Okay, gray/demi fetishism. [Probable TMI, definite TL;DR]

[MiniLo]

I suppose this is my introduction thread?

Okay so I know this is probably the most conceited thing ever, but I seem to have an excessively complicated sexuality. The other day, when I was talking to my fiance about it, I likened it to the NYC subway system. It's dark, dank, perpetually under construction and repair, sometimes quiet, sometimes noisy, under-funded, invisible to the very people that use it unless something's amiss, and perhaps most importantly, daunting and impossible to completely navigate without a guide.

Unfortunately, I'm in the middle of trying to write that guide.

The problem that I'm running into is that there lacks even a vocabulary to describe entire swaths of my sexual identity, and I'm just trying to figure out if anyone else has already invented the words and I just haven't found them yet.

A large part of my journey and questioning stems from the fact that I'm a demisexual fetishist. I'm not a psychologist, a sexologist, or any sort of scientist whatsoever-- I'm an artist, so pulling new vocabulary out of my ass because it sums up my individual situation never quite sat right with me, and yet finding others to corroborate my theories and ideas with was always pretty fruitless search. So now I guess I just state my opinions and observations and hope that someone eventually will come along to contest them.

So I'm going to propose something, and I want feedback on it: sexuality/fetishism as a psychological construct that -can- be independent of sexuality, like a gender or orientation. Now hold on a minute, I know what you're thinking. "The very definition of "fetish" requires the assumed involvement of sexual gratification!" you might say. But I'm going to invoke another common sense idea that is very popular: sexual orientation isn't always about sex. Being gay isn't about sex, being straight isn't about sex, and being bi, or pan, or poly, or monog, or what have you, isn't about sex. And, by that logic, fetish isn't always about sex. (Aside: I never use "fetish" and "kink" interchangeably, because they are far from being the same, or even similar, and I hate it when people conflate the two. "Fetish" and "paraphilia" are interchangeable, so when I say "fetish", it might help you to think "paraphilia".)

I guess then, it could be more of a "situational" or "lifestyle" fetish that I'm talking about then. Normosexuals gravitate toward the act of sex because it makes them feel whole and human, and people like me gravitate toward the fetish scenario because it makes us feel whole and human, even if zero sexual gratification is involved.

...

Okay, so you're probably wondering what in the hell kind of weirdo fetish I have that's capable of being applied to scenarios that are completely devoid of sex. Well, it's a size fetish, basically. I find male giants attractive (you know, assuming they aren't trolls and ogres and the like) and their size aesthetically pleasing. I find the idea of interaction with them thrilling on many different levels. For many other size fetishists and kinksters out there, it's pretty straightfoward: big/small/guys/gals are hot, and fooling around with them is sexy. But for me? The desire to be small is so strong and part of identity as a person that it exists completely separate from sexuality.

From my time hanging around online BDSM circles, I think it's the same thing as the innate desire to occupy the submissive or dominant role in a relationship. Now say what you want about that, but many "lifestylers" will say that their desired role has nothing to do with sexual gratification. There are tons of service subs out there who don't get wet or hard from keeping the house clean or being in charge of errand-running, but doing what's asked of them makes them feel happy and at peace.

So what's all of this got to do with the rest of my mess? Well, I look at the actual act of sex in the same way as well: it's nice, it makes me feel whole and happy, but I rarely ever crave sexual gratification. The desired result of sex for me is mental and emotional gratification. Maybe my brain more easily releases feel-good chemicals from the emotional high rather than the physical high of orgasm and pleasure? Dunno.

I also rarely ever masturbate or like the feeling of orgasm; my libido usually has just enough of a pulse to prevent me from declaring it dead, which is curious because I look at erotic images and fetish fuel way more often than I'm actually turned on. Fetish fuel very often makes me feel "at home" more than it makes me feel horny. As for attraction to real people, I don't much get that either. It's not something that I ever think about, and when I do, it takes a lot of work to figure out how I feel about them. If I know their personality, though, it's easier, and usually my assessment about their attractiveness has nothing to do with what they look like.

As for fantasies, well... when they're not of a non-sexual nature, they're extremely vague and choppy. I've tried thinking of things while masturbating, but I couldn't. If I don't focus all of my attention to the sensation itself, then nothing comes of it; yes, I've even tried thinking of fetish material and couldn't hold an image for long.

--

That's all I can really think of for now. I guess, TL;DR, are there any other grays or demis out there with fetishes that seem to be independent of your sexuality in some way? I mean, they'd have to be for the most part since we're not fully sexual people to begin with. Anyways, just some thoughts. -flops down and catches breath-

[Ace Amoeba]

Great read...thanks for writing it MiniLo! I must ask this one question. What is the connection between demi and giants? You seemed to be going in that direction, but veered off a bit. If you answer this to the best of your ability, I will send you another picture of a handsome giant. Here's one in good faith. He's the 7'6" Shawn Bradley!

[MiniLo]

Great read...thanks for writing it MiniLo! I must ask this one question. What is the connection between demi and giants? You seemed to be going in that direction, but veered off a bit. If you answer this to the best of your ability, I will send you another picture of a handsome giant. Here's one in good faith. He's the 7'6" Shawn Bradley!

Handsome guy! Hehe, he looks just as comfortable in his skin as someone 2 feet shorter. Good for him. :]

I guess I didn't want to get into the details cause I wasn't sure if it would be too boring, but I think I can sum it up easier now than I could have before anyways. So... I suppose it's just the desire to be at a severe physical disadvantage, or "differently advantaged" if we're going to get PC about it, hehe. It's sort of like... "Oh my god, I want to move to San Fransisco. I would be so much happier there. I'd get to be myself, I'd be in an environment that my personality likes, I'd get to do things at my speed. But I can't move, so I guess I have to make do." If that makes any sense?

Anyways, thank you! I've done a lot of writing about the fetish subject, but this is my first time trying to figure out how it fits in with a low to non-existent sex drive.

[Mugen Puchipuchi Hime]

Hello, fellow new AVEN forum user. :)

I was intrigued by the fact someone else, besides me, thought of fetishism being as a "separate but varying degree index" to one's sexuality.

Like a possible third gender as I would honestly say.

That's why I personally don't use the terms therian nor otherkin to reflect my "inner-self"...

*rant*

I know that I don't necessarily feel comfortable being human to define my sexuality...

It's like a transgen would with their mental/physical gender, but I'm saying here that my whole physical human body doesn't reflect my mental gender of what my physical body should be...

But that the same time I don't want to blash/flame these communities because my odd psyche dilemma is more of a sexual nature than true spirituality.

*end rant*

[MiniLo]

Hello, fellow new AVEN forum user. :)

I was intrigued by the fact someone else, besides me, thought of fetishism being as a "separate but varying degree index" to one's sexuality.

Like a possible third gender as I would honestly say.

That's why I personally don't use the terms therian nor otherkin to reflect my "inner-self"...

*rant*

I know that I don't necessarily feel comfortable being human to define my sexuality...

It's like a transgen would with their mental/physical gender, but I'm saying here that my whole physical human body doesn't reflect my mental gender of what my physical body should be...

But that the same time I don't want to blash/flame these communities because my odd psyche dilemma is more of a sexual nature than true spirituality.

*end rant*

Exactly! Not quite gender, not quite orientation, but it has traces of both in it. I will argue that it is definitely a kind of identity dysphoria that nobody seems to know exists unless they have it and even the people that have it don't seem to be fully conscious of it either. Perhaps because in these situations there just isn't anything real you can compare yourself to and look at and go "See them? That's me. They're in the place that I want to be". At the same time, like you, I really don't want to compare with any other communities too much because it's a really touchy issue and we are experiencing a different problem. They definitely are similar in a way, though.

(I guess as an aside, I also identify as a bit genderqueer too; most of the time fully female, but always with touches of agendering, and bigendering. The fetish is also independent of this too, it seems.)

[Mugen Puchipuchi Hime]

Exactly! Not quite gender, not quite orientation, but it has traces of both in it. I will argue that it is definitely a kind of identity dysphoria that nobody seems to know exists unless they have it and even the people that have it don't seem to be fully conscious of it either. Perhaps because in these situations there just isn't anything real you can compare yourself to and look at and go "See them? That's me. They're in the place that I want to be". At the same time, like you, I really don't want to compare with any other communities too much because it's a really touchy issue and we are experiencing a different problem. They definitely are similar in a way, though.

(I guess as an aside, I also identify as a bit genderqueer too; most of the time fully female, but always with touches of agendering, and bigendering. The fetish is also independent of this too, it seems.)

Right on the spot.

The way I take on how my genderqueer-ness IRL is mostly female with hints of androgynous here and there.

But with identity dysphoria as you call it, my transformation fetishes (to which have grew from past experiences during childhood) caused me to yearn these sorts of fictionalized scenarios in order to feel "complete".

Taking accounts to this factor, my genderqueer-ness would then become sort-of genderfluid...

btw, I do ponder if there are any other AVEN users which have this sort of thing too :/

[MiniLo]

Right on the spot.

The way I take on how my genderqueer-ness IRL is mostly female with hints of androgynous here and there.

But with identity dysphoria as you call it, my transformation fetishes (to which have grew from past experiences during childhood) caused me to yearn these sorts of fictionalized scenarios in order to feel "complete".

Taking accounts to this factor, my genderqueer-ness would then become sort-of genderfluid...

btw, I do ponder if there are any other AVEN users which have this sort of thing too :/

I was browsing around and saw one other mention of fetish from another non-sexual, but I don't remember where or who. :T

I think we're going to be in the vast minority on this one, lol! Now to start spreading around the idea that "sex isn't sex" for some of us...

[minus]

That's all I can really think of for now. I guess, TL;DR, are there any other grays or demis out there with fetishes that seem to be independent of your sexuality in some way? I mean, they'd have to be for the most part since we're not fully sexual people to begin with. Anyways, just some thoughts. -flops down and catches breath-

Very, very interesting read!

As for an answer to your question: dolls. Not little baby dolls or American Girls, but weird handmade ones that are representative of adults or androgynous/ageless beings, as well as the resident Asian ball-jointed doll. I feel like it's independent of sexual themes, but it is definitely a fetish in that I am totally devoted to them and want to be around them all the time in a way that seems to me like some form of platonic love.

I like the idea of being a doll, or having a doll who is alive and can interact, and has a unique personality. I guess that is the root of it. It's really hard to explain in a way that doesn't sound really strange :lol: Gah.

[Mugen Puchipuchi Hime]

That's all I can really think of for now. I guess, TL;DR, are there any other grays or demis out there with fetishes that seem to be independent of your sexuality in some way? I mean, they'd have to be for the most part since we're not fully sexual people to begin with. Anyways, just some thoughts. -flops down and catches breath-

Very, very interesting read!

As for an answer to your question: dolls. Not little baby dolls or American Girls, but weird handmade ones that are representative of adults or androgynous/ageless beings, as well as the resident Asian ball-jointed doll. I feel like it's independent of sexual themes, but it is definitely a fetish in that I am totally devoted to them and want to be around them all the time in a way that seems to me like some form of platonic love.

I like the idea of being a doll, or having a doll who is alive and can interact, and has a unique personality. I guess that is the root of it. It's really hard to explain in a way that doesn't sound really strange :lol: Gah.

^^;; yeah, on that note, I've forgot to mention in previous posts...

Mine is the concept of having my body being made from something similar to elastic rubber, body inflation, and ANYTHING in between these two ideas...

I guess that's what happens when you've watched too many reruns of Inspector Gadget and/or not having your 9 year old mind realizing the uncanny-valley-ness of this character... :P

[kochouran]

My fetish is vampires and blood. There is a sexual side (thanks to some romance novels a roommate gave to me), but vampirism is mostly a replacement of sex for me. Vampire fiction arose out of the Victorian era, when writers couldn't depict sex. They used vampirism and the exchange of blood instead. That has always appealed to me more than sex because blood is what keeps us alive. Thanks to Anne Rice and others who have romanticized vampires, I have always imagined that the connection through vampirism is a lot deeper than sexual relationships. Any bond you form is for eternity, and whether you hate or love your sire, you owe them your existence. The sight of blood doesn't turn me on, but I can't forget what it symbolizes.

Kind of a funny story related to it: on our first date, my now-boyfriend and I stayed up really late talking on my bed. He started kissing my neck, which triggered my vampire fetish so I let him do it. Apparently that confused the hell out of him because I had thwarted his attempts to kiss me on the cheek or lips, which in his mind was what kissing on the neck would lead to. My asexual brain could not fathom the idea of kissing (because kissing on the neck = vampires = does not count as actual kissing :lol:) so he left confused but (thankfully) not discouraged.

[MiniLo]

That's all I can really think of for now. I guess, TL;DR, are there any other grays or demis out there with fetishes that seem to be independent of your sexuality in some way? I mean, they'd have to be for the most part since we're not fully sexual people to begin with. Anyways, just some thoughts. -flops down and catches breath-

Very, very interesting read!

As for an answer to your question: dolls. Not little baby dolls or American Girls, but weird handmade ones that are representative of adults or androgynous/ageless beings, as well as the resident Asian ball-jointed doll. I feel like it's independent of sexual themes, but it is definitely a fetish in that I am totally devoted to them and want to be around them all the time in a way that seems to me like some form of platonic love.

I like the idea of being a doll, or having a doll who is alive and can interact, and has a unique personality. I guess that is the root of it. It's really hard to explain in a way that doesn't sound really strange :lol: Gah.

^^;; yeah, on that note, I've forgot to mention in previous posts...

Mine is the concept of having my body being made from something similar to elastic rubber, body inflation, and ANYTHING in between these two ideas...

I guess that's what happens when you've watched too many reruns of Inspector Gadget and/or not having your 9 year old mind realizing the uncanny-valley-ness of this character... :P

The idea of being a doll goes hand in hand with my size deal, so yep... definitely thought of that one before! Sounds cute, too. |B

As for rubber... huh! I'm trying really hard to imagine what that might be like to... imagine, but I can't. :0 I envy your imagination, that's for sure. And as for the cartoon characters that strike our fancies a little more than they probably should (Zak from Fern Gully, Thumbelina..), let's just say that I totally getcha LOL.

My fetish is vampires and blood. There is a sexual side (thanks to some romance novels a roommate gave to me), but vampirism is mostly a replacement of sex for me. Vampire fiction arose out of the Victorian era, when writers couldn't depict sex. They used vampirism and the exchange of blood instead. That has always appealed to me more than sex because blood is what keeps us alive. Thanks to Anne Rice and others who have romanticized vampires, I have always imagined that the connection through vampirism is a lot deeper than sexual relationships. Any bond you form is for eternity, and whether you hate or love your sire, you owe them your existence. The sight of blood doesn't turn me on, but I can't forget what it symbolizes.

Kind of a funny story related to it: on our first date, my now-boyfriend and I stayed up really late talking on my bed. He started kissing my neck, which triggered my vampire fetish so I let him do it. Apparently that confused the hell out of him because I had thwarted his attempts to kiss me on the cheek or lips, which in his mind was what kissing on the neck would lead to. My asexual brain could not fathom the idea of kissing (because kissing on the neck = vampires = does not count as actual kissing :lol:) so he left confused but (thankfully) not discouraged.

Interesting! I know that foot fetishes got popularized in a similar manner (though related more to hygienic habits of the time... or lack thereof), though I've never heard of someone that was into it without being "into" it. Neato! :> I guess to relate, in the way that you describe the exchange of blood is sort of the same way I feel about the idea of being held in someone's hand. Though it's also interesting that you let your BF kiss you on the neck because of the fetish, in spite of being ace.

[Member33070]

So...it's more of a "this makes me really happy" feeling instead of a "this turns me on" sort of feeling?

One distinction we've made around here on the boards is to either clarify that it's a nonsexual fetish or to say that it's a kink instead. To most people, fetishes = sex. Just helps with language/confusion. ;)

Anyway, for most of my life I was "asexual". I'm putting it in quotes now because I don't know what caused me to shift, and I'm still questioning whether I ever was in the first place. Anyway, I was nonlibidoist, had no sexual desires, etc. etc. I was like, totally devoid of anything sexual - thoughts, fantasies, whatever.

But there were a few things that just made me feel so alive. To a ridiculous extent. Mostly, noises - a rumbling engine, a good bass riff, whispering, the sound of rain, that sound of something sticky (like a suction cup) popping off of something it's stuck to. And music, of course. Deep voices, good bass riffs, violins, amazing piano solos. They would cause me all sorts of awesome feelings. Eyes close and head tilts back. Tingly feelings all over my body. Being totally lost in the moment, a sense of euphoria. It sounds like something a lot of people experience...but it was different for me.

Anyway, when I shifted over to sexual, it became a sexual fetish. It's called auralism.

So I believe that for asexuals and those that don't experience the sexual side of things, it's totally possible for what would otherwise be a sexual fetish to be toned down into a nonsexual one, and give all the same sorts of feelings that a fetish would, minus the sexual ones. I've been there. :)

It might also sort of rely a bit on whether one is romantic or not. I imagine it can be likened to the levels of attraction - aesthetic, romantic, and sexual. An aromantic asexual might be stuck with a purely "aesthetic" fetish, that just makes them feel "wow" sorts of feelings. A romantic asexual might get feelings of wanting to hug or kiss or do other romantic things in regards to the fetish. And a gray or sexual can get into the sexual level of things.

That said, just because I'm sexual doesn't mean all of my fetishes are sexual...I still have some nonsexual fetishes. Like rope rigging - especially being hung in the air with ropes. Not so much the bondage aspect. The concept just thrills me in an aesthetic sort of way - I imagine a lot like what you're talking about - but not in a sexual way whatsoever.

[kochouran]

Though it's also interesting that you let your BF kiss you on the neck because of the fetish, in spite of being ace.

My boyfriend is largely responsible for making me greyer than I previously was. The fact that I let him kiss me was how we figured out that I liked him as more than a friend (well, I needed a little help from my friends to come to the realization :lol:).

But there were a few things that just made me feel so alive. To a ridiculous extent. Mostly, noises - a rumbling engine, a good bass riff, whispering, the sound of rain, that sound of something sticky (like a suction cup) popping off of something it's stuck to. And music, of course. Deep voices, good bass riffs, violins, amazing piano solos. They would cause me all sorts of awesome feelings. Eyes close and head tilts back. Tingly feelings all over my body. Being totally lost in the moment, a sense of euphoria. It sounds like something a lot of people experience...but it was different for me.

I get that same feeling with motorcycle engines and really good music too. They get my heart racing.

[Propper Techie]

kochouran - totally agree vampire wise - and totally think you should check out 'dark shadows' johnny depp/tim burton's new film (out early 2012) and depp plays 'lead vampire', and if you did not go 'yummy' on some level to him in 'sweeny todd...' then you should do in 'dark shaddows'

and yep burton's got his 'clan' in there - depp/bonhan-carter/christopher lee etc. - it's going to be awesome! as i'm sure will 'the addams family' that there are rumours that burton also has 'in the works'

as to 'fettishes' - ''sticks and stones break my bones, whips,chains and spurs excite me'' ;)

[MiniLo]

So...it's more of a "this makes me really happy" feeling instead of a "this turns me on" sort of feeling?

One distinction we've made around here on the boards is to either clarify that it's a nonsexual fetish or to say that it's a kink instead. To most people, fetishes = sex. Just helps with language/confusion. ;)

If there's something that I will not concede, it's that fetishism = kink. I hang around a lot of other sex-centric places, specifically BDSM communities, and they don't delineate whatsoever (you know, like "I like being spanked sometimes! Therefore, a spanking fetish."), and quite frankly it pisses me off because they're not the same thing at all... it's the difference between being introverted or shy and having a debilitating social anxiety, or the difference between being a homebody and agoraphobic. I think "kink" is a word that would be even more difficult to use in a less sexually-charged manner than fetish. At least in my experience it is. Recognizing the difference is extremely important to me, otherwise I feel that it waters down or marginalizes its importance (for better or worse) in our lives, and that it does impact a lot of what we do and feel that might traditionally be outside of the sexual "norm". It would also help to get the vocabulary right if you're also seeking therapy or counseling because not knowing what words to use to describe your situation could potentially lead to quite a bit of misunderstanding. Or even if you're just trying to understand how you work on your own path to self-discovery.

Personally, I haven't ever brought up my own tendencies to a shrink, but I've seriously considered it in the past. The main thing that kept me from doing so was my inability to correctly determine just how important of a role it played in my behavioral patterns and day to day life precisely because I lacked the words to fully think it through. Looking back now, I realize that it probably should have been something that got brought up as it would have shed a lot of light on seemingly unrelated things.

I think relegating what could very well be a sort of body/identity dysphoria to the realm of "occasional sexual whim" does a great disservice to what the feeling actually is and how it impacts us on very fundamental levels. Needless to say, thank you for the suggestion but I will not be going with the word "kink". ;)

But there were a few things that just made me feel so alive. To a ridiculous extent. Mostly, noises - a rumbling engine, a good bass riff, whispering, the sound of rain, that sound of something sticky (like a suction cup) popping off of something it's stuck to. And music, of course. Deep voices, good bass riffs, violins, amazing piano solos. They would cause me all sorts of awesome feelings. Eyes close and head tilts back. Tingly feelings all over my body. Being totally lost in the moment, a sense of euphoria. It sounds like something a lot of people experience...but it was different for me.

Anyway, when I shifted over to sexual, it became a sexual fetish. It's called auralism.

Yeah, I getcha on that one. I have some other related interests that cause me to zone out and savor a few kinds of sounds, though my quirks have that narrowed down to mostly just the sounds of trains and train engines. Sometimes planes or other machinery. :B It's not part of the fetish itself, though it does remind me of it (the sound of deep, big, heavy things moving), and contributes to that "homely" feeling. Or perhaps "homesick", rather...

It might also sort of rely a bit on whether one is romantic or not. I imagine it can be likened to the levels of attraction - aesthetic, romantic, and sexual. An aromantic asexual might be stuck with a purely "aesthetic" fetish, that just makes them feel "wow" sorts of feelings. A romantic asexual might get feelings of wanting to hug or kiss or do other romantic things in regards to the fetish. And a gray or sexual can get into the sexual level of things.

This makes a lot of sense. I'm a very heavy-handed romantic, and when I'm in that "sex isn't sex" headspace, I crave the bonding and non-sexual sensations, like pain and discomfort, the way a romantic asexual might crave cuddling, and don't care about erotic stimulation whatsoever. (Unless, of course, it's forced, in which case I enjoy the force more than the stimulation itself anyway.) I do wind up putting a lot of romantic emphasis on size-related scenarios, and the emotional intimacy must be there for it to prove interesting to me 99% of the time. Dunno about the others, though!

That said, just because I'm sexual doesn't mean all of my fetishes are sexual...I still have some nonsexual fetishes. Like rope rigging - especially being hung in the air with ropes. Not so much the bondage aspect. The concept just thrills me in an aesthetic sort of way - I imagine a lot like what you're talking about - but not in a sexual way whatsoever.

I wouldn't say that I actually have any completely non-sexual fetishes or aesthetic fetishes, tbh. I like things, and appreciate things, but there's not anything I can think of off the top of my head that I have a universal fascination and interest in. Okay, well, Halloween, maybe, but I think that's more a mix of nostalgia and spirituality. :D

[Mugen Puchipuchi Hime]

As for rubber... huh! I'm trying really hard to imagine what that might be like to... imagine, but I can't. :0 I envy your imagination, that's for sure.

You don't need to be jealous :P It just so happens that it's easier for me to place myself in the mindset of fictional characters.

And by the way, lucid dreaming is your friend. It can be helpful in cases you want to play-out certain things which are deemed impossible in real-life-physics, but practice makes perfect ;)

Though it's also interesting that you let your BF kiss you on the neck because of the fetish, in spite of being ace.

My boyfriend is largely responsible for making me greyer than I previously was. The fact that I let him kiss me was how we figured out that I liked him as more than a friend (well, I needed a little help from my friends to come to the realization :lol:).

But there were a few things that just made me feel so alive. To a ridiculous extent. Mostly, noises - a rumbling engine, a good bass riff, whispering, the sound of rain, that sound of something sticky (like a suction cup) popping off of something it's stuck to. And music, of course. Deep voices, good bass riffs, violins, amazing piano solos. They would cause me all sorts of awesome feelings. Eyes close and head tilts back. Tingly feelings all over my body. Being totally lost in the moment, a sense of euphoria. It sounds like something a lot of people experience...but it was different for me.

I get that same feeling with motorcycle engines and really good music too. They get my heart racing.

*thinks for a moment* I may have something similar to that too... The sound of a balloon being inflated; goes hand-in-hand while visualizing...

It might also sort of rely a bit on whether one is romantic or not. I imagine it can be likened to the levels of attraction - aesthetic, romantic, and sexual. An aromantic asexual might be stuck with a purely "aesthetic" fetish, that just makes them feel "wow" sorts of feelings. A romantic asexual might get feelings of wanting to hug or kiss or do other romantic things in regards to the fetish. And a gray or sexual can get into the sexual level of things.

My fetishes are mostly an aesthetic value, but being aromantic, I do have some romantic tendencies towards fictional characters which are directly related to my fantasies... And what's even weirder is that my fantasies are almost technically "pan" BUT only to these characters and how their notoriety is measured to said fetishes. (ie. I don't have real life bi-sexual urges, but I don't mind imagining Mortal Kombat's Kitana kissing me *hinthint*).

[MiniLo]

As for rubber... huh! I'm trying really hard to imagine what that might be like to... imagine, but I can't. :0 I envy your imagination, that's for sure.

You don't need to be jealous :P It just so happens that it's easier for me to place myself in the mindset of fictional characters.

And by the way, lucid dreaming is your friend. It can be helpful in cases you want to play-out certain things which are deemed impossible in real-life-physics, but practice makes perfect ;)

Yeah, I keep hearing that. Personally, I hate dreaming. Whenever I have managed to lucid dream in the past (two or three times, maybe), it feels like someone else is there, and it gives me the heebie-jeebies. :S

I wind up doing a lot of drawing and writing, though. It doesn't get any more lucid than that, amirite? ;D

My fetishes are mostly an aesthetic value, but being aromantic, I do have some romantic tendencies towards fictional characters which are directly related to my fantasies... And what's even weirder is that my fantasies are almost technically "pan" BUT only to these characters and how their notoriety is measured to said fetishes. (ie. I don't have real life bi-sexual urges, but I don't mind imagining Mortal Kombat's Kitana kissing me *hinthint*).

Huh! My genderfluidity seems to be more IRL-oriented than fet-oriented, oddly enough. Though I have seen some gay material that I liked because I was able to put myself in it.I'm very strictly attracted to males, regardless of what I identify as at any given moment. Though it is possible for me to be kink attracted to females on the rare occasion. ("Kink" attraction, as I've heard it defined, is the urge to want to submit to or dominate someone without it necessarily involving romance or sex. For me, it would be submission.)

[MiniLo]

Ooh! Here's an interesting blog post called "BDSM as sexual orientation", that may or may not apply to anyone. (Link not TMI; just talks about theory, mostly.) http://clarissethorn.com/blog/2009/06/03/bdsm-as-a-sexual-orientation-and-complications-of-the-orientation-model/