numberfour Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 I know this seems shallow, but please answer if you can. I just discovered that other people were asexual and the more I know about it, the more comfortable I become with it. Can asexuals be attracted to others based on looks? I know that as I mature (in a growing stage) I feel less of this, but I was wondering if that was possible as long as there were no sexual urges tied to it? Link to post Share on other sites
Jesh Posted December 3, 2007 Share Posted December 3, 2007 people can experience aesthetic attraction, absolutely. I know I do and it has absolutely nothing to do with sexual attraction at all. Link to post Share on other sites
numberfour Posted December 3, 2007 Author Share Posted December 3, 2007 Thank-you! Link to post Share on other sites
Shinnok Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Yeah..I still find some people pleasant to look at "mind you, it's usually video game characters or celebrities" but most of the time sex isn't connected to the attraction I feel. Once in a while it is *a little* but most of the time it isn't for me..I used to think that if someone looked good it was automatically connected to sexual attraction too but now I'm older, I realize that isn't always the case. Link to post Share on other sites
regnflickan Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 I find myself looking at people like anything else in the world- like a piece of art. I can see a tree, or a house, or a piece of furniture and feel just "wiw, that's beautiful", but that doesn't mean I'm attracted to it sexualy (obviously). It's just the same with people really. Link to post Share on other sites
Saint Destruction Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 I think the trouble stems from the fact that sometimes a person doesn't really know what sexual attraction means. I think this is the thing that has troubled me. What regnflickan said above really hit it home for me - I've found many many things (non-human included) "attractive". I always just thought I was strange for having this strong attraction to something that wasn't another human being, like nature, art, music, writing, etc. I assumed that it was attraction, because it was the same feeling I felt for the people I had "crushes" on, and it made me want to be near them, to be surrounded by the people or things that inspired that feeling. But it's recently occured to me - maybe that wasn't "sexual attraction" in the first place. After all, it didn't make me want to have sex with the person (or thing) even if it was a feeling I felt in my body, not just in my head. Maybe one can have transcendent feelings and they don't have to have anything to do with sex or sexuality *epiphany* :) Link to post Share on other sites
regnflickan Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 *smiles* exactly SD! Which is why I prefer to call it passion, cause people usually connects attracted and sex, which is in no way what I feel. I don't know what it's like to be attracted to someone that way, and I've never fallen for looks, even though I can look at people and admire them as beautiful, without any longing to even know them. Passion or Attraction for me is not the way someone looks (and this is not just saying to try and sound good), it's really in who they are. I don't feel the passion from looking at someone, but from thinking about him and having contact with him. I've never really crasped the whole attacted-thing really... The "oh, he's sooo hot! I want him so badly!" First of all I have no idea what the concept of "hot" means to a person, and secon of all, if I see someone I find beautiful I don't want them, I just appriciate them for that moment. Rather like seeing a flower or a painting, it's enjoyable at that very moment, but I have no desire to have it. Link to post Share on other sites
Saint Destruction Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Passion .... that *is* a good word. It's funny, because I was just thinking about how I've come to the habit of using the word "sexy" to describe something that I really like in a particular way (that has to do with that body feeling I get that I mentioned before). And I realized that if I'm asexual, it doesn't really make a lot of sense for me to use the word "sexy" at all, really. Anyway ... three cheers for redefining vocabulary! ^_^ ...I've never really crasped the whole attacted-thing really... The "oh, he's sooo hot! I want him so badly!" First of all I have no idea what the concept of "hot" means to a person, and secon of all, if I see someone I find beautiful I don't want them, I just appriciate them for that moment. Rather like seeing a flower or a painting, it's enjoyable at that very moment, but I have no desire to have it. I think this gets at a core issue that a LOT of people don't even realize is going on. Western culture is SO materialistic that it bleeds into how we have relationships. Think about the words we use to define our relationships: "he's my boyfriend" "we have a relationship" "I have a wife" "these are my children" - there is something inherently possessive in the language we use, and I think that it can affect people unconsciously. So, of course, if you have escaped the materialistic mentality, most things will stop making sense. At least, that's been my experience. ;) (and I said Western culture specifically only because it's the only culture I know very well. For all I know all human culture is like this.) Link to post Share on other sites
regnflickan Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 very well said Link to post Share on other sites
Tamarinda Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 I've never really crasped the whole attacted-thing really... The "oh, he's sooo hot! I want him so badly!" First of all I have no idea what the concept of "hot" means to a person, and secon of all, if I see someone I find beautiful I don't want them, I just appriciate them for that moment. Rather like seeing a flower or a painting, it's enjoyable at that very moment, but I have no desire to have it. Thank you for summing it up so succinctly. In fact, I was overjoyed to see someone use my exact words ( a flower or painting) when savoring a person's appearance. So many times I have tried to share this with others, only to have them try to railroad it into the concept of a sexual attraction. Not understanding my asexuality, I tried to see it their way, only to end up frustrated and confused. I get some sort of feeling, (when looking at a very attractive person, or a butterfly, or a building,) that is pleasurable, but definitely not sexual. I like to think of it as a higher octave of love. Link to post Share on other sites
regnflickan Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 *smiles* exactly! I like that "a higher octave of love" To me those feelings are deeper than I ever could imagine lust being (not that I know for sure since I've never felt it), but I just can't think of any feeling being stronger than that one. Link to post Share on other sites
Tamarinda Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 I am usually mistrustful of feelings of lust. On rare occasions, I do experience this, and figure that my body is going through some type of hormonal surge. Of course I do nothing about it. The fantasy is always superior to the reality! And it usually passes. Link to post Share on other sites
numberfour Posted December 17, 2007 Author Share Posted December 17, 2007 You guys are awesome :!: :!: :!: Link to post Share on other sites
AVENCakes Posted December 22, 2007 Share Posted December 22, 2007 Definitely. People are shallow. If a person looks good they're more likely to get their way and be treated nice than a person that's totally deformed. If you look professional, even if you have no clue about what you'd be doing, you'll get the job over someone that looks like a slob but knows what they're doing. It's not just a sexual or lust thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts