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Forced to have children... [possible trigger warning]


Moth Flame

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Question time!

Those of you who do not want to have children (EVER) what would you do if you lived in a society where giving birth/having kids was expected of you? Or rather, demanded of you. How would you feel, what would you do?

Delve deep into your psyche and reveal your secrets unto me!

Those Who Do Wish To Have Kids, feel free to respond too. :)

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I would probably either just defy society or leave. For instance, in Russia, they are giving economic benefits for those who have children.

Article I would try to succeed even without the assistance.

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The Great WTF

Leave. Full stop. I would do everything in my power to escape such a society because I am horribly ill-equipped for maternity. I do not have the emotional capacity for children or even for the physical changes it would cause in my body.

If I couldn't leave, I would seek out a way to ensure I would not be expected to reproduce or even go so far as to find a way to sterilize myself.

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I would leave the society, as simple as that, by living as an hermit.

If not possible another solution would be mutilating myself to render me incapable of reproduction and incapacitate myself in a way to make me incapable of taking care of someone else child.

If not possible I would kill myself before any reproduction could be forced upon me.

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Unfortunately, I live in a society where it's a MUST to have children .. and if a couple didn't have any, then people around them will start to put a huge pressure on them! =S

I don't think it's anybody's business! it's a decision ONLY the mom & dad can make! only those two know if they're emotionally and financial capable of raising them!

Personally, I wouldn't have children to please my society! it's simple as that! :)

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I never want kids! If I lived in a society where it was expected, I'd just live like I do now; no friends and happily content with my husband. I'm pretty much an outcast anyways since I don't have kids and for other reasons.

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FYI: We already live in a world where having kids is expected. I mean, granted, we're not quite living in a dystopia yet, but I fear it won't be long before we are.

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Touchofinsight

I would leave as soon as possible. It would destroy me to have kids and go against all of my core principles and goals in life. I have no problem with other people having kids but being a little dramatic here but I'll quote "Give me liberty or give me death" Patrick Henry

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I would probably go underground and find someone to sterilize me. Once I'm sterilized there isn't much they can do to force me to have a child, now is there?

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there are many countries in the world where women don't have a choice, and they can't leave. This is kind of a first-world question.

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If I was simply expected to have children, I might stay if other aspects of the society were to my liking. On the other hand, if people who refused to have children were physically forced to do so, I would immediately seek another society to live in. The thought of having sex and being pregnant feels like a violation to me much less actually being forced to go through the processes.

Continuing to live in such a society, if it existed, would risk my mental, physical, and emotional health. Even having sex and being pregnant voluntarily would probably end up traumatizing me. I also wouldn't want the resulting children to be put into a situation where one or possibly both of their parents don't want them and resent them for it.

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I already feel like I'll be pressured into having kids, because I get the stupid "oh, you'll chamge your mind when you're older." Um, no I won't. Pregnancy disgusts me as much as my female body does.

But I'd resist. Its my choice and I say no.

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Well, if for some reason, all of humanity was asexual due to some genetic engineering we had believed necessary, I probably would do my part to keep the human race going. Kids would be interesting to raise in those circumstances. If life was as it is now, let's just say that other people are sexual enough to keep the population up, although I might consider having children after I had done everything I had wanted to do and had the finances to support them.

Kids would be very interesting to raise, but I cannot foresee myself having sex, or having reason or want to, anytime soon. If I didn't know I was asexual, I would likely accept that it's necessary (assuming ALL societies were sexualized as much as modern north american societies in your theoretical world). In the case that I was aware of my asexuality, I would likely move to a place that was a lot more lax in upholding that rule, and perhaps to an asexual colony if they existed in such a society. I would live as a hermit if necessary, but I doubt that society would be that rigorous in upholding such a rule.

Remember, this is all a theoretical situation, so I'm offering how I would likely behave in different theoretical situations. The only situation in which I would absolutely refuse to conform, would be one in which I didn't have the freedom to choose whether or not to have kids. See, at it's core, that's what can allow people to accept a corrupt society, is the freedom to choose. It's also a fact that kids are a lot more willing to do something if you say "Peanut butter or jelly?", rather than "Eat it and enjoy it!". It's the idea that I could choose how and when, that would make me willing to have children, assuming I was living without being aware of asexuality and only that I wasn't very social because I would assume that I was normal with differing opinions.

Of course, there's also the possibility that I would feel like an outsider to the extent that I would conform for the sake of not feeling left out if I didn't know about asexuality. And then, perhaps, if I did know of asexuality, I would be so zealous that I would get neutered for the sake of fitting into asexuality.

Now, on the other hand, if society wasn't forcing me to have kids, but merely screaming at the top of it's lungs "SEX IS GOOD!" as it does nowadays, I would not have sex for the mere reason that I don't want to.

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oh yeah, i agree with some of the AVENites here that it IS expected of us these days. in most cultures, at least. i mean, consider evolution and it's whole point... I am a very scientific guy so it's hard to ignore the fact that i constantly give the middle finger to one of the most beautiful performances on earth: evolution.... BUT... I digress....

I couldn't possibly bring a human being into a world like this. period.

Considering the state of affairs? Resources and depletion? yeah, i don't think i'd want my children to experience that, let alone myself.

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If it's just expected? Defy assumptions, just like I do now. If it's actually required? Leave. If that's not possible, go underground. And try to end up with a biography that someone will want to make into an awesome movie with overbearing lessons about the importance of free will.

It's a horrid thought. Even people who really want to have kids, being required could give the idea a bad taste.

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I don't feel pressured right now, but give it a few years and a long relationship, then the pressure is on. I cannot honestly say that I would be up for the pregnancy or could handle child-rearing. And if the society was about ready to knock me out and surgically fertilize me, well, I would try to get out of that society or my position of eligibility. Strong encouragement is enough, do not try to force a people to do something like that.

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Option 1: Leave that society

Option 2: Get legally sterilized

Option 3: Get illegally sterilized

Option 4: Non-lethally harm myself so I'm incapable of successfully reproducing

Last resort: Far too many sleeping pills and maybe a few drinks to wash them down

There is no way ever that I will produce my own crotchfruit. Never ever!

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Question time!

Those of you who do not want to have children (EVER) what would you do if you lived in a society where giving birth/having kids was expected of you? Or rather, demanded of you. How would you feel, what would you do?

If it was demanded, I would either emigrate or kill myself.

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There's absolutely no way I'd ever have kids, I'd only do it to stay alive if a gun was to my head, literally, and I suspect that after the 5th or 6th time they had to put it there, I'd just wearily tell them to pull the trigger. How would I feel about it? Same way I do now. It's not for me, and what I do with my body is my choice, not society's, I'll take the consequences, be whatever they may, before I change.

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Pandora's Fox

I would be be known as the local rebel, the heathen. I would probably have ended up moving away and becoming completely independent... perhaps a lone traveller.

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Well, I am Vietnamese and in my culture, everyone is expected to get married and have children. Puke. I don't care what people say - I'm NOT having kids. The thought frightens and disgusts me. I love my freedom and independence, that's far too precious to me. I wouldn't even have kids if the human species was dying out. Not my concern.

If having children was a mandate, then I would get myself sterilized (I'm going to do that anyway :P) or leave.

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  • 2 months later...
WoodwindWhistler

Question time!

Those of you who do not want to have children (EVER) what would you do if you lived in a society where giving birth/having kids was expected of you? Or rather, demanded of you. How would you feel, what would you do?

Delve deep into your psyche and reveal your secrets unto me!

I know this is back from February but-

Wow.

Just wow.

I'm quite frankly surprised at the- let's call it vehemence- on this thread.

@ ReiZK Crotchfruit? Really? That sounds like some kind of crass term extremist Pro-choicers would coin to purposefully dehumanize babies. (Note: I am free choice.)

I think, if I grew up without knowing what asexuality was, then I wouldn't have the education and knowledge to be a rebel in this regard. I mean, look at how many asexuals (and their sexual partners) come to the boards, dealing with children and years of misunderstanding behind them? I don't think I'm somehow more "individualist" or "special" than they are- I just discovered AVEN first. I was just born in twenty-first century America.

We are a product of our time and environments, to some degree. I feel like I would, of course, still be an aromantic asexual, and yet, if I was raised to think I needed to get married (I know the pressure's there, but I'm only 21 right now, and the pressure actually works the other way at that age, where I'm living, anyway- not to get married until you're older) I most certainly think I could come to genuinely care for my husband, and want to make him happy. If he treated me well, I would have no reason to balk. I would probably pass it off as typical pre-wedding jitters.

The real snag, of course, would come because I have a thyroid condition. Depending on the medical status of where I was, I wouldn't be alive past eleven years old. Given all that, if the doctors still encouraged me to have children . . . Would I cave under that pressure? Maybe. Would I love and do anything for my children? Definitely.

Would I be as happy as I am now? Probably not. (I don't mean to sound like an egoist here, but) I am very smart. I would be worried about my educational rights in this fictional society, before anything else. I might be restless if given nothing to focus intellectual energy on. I might not enjoy physical intimacy (I've brought myself to climax, out of curiosity, and it's just kind of meh). I might feel violated, without understanding why. Just like many asexuals do. I might start refusing, and feel guilt for hurting him and not fulfilling my "duty" as a wife. And if it got bad- if he resented me for it, and it escalated, first, I would make sure my children were safe and taken care of. Then, I would need more details on how exactly this society operates, to know if I could get a divorce, or if I would need to run, et cetera. I have a feeling that both the education, and the divorce, would be hard-won. (up until recently, in-marriage rape wasn't even considered rape at all. And I'm sure in many countries, it still isn't.)

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I would probably go underground and find someone to sterilize me. Once I'm sterilized there isn't much they can do to force me to have a child, now is there?

I found a doctor who sterilized me. With the Essure procedure, there's no way to reproduce. Wow... it'll be 7 years this August.

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If I manage to grow up, get a stable job and feel ready to take the responsibility of raising a child, then I plan to adopt. I'd like to think I'd be a supportive mother, but I don't really feel confident about it until I can make sure I can take care of myself AND another person...

In terms of your hypothetical society where children are 'demanded' of me, I find it horrifying. Even if I DID want to have biological children at some point in time, the fact that I am not allowed to choose when and how I was going to have those children in that society is equally as disturbing. (How do they know a woman does not want to have a baby? How do they check? Do they make you have sex if you don't want to? Do they marry you off to someone?) I don't think that this is an issue that affects only asexuals or people who don't want kids ever - any society that makes demands on a women's body (even if they partially or even fully coincide with her own desires) is an issue - not only for the woman having the child, but for the child as it grows up. It's just very sad that these societies do exist, and EVEN NOW in our societies, there are still social pressures everywhere (though not actual demands) on women 'fulfilling' their role as a mother.

Women should be able to have children in their on way with the person they want to, or not have children at all if that's what they want... and in a society like that, I wouldn't want to have to raise my kids there. :'T

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You think crotch fruit is bad? Off the top of my head, there's also crotch droppings, crotch nuggets, ankle bitters, yard apes.

I've heard fuck trophies being used too .

I'd either kill myself or pull a Harriet Vanger and disappear without warning.

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Vampyremage

I would probably go underground and find someone to sterilize me. Once I'm sterilized there isn't much they can do to force me to have a child, now is there?

Congratulations. At this point in my life I probably won't bother with the headache at all as I am unlikely to ever again engage in sexual behavior, but it's always an option if that should ever change.

I found a doctor who sterilized me. With the Essure procedure, there's no way to reproduce. Wow... it'll be 7 years this August.

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Congratulations. At this point in my life I probably won't bother with the headache at all as I am unlikely to ever again engage in sexual behavior, but it's always an option if that should ever change.

Thanks... I'm not being snarky. I'm just letting you know there are ways out of this problem. I even had to take a psych-eval before they'd do it on me (big surprise, right?)... :)

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Vampyremage
Congratulations. At this point in my life I probably won't bother with the headache at all as I am unlikely to ever again engage in sexual behavior, but it's always an option if that should ever change.

Thanks... I'm not being snarky. I'm just letting you know there are ways out of this problem. I even had to take a psych-eval before they'd do it on me (big surprise, right?)... :)

I didn't think you were being snarky and its good to know there are options. For myself at this point in my life, its probably too much effort than its worth. But if things ever change in the future, its a bit relieving to know that I might have some options available to me.

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