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Myths and Misconceptions

emmarainbow

By emmarainbow,
in 2008

Which of these have you been told/asked/accused of/told you're wrong about in terms of your asexuality?  

  1. 1. Have you heard these misconception?

    • Asexuals are too ugly to get a partner
      47
    • Asexuals are just attention seeking
      25
    • Asexuals are genderless
      22
    • Asexuals are without/with abnormal genitalia
      18
    • Asexuals are closetted gay people
      73
    • Asexuals cannot be male
      33
    • Asexuals can't have dirty thoughts
      30
    • Asexuals are all very religious
      34
    • Asexuals are just in a phase
      92
    • Asexuals are just late bloomers
      91
    • 'You haven't met the right person yet'
      106
    • Asexuals have dodgy hormones
      45
    • Asexuals are afraid of intimacy
      64
    • Asexuals are a bit autistic
      25
    • Asexuals are all depressed
      32
    • Asexuals are attracted to themselves
      31
    • Asexuals are impossible
      60
    • Asexuals are 'less' than human/inhuman/alien because of the lack of sex/sexual attraction
      44
    • Asexuals are pitiable and broken
      50
    • Asexuals have psychological trauma
      70

  2. 2. Continued!

    • Asexuals must try sex to know
      92
    • Asexuals are too close-minded to try sex
      45
    • Asexuals are just frigid
      64
    • Asexuals can reproduce on their own!!!
      43
    • Asexuals cannot be in a relationship
      42
    • Asexuality is the same thing as celibacy
      63
    • If you have sex you cannot be asexual
      52
    • If you are in a relationship you cannot be asexual
      36
    • If you are single you are asexual
      6
    • Asexuality can be 'fixed'
      64
    • Asexuals have no part in the LGBT
      30
    • Asexuals don't need to come out
      29
    • It isn't a big deal to an asexual person to come out
      29
    • Asexuals are just prudes
      55
    • Asexuals are just frigid
      47
    • Asexuals should just get a life
      42
    • Asexuals are sterile
      14
    • Asexuals will all end up alone
      58
    • Asexuals are attracted to some inanimate object
      19
    • Other! (please say below)
      9

  3. 3. Have you been asked if you masturbate?

    • Yes
      77
    • No
      47

  4. 4. Have you been told you're just a late bloomer/not met the right one yet?

    • Yes
      113
    • No
      11

  5. 5. Have you been told you have to try sex to know?

    • Yes
      94
    • No
      30

  6. 6. Have you felt threatened/been threatened/told you deserve violence because of your asexuality?

    • Yes
      7
    • A bit
      17
    • No
      100

  7. 7. Have you ever been laughed at because of your asexuality?

    • Yes
      42
    • No
      41
    • Yes, but they didn't realise I was asexual at the time
      28
    • Yes, but it was meant in a jokey way and didn't offend me
      35

  8. 8. Have you ever felt pitied/patronised because of your asexuality?

    • Yes
      84
    • No
      40

  9. 9. Have you ever felt you were treated differently because of your asexuality?

    • Yes
      65
    • No
      59

  10. 10. Have you ever been asked if you can have your own babies?

    • Yes
      17
    • No
      86
    • I've heard people mix them up, but not be so stupid!
      21

This poll is closed to new votes


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emmarainbow

emmarainbow

Posted
Posted

Well, being ase is pretty universally misunderstood. I'm just collected whether you've been asked these questions, or what misconceptions you've heard personally about asexuality?

This is probably mainly to out ases though! :)

Any others, please feel free to add! I've filled up the poll though!

(This said, I get more positive respones than depressing ones in the long run, so yay.)

As to my own 'Other' I did get asked once if it meant I masturbated with calculaters. :huh:

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SlightlyMetaphysical

SlightlyMetaphysical

Posted
Posted

There's a girl at school who accuses me of at least three quarters of the things on that list daily, and much, much worse. She's the one who routinely tells me I'm a second class citizen. But, as she comfortingly said to me "It's not that I actually have a problem with all asexuals...just with you"

And she's one of my best friends, so everything she says is (probably) a joke.

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Friday

Friday

Posted
Posted
There's a girl at school who accuses me of at least three quarters of the things on that list daily, and much, much worse. She's the one who routinely tells me I'm a second class citizen. But, as she comfortingly said to me "It's not that I actually have a problem with all asexuals...just with you"

And she's one of my best friends, so everything she says is (probably) a joke.

um....that doesn't sound like a good friend!!! tell her you don't have a problem with sexuals......just her, and ditch her, you deserve better friends than that!!!

O in relation to the poll: wow thats one hell of a list!!! i didn't vote sorry, i've only 'come out' to two people and neither of them said anything like that.

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Member21883

Member21883

Posted
Posted

I haven't told anyone in person (I did 'come out' in an online game though - they didn't believe me), but sadly I've heard/read all of those things... <_< most of it from people who were discussing asexuality or sexuality in general on other forums. That's hardly surprising considering that "If you still (?!) haven't had sex when you're 18 (heck, I've seen even younger ages mentioned) you're a total loser/prude/too ugly/strictly religious/saving yourself etc." seems to be very commonly believed... :rolleyes:

As to my own 'Other' I did get asked once if it meant I masturbated with calculaters.

... Calculators? :blink: I wonder how that would work... :huh:

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Hayley

Hayley

Posted
Posted

I can't vote as I haven't personally been told anything from the first portion, but yes, good poll! :D It'll be interesting to see the results.

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emmarainbow

emmarainbow

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Just realised...

Probably should say that the majority of responses I get do tend to be in the positive, rather than anything negative. :)

Oops!

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Shockwave

Shockwave

Posted
Posted

As I was reading through the lists I realized something that bothered me - I hear more of those things right here on AVEN than out in the real world.

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emmarainbow

emmarainbow

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I realised, as I filled it in myself, that many of these *are* things I hear a lot more on AVEN. However, I have heard nearly all of them in the real world (half from only two people, whoop-de-doo, the rest from mindless mid-teens/drunks).

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Dexlar

Dexlar

Posted
Posted

Most of the things said to me were almost never said in a mocking or negative way. They were all just trying to be nice.

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kt8

kt8

Posted
Posted

Most of those personal "Have people ever asked this?" questions I couldn't answer because most people haven't brought up the topic with me, even though I quite publically posted the news of my asexuality on the internet to all my friends. So either they haven't read it, they don't care, or they don't have anything to say about it.

Although, I did prod one of my friends about it, and she admitted that she did read it and thought it was interesting. We got into the philosophical/psychological aspects of relationships then. Mostly, she was pretty open about it, though. Only asking if it was possible I hadn't found the right one and what not and considering the possibilities. She was willing to accept it straight off.

-Katie

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Sammie

Sammie

Posted
Posted

I'm missing one often heared, not necesarrily bad, responds to asexuality:

"Have you ever been told that you should consult a doctor?"

In my case, the answer is 'Yes', and I don't think that was bad advice. Its good to be sure I'm asexual and not unaware of some illness suppressing my hormones.

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waffo

waffo

Posted
Posted

I love how everyone has been told that they just haven't met the right person. -_-

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  • 2 weeks later...
CrazyCatLover

CrazyCatLover

Posted
Posted

I just realized most of the negative things I hear about asexuality (only as far as it not existing in humans) are from my dad who is one of the most accepting people I know. He just doesn't seem to get this whole asexual idea, though. Oh well.

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Orren

Orren

Posted
Posted
I love how everyone has been told that they just haven't met the right person. -_-

I get that one and the late bloomer one occasionally.

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Tanwen

Tanwen

Posted
Posted

I'll be 60 next year, have two children (so have obviously tried it at least twice... :blush: ) but I have ad the 'You haven'tmet the right person yet' ...I mean for heaven's sake!!!

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Shinnok

Shinnok

Posted
Posted

I've been told I'm a late bloomer, will change mind someday, will change mind when meet the right person male or female, asked if I masterbate, and that's mostly all I can think of. I expect to be told through my whole life the "you haven't met the right person" saying. I expect probably when I'm older people will start saying "are you sure you don't have a medical condition?" or something like that.

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Hurricane Camille

Hurricane Camille

Posted
Posted

A great way to get a fist in the face is to tell me "You just haven't found the right person yet" or "You'll change when you're older". (I'm 29 and I still get that sometimes.) These statements irk the @#$% out of me more than any of the others. Including, "You're probably a lesbian" or "You're not normal".

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Ankh Ascendant

Ankh Ascendant

Posted
Posted

Oh Goodness how I hate "You just haven't met the right person yet". That flabbergasted me when I heard it, partly from the person from whom I heard it and partly because I didn't think people were actually so irritatingly stupid. I'm a gentle person, and that's fist to the face time... at least mentally. ^^

You forgot, though, "You're faking it" and "Well, if that's your choice...". No ones ever said that to me in person, but there's this one guy who implies both semi-regularly. I find those both even more offensive than "haven't met the right person". That's either leave the room or set status to invisible time right there.

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Shrine Maiden

Shrine Maiden

Posted
Posted

"You're just a lesbian and you're hiding it" is what most people think but never say it outloud. It is funny to see them beat about the bush as they just itch to ask me and dig around for my preferences. :rolleyes:

Another weird thing I heard was that "you don't want sex because you consider it a sin" which could work if only I wasn't such an nonreligious person

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SlightlyMetaphysical

SlightlyMetaphysical

Posted
Posted
I expect probably when I'm older people will start saying "are you sure you don't have a medical condition?" or something like that.

As I was reading, I thought of the perfect comeback to that (even though I'm not allowed to use it, stupid pascifism :angry: )

"I'm asexual"

"Is that a medical condition?"

"Yes, asexuality is entirely a medical condition. So are properly functioning arms. Do you want me to cure you?"

Seriously, though, medical condition means NOTHING. I must remember that one...

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Sally

Sally

Posted
Posted
I'll be 60 next year, have two children (so have obviously tried it at least twice... :blush: ) but I have ad the 'You haven'tmet the right person yet' ...I mean for heaven's sake!!!

I'm even older than Tan and was with a partner for more than 30 years after a marriage of 10 years, so people figure I've tried relationships and failed. Thus, I'm not really asexual, I just don't know how to have a good relationship and I'm using a fake term as an excuse.

Hearing that's a real ego booster.

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DarthBismarck

DarthBismarck

Posted
Posted

I just finished a weekend-long discussion panel in Toronto entitled "Social and Religious Implications of Asexuality as a Mainstream Sexual Orientation" (I'll see if I can get everyone's notes from it and post it somewhere later) and from the asexys each person on a discussion panel talked to (they know I'm asexy, but was exempted from interview because I was on the panel) these questions came up far more frequently than even we had imagined was likely.

I never had to go through many questions when I first "came out" as I sent out the notice by e-mail, and included a link to the AVEN FAQ. Since coming onto the forums, I've certainly discovered that, even considering the horrendous, negative responses I've received, I've had it damn lucky so far.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Mimicking Sanity

Mimicking Sanity

Posted
Posted

I've heard quite a few of those.

A number of them were not said directly to me; They were what people thought after being presented with the idea of Asexuality.

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XTriformisX

XTriformisX

Posted
Posted

If I hear the "you just need to meet the right person" speech one more time I will murder someone so hard they will die from it.

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Næt.

Næt.

Posted
Posted
If I hear the "you just need to meet the right person" speech one more time I will murder someone so hard they will die from it.

/clears throat

"You just need to meet the right person"

/runs!

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abdju

abdju

Posted
Posted

I very rarely hear any of this IRL, but that's more likely due to the fac that I keep a very small circle of friends, and they usually don't try and discuss sex with me in the first place... Talking about sex with sosmone who doesn't have any is unlikely to be very interesting for them <_<

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