Jump to content

Fetishes and asexuality


Recommended Posts

I think I might have a fetish... For random relationships... (not in a sexual way).

But as in.. people who did not expect to end up together and by coincidence they do :o

Link to post
Share on other sites

Wow...thank you for posting Isanda! I'm a newbie here, and this is actually my first post. I came here wondering about the very thing you posted. My experience has been exactly like what you said. For me, I don't mind having sex (once in a while) when it's based around a fetish. But, I find that it's difficult to find people like that. When I do find people who are interested in these things, they are usually very sexual and could never be in a relationship with an asexual person.

It does give me some hope to know that I'm not crazy and other people feel the same way.

I'm glad I found this board...look forward to getting to know everyone :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

I also have a fetish that I'm somewhat ashamed of -- a smoking fetish. It's apparently quite common in men but much rarer in women. For various reasons I can't enact it in real life (it calls for a fairly narrow script). It's not a huge deal for me, but it's always been there.

E.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Very interesting. I think I have had a similar experience.

My own personal fetish is hypnosis/mind control, but as I look back, I "had the fetish" even before I was capable of getting physical feelings from it.

I found a huge site full of erotic mind control stories and didn't connect them with sex until several months later.

That brings up another question: Have any of you read or watched erotic material for something besides sex (the story, characters, etc)?

Link to post
Share on other sites

That brings up another question: Have any of you read or watched erotic material for something besides sex (the story, characters, etc)?

I've read quite a bit of erotic material for the story, as the build up to everything can be a really good story, and I've always ended up just skimming thought the sex scenes as I find them nearly impossible to relate to, so they're fairly meaningless. But yeah, I like a good romantic story and you do tend to find them in erotic stories.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If this topic hadn't been here I would have started it, lol!

I am extremely submissive, and love the idea of a dominant woman having control over me, and I do have a couple of big fetishes which I described over in the 'Welcome Lounge'. From reading more posts I am seeing that a fetish lifestyle and asexuality can indeed go hand in hand, and that is a huge relief.

I feel I should go and sign up on fetlife :)

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello, everyone. It's because of this thread I realized that I could actually be asexual. I, too have a fetish, a fetish for fat. It's about the only thing that turns me on and I get aroused and masturbate because of it.

Fetlife sparked my interest but when I joined, I realized the place is kinda dirty and didn't like it very much.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Isanda, thank you so much for writing about your experience (and everyone else, too).... Mine's very similar. I can't really formulate my words properly - partly cos i'm just so shocked that i'm not alone with this, and partly cos this was always my biggest shame and never talked about it. It's hard to tell what aspect inparticular I find appealing, but I swear the nearest i've felt to being 'turned on' has been whilst either watching/reading about a sub/dom (often with humiliation) situation, or being in that situation myself. Not that i've ever tried BDSM. I won't go into details but when I was a lot younger I got those same feelings you described when someone had power over me, in non-sexual game-like scenario (and humiliation would normally increase those feelings). I'm sure it was some kind of arousal, and i've not experienced in since then, though I do often feel something when i read/watch something with the whole power/humiliation thing going on. I haven't gone out of my way to read non-con stories like you, but I have experienced those feelings at 'inappropriate' times and I guess that made me feel like a 'sicko'. Mentally/psychologically it must just switch something on for me. It feels so weird typing this out.... Anyway, maybe one day i'll check out that BDSM site if there's an asexual section (the switch role seems most appealing). Although I imagine it could just be a fun/satisfying addition to an already-formed relationship rather than meeting up with random people - or have I not fully understood? I haven't really looked into the communities. This is all just speculation for me really - I don't know how it would work in reality, but if my past experiences are anything to go by I can imagine getting something out of it.

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you're asexual and into BDSM, i would check out this link. There is asexual into BDSM on this site.

http://fetlife.com/

Yeah there's quite a few of us on there already, if you look back a page some of us have listed their user names ;) .

Link to post
Share on other sites

I joined fetlife a little while back, and was impressed that they included "asexual" as an orientation. Yes, I'm another asexual (well, maybe between greysexual and asexual) who's into some kink (bondage and leather). I'm OddThoughts on fetlife

Link to post
Share on other sites

This thread seems to fit me pretty well. I've been here a couple of years but have never posted anything, mainly because my fetish is a "weird" one rather than the standard BDSM and I obviously don't want to tell anyone about it IRL (and at this stage I'd rather not reveal the exact nature online either... to be honest I would probably struggle to put it into words). But although it involves masturbation, and "arousal" that I can only assume is the same as what sexuals experience, it is completely non-sexual, as in there is no sex involved at all and I would not even act it out in real life (though there is some real-life crossover, it's mainly just a fantasy thing). I became fully aware I had this fetish at 14, though looking back I think I first properly felt it at 10, and the "odd feelings" relating to it go back to about 7. But I have never had any feelings that I would classify as sexual, and so asexuality seems to be the best label for me. I'm glad there are others who seem to have a similar combination of asexuality and fetish.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I joined fetlife a little while back, and was impressed that they included "asexual" as an orientation. Yes, I'm another asexual (well, maybe between greysexual and asexual) who's into some kink (bondage and leather). I'm OddThoughts on fetlife

I'm glad fetlife includes asexual on their list.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I found my fetish on wikipedia too. However, I've ever only told one person about it, so I was thinking maybe I'm not ace cause of it. then i found this. I was about to ask about it. (maybe) For me its TGs. not so much TFs but they do sometimes work. I like the reactions to it, and the general description of the transformation. I get annoyed when the authors put sex into it, but I skim those parts and the story still works.

At first I didn't realize I was feeling sexual arousal, just thought I had to go to the bathroom. I don't masturbate to it, and I have no desire to have any transformation myself thanks. I just find it interesting.

Yeah, Asexual with a fetish. Never thought I'd find another.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 4 weeks later...
Dylan-Michael

OK, I've never really admitted this before, but I have a Jockstrap Fetish.

Not the people, just the jockstrap.

Even though I hate sports with a passion.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Salt Shaker

I don't know if I have a fetish for it, but BDSM culture fascinates me... nothing too hardcore, though. Just the black leather, whips, flogs, and costumery. Not really any sex stuff... eh.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I thought I was alone! Baaahhhh! I have a bit of a dom/sub fetish, but like others described, it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling rather than an overtly sexual one. I'm gonna go register on Fetlife.com now, lol.

Edit: I signed up as dabir.

Edit: This place seems very intense... hopefully will just find the asexual niche.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I thought I was alone! Baaahhhh! I have a bit of a dom/sub fetish, but like others described, it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling rather than an overtly sexual one. I'm gonna go register on Fetlife.com now, lol.

Edit: I signed up as dabir.

Edit: This place seems very intense... hopefully will just find the asexual niche.

hopefully more asexual will sign up on Fetlife

Link to post
Share on other sites

So it's objects and relations rather than relationship and action?

It depends on the couple.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 months later...
randakinley

You know, I really don't know if I have a fetish or anything since I haven't really ever thought about it, but I do enjoy romance. Not people acting on the romance, I find that weird actually, especially when people go anywhere where someone elses neck. I can't stand that. Makes me cringe. But, as I said before, I love romance and reading about all of the things that people go through in a story line that connects them and makes them become closer emotionally, you know? I never feel the need to do it myself, become romantically involved, even if the thought of it is nice. It never works out. So I guess I like to read others romance? I don't get aroused by it but *shrugs* it is the closest I have to a fetish. Haha. I feel like I just talked in a complete circle.

Link to post
Share on other sites

This is part rant and part reaching out. I'm curious to know of any other asexual's experiences with fetishes--objects, body parts, or situations that invoke sexual arousal. My own fetish kept me from identifying as ace for years because I didn't understand it (or asexuality) well enough, and I'd love to hear other stories if people are out there and willing to share them. How did you reconcile the sexual arousal of a fetish with the nonsexual nature of asexuality?

(The rest of this is a rant)

Thanks to Wikipedia, I now understand that I have a fetish for humiliation of all things. It started out in the teen years when kids are supposed to develop sexual attractions towards other people. Back then, I didn't even realize I was feeling arousal; I just knew I was oddly fascinated by morbid or degrading things and that it was quite satisfying to read or think about them. Then I stumbled across a non-con (rape) story on the Internet, and finally realized that the nice tingling was actually arousal. But the thing is, I just assumed I was a pervert who got off on reading sex stories that happened to have non-con in them. So, whenever I wanted to replicate those nice feelings (usually as a way to pass the time as I fell asleep at night) I would automatically stick sexual elements into the scenes because I assumed that was what I was really enjoying. So when I first came across asexuality, I automatically disqualified myself from the definition because there were people and sex in these fantasies. Finally, years later, I realized that I really did fit the definition of asexual--but the fact that I still enjoyed these non-con sex fantasies always bothered me. It seemed oddly discordant with the rest of my thoughts in general.

Just recently, I was reading something that mentioned fetishes and a lightbulb went off in my brain. It turns out that when I take all the sex out of these fantasies... they are no less potent than before! Huh. Makes sense, since I was enjoying them long before any sex got added in... but it still surprised me. I still don't understand what exactly draws me to this particular fetish--I'm a nice person (I hope!) and it'd be awful to act out that stuff in real life--but now I understand it a lot better. I'm just a sicko, not a rape-crazed sicko.

It's so strange that I don't find human beings sexually attractive, but I do find humiliation to be so. How bizarre...

Oh dear... This is disturbing. I've never really thought about it that way, but I'm in the same boat. It's hard to wrap your head around this stuff, but the more I read on this site the more things make sense. And your particular topic clears up my own burning question. If I have a fetish, then that must disqualify me from being an asexual... Once you put things like you have though, it certainly creates a clearer perspective.

I have a fetish surrounding pain, when I was really little I used to make up odd stories before I fell asleep about people getting hurt, and when I got older I'd read dark books and the whole situation would just be so captivating. The internet was my downfall though, and somehow a pop-up for a BDSM site showed up one day, and I was pulled in. It's horrible, because I associate a whole lot of guilt and shame with the concept, but reading that stuff is like an addiction. That's when I started putting sexual people into my fantasies, because I felt that was what was supposed to happen.

It's so creepy, because when you think about it in any realistic terms, I find the acts to be totally disturbing. If I truly saw someone hurting someone else, it'd be scary and repulsive. But somehow the fantasy makes it the opposite. And eventually I realized, after watching some videos, that the actual sexual act repulsed me as well. It was all the foreplay that aroused me, and that could happen without any sort of physical enactment. But where did that leave me?

Geeze, I sort of knew this stuff, but hearing someone else say the same thing is a real eyeopener. Thanks so much for your words! I think that they somehow make this whole situation a little better. It's a little less shameful to think about everything like it might be happening with other people and just maybe it's normal.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I wrote a post about my own experience earlier, but I totally can't find it with that search-tool, no matter what I try!

That post was about my fantasies where fictive characters go through some really hard/bad/sad scenarios, and how I felt (and feel) a strange energy boost from imagining that kind of things. But I don't think it's sexual at all - it certainly doesn't make me wanna masturbate (yes, I once in a while do that) or anything and it's... just. not. sexual. I don't really know how I can know that, I just know. :P If I've ever felt sexual arousal, it must be something quite opposite to the feeling that I get from these fantasies.

Anyway, in that thread about it someone called it a "non-sexual fetish" (or "asexual fetish", can't remember, but the point remains) and maybe it is? It would make a lot of sense, 'cause it totally seems like a fetish, except that instead of sexual arousal there's something else (something like a sudden adrenaline rush??).

And if it comforts any of you who feel ashamed of your fetishes, there are things in my non-sexual fantasies too that totally couldn't handle daylight :blush: Like violence... and stuff... :unsure:

Link to post
Share on other sites

This might be the post you're looking for, Lindi. :)

Yes, that's the one! Thank you so much! :)

Strange, that I couldn't find it myself, even if I used "arousal of some sort" as search-words (and I tried several other words too... ) :blink: There was always so many "matches" for my words that it would've taken forever to go through them :ph34r: (if you're searching for a certain sentence/phrase, should it be inside quotation marks or something? :blink: )

Link to post
Share on other sites
Nalle Neversure

This might be the post you're looking for, Lindi. :)

Yes, that's the one! Thank you so much! :)

Strange, that I couldn't find it myself, even if I used "arousal of some sort" as search-words (and I tried several other words too... ) :blink: There was always so many "matches" for my words that it would've taken forever to go through them :ph34r: (if you're searching for a certain sentence/phrase, should it be inside quotation marks or something? :blink: )

I only looked through your posts and topics, lindi. A lot less to choose from. ;)

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 months later...
Gho St Ory Qwan

=/ I might have one. i can't tell. aha

But like fire i feel uncomfortable talking about it online than I would in real life. (Not that its ever come up).

but I think I get a sort of arousal when I get random adrenaline rushes (some of them though not the majority) and the running theme seems to be a struggle for dominance/power. So I kinda could have a S/M fetish but I really don't know. I think of that stuff with no attached emotion the majority of the time but it is interesting seeing reading or thinking of the relationship and how strangely balanced but initially seemingly unbalanced it is.

The physical response is very randomised and rare and I have suspicions if it's really linked to it at all. but the fact remains that stuff interests me sometimes.

Theres a lot of fetishes I find interesting aha

I do like the idea of role play though and I also recently was thinking this could be something to substitute sex or at least make some of the acts doable in a relationship. Aha Role play is fun.

If I did S/M roleplay I'd have to keep swapping 'cause I'd get bored though, like some have said here its very third person (as with a lot of things) so I wonder if I'd ever do that for myself. Most likely its something I'd do for another. =/

Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest
This topic is now closed to further replies.
×
×
  • Create New...