What did you think was "wrong" with you before you knew the word asexual?

[winterfellrose]

I thought my friends were exaggerating when they talked about desiring somebody (a celebrity, a stranger). I thought it was weird that I never 'liked' anybody, and I was just picky or prudish or waiting for the right person. But I just never seemed to find the right person, much less get a crush on somebody. I just kept telling myself I was a 'late bloomer' or 'waiting for love' or something. But then all my religious 'waiting till marriage' friends started dating and eventually getting married and I wasn't even dating. But I just didn't really want to date, as much as I wanted to have a boyfriend. I don't know how I kept expecting to find someone without dating.

[Kazu]

Honestly, nothing. I assumed I was a late bloomer since puberty hit me about a year and a half after most of my friends. I'm less mature in a lot of ways so I assumed that played a part of it too. And I went to a small private school from 3rd - 8th grade with the same 50 kids in my grade so I thought that because there weren't any "hot" guys or girls in my grade not having any crushes in that time was normal. (Though there was one in 4th/5th grade that I thought I had a crush one but it never went beyond "well he's nicer than most of the other boys" When I said I liked him I really meant that I liked him as a person haha). Then before I started 9th grade at an all girls school I found it a little weird but not worrysome. I had a feeling something was off but not that it was a negative thing or that I was broken. Then a year later the summer before 10th grade (or technically 9th grade again since I moved and decided to stay back a year to adjust to a new state's school system) I got confused. I'd heard about asexuality once or twice before on tumblr and thought "well, it's sorta fitting. Maybe I'm that. I can recognize when people are attractive though so maybe not" When getting together with my friends they'd talk about their crushes or guys they thought were cute and I had nothing. So after a while I caved and looked into it. That was when I realized I was asexual and a while later I realized I was aromantic and bi___ (I'm not technically attracted to either but could see myself forming relationships with either male or female if I got close enough and they showed interest in me first)

[Aworld]

I always thought I was a super late bloomer. At first I didn't realize anything because my close friends and I never really talked about this sort of thing, and I just thought everyone else must be exaggerating to sound more grown up. When I realized that no, they weren't exaggerating, I just thought I hadn't grown into it yet. Took a while before I started thinking that something was wrong, and it was a little scary. At some points I honestly thought that the only way round it was becoming a nun or taking a vow of celibacy so that I didn't have to pretend to be like everyone else. Thank goodness I found out that asexuality is a thing.

[Skycaptain]

Prior to discovering asexuality I always regarded myself as (pretended to be) a heterosexual, simply because I knew no different. I just thought that I hadn't met the right person. In all fairness I had never considered the fact that I had simply shied away from any situation where I could have encountered someone who was after sexual activity, and the whole sex thing held no interest to me whatsoever.

[chandra68]

i thought i had very low sex drive!

[Smmk]

Well....at first I just thought I was a prude. I always lied about topics like sex and crushes, because I thought it was mandatory to think and speak about it in a certain way.

Now I am a proud demi sexual and no longer hiding my real opinions :)

[deem0]

I actually went as far as believing I was some sort of sociopath.

I've lost a crazy amount of friends over the years because of not knowing I was asexual; I never understood their obsession with their boyfriends/girlfriends and they never understood why I appeared so disinterested. I always just assumed I was broken or something, I've only ever had one crush and that wasn't sexual at all. I just assumed I was broken, like something in my brain wasn't wired properly.

[phalaena]

I didn't even realize that I was different from my friends and romantic partners. During sex I could never just focus on the act or lose myself in it. It felt like acting but not necessarily faking it, you know? I would do what I knew they liked and would react in the way I knew they wanted me to but I just felt as if I were going through the motions. When it came to making romantic connections with men, I would always feel a little sad inside because I knew they wanted romance and sex and I just wanted romance. Sometimes sensual, most times not. With women, I would feel more comfortable around straight women because I knew they weren't attracted to me in that way. I would hug them and tell them I love them. It was like a romantic friendship. Once, a coworker straight up told me that I wasn't her type due to her liking darker, taller, thicker, more feminine women and I said okay and just continued on. I would give her flowers and make origami cranes for her and she always loved it and would call me her cute little friend. She liked the attention I gave her and I liked making her feel loved but it never went further than that. It took me a while to realize that I was just really emotionally attached to her and I'm glad she didn't mind because it allowed me to learn more about myself and figure out why I usually am inclined towards women who identify as straight. It also makes sense as to why I always felt more comfortable around gay men because I could be affectionate towards them without that fear of sex. Basically I'm just a lot more comfortable being affectionate with people who don't want to kiss or have sex with me, it freaks me out a little...as if they want me to bend to their will which is what I used to do. I'm a people pleaser but I've learned to stop that and just be true to myself. A lot of things just makes sense to me now and everyday I learn more. It's great.

[nolongerinterested...]

I didn't even realize that I was different from my friends and romantic partners. During sex I could never just focus on the act or lose myself in it. It felt like acting but not necessarily faking it, you know? I would do what I knew they liked and would react in the way I knew they wanted me to but I just felt as if I were going through the motions. When it came to making romantic connections with men, I would always feel a little sad inside because I knew they wanted romance and sex and I just wanted romance. Sometimes sensual, most times not. With women, I would feel more comfortable around straight women because I knew they weren't attracted to me in that way. I would hug them and tell them I love them. It was like a romantic friendship. Once, a coworker straight up told me that I wasn't her type due to her liking darker, taller, thicker, more feminine women and I said okay and just continued on. I would give her flowers and make origami cranes for her and she always loved it and would call me her cute little friend. She liked the attention I gave her and I liked making her feel loved but it never went further than that. It took me a while to realize that I was just really emotionally attached to her and I'm glad she didn't mind because it allowed me to learn more about myself and figure out why I usually am inclined towards women who identify as straight. It also makes sense as to why I always felt more comfortable around gay men because I could be affectionate towards them without that fear of sex. Basically I'm just a lot more comfortable being affectionate with people who don't want to kiss or have sex with me, it freaks me out a little...as if they want me to bend to their will which is what I used to do. I'm a people pleaser but I've learned to stop that and just be true to myself. A lot of things just makes sense to me now and everyday I learn more. It's great.

This is exactly how I felt for so many years. I am 30 and just realizing that there's not something wrong with me. I was always told to see a doctor because my lady parts weren't working properly. lol

[Thelostwinterboy]

As a kid, I attended kind of a strange school, with heavy emphasis on Greco-Roman ideology, especially the idea that every hero has a fatal flaw. When sexuality was discussed, I had entirely no interest in it other than for academic purposes. When the high school years came around, it seemed odd to me that everyone was so obsessed with touching, hugging, kissing, and ultimately doing the dirty. While sex didn't particularly repulse or disgust me, I felt no desire to indulge. This, obviously, created a chasm between myself and the rest of my school, which only grew as time went on. Through this separation, I became increasingly of the idea that this was my fatal flaw, my hamartia, if you will. So, in typical hero style, I jumped right in, attempting to overcome my weakness. When I lost my virginity, it felt mechanical, empty and devoid of meaning. When I told her this, she spat out the most damaging sentence I'd ever heard, "You're fucking broken!". My mind began to wander to dark places, and I began adding more qualities to my list of fatal flaws. Detachment from humanity, anger, self loathing. I developed a real villian complex, and I began to view myself as a broken human, damaged beyond repair. Only when I learned about AVEN did things start looking up.

[Skywolf]

I didn't want sex, or kids, or anything like that. I didn't want as much physicality as everyone else I knew seemed to want. I didn't understand or enjoy sexual jokes or humor, and didn't really know why. Just that I was different.

[1Eleven1]

I thought that maybe I had a phobia/aversion, and that it was my fault and something I should "get over". I was so nervous about having to deal with it and I wasn't sure how to make myself face it. Then I found out what it was and felt much better about it, and since then I've actually grown to be proud of it.

[Yinlotus93]

Before I knew about asexuality, I just thought I was just a heterosexual prude. (and briefly in middle school thought that my inability to be physically attracted to boys meant I could be gay). And additionally, that my past of holding men in contempt (was basically a sexist, not proud of it) had killed any capability to be attracted to them. This and my uncertainty mentioned in parenthesis later proved incorrect when I developed a strong crush on a wonderful boy, though unrequited as it was. After that I was aware I only experienced emotional attraction and I was ok with that till I found AVEN and got some further insight.

[Homer]

Nothing. I found other people's behaviour weird. Even more so when it comes to romance. At least I can actually explain why I'm not going down these roads.

[furaneol]

I always found myself to be different from a lot of people personality-wise from quite a young age and often classified my personality as slightly abnormal. When I started high school, there were some peers who were interested in the more sexual aspects of life. I realized really early on that I just wasn't interested, and I figured that it was just a part of my abnormality and never questioned it further. Never did I think that something was wrong with me (nor was I told that something is wrong with me because I never mentioned it to anybody until a couple of days ago... and even then, I only told my best friend and she seemed accepting of it).

I didn't know what asexuality was until a couple of months ago because I was intrigued by my friend's black ring. When he mentioned that he was asexual, I feel like I didn't give him the most appropriate reply (I simply said something along the lines of, "Oh cool," because I just didn't know what it was... and I didn't really push forward then). Because of him, I started reading through AVEN and understanding what asexuality is. Now, I have an identity that I can relate to and realize that my asexuality is not part of my abnormal personality. (side note - in addition, I would give anything to go back to the day when he told me about his asexuality/introduced me to the term and provide him a better response given what I now know about it)

[Danny_Smith]

When I first became an adolescent, I realized my friends had changed and I had not.

[fissiparity]

I didn't over think my complete lack of sexual interest because for me it was normal. However I strongly resented the high sexual visibility in media and society in general. Not only do I have an aversion to sex but also any form of romantic expression. This alone makes ninety eight percent of film, television and literature unbearable and I feel uncomfortable when I see public displays of affection between couples.

[Mychemicalqpr]

For a while, I thought I was the only one being sensible. Why would I want to worry about sex in middle school and high school when I wasn't allowed to do it anyway, didn't want to needlessly risk STDs and stuff, and generally had more important things to think about? I thought the other kids could choose to turn off their sexual desire, and I thought that was what I was doing and would continue to do for my whole life, since I didn't want kids. This mindset did lead to be being ace elitist briefly when I was starting to accept and understand the term.

[StrandedX02]

For me, it was actually more about friendships than anything in a romantic sense. I've always found interacting with other (straight) men kind of awkward, because of how sex-focused the conversations often are. I even remember my sister's now-fiance making a fairly innocuous comment about how I should go for a run one morning because "there were a lot of girls out today" and being like "um...right."

At the same time, it's always been really easy and natural to have close platonic friendships with women. And while I think a dude having a female confidant or two isn't as weird as it used to be, I think most people would find it odd that I could very comfortably be friends with so many women without any sort of sexual tension.

[Andiamo]

I called myself "heterosexual as far as I know." So I was okay with myself as I was, and I understood where I was coming from, but I had no idea what was actually happening. I mostly just didn't understand sexual attraction at all. I still don't, really.

[N3wt]

I went to a girls school and thought that I was just straight (as I knew literally no guys) until I was 16 and moved schools. I made some male friends and was like... Wait, I'm supposed to like you in a not friends way? No way, we can just be friends. When my friend realised that I thought everyone else getting crushes was weird and kind of funny she asked me if I was asexual, and that was the first time I discovered the term. Basically I thought that either everyone else was weird and putting it on, or that there was some cosmic joke that I hadn't been let in on.

[Hermit Advocate]

I just lived under the assumption that I was a late bloomer and that one day I would understand what my peers were talking about before promptly forgetting it for months at a time.

[Nea Rose Symphony]

I thought it was me waiting to marriage and/or how I was raised and that I'd want it/I'd end up having it after marriage. I was way off, considering I'm still only at the dating phase and not a virgin. And still lack attraction or natural need for sex

[Wenderbread]

Growing up, I didn't think there was anything wrong with me; I was always wondering what the hell was wrong with everyone else! XD I didn't go through my "I'm broken/wtf is wrong with me" phase until after I discovered asexuality and got into a relationship.

[Luftschlosseule]

Growing up, I didn't think there was anything wrong with me; I was always wondering what the hell was wrong with everyone else! XD

Me, too! I found my thoughts and actions reasonable, still do.

[Kamkyo]

For a while I blamed my lack of attraction on the contraceptive pill I was taking... But when I stopped taking it nothing changed. At all. I had to do some soul-searching and admitted to myself that I had never felt sexual attraction to someone; not even before I started taking the pill. It was only a few months after that when I discovered asexuality and stopped wondering if I was broken. I'm still lonely, I'm still unsure of what the future holds for me but I am sure that I am not broken or alone and I am sure that I am happier than I was before, and that's enough for me.

[TheLeafBunny]

Honestly, for much of my life I just thought it was my religion, or taking the idea that I needed to be chaste perhaps too seriously. Mormons are taught from as soon as we're deemed old enough to understand that sex is not a thing you do until you're married. The older I got, though, the more I realized that even other Mormon youth like me thought about sex, even if they were following the straight and narrow and not acting on it. I've been privy to some conversations I never thought would transpire between BYU freshmen women. But they did. Meanwhile I was the oldest person in that room and kind of uncomfortable. Still, I just thought I was a prude or exceptionally sheltered (though the rest of my family are no strangers to dirty jokes) until I finally researched what asexuality actually entailed.

[Sally]

I thought that just as I couldn't seem to learn to swim, I couldn't learn to do sex right. I gave up on swimming but kept trying sex.

[BreeZaps]

I thought it was because of my past or my autism. It could still be a bit of both but who knows. :P

[BelovedKnight]

I never really understood what sexual attraction was. Like I understood sex from a small age and I thought that sexual atracction was this magical thing that happened at first, the I thought that if was something that you had to make happen. Interestingly enough as had as I tryed I could never make myself attracted to anyone. When a friend of mine nagged me the first time about who my 'crush' was and I told her that I'd never had one she told me that I was just weard and that there was something wrong with me. That only added to my frustration as she kept asking and asking until I made up a fake person. After we had stoped talking I dident think about 'likeing' anyone until 8 the grade

I never really understood what sexual attraction was. Like I understood sex from a small age and I thought that sexual atracction was this magical thing that happened at first, the I thought that if was something that you had to make happen. Interestingly enough as had as I tryed I could never make myself attracted to anyone. When a friend of mine nagged me the first time about who my 'crush' was and I told her that I'd never had one she told me that I was just weard and that there was something wrong with me. That only added to my frustration as she kept asking and asking until I made up a fake person. After we had stoped talking I dident think about 'likeing' anyone until 8 the grade