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Synthesthetic

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Synthesthetic

Do you ever feel defective or broken because you're Asexual? :(

Like...when you're sitting in a group with your friends and all their boyfriends/girlfriends...Do you feel out of place? Do you think there's something wrong with you for being the way you are? I'm kind of just...bleh on the subject right now. I don't know what to think. There are good things about it, but bad things too...so...I find myself being upset about it less than I'm happy about it. I kind of want to know what you guys think. What are your points? (Why are you happy or not happy about it / pros and cons)

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I felt out of place... hence I often just went my own way - which was a lone road of loner-ism. The good things about it was that I definitely became my own person. I wasn't influenced by the negative sides of trying to be part of a crowd... no changing myself, my beliefs, acting dumb and all that stuff. The bad thing was, I rarely could find anyone I remotely related to. I did find a niche with guys who treated me as one of the guys, this, they never said lewd stuff around me.

I never felt broken from my asexuality, just different. It could get lonely at times though. But with times of loneliness, there are times of contentment when simply alone.

I can't take this anymore

And I'm almost pretty sure

I've been here before

I can't take this any longer

I won't heal until I'm stronger

Strong enough to not be afraid

Of what anybody thinks

Of what anybody says

About the way

About the way I am

So I'll wait until the day

When those feelings fade away

Then I'll make my break

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I do, but instead of thinking of myself in terms of brokenness like I used to, I merely see myself as different now. I'm a blue flower among red ones. Not better, not worse, just different. :P

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I understand all the perverted jokes that my friends make and I'm usually the one making the most perverted jokes... haha. So I don't really feel out of place. I do think that I'm more aware of sexuality though. My friends sometimes joke around with sexuality and I do so less, especially with asexuality. For example, this happened the other day during my AP Biology class:

(I personally know misterthedude (fellow AVENite) because he goes to my school and everyone knows he's asexual. on the other hand, I only told 4 people about me being asexual, so most of my friends think I'm a normal sexual teenager) --> just some background info so you can follow what I'm talking about.

Teacher: There are two types of reproduction. Sexual reproduction and asexual reproduction.

My friends: *says misterthedude's name*

Me: *stays silent, but smiles at my friends*

I just feel different from most of my friends because I'm more aware of the different types of sexualities. I also get offended when someone says something insensitive about asexuality. Then, I feel a bit out of place because that person most likely doesn't know that I'm asexual, but I have to appear as a supporter of asexuality and not asexual myself to that person.

Anyway, I'm ranting here xD

EDIT: I reread your original post and I realized that I didn't really answer your question. I have a boyfriend and we really love each other, but there are things that "bother" me, such as where to stop. I suppose that makes me feel out of place with the other couples that are my age. I am a teenager and most couples my age just go all the way and just have sex, but I'm not sure that I want to give up my virginity. I suppose that was the con. A big pro is that I'm thinking and not letting my hormones take over :)

Hm, after writing this, it feels like I'm more mature than people my age...

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I've pretty much always considered my asexuality a "broken" part of me. It basically dictates that I will never have a urge to propagate meaning (by at least the scientific definition of what life is) I am not actually alive. That doesn't mean I don't like that part of me. I have two other voices in my head besides my own. That's a "broken" part of me for damn sure. But they actually helped me get out of a suicidal phase I went through because their separate wills to live pretty much dictated them to do everything possible to not have their vessel die. (I had both of these voices before I was suicidal, so it wasn't just my own survival instinct embodying itself either).

Considering myself broken has never been what's depressed me though. Just because something is broken doesn't mean it doesn't have some sort of value. Consider perhaps some of your childhood toys or clothing. I'm sure your security toy/blanket/whatever is probably broken and battered. But you never stopped loving it no matter how bad off it got.

It's all in how you decide to take what your dealt. If you're broken, that's one less person that will have to be broken before one of the human race's evolutionary traits happens to help the species become stronger. I'd rather be the closest thing to a "crazed undead" than be a normal person any day. It makes me feel more useful to the grand scheme of this planet that most other people can ever hope to be.

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I've never felt broken or out of place, no. I'm more likely to think they're broken. But I do feel really bad/guilty when someone asks me out and I say no, because I feel like I've let them down and its my fault.

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I understand all the perverted jokes that my friends make and I'm usually the one making the most perverted jokes... haha. So I don't really feel out of place. I do think that I'm more aware of sexuality though. My friends sometimes joke around with sexuality and I do so less

I agree, I feel about the same with the perverted jokes XD

I didn't really know what asexuality was for a long time. When i was 15. I had a boyfriend, he wanted sex, I didn't. I didn't know why, i thought this was normal until people starting pointing out that it wasn't normal. Doctors and readings from psychiatrists, saying that "people who don't have sexual attraction or desires need to see a doctor" and i was scared something was wrong with me.

I found out what asexuality was, and at times when i was was friends who will talk about their sex lives openly. I'll feel alienated, and broken at times feeling like I'm a freak, especially when i hear a guy i liked saying "I can't be in a relationship unless someone gives me sex." or that the relationship needed in the relationship. I only have a few close friends who know and understand. I had friends who try to tell me otherwise and say my fear of intimacy is to do with it when it doesn't. Or just people who laugh, point, and go "YOUR SERIOUS RIGHT?"

At times yeah, I'll feel really different, maybe a little broken, un comfortable, and etc. I'll get trouble from it in the future, maybe loose friendships/relationships from it, but I'm glad I'm different. I'm not loud and open about it, but I'll tell people it exists, and if i have to I'll say I'm part of that minority and be I'm happy.

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I understand all the perverted jokes that my friends make and I'm usually the one making the most perverted jokes... haha. So I don't really feel out of place. I do think that I'm more aware of sexuality though. My friends sometimes joke around with sexuality and I do so

I do that too. Lol, one of my friends has a bad habit of typing "come" as "cum" when she texts me and the other day we were talking about hanging out and she replied, "Is it okay if so-and-so cums? He really wants to." I nearly died. She's far too innocent for me to tell her what that word means...

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Synthesthetic
I understand all the perverted jokes that my friends make and I'm usually the one making the most perverted jokes...

That's me as well : P

I do that too. Lol, one of my friends has a bad habit of typing "come" as "cum" when she texts me and the other day we were talking about hanging out and she replied, "Is it okay if so-and-so cums? He really wants to." I nearly died. She's far too innocent for me to tell her what that word means...

In that case, my friend would get a lot of "That's what she said"'s XD

I do get the majority of the pervy jokes my friends make, and I make a lot of them myself XD so I don't feel out of place in that way...but when everyone is busy on a saturday night because they're going out or something...that kind of sucks. That's one of the things I find myself having a problem with...

Sometimes, my friends will go on serious convorsations about really really graphic sex...and I feel really uncomfortable. I've got to walk away most of the time...so I feel out of place.

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Guest member25959

I don't feel broken or out of place. Just because a majority of the population feed themselves on sex doesn't mean I should have to aswell, just to 'fit in'.

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Cupcake_Master

Not broken, but out of place.

Not because I'm asexual, but because I'm aromantic.

So much romance..It seems like everyone, including myself, is obsessed with the stuff.

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martianJusticiar

I don't feel broken for being asexual. Rather, to continue to use the analogy of objects, I feel like I was a machine created for a different function and I do that function plenty well. It does make me feel out of place to be asexual, yes, but I feel out of place for a lot of things, so feeling out of place normal for me in a way. If I were to start feeling broken simply for not fitting in, I would have to consider myself a total wreck.

However, as I become more and more convinced that I may in fact be aromantic, I do feel emotionally stunted in some way. I want to have close emotional connections with people in ways that are usually exclusive to romantic relationships (long hugs without it being awkward or taken the wrong way, being the most important person in someone's life, seeing someone every day, etc.), but I can't quite see myself in a "romantic relationship" as one is usually conceptualized, as I fail to see the point of a lot of what usually is involved in one, and at the same time don't know what I can expect to find that is more that "just" friends but not a traditional "relationship." Also, when people talk about what love feels like, I think that I've never felt that way towards anyone, and the whole concept seems alien to me. It bothers me, because that's where I feel like I'm missing something that I want to feel for myself, not to fit in.

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Yeah, I think I know what your saying. I've always felt out of place in groups, but I could fit in easily enough. However, as I got older my friends started looking at the fairer sex with interest and I didn't see the appeal. I never got the sex jokes, and even now, after several different people try to teach me, barely get them. I feel out of place when some of my cruder friends make their jokes, but I just avoid the situations as best as possible.

As for defective, I know that feeling as well. I'm pretty sure I'm aromantic, which can suck. I read a lot of books. Some of these books have a love story woven amongst the action, and the bonds of love always dazzle me. I want to feel that, but I don't think I ever have. I watch others around me fall in love and feel broken then.

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Guest Nightfire

My asexuality makes me feel "broken" all the time. I thought I'd be happy about it but apparently I'm not because I feel broken and it's making me feel lonely and "different" from group of people :unsure:

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I used to feel weird, almost broken when I first found aven because after the excitement of finding a term wore off I was stuck with the idea that I was different and that's a scary thing to realize. Then I somehow managed to jump the fence and put it behind me. You can still get stuck on it though because it's easy to focus on one thing, that's probably why egoism exists, so I try to take a couple steps back and sort what I'm feeling out.

I'm not disgusted with sex, I just consider it something other people do. Other people go hang-gliding or have sex. I don't go hang-gliding or have sex. Probably because I'm not interested in having sex and the fact that I have a tendency to research anything I don't understand, I tend to have a better understand of most aspects of sex than other people. (Look up bondage or polyamory on wiki. It's actually about trust, respect and intimacy not just sex although that is a component.)

There is a possibility that I could be demi but how do I know? Falling in love is WAY more complicated than lust. The one thing about being asexual is that I find it a bit strange to relate to bits of information. Apparently girls who a depressed and lack self confidence start having sex earlier. I've been depressed and have had very low self confidence but I never ran around trying to get into guys pants. I guess because I don't tend to find people sexually attractive I've never though that people would be sexually attractive to me. I also don't see myself as pretty because I've been partially brainwashed by the media like every other girl in North America. That's probably going to create some problems in the future.

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At times I felt like that and some days it still happens for a bit, but not as often. I have a new job I enjoy, friends who I get along with, 2 sets of coworkers that I have fun with, and a puppy/dog to lick my face and generally annoy me for attention =P

Happy about being asexual: it is who/what I am by accepting it more I accept myself more, being more able to 'focus' on things since I don't have as many ties to me (i.e. the coworker who complains about her relationship/fiancee all day), not understanding bits of conversation (I'm oblivious to sexual talk, my mind just doesn't understand it :), people recognize this now and it's actually something that makes them smile for some reason =P ), and being able to talk to people I trust and their knowing that I don't have ulterior motives in regards to the conversation.

Unhappy about it: at times it'd be nice to come home and curl up with someone, hug them etc, but being asexual makes it slightly harder to find someone. Also, 'falling' for someone who's clearly sexual and enjoys it greatly and will not change . . . that's kindof irksome, but meh ~_^

Sides, one of my bosses is a bit older then me, single, lives alone and is one of the happiest people I've ever met, so she's a good reminder for me =).

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It's not so much a feeling of being broken, but of feeling left behind. A lot of my friends and family have moved on to the point where they are having sexual relationships with other people, and hearing about that makes me feel a combination of squicky and sad on the inside. Kind of like, I feel like Peter Pan on the inside, where he was a kid forever and everyone else grew up without him, you know? Except I'm growing up, just not feeling "grown-up" in a sexual/hormonal way.

I feel this especially painfully whenever I'm with family, because almost everyone of my siblings is now either married or engaged, save one (and I have 8 siblings, so it gets kind of hectic at family gatherings). My mom also keeps pressuring me to try out people and be sexually liberated and crap, which I find most annoying since I've already intimated to her that I have no interest in having sex, and currently don't feel an interest in romance, either. :angry:

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I've pretty much always considered my asexuality a "broken" part of me. It basically dictates that I will never have a urge to propagate meaning (by at least the scientific definition of what life is) I am not actually alive.

I feel compelled to point out that science does not have a "definition of life", merely a list of characteristics that living things exibit. Reproduction is one, but consuming energy, motion, being composed of DNA, excretion of waste products etc. still apply to you (I assume). Equally, children, sterilised/impotent people and post-menopausal women are alive but are unable to reproduce (note mating differs from reproduction, the latter being the scientific description of life in order to include asexually reproducing organisms etc.), so one must assume these criteria relate to a species, not to individuals.

So no, I have never viewed my asexuallity as being broken, and I have enough single friends to not feel out of place.

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I feel out of place, but I really think other people are the ones with issues (I'm referring to the people who think and talk about sex more than is healthy).

I can't answer the part about friends, as I have no way of hanging out with any if I made any. I live at home and I take care of people, so I don't have any time or way of having a "social life," not that I mind. I'd prefer to just be able to get out of the house and avoid people.

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Personally, I don't feel really "broken" or suchlike. I feel somewhat uncomfortable with being the first born male of an ancient princely bloodline, though. D: Being from a country in the oldest world with very strong Confucianist ideals, it's been repeatedly engraved into my consciousness that I will eventually assume the duties as the first-born son of the generation and sire a male heir (or a few). The elders priding in the fact that we descend from a royalty doesn't help, at all. :|

It's not that I mind the act of babymaking. It's rather that making a baby won't be a byproduct of me enjoying my life. I can't help but feel sorry for my venerable ancestors.

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... I do feel really bad/guilty when someone asks me out and I say no, because I feel like I've let them down and its my fault.

100% Agreed with this! I've turned down multiple people and it makes me feel horrible when they walk away. I've lost friends this way, which hurts even worse! I know I shouldn't feel bad, but I often care more about other people than myself. I can't stand seeing people, especially friends, in pain!

As for the question at hand, I do feel out of place sometimes. I'm on a pendulum between "I'm totally okay and prefer being ace" (although I'm not sure if I fully embrace the label) to "It's really frustrating that I have no desire to be in a relationship with someone. I feel like I'm missing out on a part of life."

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I personally enjoy being asexual and on the romantic scale I am romantic but I don't get the tingling every often. The thing is my friends have more relationships than I have hot dinners so really I get fairly chuffed with myself thinking: 'My relationships aren't going to be centred on sex.'

That for me is the most positive thing about asexuality. One of my friends slept with somebody who she had only met once and would probably never see again. That seems like a really stupid thing to do. I'm safe in the knowledge that something like that will never happen to me.

I would much rather be alone romantically than have loads of relationships that didn't mean anything.

I used to feel that I was missing something that I couldn't put my finger on but finding AVEN pretty much cleared all of that up.

I'm sorry you're in a bad place at the moment. Hope you feel better about it soon. :)

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