sometimes made jokes, never maliciously, that "real men" want sex. I've known about asexuality, as a word, for quite some time. Until very recently, I didn't know what it was, much less that I was an ace, not gay.

And as for strip clubs, I'd like to experience one. Not sure I'd like it, but I find the body aesthetically pleasing. Can always leave if I hate it.

[Cheery]

I spent years thinking that I was probably just immature or that I had some sort of social problem. I blamed it on the fact that I used to be bullied for my face (insert long story to do with a face deformation and reconstructive jaw surgery) and therefore might be unable to feel attracted to people. But I never really felt satisfied with that explanation cause, well... I've always had wonderful friends and I've never felt lonely or out of touch with people in my life. I am introverted, but it's not like I shut myself away from the world. I always felt secure and 'in the right place', except when it came to boys, relationships and ultimately sex. I suppose I first noticed something was off when my friends were talking about their crushes. I asked them how they could fall in love with a stranger, simply by looking at them. It seems so illogical to me. And they always responded with "Oh, you'll know it when it happens to you". And it never did. I still don't understand.

And that's just one of many things like sex scenes making me uncomfortable or me totally missing the fact that another person was flirting with me and things like that. Especially after my 18th birthday, I just really started to ask myself what was up with me and I got kinda scared and very uncertain. I asked myself why I was the only person around who was okay not having a relationship and ultimately, I asked myself what I could do to fix myself.

So, I started researching sexuality and found that great youtube channel called 'sexplanations'. The information about sex and attraction seemed terribly interesting to me, but it was like I was looking in on it from the outside. Not many things that were talked about in the videos really applied to me. Until they posted a video about asexuality. So I started researching asexuality and it was like I was reading a description of myself. And it was the greatest feeling ever.

I've finally got a label for myself. I've finally got a conformation that I'm not broken and that being asexual is a thing. And that there are other people like me who have experienced exactly the same things as I have. It's okay.

[linz.rasmussen]

I didn't really think there was anything "wrong" with me. I knew it wasn't normal to not want sex but I didn't worry about it too much because I do find people aesthetically pleasing and have a libido. I didn't know what to call it but just figured it was me and didn't worry too much about it. It wasn't until a few months back that I came across the term asexual and this site. Finding out that I wasn't the only one who ever felt that way has been awesome knowing this, in spite of not having felt "wrong" before.

[PFFFT]

Being perfectly honest here. Until about a week ago (When I decided I was Ace) I thought everyone around me was a immature idiots, still think they are idiots but some people just are idiots.

At 12 I began noticing people talking about porn and masturbation, curious I had a nosey myself. I was at a lose how these people could go on about this and decided I must have become mature early. (This thought basically stuck with me forever)

At 13 I would overhear conversations "Oh what porn site do you" "I heard so and so watch Hentai, What freak" "OMG WATCH THIS VIDEO" To my irritation people were trying to push me into their conversations, I went along with it (I was already a outcast no need to add to it) So I said "Pornhub.com bro" "Oh god what a freak Hentai, bet he watches Bondage too (Note I don't understand BDSM at all)" Etc etc, College was approaching for us all (College is the same as High school here, We have Schools called So and So High School and So and So College who teach the same year) Oh god how I was looking forward to them growing up and ending this mini hell of Sex and Blowjobs.

At 14 I thought something was wrong with me, I was thinking it was hormone issues (Which I have) I wasn't getting the Sexual drive, So I waited.... God how I hated listening to them..... No longer did I think they were immature idiots but I felt like I was the immature one.

That^ thought has stuck with me for a while now, then I heard of ace, at first I thought maybe I'm asexual, Until yesterday when I said fuck Maybe I am maybe I'm not! Until one is confirmed I'm ace.

So yea that is what I thought was wrong with me.

[little]

In an elementary school I had a boy friend with whom I used to always play. I liked him and when my classmates used to tell me that he's my boyfriend, I was happy inside. I liked him and he liked me. But then he stopped talking with me and I felt betrayed..

Later, as I went into puberty, everything was terrible. My puberty started very early and it was a terrifying experience. I hated myself and my developing body so strongly, I wanted to dig a hole in the ground and bury myself alive. Moreover, all boys at school bullied me. So, I didn't get a chance to actually get in touch with boys. All my friends were girls. At 6th grade one of my friends started to talk about boys. As the time went, she talked more and more about boys and I just hated this topic. I used to pretend that I was listening when in fact my mind was somewhere else. I wanted to tell her that I don't care, but I knew she wouldn't understand. At that time I thought that maybe I'm too young to care about boys. I had older sister and she was obsessed with boys too. Again, I thought I will care about them later. However, I never started to care abou them. Never in my life wanted to have a boyfriend.

After I finished school, I had a friend who was also obsessed with guys. I remember we used to walk in the Mall and everytime she saw a cute guy she said ''look at that guy, he's so hot and sexy'' and I never understood the point of saying that. It annoyed me so much so at one point I told her that it annoys me and I don't want her to say that when she's with me. She then thought that I'm frigid and weird and tried to 'fix' me. She ordered me to register on a dating site and start communicating with guys. I did that. But I never actually went on a date. I used to feel so bad about myself.. My friend didn't undertsand me and I didn't even understand myself. I had no idea why I don't care about guys. I thought it might be because I'm extremely shy and depressed.. At one point I thought I might be lesbian, but I never wanted to be in a romantic relationship with a woman.. Eventually I parted ways with that friend, because she pressured me too much..

I remember it was my sister's wedding, and you know how in the wedding there are bridesmaids and bridesmen? So I was bridesmaid and I had to spend all evening with my bridesman. That was the most disgusting thing I had to go through. We had to dance together and everytime we danced he holded me so tight and I could feel his body moving near mine. I wanted to throw up. I wanted to escape. I still remember his horrible body near mine. So yeah, even a simple dance made me sick. After this I was confused. I had no idea what's wrong with me. Again, I assumed it's because I'm very shy and self-conscious or sth..

Now I'm still very confused about myself. I don't identify myself with any kind of definition. I still don't know what's wrong with me. I hope I'll figure out someday..