Favourite asexy quotes?

[tourmaline20]

Hey everyone. I don't know if this had been done before, so if it has, please excuse me. I have been reading "Darkly Dreaming Dexter" and watching a lot of House lately and I've come across some awesome quotes for asexy people. I thought it might be fun to have a thread where people add any nifty quotes they think would appeal to the asexual community. I'll add some from "Darkly Dreaming Dexter" at a later stage, but for now, here's one by Doctor Cameron (pretty female doctor from 'House') talking to a very uncomfortable male Aussie called Doctor Chase.

Cameron: I was just being glib.

Chase: You haven’t said anything.

Cameron: No, before when I was talking about Brandon’s girlfriend thinking sex could kill you. I was just making a joke because I was uncomfortable.

Chase: Oh, I don’t even remember what you said.

Cameron: I’m uncomfortable about sex.

Chase: Well, we don’t have to talk about this…

Cameron: Sex… could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere and secretions spit out of every gland and the muscles tense and spasm like you’re lifting three times your body weight. It’s violent, it’s ugly, and it’s messy, and if God hadn’t made it unbelievably fun… the human race would have died out eons ago....

[KayleeSaeihr]

I laughed aloud when I watched that episode :D

[Næt.]

"There's only a few ways you can have sex, and then after that it's basically just a recap." - Mark Watson.

[No_Celery]

The Cameron quote reminded me of a bit in Lady Chatterley's Lover that made me laugh. As you'd expect from something in that novel, it's explicit:

"And this time the sharp ecstasy of her own passion did not overcome her; she lay with her hands inert on his striving body, and do what she might, her spirit seemed to look on from the top of her head, and the butting of his haunches seemed ridiculous to her, and the sort of anxiety of his penis to come to its little evacuating crises seemed farcical. Yes, this was love, this ridiculous bouncing of the buttocks, and the wilting of the poor insignificant, moist little penis. This was the divine love! After all, the moderns were right when they felt contempt for the performance; for it was a performance. It was quite true, as some poets said, that the God who created man must have had a sinister sense of humour, creating him a reasonable being, yet forcing him to take this ridiculous posture, and driving him with blind craving for this ridiculous performance."

The effect of this is lessened somewhat two pages later when Lady Chatterley suddenly decides sex is pretty cool after all, but let's not mention that. :D

[rotifer]

From the Master himself Sherlock Holmes.

"I am not a whole-souled admirer of womankind"; in fact he finds "the motives of women... so inscrutable... How can you build on such quicksand? Their most trivial actions may mean volumes... their most extraordinary conduct may depend upon a hairpin."

"The highest type of man may revert to the animal if he leaves the straight road of destiny."

Holmes states: "I have never loved, Watson, but if I did and if the woman I loved had met such an end, I might act as our lawless lion-hunter had done

"Should I ever marry, Watson, I should hope to inspire my wife with some feeling which would prevent her from being walked off by a housekeeper when my corpse was lying within a few yards of her."

"Now, Watson, the fair sex is your department".

About him

He clearly demonstrates particular interest in several of the more charming female clients that come his way; however, Holmes inevitably "manifested no further interest in the client when once she had ceased to be the centre of one of his problems." Holmes found their youth, beauty, and energy (and the cases they bring to him) invigorating, as opposed to an actual romantic interest.

Watson states that "there is something positively inhuman in you at times."

Not A but sheer awesome

Sterndale “How do you know that?”

Holmes “I followed you.”

Sterndale “I saw no one.”

Holmes “That is what you may expect to see when I follow you."

"I have heard your reasons and regard them as unconvincing and inadequate. We will pass that."

"Education never ends Watson. It is a series of lessons with the greatest for the last."

"It is, of course, a trifle, but there is nothing so important as trifles."

Dr Leslie Armstrong "I have heard your name, Mr. Sherlock Holmes, and I am aware of your profession – one of which I by no means approve."

Holmes "In that, Doctor, you will find yourself in agreement with every criminal in the country."

[Cynicus]

´You´re confusing love and plumbing again´ or something along those lines, by the Fool.

[No_Celery]

To elaborate on Sherlock Holmes:

"It was not that he [Holmes] felt any emotion akin to love for Irene Adler. All emotions, and that one particularly, were abhorrent to his cold, precise but admirably balanced mind. He was, I take it, the most perfect reasoning and observing machine that the world has seen, but as a lover he would have placed himself in a false position. He never spoke of the softer passions, save with a gibe and a sneer."

[KetchupKid]

´You´re confusing love and plumbing again´ or something along those lines, by the Fool.

"I have a general preference for not being impaled" (erm, me actually, except I've never actually said it, but now I've thought of it I really want to say it should I ever be interrogated about my sexual 'preferences'!)

[tourmaline20]

Here are the golden quotes I've found so far reading "Darkly Dreaming Dexter" by Jeff Lindsay.

"But I like kids. I could never have them, since the idea of sex is no idea at all. Imagine doing those thing-- How can you? Where's your sense of dignity?" (Dexter. Page 14.)

"Oddly enough, I had found somebody. What, what? Deeply dead Dexter dating debutante doxies? Sex among the Undead? Has my need to imitate life gone all the way to faking orgasms? Breathe easy. Sex never entered into it. After years of dreadful fumbling and embarrassment trying to look normal, I had finally hooked up with the perfect date.... She was looking for some imaginary man who cared more about having someone to talk to and see movies with than someone to have sex with, because She Was Just Not Ready for That." (pg 52-53)

[< retired >]

Sex may be a hallowing and renewing experience, but more often it will be distracting, coercive, playful, frivolous, discouraging, dutiful, and even boring.

Leslie H. Farber

But what is masturbation, and what does one expect people to do when one instructs them to masturbate? Scholarship in the field is limited. There are no histories, no significant bodies of literature. My sociobiology textbook doesn't include it in the index, perhaps because most animals do not have hands that can reach their genitals.

Avodah K. Offit

This is the monstrosity in love, lady, that the will is infinite, and the execution confined; that the desire is boundless, and the act a slave to the limit.

Shakespeare

Sex drive : a physical craving that begins in adolescence and ends at marriage.

Robert Byrne

Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing was happening, so I said to her, "What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?"

Rodney Dangerfield

Experience will convince you that there is no truth more certain than that all our enjoyments fall short of our expectations, and to none does it apply with more force, than to the gratification of the passions.

George Washington

In order to not suppress entirely the normal sex instinct, the boys and girls are told that in order to keep good health they must acquire the technique of practicing a certain restricted form of intercourse, called ombani na ngweko (platonic love or fondling). This form of intimate contact between young people is considered right and proper and the very foundation stone upon which to build a race morally, physically, and mentally sound.

. . . The boy removes all his clothing. The girl removes her upper garment, nguo ya ngoro, and retains her skirt, mothuru, and her soft leather apron, mwengo, which she pulls back between her legs and tucks in together with her leather skirt, mothuru. The two V-shaped tails of her mothuru are pulled forward between her legs from behind and fastened to the waist, thus keeping mwengo in position and forming an effective protection of her private parts. In this position the lovers lie together facing each other, with their legs interwoven to prevent any movement of their hips. They then begin to fondle each other, rubbing their breasts together, whilst at the same time they engage in lovemaking conversation until they gradually fall asleep. Sometimes the partners experience sexual relief, but this is not an essential feature of the ngweko.

The chief concern in this relationship is the enjoyment of the warmth of the breast, orugare wa nyondo, and not the full experience of sexual intercourse.

It has been said several times by Europeans, especially missionaries, that it is unbelievable that a young man and a young woman could sleep in one room, let alone in one bed, without copulating. Many Gikuyu have been punished and regarded as "sinners" by missionaries simply for having been found sleeping in the same room with a girl, for in their eyes such an act is sinful.

The Gikuyu who have not been brought up under the missionaries' influence find it difficult to understand this sort of European puritanism, for a Gikuyu man has been taught from childhood to develop the technique of self-control in the matter of sex, which enables him to sleep in the same bed with a girl without necessarily having sexual intercourse; while the missionaries' idea is, that since a white man would not be able to restrain himself under similar circumstances, so the African would not be able to, and so must be forbidden to sleep with a woman-friend in the Gikuyu fashion.

Jomo Kenyatta

(I have others, but this is a start... :) )

[edgeofeverywhere]

I'm a huge House fan and I love that Cameron/Chase scene! It's interesting how the two of them eventually did end up having sex later.

[Tigoness]

´You´re confusing love and plumbing again´ or something along those lines, by the Fool.

*pokes quote in her own sig.* ;)

[Maxx1128]

My favorite quotes by asexuals are in my signature as well. I think the most eloquent one is:

QUOTE (GBRD143 @ Sep 22 2006, 10:09 AM)

For a sexual, sex expresses intimacy, but, for an asexual, it compromises it

[------]

//Bumped.

'Sex is God's joke on human beings.'

Bette Davis

'An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.'

Edgar Wallace

'Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.'

John Barrymore

'Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "No" is the answer.'

Friend told it to me - so unknown?

'Sex is interesting, but it's not totally important. I mean it's not even as important (physically) as excretion. A man can go seventy years without a piece of ass, but he can die in a week without a bowel movement.'

Charles Bukowski

'Sex is the biggest nothing of all time.'

Andy Warhol

'Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets.'

Andy Warhol

'Sex is. There is nothing more to be done about it. Sex builds no roads, writes no novels and sex certainly gives no meaning to anything in life but itself.'

Gore Vidal

'Sex: the pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable.'

Lord Chesterfield

'Nobody dies from lack of sex. It's lack of love we die from.'

Unknown

[TheMuffinMan]

For the love of God, people, stop quoting yourselves. It is, quite possibly, the biggest social faux pas you can commit on the internet.

[Henny]

´You´re confusing love and plumbing again´ or something along those lines, by the Fool.

"I have a general preference for not being impaled" (erm, me actually, except I've never actually said it, but now I've thought of it I really want to say it should I ever be interrogated about my sexual 'preferences'!)

When asked about my preferences, I doubt answering with that would really work. :lol:

[jrackula]

"I just wish I could start a relationship about 12 years in where you don't really have to try anymore and you can just sit around together and goof on TV shows and go to bed without anybody trying any funny business."

-Liz Lemon, 30 Rock.

lol I think I've used that quote a time or two already on here, but this time it fits exactly to the topic

[you*hear*but*do*you*listen]

Hey everyone. I don't know if this had been done before, so if it has, please excuse me. I have been reading "Darkly Dreaming Dexter" and watching a lot of House lately and I've come across some awesome quotes for asexy people. I thought it might be fun to have a thread where people add any nifty quotes they think would appeal to the asexual community. I'll add some from "Darkly Dreaming Dexter" at a later stage, but for now, here's one by Doctor Cameron (pretty female doctor from 'House') talking to a very uncomfortable male Aussie called Doctor Chase.

Cameron: I was just being glib.

Chase: You haven’t said anything.

Cameron: No, before when I was talking about Brandon’s girlfriend thinking sex could kill you. I was just making a joke because I was uncomfortable.

Chase: Oh, I don’t even remember what you said.

Cameron: I’m uncomfortable about sex.

Chase: Well, we don’t have to talk about this…

Cameron: Sex… could kill you. Do you know what the human body goes through when you have sex? Pupils dilate, arteries constrict, core temperature rises, heart races, blood pressure skyrockets, respiration becomes rapid and shallow, the brain fires bursts of electrical impulses from nowhere to nowhere and secretions spit out of every gland and the muscles tense and spasm like you’re lifting three times your body weight. It’s violent, it’s ugly, and it’s messy, and if God hadn’t made it unbelievably fun… the human race would have died out eons ago....

Dammit, I was going to quote this one!

[mindsword]

´You´re confusing love and plumbing again´ or something along those lines, by the Fool.

Woot, a Fool quote. If he isn't asexual then Fitz isn't a bastard.

"Love is the feeling of being willing to give it all for another person. Lust is the desire for sex. Which one has the better connotation?"

Friend of mine

[rotifer]

For the love of God, people, stop quoting yourselves. It is, quite possibly, the biggest social faux pas you can commit on the internet

Only one person did this, did it really make you that angry.

I've really enjoyed reading these , heres a nice one (in my opinion) from buffy.

OK, say that I help and you start a conversation. It goes great. You like Buffy, she likes you. You spend time together, feelings grow deeper and one day, without even realizing it, you find you're in love. Time stops and it feels like the whole world's made for you two and you two alone, until the day one of you leaves and rips the still-beating heart from the other, who's now a broken, hollow mockery of the human condition.

[taken aback] Yep, that's the plan.

I figured it was

[Plague #11]

"I'd rather have a cup of tea than go to bed with someone - any day."

-Boy George

[Yanagi]

"I think love and sex are separate and only vaguely similar. Like the word bear and the word bare. You can get in trouble mistaking one for the other." - from the introduction of "How's the Night Life on Cissalda" in Shatterday by Harlan Ellison

[Aimeendfire]

"The test is like sex really, its slightly unpleasant and lasts about a minute"-Stephen Fry

[Flour Confessor]

Some kind of abstract but strangely funny ones from Slaughterhouse-Five, by Kurt Vonnegut:

She was a dull person, but a sensational invitation to make babies. Men looked at her and wanted to fill her up with babies right away.

The bookstore was run by seeming quintuplets, by five short, bald men chewing unlit cigars that were sopping wet. They never smiled and each one had a stool to perch on. They went on making money running a paper-and-celluloid whorehouse. They didn't have hard-ons. Neither did Billy Pilgrim. Everybody else did. It was a ridiculous store, all about love and babies.

[TheMuffinMan]

For the love of God, people, stop quoting yourselves. It is, quite possibly, the biggest social faux pas you can commit on the internet

Only one person did this, did it really make you that angry.

I've really enjoyed reading these , heres a nice one (in my opinion) from buffy.

OK, say that I help and you start a conversation. It goes great. You like Buffy, she likes you. You spend time together, feelings grow deeper and one day, without even realizing it, you find you're in love. Time stops and it feels like the whole world's made for you two and you two alone, until the day one of you leaves and rips the still-beating heart from the other, who's now a broken, hollow mockery of the human condition.

[taken aback] Yep, that's the plan.

I figured it was

Oh, more than one person did it. They seem to have gone back and edited their posts to hide their shame.

You know who I'm talking about, people following this topic. FOR SHAME.

[Jin Kisaragi]

I wish they weren't so reactionary...but some are very good.

[Nyxity]

*

[kakkobean]

Huntress: You get what you came for?

Question: I believe so.

Huntress: [suggestively] Which leaves the rest of our evening tantalizingly free...

Question: There are three terabytes of data here, I'll be busy for days.

[An annoyed Huntress snatches the hard drive and glares at him.]

Question: Um... dinner and a movie?

Huntress: It's a start. [tucks the drive in her belt]

Huntress: [pauses; sighs] So... what are you wearing?

The Question: Blue overcoat. Fedora.

Huntress: ...you really stink at this.

The Question: Orange socks?

[Huntress hangs up]

I watched only the episodes with the Question in them... He rocked. :D

FUCK YES I LOVE THESE TWO. *high fives*

[Fricai]

Sheldon Cooper, in 'The Big Bang Theory'

"Sheldon: Excuse me! Wolverine Origin, mini series issue two, page 22, retractable bone claws. You know, if you three spent less time thinking about sex and more time concentrating on comic books, we would have much less of these embarrassing moments."

"Sheldon: What are you talking about?

Leonard: The cultural paradigm in which people have sex after 3 dates.

Sheldon: I see. Now, are we talking date the social interaction or date the dried fruit?"

[spinelli]

Sheldon Cooper, in 'The Big Bang Theory'

"Sheldon: Excuse me! Wolverine Origin, mini series issue two, page 22, retractable bone claws. You know, if you three spent less time thinking about sex and more time concentrating on comic books, we would have much less of these embarrassing moments."

"Sheldon: What are you talking about?

Leonard: The cultural paradigm in which people have sex after 3 dates.

Sheldon: I see. Now, are we talking date the social interaction or date the dried fruit?"

Sheldon ROCKS!