Aces in relationships with Aces/greys on sexual intimacy

[never odd or even]

So, I'm asking Aces who are in relationships with other Aces how affectionate you are. I'm wondering if you are ever sexual with each other, and why. I'm just curious to see how these things work

Is it difficult to tell the difference between something that is and isn't sexual? If you are sexual, what does it mean to you? Is it just an exploration? vulnerability and intimacy? part of something kinky? all of the above and more?

Does being sexual matter to you? Do you experience sexual desire but no attraction [calling greys here] ? is it just an 'in the moment' thing?

forgive me, i'm a very curious soul

[Guest]

I have nothing to add but I'm very curious about the responses...

[never odd or even]

I have nothing to add but I'm very curious about the responses...

:lol: i'm trying to figure this stuff out myself, and it gets very confusing....

[Guest]

I have nothing to add but I'm very curious about the responses...

:lol: i'm trying to figure this stuff out myself, and it gets very confusing....

Your question about whether its hard to tell if something is sexual or not... that's true of me too, since I've had to re-learn sexual cues being with an asexual. things that I would normally consider sexual now take on an ambiguous vibe.

[The Great WTF]

*sits in the back with popcorn*

[never odd or even]

I have nothing to add but I'm very curious about the responses...

:lol: i'm trying to figure this stuff out myself, and it gets very confusing....

Your question about whether its hard to tell if something is sexual or not... that's true of me too, since I've had to re-learn sexual cues being with an asexual. things that I would normally consider sexual now take on an ambiguous vibe.

I would be the same actually

See, its like when you're asexual with another asexual, suddenly things become a lot less defined as to what is sexual and what is not. Its much easier to tell with a sexual cause you know where things are going and what it means to the other person. I haven't a clue with regards to myself, let alone what it might mean to another ace

@TheGreatWTF can i have some ?? :P

[The Great WTF]

Of course. *hands out popcorn* I'm not in a very responsive mood for some reason but this topic has me interested, so I'll just sit back and watch.

[reverse_thrust]

I'm curious about this myself. As a sort of gray-A, I'm more inclined to try dating asexuals over sexuals, but I'm not entirely positive how this would work out long term.

[never odd or even]

Of course. *hands out popcorn* I'm not in a very responsive mood for some reason but this topic has me interested, so I'll just sit back and watch.

well as i'm trying to understand this myself i think my input wouldnt be very helpful, and may well be unhelpful and biased. particularly as i'm at sea myself...

umm, CBC and Zoids can you come out of the closet and help?

[zoidberger]

umm, CBC and Zoids can you come out of the closet and help?

Aah! I was spotted creeping this thread!

[never odd or even]

umm, CBC and Zoids can you come out of the closet and help?

Aah! I was spotted creeping this thread!

:lol: I didn't actually see you creeping at all, I just summoned you from the depths with my awesome powers :P

Great reply CBC :) I'll reply to it when I actually deserve a break from study [uni exams]

[never odd or even]

Okey-dokey. :) As I said, any other questions, ask away!

hmmm... i have MANY questions.... this being an offshoot of this thread...

[Guest]

Okey-dokey. :) As I said, any other questions, ask away!

I have questions!! How does sex... like... happen between you two? Does someone verbally ask for it? Have either of you turned the other down? If you've been turned down, how does that feel?

To give perspective, I'm really curious if there's a better way for sexuals to approach sex with their asexy partners... if we're maybe too forward or something? And I know I tend to get a really depressed, sometimes sick feeling when I'm turned down (not always, but sometimes), and I'm curious if you guys do too, or if it's not such a big deal to you.

Thanks!!

[zoidberger]

Okay, so I'm finally getting to post in here. *TMI warning likely*!

To me, sexual acts are the only sexual part. Cuddling, hugs, kissing, even naked cuddling, etc. is all stuff that can be quite independent of sex, thus I find it quite easy to distinguish what is sexual from what isn't. This does not mean that those things cannot lead to sex.

I'm not certain as to where I identify, but as CBC mentioned I would probably put a label of demi if I was forced to, though I still don't think I experience sexual attraction and thus I very closely identify as asexual. Sex can be multiple things to me. It can be something playful that results from giddiness, joking and being silly and can be a game. That said, I am much more likely to view sex as something extremely intimate that is an extension of romance. I find sex to be another avenue of expression of my love for CBC, though I don't view it as any more or less important than any other expressions. As CBC mentioned, I view sex similarly as if going to an amusement park. It can be fun and exciting and feel great physically, but if I never had sex again, it wouldn't bother me to any great extent (other than enjoying the ability to connect with CBC in one more way). I guess there can be a component of exploration, but I definitely find that the act puts us both in a vulnerable position and essentially removes all of life's weight and allows for a one-to-one connection that I couldn't possibly share with anyone else in the world.

Sex can be initiated by either of us. We actually talked about this for a while tonight after seeing some of the questions posted. One of us being randomly silly (like expressing our naked-ness after a shower or changing clothes) can turn into a sexual situation eventually. Something like comforting cuddles and just feeling no external pressures at the moment can be romantic and turn to sexual expression. Where I often find myself confused about my orientation and how I relate to sex is when I find I WANT/Desire sex with CBC. I don't think I would say it is sexual attraction, but there is a desire to use sex as a form of expression of love in that instance.

The part about being turned down is an interesting question. I personally am not bothered at all if I am turned down or if say feeling unwell halts the possibility of sex before we get there. I know CBC has other feelings on this... On the flip-side, I am a very "think-y" person. If I am dwelling on anything, have been under lots of stress, or things aren't going so well, sex is about as close to my mind as cooking a thanksgiving dinner when you just want a quick snack. When my mind is elsewhere it is essentially impossible for me to focus enough for sex to be physically or mentally possible. I'm honestly not sure how one is supposed to navigate the disappointment or shrugging off of being turned down. I know I feel bad if I turn CBC down and it has absolutely nothing to do with how I feel about her and my desire for her and I try to relate that the best I can. One thing I can see as a better method (that I've heard others on the board mention before) is to acknowledge that you've turned your partner down and become more attuned to the next instance when you feel like you could best be in a mood to have sex (assuming this is a relationship in which an asexual or demi or grey, etc. is into making that effort and some form of communication has been carried out in that regards) and initiate yourself. I know that in the past I have had trouble initiating sex, but I find that it can actually be quite enjoyable for both parties if you can express interest in the moment that you feel it and just go with it (with the understanding that rejection is just more of a not-in-the-same-mood type of thing). One more thing is that I do not do well with the idea of "we should have sex tonight" when there is a decent number of hours until that point. Immediate sort of, "hey, are you in the mood?... or can I get you in the mood?" is probably the best for me.

Hmmm... so yeah, TMI. Feel free to ask whatever questions. CBC will probably follow up on her own end of things as well.

I hope at least some of that was legible or helpful.

[never odd or even]

do you think that having sex makes you more unsure of your sexual identity or less?

[Jon Snow]

So, I'm asking Aces who are in relationships with other Aces how affectionate you are. I'm wondering if you are ever sexual with each other, and why. I'm just curious to see how these things work

Is it difficult to tell the difference between something that is and isn't sexual? If you are sexual, what does it mean to you? Is it just an exploration? vulnerability and intimacy? part of something kinky? all of the above and more?

Does being sexual matter to you? Do you experience sexual desire but no attraction [calling greys here] ? is it just an 'in the moment' thing?

forgive me, i'm a very curious soul

I waited a lot before answering your questions

1- I m french and writing english is difficult

2- It's very personal matter

3- I'm not quite sure if I'm asexual. I think my wife is, but she really dislike speaking of sexual things.

I discovered asexuality and aven a few months ago. Definitions are confusing, difference between attraction and desire not easy to grasp. I have a libido, but as vampyremage said, it's far more easy to take care of it by myself. I'm not sure of my asexuality, not sure of what sexual attraction is, but it doesn't matter.

I didn't know how to speak of asexuality to my wife. One evening, we were reading the TV program and there was a broadcast about a asexual woman. I asked her if she knows about asexuality. She was pretty upset: "don't take me for a fool. I don't like sex, never will! Don't ask me for more! !"

I had a hard time, trying to convince her that I feel the same.

Before, we had sex about once a month. I think it will be less now. :

Before, we were stuck in sort of revolving door: she avoiding cuddles because they lead to sex, me wanting sex because it's a "super" cuddle. Lack of (sexual) communication, social pressure " people in love MUST have sex to be happy? We have been married for almost 25 years ...

And now, we share a lot of cuddles, hands holding, hugging, kissing (maybe less french kisses) she knows it will not lead her to sex.. It's happyness! She is not my best friend. She is my lover!

I can't tell you how we will handle it in the future. It's too new.

I really like the park analogy. I add that the entrance is not free and you have to pay a bill!

[never odd or even]

So, I'm asking Aces who are in relationships with other Aces how affectionate you are. I'm wondering if you are ever sexual with each other, and why. I'm just curious to see how these things work

Is it difficult to tell the difference between something that is and isn't sexual? If you are sexual, what does it mean to you? Is it just an exploration? vulnerability and intimacy? part of something kinky? all of the above and more?

Does being sexual matter to you? Do you experience sexual desire but no attraction [calling greys here] ? is it just an 'in the moment' thing?

forgive me, i'm a very curious soul

I waited a lot before answering your questions

1- I m french and writing english is difficult

2- It's very personal matter

3- I'm not quite sure if I'm asexual. I think my wife is, but she really dislike speaking of sexual things.

I discovered asexuality and aven a few months ago. Definitions are confusing, difference between attraction and desire not easy to grasp. I have a libido, but as vampyremage said, it's far more easy to take care of it by myself. I'm not sure of my asexuality, not sure of what sexual attraction is, but it doesn't matter.

I didn't know how to speak of asexuality to my wife. One evening, we were reading the TV program and there was a broadcast about a asexual woman. I asked her if she knows about asexuality. She was pretty upset: "don't take me for a fool. I don't like sex, never will! Don't ask me for more! !"

I had a hard time, trying to convince her that I feel the same.

Before, we had sex about once a month. I think it will be less now. :

Before, we were stuck in sort of revolving door: she avoiding cuddles because they lead to sex, me wanting sex because it's a "super" cuddle. Lack of (sexual) communication, social pressure " people in love MUST have sex to be happy? We have been married for almost 25 years ...

And now, we share a lot of cuddles, hands holding, hugging, kissing (maybe less french kisses) she knows it will not lead her to sex.. It's happyness! She is not my best friend. She is my lover!

I can't tell you how we will handle it in the future. It's too new.

I really like the park analogy. I add that the entrance is not free and you have to pay a bill!

Merci pour vos commentaire! Si vous le souhaitez, il est plus facile à utiliser une ligne traducteur si vous n'êtes pas sûr de la grammaire je sais que je suis assez bon avec rayons français [ou au moins l'habitude d'être!] mais ma grammaire écrite peut être vraiment terrible, Donc, je parle francais, mais écrit est dangereux, l'erreurs! Je recommande ce traducteur en ligne, espérons que cette aide :)

I'm glad that you have overcome such a barrier in your relationship and are so much happier :) I know how happy you can feel to know that the pressure is off and there are no expectations... its so liberating Let me know how things progress!!

[Jon Snow]

Don't take me wrong.

Sex has never been an issue and we have always been happy together. It's just a little better now.