Asexuphobia?

[MicroAmp]

Hi:

You know, one of the things about being asexual (or pretty much so, in my case) is that I wonder what sorts of reactions people get when they "come out"?

Oh, I can readily imagine looks of puzzlement, or disbelief, or perhaps moderate disappointment on the part of parents looking forward to being grandparents.

And I gotta' tell 'ya, my wife is not taking the news all that well. Not at all.

But, it certainly isn't the worst-case scenario.

There are very real risks and downsides to "coming out" gay or lesbian, or a fairly long list of other "alternate" sexual orientations.

But I am having a hard time imagining a harshly negative, openly hostile or even violent reaction to my simple non-interest in having sex with a given individual or anybody they know.

Am I a threat to their sexuality because I don't want to play, period, the way a true homophobe would be triggered if I took an amorous interest in them?

Is there an asexual Matthew Sheppard out there, waiting to be brutally killed for his or her...disinterest?

Or am I missing something here?

Pretty happy not to be gay:

[Mello]

I've wondered the same thing, and I'm still just as stumped as you are. O.o

[prettyeyes]

I can easily imagine hostility towards asexuals from someone who believes we are being a bunch of teases by looking half-decent but not allowing other people to do sexual things to us. I myself, in fact, have been on the end of some mild hosility for being "so hot but not on the market." Apparently I owe something to society just because I got stuck in this particular sack of flesh as opposed to somebody else's.

[martianJusticiar]

As far as I've seen, asexuals are more often subject to harassment, pressuring and sometimes sexual contact that they don't want but don't know how to reject than they are to outright violence. It's objectively not as bad, but disgusting nonetheless, especially since it's so often done under that often-misused rationale of "for your own good" - that if you'd only "get used to it," you'd enjoy what amounts to rape in this case as much as most people enjoy regular sex.

[Tetraploid]

Well, I once met someone who (not knowing I was asexual) exclaimed at the mention of the subject "Urgh, those people disgust me!". But seeing as the person in question is also very homophobic and generally intolerant of all people significantly different to himself I guess I wasn't too surprised...

[Nyxity]

Am I a threat to their sexuality because I don't want to play, period, the way a true homophobe would be triggered if I took an amorous interest in them?

Is there an asexual Matthew Sheppard out there, waiting to be brutally killed for his or her...disinterest?

Possibly, if a person is extremely narcissistic... 'kind of makes me think of Disney's Beauty and the Beast... Belle was only interested in books and someone she "could really talk to"... she was "weird" for not chasing after guys and her wooer just chased her even more until he tries to kill a guy just for being her friend. It wouldn't surprise me if someone got obsessed over a person and wound up killing them out of sheer obsession... <_< The world is made up of a ton of people and some of those include psychopaths, killers and so forth... O.o...

Or someone who wound up with an abusive significant other... he or she would get raped all the time but is too afraid to escape... the lack of interest might piss the person off until they beat their partner to death...

-__- Who knows though... I am talking about pretty interesting scenarios...

[prettyeyes]

Am I a threat to their sexuality because I don't want to play, period, the way a true homophobe would be triggered if I took an amorous interest in them?

Is there an asexual Matthew Sheppard out there, waiting to be brutally killed for his or her...disinterest?

Possibly, if a person is extremely narcissistic... 'kind of makes me think of Disney's Beauty and the Beast... Belle was only interested in books and someone she "could really talk to"... she was "weird" for not chasing after guys and her wooer just chased her even more until he tries to kill a guy just for being her friend. It wouldn't surprise me if someone got obsessed over a person and wound up killing them out of sheer obsession... <_< The world is made up of a ton of people and some of those include psychopaths, killers and so forth... O.o...

Or someone who wound up with an abusive significant other... he or she would get raped all the time but is too afraid to escape... the lack of interest might piss the person off until they beat their partner to death...

-__- Who knows though... I am talking about pretty interesting scenarios...

Actually I have seen the first behavior (minus the killing) quite frequently. People like a challenge. I just recently had to deal with a guy who I only wanted as a friend but who would not stop pursuing me. Apparently he thought I was just shut down from "too many bad relationships." He of course turned on me as soon as he saw that, no, there really was no chance of being with me. He was quite insulting.

[Cadmium Poisoning]

Isn't it bad enough that we don't exist? I can't think of even one person I have in my life that wouldn't tell me I'm thinking too much if I said I was an asexual. Worse, they'd immediately try find some random guy they know through a friend's friend's friend to hook me up with.

Thank god I naturally alienate people. Makes it easier to say "sorry, no, bye" to people if they're not too interested in me, either.

[Axalotl]

Isn't it bad enough that we don't exist? I can't think of even one person I have in my life that wouldn't tell me I'm thinking too much if I said I was an asexual. Worse, they'd immediately try find some random guy they know through a friend's friend's friend to hook me up with.

Thank god I naturally alienate people. Makes it easier to say "sorry, no, bye" to people if they're not too interested in me, either.

Lucky you.

Come to think of it, lucky me. I am blessed with rather average looks. Facial hair tends to ward the women away too, like garlic to a vampire, but I grow that for aesthetic reasons.

There was one odd case of a woman finding me attractive, but that was so wierd I am assuming that was just a throw away comment.

On the main point, I think the fact that we are unknown has saved us from the vilification that other groups face. Religious, political and other objections solidified hundreds or even thousands of years ago have conveniently overlooked us.

Of course, this is a blessing and a curse, because it is much harder to raise awareness when people are not chassing you out of town with torches and pitchforks (not that I am really complaining about this) and because people are inclined to think it is a mistake, and that we are just confused.

Because obviously they know my body better than I do.

[kakkobean]

I think that there's a very real possibility of hostile reactions towards asexuals, though not necessarily physical, but definitely verbal assault. There are a lot of people out there who simply don't like the possibility that other people are happy living lifestyles that are different than their own, and they try to force their opinions upon any party that doesn't perfectly subscribe to their life view, even if it means being a major jerkwad.

Though it's not a perfect example, I have problems when I tell people that I don't drink--not necessarily because I think it's wrong or that I'm afraid of the consequences or anything, but that I just have no desire to ever drink alcohol. I've gotten the whole gamut of reactions from supportive to "you gotta try it once", to "stop pretending you're better than me". People just don't want to accept that others can be different than them, and I think that stems from people growing up being told that everyone is the same. I get the exact same kinds of responses from people who don't accept that I don't drink as the ones from people who don't accept that I'm not sexual.

I dread what the behavioral equivalent to trying to shove beer in my face would be for someone who thinks that I should try sex "at least once".

[Burn]

Though it's not a perfect example, I have problems when I tell people that I don't drink--not necessarily because I think it's wrong or that I'm afraid of the consequences or anything, but that I just have no desire to ever drink alcohol. I've gotten the whole gamut of reactions from supportive to "you gotta try it once", to "stop pretending you're better than me". People just don't want to accept that others can be different than them, and I think that stems from people growing up being told that everyone is the same. I get the exact same kinds of responses from people who don't accept that I don't drink as the ones from people who don't accept that I'm not sexual.

I dread what the behavioral equivalent to trying to shove beer in my face would be for someone who thinks that I should try sex "at least once".

That's a good comparison. I think because both alcohol/sex are taboos/vices that the majority of people participate in anyway, there's a certain amount of guilt involved with people who enjoy drinking, or sex. You know, mixes messages and everything: "Have this wine, it's reeeeeeally good. And classy. Also, fun. Keep control of yourself! Don't drink and drive! And by the way, if you drink too much, we're going to write you off as a lush." "Be seductive and sexy. Sex is fun! But don't actually have a lot of sex, because then you're just a whore." No wonder people have issues!

[Sally]

Though it's not a perfect example, I have problems when I tell people that I don't drink--not necessarily because I think it's wrong or that I'm afraid of the consequences or anything, but that I just have no desire to ever drink alcohol. I've gotten the whole gamut of reactions from supportive to "you gotta try it once", to "stop pretending you're better than me". People just don't want to accept that others can be different than them, and I think that stems from people growing up being told that everyone is the same. I get the exact same kinds of responses from people who don't accept that I don't drink as the ones from people who don't accept that I'm not sexual.

I dread what the behavioral equivalent to trying to shove beer in my face would be for someone who thinks that I should try sex "at least once".

I don't drink either because I don't like the taste and it makes me sick. I've always gotten really pressured to drink around others; they just can't stand it that they're drinking and someone is not. I got pregnant and married at 23 right after I tried sex because of social pressure about being an "old maid." The pressure is actually roughly equivalent, strangely enough: they're doing something they unconsciously think is icky and they want you to do it also.

[Squish]

I don't think I know of anyone who's had a truely ace-phobic reaction... I still think it might come through in homophobic people, but I'd like to be enlightened. Actual experience, not "it's a very real possibility". Just because a phobia exists doesn't make it common, or worth worrying about.

Has anyone ever been the victim of this phobia?

[prettyeyes]

I think that there's a very real possibility of hostile reactions towards asexuals, though not necessarily physical, but definitely verbal assault. There are a lot of people out there who simply don't like the possibility that other people are happy living lifestyles that are different than their own, and they try to force their opinions upon any party that doesn't perfectly subscribe to their life view, even if it means being a major jerkwad.

Though it's not a perfect example, I have problems when I tell people that I don't drink--not necessarily because I think it's wrong or that I'm afraid of the consequences or anything, but that I just have no desire to ever drink alcohol. I've gotten the whole gamut of reactions from supportive to "you gotta try it once", to "stop pretending you're better than me". People just don't want to accept that others can be different than them, and I think that stems from people growing up being told that everyone is the same. I get the exact same kinds of responses from people who don't accept that I don't drink as the ones from people who don't accept that I'm not sexual.

I dread what the behavioral equivalent to trying to shove beer in my face would be for someone who thinks that I should try sex "at least once".

I've gotten that reaction to my thoughts on alcohol too. I really can't stand the taste of it or how people act around me when they drink but people have been really mean to me about it.