The grey area

[LanguageGame]

Hello all! (:

I discovered AVEN about 2 months ago. Partly because I’m a interested a bit in psychology and medicine, and partly because I’m trying to figure out and explore my sexuality.

I’m very thankful to AVEN for speaking up, giving a lot of useful information, making me think about asexuality and my sexuality in general etc. I haven’t read a lot of AVEN’s forum stuff but I see there’s a very friendly and broad-minded atmosphere. But I have read through AVENwiki. That gave me the knowledge to identify myself as a hetero-aromantic semisexual.

What am I doing here? Actually I won’t be doing here much, I believe. I’m mostly here for your feedback, your opinions and your suggestions. I think I’ve ever been a member of a forum only once, but after a couple of weeks or so I got tired and quit. Frankly, I’ve never really liked to participate in forums and chats but due to some more intellectual and personal aspects I decided to retry it.

AVEN is mostly about asexuality and its variations, but obviously not all the people here are Aces. Like me which I previously mentioned. There are few sexual people as well. But there are also many people who view themselves as a grey-A’s. I think it somewhat supports what I’m saying: http://www.asexuality.org/en/index.php?/topic/12838-asexual-semisexual-sexual/ (I only voted once, so it’s not all me).

I did some investigations on so-called grey-A. There a quite a lot of topics and posts dedicated to grey-A, but there are only few of them discussing about which word (words) should we use for better understanding and mutual consensus. I mean, at this moment several different terms are used at the same time, such as „grey-A“ (or „gray-A“), „demisexual“, „semisexual“, „hyposexual“ etc. Even AVENwiki offers a lot of different names: "hyposexual", "demisexual", "semisexual", "pseudosexual", "low sexual intensity", "low-key sexual", "soft sexual", "nearly sexual", "not quite sexual", "halfway sexual", "asexual-ish", "sexual-ish", "sexual but not very sexual", "almost sexual", "middling", and "gentle sexual".

So there’s a terminological mess (I’m only talking about the grey area, not about the asexual section). I think there’s quite a gap between asexuality and sexuality, which deserves a term (or only a few) for better understanding.

I think all we need is a catch-all word for the grey area. Maybe some of you also find that it would be necessary to create or agree on some words describing different variations in the grey area „box“. Maybe, although I personally believe the terms AVEN has created and given to describe asexuality, such as arousal, sex drive, sexual attraction, romantic, aromantic, aesthetic attraction etc, are also good enough for the grey area „box“.

I doubt this term describing the grey area is going to spread outside the AVEN that much, but it could help our own people talking about the grey area, identifying themselves as „greysexual“ (I made up this one). In my opinion, there are more greys in the world than we might suggest. But – AVEN is (all) about asexuality but as I’ve noticed, Aces and greys get along just fine.

So, I personally don’t prefer the words demisexual (http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Demisexual) and hyposexual . http://www.asexuality.org/wiki/index.php?title=Gray-A), because they describe something more specific than the whole grey area. And I personally wouldn’t prefer either any phrases like "low sexual intensity", "low-key sexual", "soft sexual", "nearly sexual", "not quite sexual", "halfway sexual", "sexual but not very sexual", "almost sexual" or "gentle sexual". I like a one-word term. But it’s not up to me, just giving you my opinion.

Here are the words I personally offer (don’t expect anything too original):

1. Semisexual (my first choice; I think AVENguy offered this already in 2003).

2. Greysexual (by far not as good as „semisexual“; I use „grey“ instead of „gray“ because then it’s more different from „gay“, and I also live in Europe).

I would offer some more if I had any good. Also, English isn’t my mother tongue, so it’s a bit hard for me construct new smart English words.

So, your opinions, suggestions? If you have a whole different approach, that’s welcome too.

[kakuloo]

I'm a fan of gray/grey-sexual myself. ^_^ But I also like to use the 'cuter' term Gray-Ace because...well, it's cuter. XD Also because I really feel like I can identify with the asexual community in a lot of things, so if I am going to label myself I want to have a label that connects more closely. =3

Semi/demisexual is okay, but I feel like it's way more formal (sort of like "gay" and "homosexual" or "straight" and "heterosexual", one is colloquial, the other is not.)

I also kind of like that there are so many different words. =D It makes me feel like I have a lot more choice if I want to talk about it. XD

[The Crazy Cat Lady]

As a gray-A lesbian, I prefer greysexual. I think it sounds better :)

[Niemand]

As a gray-A, I like the terms using the word "gray" (or "grey") in them, because I think it captures the entire gray area between sexual and asexual well. I could also see the choice of using the term "gray-asexual" or "gray-sexual" as depending on which crowd one is trying to fit into (e.g. using "gray-sexual" when coming out to a significant other or something because the word "asexual" might scare them.)

[G-Max]

So there’s a terminological mess

I've been saying that for over a month now...

[RandomDent]

Unfortunately this is what happens when you have a large collective of very different people bound by one element only. Arguably the same occurs with homosexuality (gay, queer, f-word, homo and so on may be offensive or acceptable to individuals), transexuality and all the other lovely parts of the big sexuality/gender rainbow.

Fact is, we can all no more agree on terms than we can agree on loving cake. So I suggest using any term that you feel suits you. If you use it here, chances are we can work out what you mean, and if you use it in the real world you'd probably have to explain it anyway :lol:

[Siggy]

As someone who has contributed to AVENwiki, I should give this warning: The wiki was created in 2006, but was not very well-maintained for several years. An improvement project is currently underway, and we'd love more contributors.

The AVENwiki, I think you'll agree, is still quite useful, but there are at least a few problems. One is that there is a lot of archaic language. From the wiki:

Other terms that have been used for the gray area include "hyposexual", "demisexual", "semisexual", "pseudosexual", "low sexual intensity", "low-key sexual", "soft sexual", "nearly sexual", "not quite sexual", "halfway sexual", "asexual-ish", "sexual-ish", "sexual but not very sexual", "almost sexual", "middling", and "gentle sexual".

The most prevalent terms I see are Gray-A and demisexual, which have different connotations. Gray-A is usually the umbrella term. As for the other words, some I've never seen used, others I've seen used rarely, and others I've only seen used when I've read old internet archives (6+ years). I'm not sure if the wiki includes all these other terms because they were in use in 2006, or if they're just there for completeness. Regardless, don't be mislead.

Oh, I should add that I identify as gray-A. :D Although to outside audiences I frequently just say "between gay and asexual" because the terminological mess can wait until after I explain the basics of asexuality.

Edited January 1, 2011 by GirlDreamer
Double post merged.