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Are asexuals a lot less likely to want kids?


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Hi,

I've just been looking at the getting pregnant bit- and I noticed that loads of people said how they'd never really wanted kids. I was just interested in knowing people's reasons- does it mostly boil down to being not interested/disgusted in the initial sexual act or are there other reasons such as less likely to be married/ in a stable long-term relationship etc? I'd be interested in your thoughts on this. Also, among women, I was wondering whether a higher percentage of asexual women are also a bit tokophobic?

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heatdissipation

Having children is sort of at the back of my mind - firstly, quite obviously due to my age, and secondly, I find it a bit difficult to worry about having children when I'm more than a little concerned about being alone for the rest of my life. (Er, didn't mean to make that sound so dramatic, but you get the point ;).) Also, I tend to think that children are little horrors due to the parenting methods nowadays, and frankly, I'm probably way too irresponsible and impatient to give a child the home it deserves. Who knows? Perhaps, some day. But if I'm still not too keen on the idea in ten years - heck, the world is somewhat densely populated anyway.

Wow, had to look up 'tokophobia' - yes, the idea of childbirth is intimidating, but I don't think this phobia keep me up at night. :P

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Tokophobic? I don't believe I've come across that word before. Would you mind expanding on it?

With respect to my desire not to have kids, I don't think it's related to my asexuality. I don't deal well with children; subconsciously, I expect them to behave like adults, and then I'm annoyed and upset when they behave like children. I find younger children in particular annoyingly sticky and loud, and babies have an alarming tendency to leak unpleasant fluids and refuse to be quiet.

For me, it's got nothing to do with the process of making them, and everything with the process of raising them.

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Elven valkyrie

There's only one reason I would want a kid - To give someone an unusual name. Not reason enough.

Nine months of feeling crappy, being sick and having strange craving. Agony of childbirth.

And after that, it gets even better. Screaming, crying, howling, mess and stench, no sleep, exaustion, think the universe revolves around them. Babies are ugly. And when they get ill, it's a whole lot worse.

I hate babies, always have. When they get to 4-5 years old, I can handle them (at least I can my niece), but still, I don't think I could deal with them 24/7.

But hey, a reliable method of birth control is to not go near anyone in that way.

Anyway, I have a genetic disorder where there's a 50/50 chance of it being passed on. So perhaps, if I ever want kids, I'll adopt.

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heatdissipation
Tokophobic? I don't believe I've come across that word before. Would you mind expanding on it?

"Tokophobia, or fear of childbirth, is a form of specific phobia. Other terms for the condition include tocophobia and parturiphobia...From the Greek tokos, meaning childbirth, and phobos, meaning fear."

Wikipedia'd.

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Tokophobia, I think that you can also spell it with a "c" is the fear of childbirth- I'm not sure if there is a wider term which includes pregnancy too though.

I hear what you're saying though, the bigger picture at the end of the day is actually being a parent isn't it? The first part is terrible but in relation to the following pain and misery, relatively short.

Don't get me wrong though I quite often like children- just nice to be able to not spend the whole day/ week with them etc. I work with children but my wider life is child free- there's nothing like a bit of balance. :D

There's only one reason I would want a kid - To give someone an unusual name. Not reason enough.

I can relate to that- I like the idea of naming a child, I can think of lots of great names- not really a weird one though, but seriously it's not exactly a strong reason though.

I think I'll have to resign myself to living without that momentary joy in lieu of um years of relative freedom and less striae.

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I wouldn't mind being a single mom. But I hate kids. But I think I'd like it if it was all mine.

I would adopt. Childbirth is out of the question.

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I dislike sex but i could always adopt if i really, really wanted children. The thing is, I don't. The idea of being a parent just doesn't appeal to me.

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I'm a woman and I would never want to be pregnant. But it is primarely because I do not belive in genetic compatibility, links, bond, whatever you call it in english.

I would perhaps want a child later, I would adopt; because of what I belive (see above) and , really, it would be way more difficult and painfull to make a child myself...so why bother if I see absoutly no benefit in comparaison?

I don't see why being asexual would influance one's desire to take care of a child...

What I see most is sexuals who didn't want a child, or didn't want it so soon, being "forced" to create one and taking care of him. Very sad.

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I would not have another person live in me for 9 months, rent free.

I would not go though the agony of birth.

I would not be able to deal with a baby. I'd probably just stare at it blankly and lose all patience when it wouldn't stfu and stop crying.

A toddler would probably get itself killed in my care, they fall over and do stupid shit, and I have more important things to do than watch them 24/7.

I don't want my home devoted to brightly coloured plastic crap and awful, awful crayon pictures.

However, I can tolerate kids over about 6... if I was with someone who really, really, REALLY wanted kids, adoption probably.

But hopefully not.

So yeah, the whole pregnancy/kids thing puts me off sex way more than sex itself.

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The tokophobic part, absolutely.

The whole process of having sex, getting pregnant, and having the baby grosses me out.

But I would love to have a kid and will probably adopt one some day.

Some people want to birth a kid because it's so adorable that it looks like them and their family. I can understand that and kind of get that feeling too sometimes, but honestly I don't think it's worth it to bring another kid into this over-populated world anyway. So I'm actually glad I'm asexual and don't really have a choice but to adopt.

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I want children one day reeeeaaally bad. Not now. Oh hell no. At the earliest 30, but probably more towards 40. I don't know if I'd adopt or have my own. I kind of want to do both. We'll see. I just won't be happy at the end of my life if I don't raise children, I know. I have a really strong maternal instinct.

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I remember as far back as primary school (around age 8-9) a girl in my class was going to get married and have 6 babies!! Even then I knew that wasn't for me, despite at that time- 1970s- we were still being indoctrinated to grow up to be good housewives and mothers. In Girl Guides I even had to knit some baby booties for my knitting merit badge. Scarey. Thank God that expectation of society has subsequently lessened. I recall a news article about some women who deliberately chose not to have children for a variety of reasons. It seems about 20% in the Western world make that deliberate decision, no matter what their sexuality. How did women cope when the expectation was they would get married and have kids??

I've never wanted children- for all the reasons that have already been posted here. But I'm also aware my biological clock is ticking which i find very strange. Is there a degree of regret built into women when they realise there will never be biological children?

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I would not have another person live in me for 9 months, rent free.

I would not go though the agony of birth.

I would not be able to deal with a baby. I'd probably just stare at it blankly and lose all patience when it wouldn't stfu and stop crying.

A toddler would probably get itself killed in my care, they fall over and do stupid shit, and I have more important things to do than watch them 24/7.

I don't want my home devoted to brightly coloured plastic crap and awful, awful crayon pictures.

However, I can tolerate kids over about 6... if I was with someone who really, really, REALLY wanted kids, adoption probably.

But hopefully not.

So yeah, the whole pregnancy/kids thing puts me off sex way more than sex itself.

I can really relate to the sentiment of not wanting a home dedicated to brghtly coloured plastic crap-can you imagine the assault on your senses, after years of hard work at uni and um work work I dream about having a minimalist habitat loft style place, strictly no kids shit allowed. But I can kind of relate to the soft spot for older kids, as long as they completely fit in with my life and I can share them with about three to four other couples/ singles - that's the way it should be in mu opinion, none of this going it alone or as a couple stuff, it's way too intense for that, children should be brought up by "villages".

I remember as far back as primary school (around age 8-9) a girl in my class was going to get married and have 6 babies!! Even then I knew that wasn't for me, despite at that time- 1970s- we were still being indoctrinated to grow up to be good housewives and mothers. In Girl Guides I even had to knit some baby booties for my knitting merit badge. Scarey. Thank God that expectation of society has subsequently lessened. I recall a news article about some women who deliberately chose not to have children for a variety of reasons. It seems about 20% in the Western world make that deliberate decision, no matter what their sexuality. How did women cope when the expectation was they would get married and have kids??

I've never wanted children- for all the reasons that have already been posted here. But I'm also aware my biological clock is ticking which i find very strange. Is there a degree of regret built into women when they realise there will never be biological children?

Kaje,

it's really interesting how lots of women just aren't having kids anymore isn't it? And it's not all to do with them having financial/ career difficulties, some of it is more in the realm of lifestyle, re I'm thinking of things like nokidding and child free sites.

In Italy and Spain the average number of kids that a woman is expected to have in her life time is only about 1.2, some 25% of Italian woman don't have kids, while 25% only have one and in Hong Kong the average is less than one. All this makes me feel that I'm not alone, obviously most of these women will not be asexual, so yeah the reasons are very varied, no doubt.

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you*hear*but*do*you*listen

I'm asexual and I don't want to put my body through pregnancy, but the real reason I don't want kids is because I know I'd be a crappy mom. I absolutely adore children and babies, but I'd be a terrible mother because I'm a workaholic and would just yearn for the lab instead of taking care of my child.

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martianJusticiar

I'd have to be missing half a brain to have kids. I have enough horrible medical conditions that the kid would end up screwed up somehow. Blatantly irresponsible as I see it. That and the whole idea of people (not only the guy who would get me pregnant but doctors as well, or so I've heard) touching me in regions that no one but me should ever get to touch, and then having to go to the hospital again... *shudders* I have no idea how some people actually find that a desirable way of living. That and small children in my mind are basically vessels for hideous amounts of sensory pain on my part. It wouldn't go well.

In conclusion... Having cats > Having babies. Totally.

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I want at least 2 children and I want to experience pregnancy/birth. I would probably use artificial insemination if I remain single. I love babies and children of all ages and have always felt I was meant to be a mom.

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I'd have to be missing half a brain to have kids. I have enough horrible medical conditions that the kid would end up screwed up somehow.

lol, Same here.

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I would rather like to have children. I don't have any serious medical problems. I don't know, I always pictured myself with a family.

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MissBiochemistry

I'm demi, and I'm not sure if I want kids. I don't hate or love them. I'd prefer to have a science career though. Maybe I'll one day wish to have kids, but I could adopt. There are so many homeless kids in this world, I could help them instead of spreading my own genes. I know a family who have adopted kids and they are just like any other family, except their kids have other color than parents. It's possible to love adopted kids just as much as "own" kids.

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