[LittleBlueSpot]

This just happened to me the other day and it's rather amusing in its own way, so I figured I'd share it here.

I'm the type where I do my best not to bring up asexuality. No one other than my family and friends needs to know about it, so I generally keep it to myself. However... I have limits...

I was waiting in line at that new nifty Money Center that Wal-Mart has so I could cash a money order. The line was super long and this old lady in front of me started up a conversation with me. At first, she was asking what I do for a living. I told her that I do both medical transcription and that I am also a digital illustrator. She asked a few questions about each job. General friendly conversation. We talked about the recent cold spells and such and then she started getting very personal.

Old creepy lady: So, how many kids do you have?
Me: None.
Old creepy lady: WHAT?!?!?! You don't have any KIDS?!?! (yeah... because EVERYONE wants kids apparently...)
Me: No.
Old creepy lady: Well, why NOT?!?! (she was getting ANGRY that I didn't have kids!!!)
Me: Umm.... I don't like them?
Old creepy lady: WHY?!?!?! Why don't you like them?
Me: I have no maternal instinct and I'm highly impatient. I can't stand children.
Old creepy lady: BUT WHY?!!!!!!?! (por quuuuuuuuuue!!!!!)
Me: I'd rather see one get hit by a car than have one for myself. (LOL I don't hate them that much... I was just trying to shut her up!)
Old creepy, crusty, annoying lady: Oh, well maybe it is best you don't have children then! *laughs*
Me: .... yep.
Old creepy lady: So, what about your husband? What is his name?
Me: *sighs* I don't have a husband.
Old creepy lady: Oh, you're boyfriend then.
Me: *grumble* I don't have a boyfriend....
Old creepy lady: But you're so beautiful! You'll find one soon, honey. Don't worry. You'll fall in love and have kids!!!
Me: I doubt it. (In hindsight, I should have just agreed with her, but I have a strong urge to always stay true to myself, even if it doesn't matter)
Old creepy lady: You will!
Me: I don't want to be married. I don't want to be in a relationship. I don't want kids. I'm a loner. I'd rather see my husband get hit by a car than have one myself. (that is probably true...)
Old creepy lady: YES YOU WILL! You WILL want that! YOU WILL!!!! My daughter said the same thing when she was 16 and now she is married and is a mom!
Me: The difference between your daughter and I, ma'am, is that she was 16. I'm nearly 30 and I know who I am!

By that time, it was her turn to be serviced. I really should have just agreed with her... but why? Why should I have to? Why is it so important to random strangers that we fit the mold of who they want us to be? Why do they want us to be anything? My life doesn't affect the creepy old lady. Why does she care? And why do I care to always defend myself? It's not going to affect me if she's certain I will get married and have kids.

I should have told her that I didn't want a husband because I'm a lesbian, then I should have winked at her. LOL I don't have the guts though and I wouldn't want her to think poorly about the gay community. Crazy old Wal-Mart ladies. *sighs*

[PhantomGrimalkin]

I had a crazy old lady worn me about the gays and how I should never let myself become gay and how they're evil people. Crazy old ladies... what would we do without them.

[SacrilBLERDege]

Older people are of a different time. A lot of them still live ages ago can't really fault someone for living within their time.

[ProdeFemme]

God bless your conviction and I mean that!
But sometimes you just have to appease old people, they're so cute and set in their ways. Nod and smile, agree with a vacant expression.

When she got to:

Quote

Old creepy lady: So, what about your husband? What is his name?

You should have just started having some fun with it.
I would've told her 'My husband, God bless his heart, lost his penis in a horrible clay modelling accident. We tried paying for stud services from his extended family, but it was upsetting to him to watch all his cousins humping me to no avail, I think his father was the last straw. We aren't able to adopt due to my past criminal convictions, but don't you worry, I've been out of prison for over 2 years now! Whether that's because I'm law abiding or just better at not getting caught is my little secret *wink* Anywho, I'm open to the idea of kidnapping but the hubby is pretty firm in his stand to obtain a child through legal means. Crazy caper that he is, that's why I love him! So, finally we agreed that maybe we should just bank the idea of kids for now, and I don't really like to talk about it; so I just tell people I don't want children. It's less painful that way.'

Of course I'm an ass, which probably has something to do with how I respond in such situations but I know it would have ended the conversation

(And just so you know, it's "pourquoi"; "Mais pourquoi" if you want the but in there)

[mackat5]

At my age(67) I would have said something along the lines of, "I'm too old now for children and too set in my ways for a husband." Of course, I might have gotten back that one is never too old for a husband.

[Sally]

Quote

But sometimes you just have to appease old people, they're so cute and set in their ways. Nod and smile, agree with a vacant expression.

Quote

Older people are of a different time.

First, what you can do when confronted with "old ladies" like the one in WalMart is pretend that you're deaf. Just point to your ear and smile and shake your head. Or you could just say "Mind your own fucking business." That would shut her up.

Then, consider whether you're stereotyping old ladies like me and a number of other AVENites. Even in fun, it doesn't feel good, because lots of people do it seriously.

[LittleBlueSpot]

Jotale wants BRAINS!, on Oct 13 2009, 12:29 PM, said:

Older people are of a different time. A lot of them still live ages ago can't really fault someone for living within their time.

lol This doesn't just happen with old people. It seems to happen with younger people, as well.

[LittleBlueSpot]

mackat5, on Oct 13 2009, 02:06 PM, said:

At my age(67) I would have said something along the lines of, "I'm too old now for children and too set in my ways for a husband." Of course, I might have gotten back that one is never too old for a husband.

I think that saying "I'm too set in my ways" is a wonderful response. I'll try that next time!

[LittleBlueSpot]

ProdeFemme, on Oct 13 2009, 01:38 PM, said:

God bless your conviction and I mean that!
But sometimes you just have to appease old people, they're so cute and set in their ways. Nod and smile, agree with a vacant expression.

When she got to:

Quote

Old creepy lady: So, what about your husband? What is his name?

You should have just started having some fun with it.
I would've told her 'My husband, God bless his heart, lost his penis in a horrible clay modelling accident. We tried paying for stud services from his extended family, but it was upsetting to him to watch all his cousins humping me to no avail, I think his father was the last straw. We aren't able to adopt due to my past criminal convictions, but don't you worry, I've been out of prison for over 2 years now! Whether that's because I'm law abiding or just better at not getting caught is my little secret *wink* Anywho, I'm open to the idea of kidnapping but the hubby is pretty firm in his stand to obtain a child through legal means. Crazy caper that he is, that's why I love him! So, finally we agreed that maybe we should just bank the idea of kids for now, and I don't really like to talk about it; so I just tell people I don't want children. It's less painful that way.'

Of course I'm an ass, which probably has something to do with how I respond in such situations but I know it would have ended the conversation

(And just so you know, it's "pourquoi"; "Mais pourquoi" if you want the but in there)

LMAO!!! I wish I had the guts to do that! I was saying "por que." I wish I was as brave as you! I hate conflict so I could never do that. LOL

[SacrilBLERDege]

LittleBlueSpot, on Oct 13 2009, 03:08 PM, said:

Jotale wants BRAINS!, on Oct 13 2009, 12:29 PM, said:

Older people are of a different time. A lot of them still live ages ago can't really fault someone for living within their time.

lol This doesn't just happen with old people. It seems to happen with younger people, as well.

I know, but the person of the subject was an old lady. I'll call it out it on younger people too; they are a different side of the same coin.

[thecoldground]

You know, she could have just been a very lonely person. The elderly, those "creepy old people" who strike up conversation with people at bus stops, or queues, and other place are sometimes very lonely and isolated - sometimes it's their only form of interaction for, say, a widow who lives alone. Or maybe she was just bored and trying to be friendly.

Given how many people worry about dying alone on here, I think you should have just made conversation. If somebody had said this to me, I would have taken it for the friendly conversation that it should have been. Or otherwise nodded and moved it on. It's probably worth remembering that not everybody thinks like you do - not wanting kids is quite rare, and it can surprise people. I don't want kids either, I get the "you'll want them one day," and it pisses me off - but not when people don't know me. Reading your little script, you came across as the unfriendly and rude one, not her.

Also I've never been told I'm beautiful in my entire life, why don't people say that to me

Spoiler

It's because I have a face like a popped balloon. Ah well lol

[ProdeFemme]

LittleBlueSpot, on Oct 13 2009, 03:11 PM, said:

I was saying "por que." I wish I was as brave as you! I hate conflict so I could never do that. LOL

Oh! Duh! *smacks forehead* sometimes I forget Canada is not the center of the universe and some people may actually be throwing Spanish around, instead of French.
DISCLAIMER: Prode's arrogance not an accurate representation of Canadians.

But though I'd like to claim bravery, it's really just because I view most people as nothing more than peons here for my personal amusement. However, "brave" sounds nicer; so what the hell, I'll take it!

[EllieZel]

I have to agree with thecoldground. That little exchange seems comical to us, because we think along similar lines. However, the old lady (creepy as she may have been) was probably just trying to be friendly. We all know we're in a minority here, and you can't blame her for assuming you'd belong to the majority who do want marriage and children.

That being said, I LOL'd.

[osito]

While I feel pretty much as the OP does about marriage and kids, as a member of the eldergen myself, I have learned that there are certain treacherous crossroads in conversations with strangers, and unless I want to get on a soapbox and drive home a point like a spike into a railroad tie, I choose the the way delicately traveled. So, my alternative to this convo would have been:

Quote

Old creepy lady: So, how many kids do you have?
Me: None.
Old creepy lady: WHAT?!?!?! You don't have any KIDS?!?! (yeah... because EVERYONE wants kids apparently...)
Me: No.
Old creepy lady: Well, why NOT?!?! (she was getting ANGRY that I didn't have kids!!!)
Me: Umm.... I don't like them?

My variant:

Old creepy lady: Well, why NOT?!?! (she was getting ANGRY that I didn't have kids!!!)
Me: I had a choice between marrying and having kids versus getting a good education and seeing the world and having a fulfilling career. I chose those things instead.
Old creepy lady: Are you happy?
Me: Yes, absolutely. Just as happy as you are.

If she challenges that, I will--carefully--consider the sledge hammer and railroad spike.

I've said this sort of thing when asked why I am not married. I have been asked both by women (of all ages) and (usually creepy old) men who could be--often were--looking for an invitation to hit on me. Especialmente en latinoamerica donde he pasado mucho tiempo.

Now the truth is: I don't like children much myself, with a few specific exceptions. I am not charmed by other peoples' brats running amok in the supermarket or pointing toy guns at me or screaming about their food in a restaurant. I don't enjoy holding babies and cooing to them, but if I feel there's a burden to be lessened in the world by doing that, I will do it. As when I was on an overcrowded bus in way outback Guatemala, barely able to stand myself because I had "bad belly" coupled with a very achy "that time o' the month", I offered to hold a woman's baby for three hours because I was sitting down and she was standing up. She was not badgering me about whether I had a husband and kids of my own; the fact that I was out there on my own made my status clear.

I know that telling most people I dislike children is not a good thing for me to do; it will create an unnecessary rift with a stranger and they will then violate my neutrality and peace. People don't want to hear such things, and may not need to.

[thylacine]

People have done stuff like that to me, too. It's weird. I dunno why they butt into other people's personal biz.

These days I just say I "don't discuss my personal stuff," and hope they shut up.

I would have walked away and come back an hour later or something.

[pretty... in love.]

Aw, I like most "old" people. They always compliment my clothes and stuff. If I came across someone, anyone who wouldn't shut up about me having kids though I'd probably say something about how I had three and they were all delicious.

[PhantomGrimalkin]

prettyeyes, on Oct 13 2009, 06:13 PM, said:

Aw, I like most "old" people. They always compliment my clothes and stuff. If I came across someone, anyone who wouldn't shut up about me having kids though I'd probably say something about how I had three and they were all delicious.

Yeah, this isn't about "old" people in general- plenty of them are lovely. It's the crazy wal-mart types who randomly prod into the lives of complete strangers judgementally and dont' get the hint to go away.

[shadeybeep]

prettyeyes, on Oct 13 2009, 05:13 PM, said:

Aw, I like most "old" people. They always compliment my clothes and stuff. If I came across someone, anyone who wouldn't shut up about me having kids though I'd probably say something about how I had three and they were all delicious.

hahahahahaha, that is great!!


I'm usually pretty good at "playing along" with total strangers when they try to pry into my personal life. I don't usually feel like people understand anything I try to say about myself, so I mostly just figure out what they want to hear and then just tell them that. Maybe the most truthful variation of what they want to hear, depending on how creative I'm feeling.

[Shuusui]

I've had a few similar conversations (though not with strange old ladies); despite my sarcasm I can't help but answer those questions honestly, and I can't ever just end the conversation or steer it away from a topic like that. Too argumentative for my own good xD;;

Haha, sometimes I wish I could just tell people I'm gay to get them to leave me alone. I'm a horrible liar though.

[Filmfan]

I have to applaud you for staying true to yourself. I'm one of those people who would have had the same kind of argument with most people who brought this up. As one of my friends tells people, "Get your mind out of my uterus!"

However, I do have to agree with some other people who have commented. This creepy little old lady was probably just looking for some human interaction, and you just happened to have crossed her path.

With her generation, most people got married and had kids, so she figured that was a good starting point for a conversation. If you are ever in this situation again and have any kids in your life, go immediately to that. Telling people about my godchildren usually keeps them off my back about my not having any of my own. (The older one is a Brownie now, and the little one is almost potty-trained!) You know, you're much more socially acceptable as long as you have kids in your life, because obviously everyone is supposed to need that.

Or I would have just changed the focus to her: "So, how many kids do you have? Do they live nearby? What do they do for a living?" She'll gladly tell you about that stuff. And you're in line at Wal-Mart, so it's not like she can talk about this with you forever. I know that you don't really care, and neither would I. But just making small talk about anything - the weather, what you're shopping for, if you have a trip coming up or visitors coming over, etc. - for five minutes is usually pretty easy and pretty painless.

[Sally]

Since you'll never see her again, there's really no reason you can't just lie and say "I have two kids and they're just great. One's won the Nobel Prize for Literature and the other discovered an enzyme that can cure cancer, and just think, they're only 6 years old! " Maybe not that last, just the great kids. You could make up a husband too.

[BokeKaeru]

I have to disagree with the people who say that, since a majority of the world wants kids, marriage, sex, etc., it's rude of us to correct and clarify the notion that EVERYONE wants that. Just because someone's in a majority group in terms of how they live their lives doesn't mean they are automatically entitled to force their worldview on everyone else as a result and have everyone lie or change their minds so that their fragile little world view might not be disturbed. As I see it, the lady in the exchange was clearly trying to force her view on the OP, and all the OP did in her own defense was tell the truth about herself and why that was right to her. There was no name calling, no criticism of the lady for her choices in life, and not even criticism of the woman for how she was acting towards the OP. I can't tell from this how the OP can be seen as the rude one. I don't see why someone's ignorance and narrow idea of how things work should be more protected than someone's ability to enjoy their own life choices without being picked on about it.

I wonder... If it had been the reverse, and someone had railed on another person who did have kids for being a "breeder," for contributing to overpopulation and/or for sacrificing her education and career opportunities to be a wife and mother, would people find that more acceptable?

[CrazyCatLover]

I agree that she was probably just trying to start up a conversation about something she thought was a safe topic. It must have been very annoying, though.

Today, I was at a sexual diversity panel (me, a bisexual woman, a homosexual woman and a homosexual man). Someone in the class asked us if we wanted children. There was a bit of a pause and then I said "No" and everyone (including me) laughed for a good 20 seconds. In retrospect, maybe I shouldn't have said it quite so emphatically...

[thecoldground]

RDraconis, on Oct 14 2009, 12:34 AM, said:

Yeah, this isn't about "old" people in general- plenty of them are lovely. It's the crazy wal-mart types who randomly prod into the lives of complete strangers judgementally and dont' get the hint to go away.

What's a wal-mart type? I've never been in a wal-mart

BokeKaeru, on Oct 14 2009, 03:42 AM, said:

I have to disagree with the people who say that, since a majority of the world wants kids, marriage, sex, etc., it's rude of us to correct and clarify the notion that EVERYONE wants that. Just because someone's in a majority group in terms of how they live their lives doesn't mean they are automatically entitled to force their worldview on everyone else as a result and have everyone lie or change their minds so that their fragile little world view might not be disturbed.

mmmmkay...
I don't think anyone said that.

[Myr]

thecoldground, on Oct 14 2009, 02:38 AM, said:

RDraconis, on Oct 14 2009, 12:34 AM, said:

Yeah, this isn't about "old" people in general- plenty of them are lovely. It's the crazy wal-mart types who randomly prod into the lives of complete strangers judgementally and dont' get the hint to go away.

What's a wal-mart type? I've never been in a wal-mart

My understanding of the Wal*Mart-type (which I have only seen negatively portrayed) is somebody who is any one or combination of the following:

1) Poor "white trash"
2) Someone whose brain has been "fried" by drug/alcohol abuse
3) Someone who continues to abuse drugs/alcohol
4) "Ghetto"
5) "Low-class"
6) Mentally handicapped in some way
7) "Rednecks"/"hicks"
8 ) "Crazy" old people such as the one mentioned in this thread

Please note that many of these above terms and labels are offensive and subject to interpretation, as is indicated by the quotation marks. I certainly don't label every person who goes to a Wal*Mart with these terms. I listed them because I have heard many people use such terminology to describe the stereotypical Wal*Mart shopper.

What's interesting is that there are plenty of discount superstores similar to Wal*Mart (Target is an example), yet the customers who shop at them don't seem to have nearly so negative of a stereotype. I think this is partly because Wal*Mart is more often depicted as a prime example of corporate evil.

[purplebutterfly]

Whenever I have gotten into a similar conversation, when asked why I don't want kids I simply state the following:

Have you seen the film Aliens?

I'm vaguely phobic about pregnancy and childbirth, as well as not liking kids, so when someone asks me why, I repsond with the above and if they haven't seen the film, I quickly explain.

Either that or I say I'd rather have two dogs, a ferret and a hedgehog. Can't beat animals for love and loyalty.

[Inevitable]

Jotale wants BRAINS!, on Oct 13 2009, 05:29 PM, said:

Older people are of a different time. A lot of them still live ages ago can't really fault someone for living within their time.

I seem to remember a small fuss about the Queen Mother (UK) sayinng almost racist things about Germans a few years ago, back when she was alive. Simple fact is, she lived through 2 world wars, fighting Germany both times. Her outlook is not all that surprising for her generation. Ah, found the quote: "Never trust them, never trust them".

[ExeCUTE]

My great grandmother, a few years ago (before she died) was watching rugby- as a old welsh lady, she was quite an avid supporter of her national team- and they were playing a team with quite a few black people on it, it may have been South Africa.. I can't remember. Anyway, she was discussing some player or other with my mother, and said;
"Ooh, yes, he's quite a nice young man..... for a coloured person."
She was also vaguely homophobic.
For someone who had a lesbian daughter in a civil partnership and seemed to be perfectly accepting of her to boot(I know, the homophobia doesn't really make sense) and lives in quite a culturally diverse part of Wales, I found her comment (and there were a lot worse...) a bit shocking. But she was in her late teens when the War started, and she lived quite 'out of her time'... I think she was stuck in the 1960s or 70s, at the latest.


The world needs more communication.

[pawprint]

thecoldground, on Oct 13 2009, 10:31 PM, said:

Also I've never been told I'm beautiful in my entire life, why don't people say that to me

Spoiler

It's because I have a face like a popped balloon. Ah well lol

I think I called you beautiful... or handsome... or was it cute? All of these?

[Asterion]

Kinda fun to play with...

Quote

Old creepy lady: So, what about your husband? What is his name?

One of us: "What is your name? What is your quest? What is the capital of Assyria?"