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Asexuality and life drawing


Monami

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Hi, I couldn't find this topic anywhere else but I'm not very good with the 'search' function so forgive me if I'm repeating anything...

Well, I've just started Art school and am having intense problems with 'studying my subject properly' because of my deep fear and loathing of explicit sexuality. What I mean is, we have to attend life drawing classes and I'm finding it VERY difficult to stop myself feeling sick looking at the nude models - the female ones in particular as I am, physically, female and detest my shape so much that I hate to be reminded of it. The male models I find also challenging because I am filled with envy at their flat, 'asexual' chests. I'm battling with the need to put even loosely fitting clothes on them when I draw, thus making my sketches as simple and 'modest' as possible. This, of course, doesn't gain me a lot of respect from tutors or even the marks I need to get good grades. But it's so hard to explain to them why I have a problem without sounding fussy or childish! After all, I'm an artist - it's my 'duty' to study the human form and I can see it's real value in boosting the quality of my work!

Similarly, we have to do a module on the history of Art and Design - which includes studies into nude paintings. And why oh why do the vast majority of them have to be of maternal, lustful looking women with big, rounded, child-bearing hips and huge breasts? Even the ones with small breasts make me angry because mine happen to be bigger than theirs and that makes me despair at my unwanted sex appeal! I can't even look at the ones of pregnant women!

It's not that I find it embarassing, I find it tormenting and very stressful. It's a big part of the course and I really don't know what to do without losing out on grades and essential drawing skills. Am I going over the top?

Has anyone had any similar experiences or have any advice?

Thanks x

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I'm pretty we have gone over this a zillion times, but the search feature is kaputnik so I wouldn't worry about it.

You've inspired a rant that I'll put elsewhere so as not to hijack your thread. In any case, I personally like human bodies and don't think of them as sexual in artistic contexts. I think nudes are great, most especially pregnant women.

If you have issues drawing nudes, don't take life drawing courses.

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Oh yikes. This is possibly the only topic that makes me glad I really have no artistic talent. I have so much sympathy for you though. I completely understand. I just can't deal with nude people, even when I know it's stupid and there is great art out there I am missing. I can't help that I can't deal with it. Even looking at the pictures or art in my humanities textbook bothers me sometimes, let alone at museums and and such. I can't imagine having to take a life drawing class with actual models.

My only advice is to try not to think about what it is you're drawing, if that makes any sense. Look at things line by line and try to avoid letting your brain put it back together into a whole. That probably doesn't help you very much, but I felt I should offer it. *hugs*

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I could also rant about how nudity and sexuality do not equate in any way, and how ridiculous the strength of our cultural links between the two appears if you take a step back. But clearly these links exist in our minds, and so you have two choices: either try to disassociate the bodies you're seeing from sexuality and your distaste for it, and become a better life drawer, or accept it as an obstacle, like a blood phobia would be to an aspiring doctor, and try to work around it as best you can. That's really all there is to it.

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From a practical standpoint, you could try mentally reducing the nudes to pure form, and just think in terms of lines and shapes and angles while you're drawing. I try to do that no matter what my subject is just because it yields a more accurate drawing (otherwise your preconceived notion of what a naked person-- or any other subject-- looks like starts interfering with what you're actually seeing).

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I think you should stick with the class for two reasons. One, it will hone your artistic skills. And two, because maybe it will give you an opportunity to realize that the physical form is much more than just an object for sex - maybe make peace with it. It's one thing for society to tell us our body is only good for one thing. But you have to take the stand to change that view within yourself. And being forced to stare at, study, and then creatively express a nude form seems like just the right challenge. Maybe even try a self portrait if you're feeling particularly brave one day. Seek out all the ways your body is beautiful and then stick your finger out the window and give a big f-you to everyone who ever made you feel like your body wasn't beautiful by sexualizing it.

(well the last bit of advice was me getting all heated about the topic and thinking I should stick my own finger out the window...never mind.lol)

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Seek out all the ways your body is beautiful and then stick your finger out the window and give a big f-you to everyone who ever made you feel like your body wasn't beautiful by sexualizing it.

:D:D:D :cake:

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It seems like what bothers you isn't the nudity, but a link between nudity and sexuality. For some reason my mind tends to overlook that link, and I have no problems with nudity. I'm on of those types who say studying the nude body is a good thing because knowing what is under the clothes allows you to lay the clothes properly. Heck, I've even used softcore porn as muscle references, as it is rather easy to find.

Also, points for fern.

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Yeah... I'll just reiterate what others have said. Work around it. Build up an understanding in your mind, that nakedness doesn't have to be sexual. We've all got bodies... and, eh, we're all works of art, eh? Look at 'em as you would any other still-life kinda thing. I personally think we're shaped cooler than..saaaay... macaroni noodles or cardboard boxes. So have fun with that.

Although, if getting sexual connotations from nude bodies is not your actual problem and you're just troubled by looking at naked wrinkly man after naked wrinkly man day after day for hours on end as I was (because that's just so not aesthetically pleasing), then I can't say I blame you.

And I'm definitely with Cacille on saying that fern's quote needs to be seen in a big way.

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IMO the human body is a thing of beauty. Sex or not, I think the curves and shapes of anatomy is aesthetically pleasing.

I can't understand what you're going through, but I do agree with the others. It's not like you're naked yourself, and it's a far stretch from sex.

You know I don't even consider boobs sexual at all. They're teets for feeding children as far as I'm concerned.

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Sorry, I don't like typing this and really mean no offense, but if your school provides any kind of psychological counseling, your problem seems a apropriate reason to seek it and maybe some therapy too, but well, I'm no expert.

I agree with the others that human bodys can be seen as nothing more as another kind of stillife or pattern. I even emphasize that IMHO this is the only way of professionally dealing with nudes to create art and not porn. any sexual arousal of the artist caused by the model would be critical to me.

The thoughts you describe running through your brain seem endangering your career to me. You should get rid of them by sorting out the problems you have with your own body and appearance under professional aid. I neither believe in therapy being a cure all, nor do I know what is possible, or not, but trying out whatever is available to you should be worth it, if there is no way to avoid those tormenting courses for which reason ever.

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Firstly, thumbs up for Fern's quote!

Now, back on topic;

Have you thought about drawing other kinds of large primates and then looking at humans as just another type of living creature? (Assuming that drawing animals doesn't bother you.)

Granted, you won't find apes that are willing to pose, so you may have to draw from photographs unless you have a large zoo handy, but it might help. I find comparative anatomy to be very interesting and after looking at apes for a while I tend to see humans as little more than variations on a theme.

-GB

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Hey Monami.

Frankly, though maybe not -quite- to the same extent, I'm right there with you. I'm taking art classes (in art school, actually) and I can't stand nude figure stuff. Last semester I only had to draw a 'nude' that was a drawn copy of a bust, nothing live, but this semester I get to work from photographs, oh joy. The notion of having to draw a real live nude model has made me nearly consider giving up art school in general, and definitely consider changing my major so I don't have to do it. I don't think it's so much a link between sexuality and the body for me, as I don't find there to be much that's sexual about the models or the pictures I've had to draw... I just don't enjoy it. It makes me uncomfortable for some reason. I dun' really care for da nekkid people, I've always felt everyone looks a hell of a lot better in clothing. :?

But, I think you do sound like you've got a personal issue going on, in which case I'd suggest going along with Fern's advice. Just because you've got larger breasts than the smaller-breasted women in a picture doesn't mean you're more 'sexual'- boobs are meant for feeding babies. So reproducing (thus more likely than not sex) is required to have a baby- big deal. Human females didn't evolve into having breasts in order to appeal (or at least, not soley appeal) to the opposite gender. They serve a purpose. And plenty of people here (guys especially) have spoken to how they don't see anything appealing about them at all... So really, try not to stress so much about what other people think about your body, or the bodies you're being forced to study or draw. (Despite some of the suggestions given here, I'm willing to bet that if you're an art student, you have to take live model courses and can't substitute it with drawing other things... which is a bummer.) My best friend who's also an art student is a very sexual person and told me that she saw the models as being completely abstract- bits and pieces of a whole, because that's how she was taught to view things in order to render them well on paper, but given she's a sexual thing, it's rather impressive. And yeah, some of the models were male. Still stayed the same.

Good luck!

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These are all so useful to me in different ways. So, feedback...

spinneret - unfortunately, I kinda have to take the classes or else I fail the course...but I'm glad I inspired you. I'll have to go find your rant! :wink:

elizapotter03 and moonsparrow - the point about seeing 'lines' is helpful. I hadn't thought about looking at it in such an abstract way - maybe I should even try ignoring the faces (as we don't actually have to draw those).

Hu - I like the 'blood phobia' analogy coz that's what it feels like! And I can see that I suppose everyone has things that make them uncomfortable but if they really wanna do something they'll 'work around it.' I'm a quietly ambitious person so I think I'll keep telling myself what I'm aiming for and how it can help me in the long run. But that won't stop it being tough...but I guess life is tough sometimes...

Fern - lol you're great! Difficulty is, I believe I am in the wrong body anyway. Admittedly, I have actually tried doing a self portrait to try and come to terms with myself. But whenever I had to draw boobs or curves in relation to myself I broke down in fits of tears. It seemed to confirm how trapped and hopeless I feel. To calm myself down, I drew myself in a man's body (which is why, Busrider, I'm so glad you said that about counseling - it's been going through my mind but I don't know if my case was important enough. We do get free counseling so I think I'll go for it - thanks for the encouragement).

Deladangerous - tee hee hee, macaroni noodles! Very good. I can't say I despise the overall 'human form' - I just think it looks much more 'beautiful' under clothes. I think people's real personalities can show through what they wear, whereas so many people have bodies that say the 'wrong' things about them. But lol...here, I see I am making 'The Link' from nudity to sexuality....I've gotta try to avoid that!

Parthenos - Unfortunately, it's the 'teets for feeding children' thing that actually bothers me more than them being 'sexy.' I hate the thought that I could have children. Seriously, I'd rather die. But I guess that goes back to the counseling point - I wonder if I'd appreciate 'curves' and femininity more if I wasn't a woman myself? ...ooo strange! I think I probably would! Aaaahh! I'm confused! :shock:

GBRD143 - that's a good idea! Draw animals! I used to hate animals but this site taught me to see them as 'equals' rather than inferiors (cheers, AVEN). But I do want to learn to draw people because I love human faces, psychologies and personalities. But getting a mxture of both might make it easier for me! I'll ask my tutors if drawing animals is an option...always worth a try.

Finally...

LostPenguin, thanks for that. I wonder if I'd feel better drawing from photos? Hmm something else to try...

But first step, methinks, is probably counseling - eep! Never done that before! What's it like?

Anyway, thanks again for all the input - it's really helped that my problems have been taken seriously for once! :lol:

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I think people's real personalities can show through what they wear, whereas so many people have bodies that say the 'wrong' things about them.

Oh no! :?

You gotta 'nother think comin' if you're running around seeing people for what they wear, there, Monami...

I'd argue that without clothes on, there's less to judge people on-- more importantly, less to judge people incorrectly on. And that is actually a good thing.... There they are in front of you, just people, just like you, in their true forms. With nothing to distract or deceive you.

In the name of art.

And, possibly a $20 an hour paycheck.

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Ooo deladangerous I have to respond to that! :P

Sorry, I'm not very good at stressing things through type - I should have put italics on that 'can' - i.e. "people's real personalities can show through what they wear". Sorry, I didn't mean to generalise.

Actually, you've made me think about that. I've never actually known anyone or let anyone know me well enough to see them 'underneath their clothes' (personality-wise, not sexually). I've never had any friends, even as a kid, so maybe coz I'm constantly putting a mask out to other people, I over-estimate the importance of clothes? I despise my own body and because I've never seen anyone else naked (I even look away on films - aah! I'm so naive!) when I do life-drawing classes, perhaps I see my own body in the place of the models. And I hate it and need to clothe it. Ooo deep! Maybe I need to start telling myself 'they have nothing to do with me - their form does not reflect mine' and I'd accept it more as a 'study exercise' rather than 'self-reflecting torture.'

Or is that just making myself delusional? Heh heh.

Oh, I'm so confused. I say I 'hate my body' but I know I couldn't survive without it...I just wish it wasn't how it is...but quite a lot of people wish that...

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(I even look away on films - aah! I'm so naive!)

Me too. . .*shrug* . . .but I like my body. Some films are just. . . .uck.

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My guess is that how uncomfortable you are with your own body is the issue, here.

But also I say to relieve yourself of your dependence on image. Bodies don't count, faces don't count, clothes don't count. Not even yours. One might say that to a visual artist, images mean quite a bit, but...

Well, if you've looked at a lot of art and tried to figure out the intent of the artists, tried to understand the concepts, haven't you ever been way off? And that makes sense, because how would you ever really know unless they told you somehow? It's their mind, their emotions that you need to get at, not whatever you can see that happened as a result of those things working together.. So a lot of the time, you can appreciate stuff for technical value and not too much more.

Same with people!

--which is why appearances don't mean jack, except if the people look alright, then I guess you've just got somethin' nice to look at... but not much more, unless you know what's going on beneath the surface.

If you can't appreciate a piece of art for its technical value, sometimes there's something deeper, some connotation to it, especially if you do know the story behind it, that gives it a redeeming quality.

Same with people once again!

--which is why you should appreciate your body. Because appearances don't mean jack, and you can still like somebody for something much other than their appearance. And your body gets you around and does cool things to make sure your brain is still alive so that you can talk to people here and have the ability to do your art and bunches of other activities you might take for granted. So you may not like the way it looks specifically, buuuuut... if you don't think it to mean anything about you, then you'll probably care more about the stuff that matters. And get tripped up a lot less. Which is good.

These things kinda go hand in hand in hand. I think you might try learning to perceive these things differently, see and feel and judge with things other than your eyes, and then eventually you might come to appreciate your body more, and then you might have less of an issue with drawing other people's bodies.

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