yam Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 hi, i thought i'd tell my story in more detail in hopes of talking it out because i feel like this is welcoming environment in which to do it. as i've stated in other posts, i am a 23 year old teacher. i have never thought about anyone in a sexual way, although i'm not even sure really what a sexual way would mean. i enjoy looking at people's bodies (not naked) and i definately find some body types/people beautiful. i have no desire to fantasize beyond their outward experience and intelligence. i think i realized i was 'different' when my sister's friend mentioned that she masturbated (at the time i was eighteen) and she questioned the fact that i never had the curiosity to explore. i didn't think this was unnatural and didn't even realize that females masturbated. i couldn't even imagine what it involved. now that i am 23 everyone thinks that i should have tried some sexual act by now but i never have. a lot of people blame this on my catholic upbringing (but i do not feel very strongly about the catholic religion or the sex before marriage part... ) i think that a lot of people want to blame asexuality on some prior life event but i have nothing that stands out in my background. other than being adopted at 3 days old, my background is unremarkable. i have never been abused, beaten, raped. my parents had a happy marriage; my grandparents were married for more than 50 years. while the people i have associated with were late bloomers in the romance department they have all met individuals that they are in love with and pursue sexual relationships. when loveline was on mtv, i used to imagine calling in and telling dr. drew my story to see if he could explain it but dr. drew always blamed lack of sexual interest on a background problem (rape, molestation, etc). to this day, i know very little about sex other than the background my parents taught me, loveline, friends, and textbooks. i really do want to be intimate (in a friendship way) with someone, to have someone to share time with and my (platonic) love. i would love to have someone to take walks with, to talk with into the morning hours, to hold hands with... but i really don't want to have sex (but everyone says that changes when you try it). i think my preference would be to be in a relationship with a male though i suppose it shouldn't matter (and what would it mean to have a preference if sex doesn't matter?) what gender a person is. i find it very hard to believe that one chooses one's sexual orientation but i don't know how i decide whether or not i'm asexual. i don't want to experiment. i have tried to talk to close friends but comments i have made in the past (about how i would like to date so and so) make them think that i want to sexually be with a male. they can't imagine that i would just want to be with him in a non-sexual way. i'm not sure what my question is other than does this sound like asexuality? how does one become sure about their sexuality (or lack thereof)? thanks for any comments!! Link to post Share on other sites
bard of aven Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Hey Yam. Sure sounds like you are in the right place. Sounds like you have a fairly complete absence of attraction to interact genitally with anyone. With all the different degrees and types and sorts and genders of people here, that's the thing we all have in common. Sso stroll around the grounds until you feel at home. boa Link to post Share on other sites
gambit_boi Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Hello Yam you know, i've always wanted to call or write a 'sex-pert' of somekind too, to explain my situation and finally be able to figure out 'what i am'. never did, though. anyway, i'm glad you've found us. there are people of all kinds of backgrounds and identities here, some actively naming asexuality as a part of their ID, some not. welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Hi! Welcome to AVEN! It sounds like you're going to feel at home, but feel free to take a piece of cake or two. :D Link to post Share on other sites
GaliGwogi Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 greetings yam! :) thank you for introducing yourself here, and welcome! it does sound like asexuality to me. if your friends do question who you know yourself to be, i hope it is only to a healthy degree so you don't feel pressured to not be your self. also don't feel pressured to permanently label yourself. and i don't doubt that you will cross paths with a good person to share a platonic love with if you seek it. i think becoming sure doesn't need to involve experimenting with what you have no desire for (sex). but if you want an intimate friendship, perhaps define some initial boundaries of what you want that to be, and then make it known. first try may not yield success, but each attempt makes the next one better. i think if there are people you want to date, let them know your feelings, and if they don't understand, at least you've planted a seed to someday expand their imagination. not every seed will grow, but it at least has to be planted. don't let the lack of understanding discourage your life. teach 'em! Link to post Share on other sites
cijay Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 Hi Yam! Yes, welcome, you'll find people who share your stories and some with stories of their own. You're the one who is "all knowing" in the question of being asexual. The story sounds familiar to me, and I know I am but there's not one person who could have said 'you are' or 'you aren't' to me. I will say, though that as a teacher, if you're teaching Jr. High, you're in a very valuable position. Not that you can talk about your sexuality to the students but if a student comes to you WITH the issue, you can understand that it really IS something going on. Every one of us had/has the "oh, you'll find someone" or "oh, you'll blossom soon" remarks so at least you may be the one person in that kid's life that WON'T way that to them. Link to post Share on other sites
fluffy_hime Posted December 13, 2003 Share Posted December 13, 2003 hi yam! (again...? i feel like i've said that before..) ^_^ Link to post Share on other sites
JKReagan99 Posted December 14, 2003 Share Posted December 14, 2003 Hey Yam :D Welcome to AVEN :) Hope you have a great time here :) Link to post Share on other sites
Gorax Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 Hey Yam! Welcome to AVEN! :mrgreen: Link to post Share on other sites
Live R Perfect Posted December 15, 2003 Share Posted December 15, 2003 :D Welcome to the world of Aven, Yam! :D It sure sounds like asexuality to me... If you stick around a while and see what other people's exoperiences are that will probably help clear things up. Link to post Share on other sites
JimDandy Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 Welcome Yam! Your situation much resembles mine. Unremarkable background, no particular traumatic childhood events, a bit too old to be a 'late bloomer' (In my case, way too old. :) ) So, yeah, sounds asexual to me. How does one become sure? I haven't the foggiest. As a wise philosopher once said; There's no certainty in a world where Milli Vanilli can win a Grammy. Link to post Share on other sites
Tom Nook Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 Welcome to Aven yam! Sounds a lot like asexuality to me! :D Link to post Share on other sites
Zorui Posted December 16, 2003 Share Posted December 16, 2003 Welcome, yam. Yeah, I only post in these to get my post count up. :P Link to post Share on other sites
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