Paradigm656 Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 "Sigh" I am a 19 year old male lifelong asexual and just recently came to terms with it. I know this isnt something I should be worrying about (because im quite happy being single right now)... but for some reason I feel like someday im going to end up lonely and miserable due to my asexuality.. I guess I just need to hear that asexual relationships sometimes do have happy endings.. If anyone here could knock some sense into me id be grateful. Link to post Share on other sites
Maigo Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Um, everyone everywhere feels like that? Link to post Share on other sites
deladangerous Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Don't say your orientation will be the cause of you being lonely and miserable! There's still so much more to life to be happy about, other than having a romantic relationship. It's rare, but still quite possible for you to meet another asexual with whom you can be in a romantic-type relationship... We've got a handful of asexual couples running around on this site, even one recently married asexual couple (who met here on AVEN!). Aside from that, although it is more difficult, relationships between an asexual and a sexual can work out as well. Really.. There's hope. *thumbs up* Link to post Share on other sites
Paradigm656 Posted October 29, 2006 Author Share Posted October 29, 2006 thanks for your input. God, it would be so great if someday asexuality and these kinds of relationships become more recognized. Whatever, I guess all I can do is try not to worry about these kinds of things. Thx. Link to post Share on other sites
98slbrookes98 Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Hi It is possible, keep your fingers crossed and put your faith in God, he'll find you the right person soon enough. Its true that it can get a bit lonely sometimes even if you have great friends you can hang out with - the fact that you still hve to lie down alone at night etc, but don't worry,you'll meet someone in time. Link to post Share on other sites
ghosts Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 ::points at dela:: What she said. :) There's definitely more to life than romantic relationships! And it is possible, if that's what you want- there are quite a few people here who are in relationships right now. Link to post Share on other sites
Paradigm656 Posted October 29, 2006 Author Share Posted October 29, 2006 Thanks. Thats realy nice to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
Vikram Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Interesting question.. I think sex-less relationships are definitely possible (but very rare), but for that, a lot of understanding and committment is required on the part of the 'sexual' person in the relationship... In short..If there's 'true love'...Then I don't think sex should be a concern at all, in a romantic relationship..:-) Link to post Share on other sites
AVENguy Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 Once I finish it I'm going to upload some visibility materials with a big section on the ways that asexual people can have intimacy as a part of our lives. Romantic relationships are one way, but by no means the only way. I've personally found that a lot of interesting things can happen when you think outside of the box in terms of intimacy, seeing friendships as having the same kind of emotional possibility as romantic relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
ghosts Posted October 29, 2006 Share Posted October 29, 2006 ::points up:: What he said. Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 No, you don't need to be lonely and miserable, get a cat!!! That's what all middle aged spinsters do... or if it really gets bad, adopt a baby from some impoverished country where they sell kids -- Madonna and Angelina Jolie did it and so can you! Link to post Share on other sites
Nugas Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Yes. *ends the first, and probably last, technically accurate but completely unhelpful post* Link to post Share on other sites
Placebo Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Well, technically, almost everyone has had asexual relationships. They're called "friendships", and they have at least a fair chance of being successful. Ok, I'll stop being a smart-aleck now. Look on the bright side, you could be sexual, married and divorced three times and end up lonely and miserable anyway. So, ending up lonely and miserable might end up being completely unrelated to your sexuality!! Wait. . . maybe that's not a bright side. . . Link to post Share on other sites
Paradigm656 Posted October 30, 2006 Author Share Posted October 30, 2006 hmm, i kinda like the way you put it Placebo. I could end up miserable even if I was sexual, so speaking logically: I guess my orientation doesnt realy make a differnece. But somewhere down the line I think it would be great to hook up with another asexual. (hell, im smart and attractive, i might just end up alright) Thank you for all your advice, im gonna stop whining about all of life's stupid little problems... sorry I just needed to vent. Link to post Share on other sites
Plur na mBan Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Asexual relationships are so very possible. I'm in one now (squee), and have been for about 6 months (more squee). It may help, in finding another asexual, to mention AVEN to friends you know. They may have never heard of it, as many of us hadn't before finding it, but find it fits them perfectly. Link to post Share on other sites
Melly06 Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 I've worried about that too, the greater likelihood of living a lonely, unhappy life because of my asexuality. But it turns out there are more asexuals than I would've thought, at least on this forum. One possibility might be forming a companionship/relationship with another asexual who is totally okay with things never becoming sexual. Link to post Share on other sites
keny Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Don't say your orientation will be the cause of you being lonely and miserable! There's still so much more to life to be happy about, other than having a romantic relationship. Hi ! I ' m a french male student, but some guys or girls have a very great life without girls or girls friend , as from my part, i have many friends, but I prefers friendship than a romantic passionful story with a girl ! It's less complicated, , it takes less time, and it's the same thing ! Why ? Because, if you prefer loniless with many good firends , it mean you can be more independant : you make all your necessary to feel free, better, and you just try to fit with your familly and group of friends , to make your social life optimized... to make affection compensation, no ? Having a girl friend is really more complicated than being single : You need to understant their needs, their affection needs, or sexual needs, you should always be aware about her, to listen to her, and to take care of her anytime, you can . I think many good friend = a bad girl friends ? And girls are really strange, I always try to understand her at all , they are so different from guys , for example ! It's rare, but still quite possible for you to meet another asexual with whom you can be in a romantic-type relationship... We've got a handful of asexual couples running around on this site, even one recently married asexual couple (who met here on AVEN!). Is it complicated to be an A.S. Couple ? I think you could meet an A.S. guy or Girl, but to achieve to make an A.S couple, i think is nearly impossible, no ? Do you know around you, many A.S. couple, I don't think so ? It's very rare ! "It s too nice to be real ?" = french translation ! ******************************************************* Aside from that, although it is more difficult, relationships between an asexual and a sexual can work out as well.Really.. There's hope. *thumbs up* Can work out means ? Easy or difficult ? If one of the couple love the others with making sex with him, one of them would be fustrated, at the term , no ? At a long term, I think , the couple will be torned by their difference : A couple with on A.S. and an S. ? It's very complicated ! no ? @@@+++ "deladangerous" ********************************* Link to post Share on other sites
deladangerous Posted October 30, 2006 Share Posted October 30, 2006 Is it complicated to be an A.S. Couple ?I think you could meet an A.S. guy or Girl, but to achieve to make an A.S couple, i think is nearly impossible, no ? Do you know around you, many A.S. couple, I don't think so ? It's very rare ! "It s too nice to be real ?" = french translation ! ******************************************************* Asexual romance has the same amount of complications as anybody else's romance. If the couple's well matched in most aspects of the relationship, it's highly doubtful that the two of them are going to sit around and think "oh no, neither of us want to have sex. This is a problem somehow." If anything, it's a relief. It's seemingly too nice to be real, to be in a romantic relationship where both people are asexual, yeah. But it is real, and that's just what makes it nicer. ;) I reiterate- not only is it possible; it's happening right now. I know around me plenty asexual couple, and I am even half of one myself. Can work out means ? Easy or difficult ?If one of the couple love the others with making sex with him, one of them would be fustrated, at the term , no ? At a long term, I think , the couple will be torned by their difference : A couple with on A.S. and an S. ? It's very complicated ! no ? It IS complicated! The sex issue has torn a lot of couples apart, yes. However, it is STILL possible for an asexual and a sexual to be in a happy relationship with one another. There're happy asexual-sexual couples here on AVEN and out in the rest of the world too, believe me. It can be complicated, but so can any relationship for any other reason. Relationships of all sorts generally do require work and compromise for people to get along and be happy in them. I'm of the belief that, at least most of the time.. if both people REALLY want to, they'll find some way to make it work for them in a way that results in happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Placebo is right. Most people I know are having vast amounts of really awesome sex (I know because that's all they talk about!) and they are in reality miserable with their lives despite all the sex... So with or without sex, you can still end up miserable. So just decide to be happy the way you are. Link to post Share on other sites
Paradigm656 Posted October 31, 2006 Author Share Posted October 31, 2006 Yay, theres hope for me!!! Sorry I was just feeling abit depressed when i made this topic, thank you for all your kind replies, this realy helped cheer me up :) BTW iv finally decided to make my mark on the net, i think myspace is a great way to raise awareness for the "A" community, check out my profile... http://www.myspace.com/paradigm656 Link to post Share on other sites
Hu Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 Asexual romance has the same amount of complications as anybody else's romance. If the couple's well matched in most aspects of the relationship, it's highly doubtful that the two of them are going to sit around and think "oh no, neither of us want to have sex. This is a problem somehow." Or as we like to say, what's wrong with being one of the most sexually compatible couples in the world? Link to post Share on other sites
Januarygirl Posted October 31, 2006 Share Posted October 31, 2006 For some stupid reason, I've agreed to a ''date'' this Friday with a man I met online. Naturally I'm thinking I may find a new friend and he is probably thinking I'm a potential lay! I may cancel. Yeah, I'm almost positive I will cancel. He is a scientist at Caltech so he is very bright, which is what attracts me to men. BUT....I don't want to have to deal with the sexual aspect of it all. I don't know why I even bother??? Dazed and confused :roll: Link to post Share on other sites
thylacine Posted November 1, 2006 Share Posted November 1, 2006 Just because you go out with him doesn't mean you have to sleep with him... bring enough money to pay for your own dinner, drive your own car, and don't drink too much... ! Link to post Share on other sites
DannyKitty Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 Don't say your orientation will be the cause of you being lonely and miserable! There's still so much more to life to be happy about, other than having a romantic relationship. Hi ! I ' m a french male student, but some guys or girls have a very great life without girls or girls friend , as from my part, i have many friends, but I prefers friendship than a romantic passionful story with a girl ! It's less complicated, , it takes less time, and it's the same thing ! Why ? Because, if you prefer loniless with many good firends , it mean you can be more independant : you make all your necessary to feel free, better, and you just try to fit with your familly and group of friends , to make your social life optimized... to make affection compensation, no ? Having a girl friend is really more complicated than being single : You need to understant their needs, their affection needs, or sexual needs, you should always be aware about her, to listen to her, and to take care of her anytime, you can . I think many good friend = a bad girl friends ? And girls are really strange, I always try to understand her at all , they are so different from guys , for example ! I totally disagree. I've found girls to be truer friends to me than guys, and I'm male. That is why I have a girlfriend.Seriously, having a girlfriend is only hard if the friendship portion is gone. Otherwise, if your girlfriend is your best friend, it becomes a lot easier. Trust me, the right girlfriend/boyfriend is just the most awesome person you'll ever meet. It is true for me. :D Link to post Share on other sites
DannyKitty Posted November 12, 2006 Share Posted November 12, 2006 For some stupid reason, I've agreed to a ''date'' this Friday with a man I met online. Naturally I'm thinking I may find a new friend and he is probably thinking I'm a potential lay! I may cancel. Yeah, I'm almost positive I will cancel. He is a scientist at Caltech so he is very bright, which is what attracts me to men. BUT....I don't want to have to deal with the sexual aspect of it all. I don't know why I even bother??? Dazed and confused :roll:Uh, thylacine is right.However, I would not do that--instead, research the guy, let him know you'll never have sex with him, and talk to him for at least 2 months, and never go out with anyone you haven't talked to on the phone or met in person before. And make sure you meet him in a public place. Link to post Share on other sites
Peppermintdrop Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 : And make sure you meet him in a private place. Uhhh...shouldn't she meet him in a public place? Link to post Share on other sites
Placebo Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 . . . .yeah, I agree with peppermintdrop. Link to post Share on other sites
str8fuknpimpin Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 yeah. yeah they are :) Link to post Share on other sites
DannyKitty Posted November 13, 2006 Share Posted November 13, 2006 : And make sure you meet him in a private place. Uhhh...shouldn't she meet him in a public place? You're right. Thanks for pointing my stupid mistake out--this new medicine is making me sleepy... heh I fixed my post. Link to post Share on other sites
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