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Shades of out


The A Life Team

  

11 members have voted

  1. 1. How out are you, and to who?

    • I'm completely out to everyone
      11
    • I'm out to some people, have no problems keeping track of them
      50
    • I'm out to some people, find it hard to keep track of it
      13
    • I'm not out to anyone
      10
    • Other, I shall specify (zombies optional)
      6


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The A Life Team

In the latest episode of A Life, we're talking about shades of being out and how hard it is at times to manage who knows what and how much. Another complication comes into the topic if one is romantic and happens to be in a homoromantic relationship.

Please do add your thoughts about the subject, but I urge you to listen to the show first. It will considerably clarify the poll and give tons of thought-provoking entertainment. You can find the show here:

http://alifepodcast.wordpress.com/

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how hard it is at times to manage who knows what and how much.

Thank goodness I'm not the only one who has issues with this! 8)

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I'm completely out when it comes to strangers and friends, but still coming out to family. So far only my mom knows, and she just found out yesterday. OTL But she's supportive and accepting of it, so. :]

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"I'm out to some people, have no problems keeping track of them"

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I put "I'm out to some people, have no problems keeping track of them." But basically, whenever one of those appropriate times comes about with a friend or acquaintance on the subject of sexuality, I've come "out." I'm also "out" to my family. But I don't think it would be appropriate for me to be "out" to co-workers or professors, since why would they need/care to know? I only come "out" when it's relevant to the conversation, really. Or to people who are important to me.

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asexual cake

I'm out - definitely out, using-the-term-"asexual" out - to only a handful of people (my closest friends, the internet at large, and about three or four people I actually know), but I'm entirely open about not wanting sex or relationships and not being "into" anyone (or anything), and in those cases it's just a matter of what I call it.

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I'm out to the same group of people that I'm out as trans to, plus most of the people I'm out as autistic too.

People I work with, who I wouldn't feel safe telling that I'm trans, I also don't tell that I'm asexual.

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The MoUsY spell-checker

I'm out to my mum in the sense that I made it clear to her that I'm not interested in dating, but that's probably more as aromantic rather than asexual. I never used either word with her. I'm out to my dad in the sense that I wear my AVEN t-shirts in front of him, so it's no secret. We've never discussed it though.

I do wear my AVEN t-shirts quite often, so just about everyone who knows me would've had a chance to see me in one. I'm also in the AVEN group on Facebook, so it's no secret. It's not a big deal. No one cares. Or at least, no one cares enough to bring up the topic except for some friends I met at the Queerspace at uni, who have asked me about it when the topic came up.

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Lorem Ipsum

I'm out to all of my facebook friends who pay attention. I'm also out to a couple teachers and a few dozen classmates, and a few close or close-ish friends. Not sure I'm really out to my family (mother and brother are on facebook, but they haven't commented on it), and I'm having a hard time telling the people I work with, though I'm very close to them. I've kind of explained it to a couple of them without using the "a-word". Then there are those lovely strangers on the internet who know.

I can usually keep track of who I've told personally.

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I'm out on my blog, and I don't know which of my friends read it. So it's impossible for me to keep track of who I'm out to.

I also have to be out about two things: gay and asexual. Most people know I'm gay. A subset of those know I'm asexual. And very occasionally, I find someone who knew I was asexual, but didn't know I was gay. Sometimes I have no memory of how this came to happen.

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I'm out to varying levels with different people. There are friends I have who understand that I identify as asexual; there's my mother, who sort of slightly gets the concept and I think is gradually getting the idea that I not only am asexual, I don't identify as straight; there's a few friends I'm open enough with to mention AVEN occasionally; there's one I'm open with enough to discuss issues I have with my asexuality; there's a friend who has indicated that she'd like to sit down with me and talk about it, but hasn't yet; there's my roommate, who only knows that I "don't get crushes on people," and so forth. So there's a lot of different graduated details that some people do or do not get, depending how much I trust them right now (not to react badly, not to minimize something which is very important to me, etc.) and depending on how interested in the subject they are. In my social circle of friends, it's more-or-less an open secret, and in fact my biggest problem with them has been being outed without warning, which is more of an annoyance than anything else. That hasn't happened recently, though.

I don't have any issue keeping track of who I'm out to, but then of course I don't interact with that many different people on a daily basis and I tend to wait a little while to come out so I can gauge whether it's worth it. So I know who knows, if that makes sense. It doesn't come up much except occasionally in jokes. I don't own any AVEN T-shirts or anything of the sort, largely because a) I am cheap, and b) I don't feel comfortable wearing anything obvious enough to get the message across to people who have never heard of asexuality, and at the same time I've never met another asexual person and suspect that even if I wore the ring or a more subtle shirt no one would notice.

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I'm out to about six friends. Mike, Steven, Bill, Caroline, Matt, Sean. Easy to keep track of. also out to my counselor and my doctor.

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I came out to five friends and a cousin. I'm pretty sure only two of them believed me, one of whom I don't know if I'll ever see again (it doesn't help that I just got out of a relationship with a heterosexual).

I do wear the black ring though, so if anyone was invested enough, I suppose they could figure it out. My facebook doesn't have anything listed for "interested in" either.

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Frontier_Rhesus

I haven't come out to anyone yet, but I am fully prepared to tell anyone who asks me why I don't have a girlfriend, a question that I used to get every other day.

But of course, the instant I find out my orientation, everyone stops asking at once >:/

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annwyl_cariad

I said "Other."

"Out" is kind of a weird term for me. I identify with asexuality and have no problems talking about it with people if it comes up. I wear the black ring and all my closest friends know how I feel about sex and sexual matters. I haven't used the term "asexuality" with my parents, but I think they have probably gotten the idea through their heads that they probably shouldn't expect grandchildren from me. At the same time...I don't bring up my asexuality if it's not relevant, because I don't really like it when other people talk about their sexuality when it's not relevant. For example, I know that a couple of my co-workers are gay (because with them, it's honestly kind of hard to miss). But it's not something we've ever talked about.

I consider myself panromantic, but have little desire to actually pursue relationships with the people that I find myself romantically attracted to...either they are not attracted to females, or I know for whatever reason that the relationship wouldn't work out. Thus, there hasn't been much need for me to come out to people as panromantic. My best friend knows. In fact, when I came out to her as asexual, she commented that despite our very close relationship, she had never quite been able to figure out my sexuality, and had suspected that I was bi. This made me very happy. I've always sort of subscribed to the idea of "be who you are, and let society figure you out for themselves." And it also made me happy that she didn't assume I was heterosexual by default. :)

I am explicitly not out, however, to any of the zombies I know. I hear that they find asexual brains particularly appealing. :unsure:

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