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Has your romantic identity evolved since you found the asexual community?


henrik

  

  1. 1. Well, has it? Out with it!

    • Yes, it has changed significantly
      35
    • Yes, it has changed, but only in subtle ways
      41
    • It's complicated
      22
    • I am not sure
      12
    • No, it has not
      30
    • May death rain upon your all. Why? Well, it just seemed like the right thing to say...
      6

This poll is closed to new votes


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A series of unfortunate occurrences have prevented the brave crew of the starship A Life from convening and bringing you another dosage of asexual discussion. But here we are again, this time mainly going over the past several weeks of feedback and playing the Asexual Elitist Blame Game!

Please do add your thoughts about the subject, but I urge you to listen to the show first. It will considerably clarify the poll and give tons of thought-provoking entertainment. You can find the show here:

http://alifepodcast.wordpress.com/

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i said It's complicated cos i'm currently questioning my romantic orientation :rolleyes:

i thought it was heteroromantic but i’m trying to work out hoe many of my supposed crushes are actually squashes so at the moment i think i may be grey-romantic :)

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Bountiful Harvest

Well, it's kinda complicated for me. I still identify as heteroromantic but... yeah. I still don't know if it's a squish but I might be biro. I've had a lot of these aswell...more so than females :blush: I guess you guys will be expecting a thread about it soon.. Just when you think you've got yourself nailed to the wall something else crops up :lol:

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I became more accepting of the idea of romantic abilities without sex and it grew from being aromantic to kinda gynoromantic, so I'd say it's a significant change.

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Frigid Pink

My romantic identity has evolved since I found the asexual community. When I first joined AVEN, I didn't really understand what romantic attraction was or whether I experienced it. At the time, I considered myself "aromantic" because I was only interested in friendships.

I have a better understanding now of what romantic attraction means to me and am currently in a romantic relationship.

Romantic attraction, for me, means a desire to be physically close with someone. Physical closeness is what separates a friendship from a romantic relationship for me because, although I'm emotionally close with both my friends and my partner, I only desire physical closeness with my partner. I desire nonsexual physical touch, like cuddling, holding hands, and kissing, with my partner. I don't desire much physical touch with my friends. I may welcome a hug or a high five, but I don't want to cuddle, hold hands, or kiss someone I consider a friend.

I have learned that having a desire to be physically affectionate with someone is an indication of romantic attraction for me. Romantic attraction, for me, has to do with how I desire to express my feelings for someone. If physical affection is a part of that desire, especially specific kinds of physical touch, like cuddling, then I consider that feeling romantic and my attraction to that person as romantic.

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Vampyremage

I selected that it has changed but only in subtle ways. Most prominently is the fact that I wasn't aware of the difference between sexual and romantic identity before joining the asexual community. Beyond that, I have come to identify pas pan rather than bi and that is mainly due to the fact of having a better grasp of the definitions and differences of each. The idea of panromanticism and pansexuality simply isn't as well known as biromanticism or bisexuality, but in my instance the definition fits better.

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I voted I am not sure. I've been going back and forth between romantic and aromantic.

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estrella fugaz

I voted I am not sure. Before identifying as asexual, I was questioning whether I was heterosexual or bisexual. Now that I know I'm asexual, I'm questioning if I'm heteroromantic or biromantic. XD

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I voted "It's complicated," though I'm leaning toward "Yes, it's changed signficantly." When I first found AVEN I thought I might be panromantic, but lately I've been wondering if I'm not aromantic instead.

Fun times. Gotta love confusion.

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Guest member25959

I wouldn't have said that my romantic identity has evolved or changed since I discovered the Asexual community, rather that I have just discovered a label for it.

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the Lady Ashuko

As I said in the Romantic Orientation poll, I'm not sure. I always thought I was biromantic, but since discovering AVEN I've also learned more about myself. I hate kissing and my squishes consist mainly of wanting to spend time with specific people (and looking forward to seeing them) and the specific desires towards each individual person subsides after getting to know the person really well (becoming friends) or not seeing them any more. The confusion came after I realized that I had basically cast aside the notion of dating and was not bothered by how it had worked out. Perhaps Aromantic? Aromatic...xD hope not!

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My identity hasn't changed much in this regard. I'm still not completely sure, but my view altogether hasn't evolved. I'm just more aware of what it is that I'm searching for in relationships wether they be about friendship or romance.

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  • 10 months later...

Sorry to revive a dead topic but I've been thinking about this lately. I used to get crushes on people on a regular basis, and they used to last at least a month. In the past three years or so, I've felt that feeling maybe two or three times and it's lasted no more than a couple of days. So whereas I used to have interests in people that led me to wonder if there was anything in my interest that maybe I could build a relationship on, right now there doesn't seem to be anything. Nobody interests me more than anybody else, and nobody these days interests me much.

I'm not sure I liked them when they were there but I feel like my life is a little emptier without 'em.

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Pandora's Fox

For some peculiar reason I have already voted in this poll despite only have recently joined when this poll was made and I do not remember this poll.

Whatever my answer was, no it has not changed except perhaps a little more certain that I am aromantic.

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Janus the Fox

Nope, still Aromantic for the 4 months I've been here, still thinking about it but I'm more of a social outcast to even contemplate romance. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Funnily enough, I logged back into the forums today after, um, a long time and was quite surprised when I realised I had labelled myself aromantic. Nowadays, I know I'm definitely romantic, I'd quite like to be in a romantic relationship when someone right comes along.

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The Pofessional

I'd say it was more of discovery than evolution.

But I voted "changed in subtle ways".

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Yes, my romantic identity has changed a lot, for the following reasons:

1. I now know that just because you are asexual, doesnt mean you are not interested in anyone in a romantic way.

2. I was not sure of the difference between a squish and a crush, but now I know my current is definetly a crush. It seems to have got stronger, and a lot of my daydreams about us involve us being a couple, having my first (official-dont count the one I had when I was younger, which was barely romantic and lasted about 5 seconds) kiss with her, her admitting that she has a crush on me...

3. I accept that I have a crush on a girl, even though I am not open about it to people I know, I accept it in myself, like I will not feel ashamed if I think about her in a romantic way.

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Janus the Fox

I suppose I'm beginning to reconise the difference between psysical and romantic attractions, I think? (possible bi/pan romantic possible Bi/homosexual, changing week by week, interesting to see how things change)

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  • 5 months later...

Going from "fire-spewing, raging antiromantic" to identifying as "romance repulsed romantic struggling with anti tendencies" in merely a week... yep, I checked "It changed significantly". Just reading the label "romance repulsed" the first time was such an eye-opener. :)

Oh, and I second Sontaran, with the "I would never have heard of lith otherwise", too.

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Filthy Pazuzu

Complicated? You might say that ;)

First, I've just found the asexual community this week. But it was (finally) figuring out my romantic (and sexual) identity that brought me here. In the past almost all relationships I've been in crashed and burned early. I did not enjoy the sex at all and, after a few days or weeks, didn't enjoy anything else about them. I looked back at the only 2 that had lasted and been far more than just "enjoyable", the 2 times I was genuinely in love. One thing they both had in common was the long time before engaging in any sexual behavior - over a year in both instances.

Ah, an epiphany! (OK, totally obvious in retrospect.) I stopped entering into quick, meaningless relationships. Haven't missed them at all. I'm actually much, much happier.

I think that I'm not aromantic or asexual, but I do require a long period of romantic and emotional bonding with an individual. We both have to care deeply about one another before I'm sexually attracted to them, and that such individuals do not come by often.

In the meantime I'm perfectly content on my own.

Other than that, I'm just not interested.

It's nice to have finally figured this stuff out. There's no telling how long - if at all - it would've taken me to figure this out had I not found this place.

Thanks!

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AceOfAwesome

Even in the short time I've been here, I'd say yes. When I started here, I thought I was romantic of some description. The more I learned, it then went to grey-romantic, and finally aromantic.

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kinpatsuyatsu89

For me, yes.. Before I joined, I thought that what I felt or wanted didn't exist.. So I thought I'd just have to make an excuse to get out of having sex with a partner.. but now, it's got a name. I can actually tell my future partner about this...

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belovedless

I believe it has changed significantly. Prior to finding the asexual community, I assumed I was a lesbian. Then, after grappling with asexuality for a year and spending some time on AVEN, I realized that I was actually biromantic. This has been a pretty significant shift for me, since for the last three years, I have been one of the most vocal femme lesbians at my college. Now, I suppose I'll just become the most vocal biromantic asexual.

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  • 4 months later...

This poll is being locked and moved to the read only Census archive for it's respective year. As part of ongoing Census organization, and in an attempt to keep the demographics of the polls current with the active user base at the time, the polls will last for one year from now on. However, members are allowed and even encouraged to re-start new polls similar to the archived ones if they like them.

Lady Girl, Moderator

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