What did you think was "wrong" with you before you knew the word asexual?

[Puck]

18 minutes ago, 012 said:

Agree, I think that's crazy.  I mean it's awkward, weird and scary enough with someone you know well. Geez can't imagine the stranger thing.

I think it just shows that we don't fully understand how sexuals feel. Which is why we all came here, right? That's not the life for us, though there is nothing wrong with it. We just look at relationships in a different way.

[aeimquy159]

I felt lost for a long time. I knew I wasn't gay but I wasn't attracted to people enough to be called straight either. I figured i just hadn't met the "right" person yet. So I banged my head against a wall for a decade trying to date. I discovered asexuality and realized the "right" person is no person.

[Fox6]

I thought I was too picky or had impossible standards. I don't, I just lack the motivation of sexual attraction.

[Marilena]

At first I thought I was a late bloomer. But as the years passed I started asking myself questions? Am I too picky? But I don't want to be! Am I a lesbian but I don't want to admit it to myself? But the thought of seeing a woman naked is yuck!

Thanks to the internet I realized that I just wasn't so sexual after all...

[Allegra]

On March 6, 2017 at 3:33 PM, 012 said:

I just thought I had a really low interest in sex (I was more interested in it before I actually tried it LOL).  

Yup, this. I remember being a teenager and thinking I just wanted to get that proverbial first time over with so it wouldn't be this big thing hanging over my head, kind of like I couldn't wait to get exams I was concerned about over and done with. And then once it happened, I could never figure out what everyone else saw as so amazing, or why others seemed to genuinely want to have sex and have it often. 

[carbomb]

I didn't think I was "broken" until after I had come to the realization that I was asexual.

[Rinkorisweetheart]

I never really felt that feeling of liking someone for their looks. All the people I had a crush on ever was because they were kind...... Their smile was just so...... Oh my goodness, it's just I fell in love with what people didn't see...

[Coakes]

I was confused about crushes and why i was supposed to have a crush on guys. I had a classmate pester me in elementary school to give the name of a person I had  a crush on. I just gave her some random kid's name. I was upset to find out the next day she had gossiped around to most of my classmates.

then a few years later a friend asked me out when I was twelve. I had no interest in anyone and we were both so shy we pretty much didn't talk for the whole time we were "dating".

Oh and then I had to put the condom on the wooden dildo in sex ed. I spent the whole time torn between complete embarrassment and thinking that I'd never have the need to do this ever.

[cristalfleurs]

I never realized that romantic attraction in combination with finding someone attractive (aesthetic) was something different from sexual attraction. In fact, sexual attraction never really occurred to me in any capacity and when I saw people irl or on TV getting into trouble because they couldn't keep it in their fricking pants, I've always been really baffled. Even more so when there's no love involved because in that case it's like why they don't just masturbate if they're that horny. And that's because I never had the urge or interest to have sex with anybody. But I didn't really recognize that to be different from what others experienced.

But I did become aware that I didn't/don't want to have sex. At first, I thought I just "wasn't ready" in some way, because y'know, when you're a teenager they talk about how your first time is this huge and momentous occasion and you're too young for it. In addition to that, I found the idea really creepy. Like, thinking about a stranger/celebrity/friend sexually seemed so gross and creepy to me, so I thought that's the reason. When I realized that's actually "normal" and I was past the age where being "not ready" made sense, and I started to get that sexual interest in people was a thing others experienced, I chalked it up to shyness. In hindsight, I think even if you're not emotionally ready, or you're too shy to act on it, if you're not asexual, there'll still be that attraction, but I am shy (used to be hundreds of times more so) so that seemed a plausible reason.

The funny thing is, throughout the majority of this I knew about asexuality. But nobody ever explained what sexual attraction was, so having no frame of reference for what that is, I took it as having no libido. Since I do have a libido, well, I had no idea that I could be asexual.

[Lancer]

In high school I thought I was a really late bloomer, wondering if I was just being too picky, or shy, or afraid.  I still believed that something would magically turn me on at some point, even though the idea creeped me out, because that's what people said would happen.  I never thought that I was secretly gay because I had people of both sexes come on to me and it was all the same.

 

In college I suspected that my on switch was, in fact, broken, since I was well past the age where people were supposed to get turned on.  Then I heard the magic word, asexual, from a friend, and suddenly it was ok to just be myself again.  

[purplechevy]

I thought I had to be gay because I didn't see girls the same way my friends did. But I didn't see guys the way my friends saw girls ether. Then I just started to feel broken. So then I just assumed all my friends were talking up sex and lust.

[CozyPosie]

When I was younger I knew that I couldn't relate to my peers. Everyone talked about crushes, and "hot people".but I never really had any crushes, and couldn't comprehend the phenomena of people being "hot".

 

High school confused things further, as I was socially isolated and suffering from severe depression, so I never had the opportunity to work my sexuality out. When I entered my current relationship, I blamed being medicated wth antidepressants, and being traumatized by my ex (I wasn't attracted to her, and had sex only because she insisted, I never really wanted to have sex with her).

 

Then a couple of years ago, I struggled with my gender identity and figured that was the reason why I've been disinterested in sex, with zero libido, and never initiated sex at all.

 

When I sat down and thought about it, I realized, I was never traumatized, it wasn't due to depression, or medication...but because sex is generally boring, pointless, and can get aroused (or have a desire to have sex) unless kink is involved...even then I don't know I'd care that much if it someone offered kinky sex to me. Lastly, if  I weren't in a relationship, I wouldn't bother to seek sex.

[okay-but-martin-freeman]

On 2/20/2017 at 8:28 PM, April_ONeil said:

I was raised Christian and was still Christian as a teen (when everyone really starts noticing sex stuff), and I just thought I was REALLY good at waiting for marriage or something. Like, everyone else seemed to have trouble controlling their urges and I never did, and I just figured I was super disciplined or something. 

 

Then I figured it out later and was like, "oh." 

Wow, that's exactly how I felt before I discovered asexuality!! My step dad and big brother both had sex before marriage multiple times, and my mother always talked about how 'tempted' she was. I always thought I was just a super disciplined gal!

[okay-but-martin-freeman]

On 3/9/2017 at 4:38 PM, Rinkorisweetheart said:

I never really felt that feeling of liking someone for their looks. All the people I had a crush on ever was because they were kind...... Their smile was just so...... Oh my goodness, it's just I fell in love with what people didn't see...

THIS. How do I describe this to my allosexual friends, mate??? The whole reason why I have a crush on both Martin Freeman and Avi Kaplan is because of exactly what you described!! I didn't find either of 'em cute or attractive or whatever before hand, but by God how funny they are... their charitable natures... their pure, childlike, innocent kindness... THEIR ADORABLE SMILES!!...

[Lucas Monteiro]

On 20/03/2014 at 2:26 AM, Burnt_Phoenix said:

Anyway, three years past, and I was in 8th grade. Everyone around me was already sexually interested, and many were sexually active, and the entire time, no matter what I did (And I did quite a bit), I could NOT be attracted to anyone. It was now that I really began feeling 'broken', because I had been told that everyone experiences this thing that I wasn't, unless you were messed up. I even tried pretending to be sexual, and forcing myself to tell me that I was, because of a bad teacher. At one point, I was even dating someone and we ended up naked, in the same room, about to have sex, and I stoppped her and said, "No, I don't feel anything, we can't do this".

The next thing she said was the most painful thing I have ever been told in my entire life, and has largely shaped who I am today. She said (After some dialogue between what I last said), "You are fucking broken and will probably die a fucking virgin."

After that, I really felt broken. To the few I shared this with, I wasn't shunned, but I definitely wasn't understood. They would make jokes about me when I wasn't around and I would be constantly teased because of it. I spiraled into a deep depression (which has progressed to clinical levels, although I can now deal with it fairly well). My entire life felt worthless and ruined (There were other things shitty about my life then, too, that perpetuated this). Then, I went to high school, and people were more mature about it.

I really cried reading that, just thinking that could be me or another ace who could be hearing those words or feeling broken and not worth of anything. A lot of other ace people here felt what you felt and through their entire life they thought that somethings was wrong with them. But you know what ? What is wrong is with society who can't accept difference, a society that says that can accept anyone, but when the time comes they shut themselves in their own bubble and try to force anyone who feels different, to be "normal" in their own twisted way. 

 

I hope you feel better today, and know that you are not alone, because when you hear a painful word or joke directed to you only because you are asexual, know that a lot of asexuals felt that way and know this feeling, and that we are right beside you, and may those words and actions that did something bad with you, vanish in the sea of the joy.

 

PS: Don't know why, but it posted more than one time, if any moderator can delete mine posts above, please do.

[Ulty]

I just never had in interest in those types of things. And just family situations just made me more grossed out by it. Also just the whole "sex sells" market just makes me roll my eyes. I always felt there was better ways to advertise than that. Or having to see pointless sex scenes in movies. They always make it out to be scandalous and all that jazz at least in US, and it's just like, does this really need to be thrown in my face all the time? It's boring. 

[Rhaenys]

I thought I was repressed. I was born into a Christian and Asian family so elements from both played a big part in my life so I thought it was that keeping me back.

[Lord Pocky]

Oh Lordy Lordy, what was 'wrong'? 

 

For me, it was the not wanting to date thing and getting disgusted by sex and kissing scenes in films/tv.

 

i didn't know what was wrong with me, but I didn't really like it since I felt left out and was confused.

 

i thought something wasn't right about me, that I was different and a cracked egg. But, all that changed when I got into high school and found out about the word 'asexual' on YouTube!

 

so about four-ish years later, and here I am! A socially awkward boy who just wants some food.

 

so yeah, that's me.

[CallaWolf]

Lots of things for me. I too just thought I was a late bloomer. I always thought I 'sorta' wanted a relationship, but it was never enough to fully pursue it and get it. I'd always rathered just go home, watch a movie or create something than get into a relationship with someone I'd probably be incompatible with).

 

 

Then I thought maybe that I was just looking at the wrong places, or didn't see things clearly. Not quite, as I had all the 'right' places right in front of me.

 

I also remember something back in the days when I was researching goth traits, reading how romanticism is a major part in goth culture and thinking to myself "romanticism? The hell? why, that's dumb and pretentious." And that wasn't so much meant as a jab at gothic culture, but rather me not wanting 'romance,' just a cool cuddle buddy that's willing to just watching movies and that's it.

 

Then came thoughts of possibly being gay. That didn't last long because, well, I just know now after a lot of soul searching on that one. And I mean a LOT of soul searching, even after deciding that I was for sure not gay.

 

Then it just dawned on me, I just don't wanna bang anyone, and I tend to stray away from getting into relationships somewhat on purpose. I don't wanna get with someone, don't have to worry about pissing anyone of, disapoint anyone, or be pissed off or disappointed myself (sounds selfish, I know, but I think a lot or aro's around here may know what's I mean).

[Kururin]

Honestly, I thought it was just my hormones being delayed with the attraction and stuff. Kept on waiting for that to come, but it never did. Still didn't feel like I wanted to have sex, and It really closed in on me that 'hey, are you sure you're 100% straight?' ( turns out I'm 65% straight) so I did find out my biromantic side, but I didn't know the ace side until this year, 

[StormySky]

"Wait... people are actually attracted to others in THAT way? Eww. But why am I not? Must be delayed hormones, meh"

[Sera1001]

 

On 3/21/2014 at 6:34 AM, Celestine said:

I thought everyone was secretly asexual and only faking an interest in sex.

Bit of a shock when I found out otherwise. o_O

What the heeeeeeckk... Same!! :OO

Lol. For me, i thought sexual attraction never existed and they had sex out of the interest on the act

[Sylvastor]

Quote

I thought everyone was secretly asexual and only faking an interest in sex.

At first I thought what was quoted above, that was when I was 13-15 maybe.

Later I realized that's not the case.

 

Then I figured out I might have Aspergers at around 18 years and thought "oh, maybe that's it", but came to realize: No. Besides I can't blame everything on that and it's not listed anywhere.

 

And now the plot twist!!

<Cue dramatic music>

 

I ended up thinking that nothing was wrong with me, but that something was wrong with everyone else and the world.

 

Then I discovered asexuality.

[Sera1001]

I started doubting my sexuality when i cut my hair then soon after had a crush on a girl (of course, not sexually but almost [a thought of her half naked crossed my mind but i didn't feel a thing])

 

Then soon after that, my sister asked me about my sexuality. Then i was like 0-0... I felt like i wasn't straight

Just because i had a crush on one girl. It was like i liked her but i disliked her at the same time lol

So i replied with a bit of thinking then said yeah even though i felt strange about it because i thought she'd think differently of me if i did say no or maybe because if i said no, i'll get asked more but it was still unlikely.

To be honest, i didn't even think about what straight or gay meant. I thought it was only based like on "liking" and i ignored the -sexual suffix =_= i'm so dumb. I mean, i did search about those.. And i thought i was bi. On Wikipedia, it said "or" and i'm just.. Ughh..

I also seriously thought i had sexual attraction. So i'm just gonna say i'm gray ace because i might be. But i feel like either ways, i feel like i'm in denial. I do really like guys. Just had 1 girl crush... To the point where i admired her looks and i wanted to have something more (relationship?) but then again, it's not something i'd actually do in real life.

I had been turned on by women's bodies if i want to (visual stuff) but never on guys =_= like whaaat..

I'm attracted to men, mostly. But yeah it was a suprise when i found out that people had sexual attraction. I thought all people are asexual haha.

I've always been platonically-slightly romantically attracted to people. But never serious. I honestly thought that i was pretty sexual. Because i only knew people are sexual in terms of imagination but i know a few people who'd probably be not fond of those.

I thought it was normal to be aroused with women because ever since i was younger, i grew up thinking that they are sexy and such. I could never think the same when it comes to men. I never thought of loving females the same way i loved males. I love people more on platonically than romantically. Like somewhere in the middle. I need hugs and cuddles. I WANT THEM 💖 especially from guys ;). I always get disappointed when it's not acceptable for people if i want to literally sleep with a guy. Like why do you even need to make it seem like it is sexual. I mean yeah sure people are naturally sexual but.. i crave affectionate physical contact ;-;

Edited October 29, 2017 by Sera1001

[Guest]

I didn't think anything was wrong with me because I thought all women were like me. Society makes it seem like all women aren't as sexual as males (or aren't sexual at all, which was the impression I had), which I now know isn't true..

[J. van Deijck]

in general, I thought I was gay who didn't grow up to actually want sex yet. then, maybe a late bloomer.

 

6 minutes ago, Sylvastor said:

 

I ended up thinking that nothing was wrong with me, but that something was wrong with everyone else and the world.

then this

[Sylvastor]

@[noize:injekktion] It's always easier and healthier for oneself to blame everyone else, isn't it?

[Guest]

I concluded that the rest of the world has something wrong with it, too.

[Guest]

May they all burn for their lustful thoughts!

 

 

Oh wait, wrong thread..

[J. van Deijck]

now I think that maybe messed up hormones also have something to do with it... but no, it's a separate thing

 

11 minutes ago, Sylvastor said:

@[noize:injekktion] It's always easier and healthier for oneself to blame everyone else, isn't it?

definitely XD