San Francisco Chronicle article on asexuality

[cdrdash]

Hi all,

The article on asexuality in the bay area is in the San Francisco Chronicle today. Here is a link to it.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?.../MNC6194GN4.DTL

Cathy



2015 Edit - For future reference:

Asexuals leave the closet, find community
By Demian Bulwa Published 4:00 am, Monday, August 24, 2009

Cathy Roberts, who identifies herself as asexual. Asexuals don't experience sexual attraction, and are trying to gain visibility and respect.


David Jay of San Francisco, the the founder of AVEN, Asexual Visibility and Education Network, a huge and growing online community for asexuals, shown here on Sunday, August 2, 2009, in his San Francisco, Calif., home.


San Francisco State student Bridget Rodman, 19, who identifies herself as asexual. Asexuals don't experience sexual attraction, and are trying to gain visibility and respect.

Photo: Carlos Avila Gonzalez, The Chronicle

When she wasn't drawn to boys as a teenager, Cathy Roberts figured she was just shy. As she steered men away from her college bed, she convinced herself she wasn't ready. Later, when a therapist coaxed her along a path toward enjoying sex, she didn't even want to do the tamest of exercises.

It wasn't until Roberts was in her 40s, and in a relationship with a woman, that she concluded she was asexual - simply not interested in sex.

"She was not happy to hear that," Roberts, a 48-year-old Mountain View resident, said of her incredulous ex-girlfriend. "She equated sex with love. I think that was true for her, but not for me."
The relationship ended last year, but Roberts had emerged from years of confusion. And in June, while wearing an "Asexy Dyke" T-shirt, she marched with two dozen other self-described asexuals in San Francisco's Gay Pride Parade.

It was an unusual coming-out for people who consider themselves members of a fundamental sexual orientation. At an event that celebrated sex of every flavor, one group declared an intention to skip the buffet.
The movement is a testament to how vital sexual identity is to self-worth. But the public emergence of asexuals also raises questions for sexuality researchers - mysteries involving the fluidity of sexual identity and the link between romance, which many asexuals enjoy, and sexual attraction.

'We're not broken'

"It does raise questions about the nature of love," said Anthony Bogaert, a sexologist at Brock University in Ontario who estimated the prevalence of asexuality in 2004. He analyzed an earlier survey of Britons and found that 1 percent reported that they had never felt sexually attracted to anyone.

David Jay, a 27-year-old San Francisco resident, put the movement in more personal terms, saying, "We need to know we're not broken. I've been told my whole life that people need sex to be happy."

The Pride Parade was a milestone for Jay, who is studying for his graduate business degree at Presidio School of Management. Nine years ago, he essentially started the movement by founding the Asexual Visibility and Education Network, or AVEN, as a teenager who couldn't fathom why everyone but him was hell-bent on shedding their virginity.
Seeking respect

Jay and his online community, which he said has 30,000 registered worldwide members, aren't seeking to create new civil rights. What they want is respect in a sex-obsessed culture.
Asexuality has only occasionally been studied, but the few researchers who have given it a close look in recent years say it may be a sexual identity similar to being straight, gay or bisexual.

Dr. Lori Brotto, an expert on sexuality at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, said she was once "extremely skeptical" that asexuality existed as an orientation. But in 2007, in surveys of AVEN members, she found not only low sexual desire but low distress about it.
"They're not bothered by the low levels of arousal," Brotto said. "That's what makes them different from someone with sexual dysfunction, who wants to seek treatment."

Recently, Brotto showed erotic films to seven asexuals along with 35 other women who identified themselves as straight, lesbian or bisexual, while measuring vaginal blood flow. She found no physiological differences in their responses.
"That's kind of what we predicted," she said. "This is not a sexual dysfunction. It's a sexual orientation issue."
Some asexuals are romantically straight, gay or bisexual, and some aren't romantic. They date each other, or they go out with "sexuals," attempting to compromise in bed.
Roberts, a software engineer, said she's worried she won't find somebody with whom to grow old. "For me, they have to be asexual and lesbian," she said, adding with a laugh, "Then there's that whole compatibility thing."
No common culture

The birth of the asexual movement has been as tricky as the personal stories, involving people whose sexuality is naturally passive. They lack the cultural markers claimed by the gay community - styles of dress, for instance, or bars in which to gather.

Into that breach came the great uniter of obscure groups - the Internet - and Jay, whom many asexuals consider to be an ideal spokesman. Young, charismatic and good-looking, here is a man, they say, who could have sex if he wanted to.

Speaking over burritos at a taqueria near his Mission District home, Jay said he was driven by memories of feeling alone. As a teenager in St. Louis, he searched the Web for "asexual" and found only research on amoebas.
He launched AVEN and recalled that when the first kindred soul got in touch, "we had this intense, two-hour discussion, going into all these things no one else could relate to."

Jay likes to say that nonsexual relationships are as rewarding - and challenging - as sexual ones. In defending asexuality, he is unflappable, even when being used for comic relief.
On MSNBC, host Tucker Carlson asked Jay if he was gay and repressed and wondered why, with all his free time, he hadn't cured cancer.

"If I'm able to define asexuality every time I do an appearance," Jay said, "we get 50 to 200 new people coming to us."

There are other signs of momentum. Bogaert is writing a book about asexuality, a New York film company has a documentary about the subject in the works, and in New Zealand, a soap opera features television's first identified asexual character.

AVEN members have one concrete goal: changing the authoritative Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders to make explicit that asexuality is not a "hypoactive sexual desire disorder." The next edition will be published by the American Psychiatric Association in 2012.

Trying out intimacy

The primary focus of the movement, though, remains reaching people like Bridget Rodman, a 19-year-old San Francisco State student.
Rodman said she gets crushes on women but is not driven to sleep with them, which for years made her feel useless, even suicidal. She recalled trying to "mimic the patterns" of a girlfriend during an intimate moment.
Then, in November, she found AVEN's Web site. It described her so accurately, she recalled, that she cried over her keyboard.

But with the discovery came revelations: that she could be honest with people, that she could experiment with intimacy as long as her partner was willing to stop, and that she no longer had to wait to live fully.
"It's indescribably amazing," Rodman said of the change. "I can build my own ideas of what I want to be instead of waiting for this biological lubricant, literal or figurative, to come along."

[EGAD!]

Hi all,

The article on asexuality in the bay area is in the San Francisco Chronical today. Here is a link to it.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?.../MNC6194GN4.DTL

Cathy

That was so awesome!

:aven:

[dirigible]

Most excellent! ^_^

Only thing is, now I want to have burritos with David Jay!

[. . .but there are sounds]

A very nice article, always raises my spirits to read such positive material.

[ThePieMaker]

Wonderful article. I kind of want to show it to everyone I know!

[sinisterporpoise]

There was one in the Boston Edge too, I've linked to both on my twitter feed.

[cdrdash]

Remind me not to read the comments on the article any more. I thought I had a tough enough skin to read them but some of the comments were hard to read especially the ones that said I wasn't very attractive. I know I'm no beauty and I usually don't really care about my looks but those comments didn't quite slide off me the way I had hoped they would.

Leaving those out, the other comments were as I expected ... the usual stuff ... asexuals are broken. They just haven't had a good lay. I could make them enjoy sex. etc. etc. There was one poster, namaste, who I thought made positive and thoughtful comments.

And best of all ... there were just a few comments where the poster acknowledged being asexual and being glad to find out they were not alone. That is why I was willing to appear in this article ... so others could know they are not alone and not broken.

Cathy

[krispy]

I'm kind of confused here on this statement in the article, as to the finding's of her study:

<<<<Recently, Brotto showed erotic films to seven asexuals along with 35 other women who identified themselves as straight, lesbian or bisexual, while measuring vaginal blood flow. She found no physiological differences in their responses.>>>>

Is she saying everyone has the same physiological response to the videos?

[ily]

Remind me not to read the comments on the article any more. I thought I had a tough enough skin to read them but some of the comments were hard to read especially the ones that said I wasn't very attractive. I know I'm no beauty and I usually don't really care about my looks but those comments didn't quite slide off me the way I had hoped they would.

Leaving those out, the other comments were as I expected ... the usual stuff ... asexuals are broken. They just haven't had a good lay. I could make them enjoy sex. etc. etc. There was one poster, namaste, who I thought made positive and thoughtful comments.

And best of all ... there were just a few comments where the poster acknowledged being asexual and being glad to find out they were not alone. That is why I was willing to appear in this article ... so others could know they are not alone and not broken.

Cathy

Way to go Cathy! It was awesome to see you on the front page. :) Yeah, I really did expect the worst from the comments...anyone who read them is a braver person than me.

I was conflicted about appearing in the article, but when it came out, I was sad that I wasn't included in it at all. Wonder why...

[cdrdash]

I was conflicted about appearing in the article, but when it came out, I was sad that I wasn't included in it at all. Wonder why...

I wondered that too. I expected to hear a little bit about 5 of us and instead he picked out three of us. I certainly did not expect to be the lead in for the article and to see my mug on the front page. Eee Gad was my initial reaction.

Cathy

[counterstrike1]

That excellent article is why I spent the whole afternoon seeking and joining AVEN! This is my first post, so I want to say "thank you!" The comments were just plain weird mostly, but a few were very understanding and enjoyable.

[Sally]

I'm kind of confused here on this statement in the article, as to the finding's of her study:

<<<<Recently, Brotto showed erotic films to seven asexuals along with 35 other women who identified themselves as straight, lesbian or bisexual, while measuring vaginal blood flow. She found no physiological differences in their responses.>>>>

Is she saying everyone has the same physiological response to the videos?

Apparently they had the same response (or non-response) in their vaginal blood flow. Sounds like she didn't check any other kind of physiological response (heart rate, etc.).

EDIT: Oh, now I see all varieties of women had the same responses. I'm not sure how that could be; if you have no libido/aren't susceptible to porn, you wouldn't have any response. Oh well.

[Sally]

That's a nice photo, Cathy. I don't think anybody really likes their own photos.

The comments were the usual combination of thoughtful and idiotic, just like all anonymous comments. Somebody said maybe we have a chi-energy deficiency. Maybe so -- who cares!

[jmerry]

With 700 comments to work with, we could probably make a bingo card analogous to this one. It does seem that pretty much all of the standard arguments are represented.

[ily]

With 700 comments to work with, we could probably make a bingo card analogous to this one. It does seem that pretty much all of the standard arguments are represented.

Love it! Here's the autistic version: http://www.autistics.org/library/bingo.html

[Pandoren]

Feel free to make a better version of mine :)

http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?sho...p;#entry1343399

[Novalee]

Great article thanks for sharing it with us!

[square peg]

I'm kind of confused here on this statement in the article, as to the finding's of her study:

<<<<Recently, Brotto showed erotic films to seven asexuals along with 35 other women who identified themselves as straight, lesbian or bisexual, while measuring vaginal blood flow. She found no physiological differences in their responses.>>>>

Is she saying everyone has the same physiological response to the videos?

Apparently they had the same response (or non-response) in their vaginal blood flow. Sounds like she didn't check any other kind of physiological response (heart rate, etc.).

EDIT: Oh, now I see all varieties of women had the same responses. I'm not sure how that could be; if you have no libido/aren't susceptible to porn, you wouldn't have any response. Oh well.

The same has been found in women in general: unlike men, women become physiologically aroused by sex scenes whether or not they involve the gender they report sexual attraction towards. In the study I'm thinking of, women produced natural lubricant even when shown films of sex between bonobos. Sexual attraction may involve by necessity awareness of physiological arousal, but that doesn't mean physiological arousal is always consciously experienced. I'm not aware of my heart beating right now, but I'm confident that it is. :)

[Zerick]

Cathy you are great!!! Thank you so much. :vis: :vis: :vis: :vis: :vis: :vis: :vis: :vis: :vis: :vis:

Next meet up your meal will be on me :)

[jmerry]

Well, I finally followed through on that bingo idea. See here. The comments to this article were good for more than half of the cells, and that's after a whole lot of troll comments had been deleted.

[Sammie]

Why does every single article and interview on asexuality mention the same 'expert of sexuality'.

There are thousands of experts on asexuality, let someone else talk for a change!

[Kiki Asexual Superstar]

Yeah, some of the comments were ridiculous. They added nothing productive to the discussion with name-calling and whining. I don't understand why people lash out at others. We are not restricting their sexual identity or activity. They act like, by merely existing, we somehow are a living indictment against their sexual orientation. I've never understood the hostility, but have encountered it personally several times.

[PiF]

I think it helps the ignorant to label us as geeks, social fuckwits and mingers

I've never thought of newspaper journalists as miss worlds or mr universe but hey

[brocaine]

I'm kind of confused here on this statement in the article, as to the finding's of her study:

<<<<Recently, Brotto showed erotic films to seven asexuals along with 35 other women who identified themselves as straight, lesbian or bisexual, while measuring vaginal blood flow. She found no physiological differences in their responses.>>>>

Is she saying everyone has the same physiological response to the videos?

Apparently they had the same response (or non-response) in their vaginal blood flow. Sounds like she didn't check any other kind of physiological response (heart rate, etc.).

EDIT: Oh, now I see all varieties of women had the same responses. I'm not sure how that could be; if you have no libido/aren't susceptible to porn, you wouldn't have any response. Oh well.

Square Peg had a great answer, I'll add this quote from women's health about the difference between libido and arousal.

<<<< Libido refers to a baseline interest in sex and might be redefined as sexual appetite. Arousal refers to the physiological response to sexual stimuli. >>>>

I believe several studies have found that visual erotic/pornographic imagery was in general mildly stimulating for women regardless of the imagery conforming to sexual orientation, and much more stimulating for men when it conforms to their sexual orientation.

[PiF]

The bit that disgusts me the most is the claim to have measured vaginal blood flow ??? ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww she offers very little new

[ily]

The bit that disgusts me the most is the claim to have measured vaginal blood flow ??? ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww she offers very little new

I don't see what's gross about that-- the people in the study consented, and it wasn't harmful to them.

[PiF]

would you want to measure some ones vaginal blood flow lly?

[ily]

would you want to measure some ones vaginal blood flow lly?

First of all, I find your comment to be oddly threatening.

Second, no, because I'm not trained to do so. I'm not a scientist or doctor. But if it was important to something I was trying to study, then sure. If you're grossed out by something, that's your prerogative. But, that doesn't mean everyone else has to be. Do people really have to go "ewww!" every time someone mentions a part of the anatomy around here?