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Can anyone relate to this response?


WhenSummersGone

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WhenSummersGone

I've been talking to this guy through emails for awhile now, and he brought up the topic of sex a few emails back so I just wanted to share how badly this went:

My response - Well I consider myself asexual and I can say there's a difference between libido/sex drive and sexual attraction. For example if you put 100 straight men on an island they won't be sexually attracted to each other but they will still get horny. That is how I am. Well I masturbate basically, it's the only way I can get rid of that itch lol. I shouldn't share too much since we've never met but it has been 3 years since I've had sex so it's not an issue to me anymore

His response - Oh yea that makes sense...I'm sure you'll have sex again when you want to. A girl as good looking like yourself could easily find a guy. Masturbation is good, and girls are lucky since you have so many types of toys to help. I just have my hand. I dunno if this may be to personal, and i hope you don't take this in a weird way but have you ever thought about having sex with a friend or something? I mean its always more fun to have someone pleasure you over masturbation right? and don't worry or be ashamed of the three years thing...I haven't had sex in maybe a year and a half to two years, and I have gotten used to it but i still get super horny

Ya so pretty much he didn't understand at all what I was saying. I've followed up with an even longer response so if it still doesn't make sense to him then I'm linking him to this site lol

What bothered me the most is that he feels I'm worried or ashamed that I haven't had sex in 3 years :P

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WhenSummersGone

Ya it's frustrating. Even worse is those who don't even care to hear it and they feel everyone wants sex on some level or another

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Yeah - some people don't get it, and some just don't want to get it. It sucks and it's annoying but...as the saying goes 'You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink'.

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I know, it's just that they don't understand that it isn't something of which we are ashamed. This is just another example of how they think that we are something which we don't want to be, and so they respond out of pity.

I've gotten the response (after explaining what asexuality is), "Awwwwwww, that's so saaaadddd!" :huh:

And not to mention this: "Oh no, don't say that! You're a nice guy, dude. A girl would be lucky to get laid with you!" Bleah! :angry:

So I can definitely relate to this on many levels. It is beyond annoying, even though people aren't intentionally being mean, but rather they think they are trying to "help" us.

So I would definitely recommend linking this dude to this website. I've done the same with other people before, and it has proven very effective thus far. Good luck! 8)

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Ya it's frustrating. Even worse is those who don't even care to hear it and they feel everyone wants sex on some level or another

Oy, this. I've met quite a few people who absolutely reject the idea of someone not wanting sex. So frustrating. =_=

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It's so annoying that people can say something like that! It just the same as a straight man doesn't have to have sex with another man to know he's straight...

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Ya it's frustrating. Even worse is those who don't even care to hear it and they feel everyone wants sex on some level or another

Oy, this. I've met quite a few people who absolutely reject the idea of someone not wanting sex. So frustrating. =_=

It's almost like saying the sun has no sunspots (sunspots are a natural occurrence).

Or that everyone has the exact same DNA structure.

Humans. :rolleyes:

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It's so annoying that people can say something like that! It just the same as a straight man doesn't have to have sex with another man to know he's straight...

Exactly! This sums it all up, though many here on AVEN have mentioned this concept.

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This problem reminds me of something I read:

"Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed."

-Friedrich Nietzsche

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This problem reminds me of something I read:

"Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed."

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Yes, this can defintiely go a long way of explaining some of the negative responses alot of us AVENites seem to get from time to time.

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This problem reminds me of something I read:

"Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed."

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Wow, that's really good and so true ^_^

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This problem reminds me of something I read:

"Sometimes people don't want to hear the truth because they don't want their illusions destroyed."

-Friedrich Nietzsche

Yes, this can defintiely go a long way of explaining some of the negative responses alot of us AVENites seem to get from time to time.

It's certainly helped me understand the problem better. How to solve it once and for all, on the other hand...

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It's certainly helped me understand the problem better. How to solve it once and for all, on the other hand...

Yes, being able to solve the problem versus merely understanding the problem is a whole different ball game. I want to say that the only thing that can REALLY solve it is TIME. In time, as we get more visibility, the rest of the world will soon catch up to where we are now.

I have said this a number of times on this forum in the past, but it was only a half a century ago that HOMOSEXUALITY was ultimately dismissed as a mental illness that could be treated, and knowing what I know about the current overall perceptions of ASEXUALITY, I can make the hypothesis that it will not at all be long before it gains the recognition it deserves as a legit orientation.

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It's certainly helped me understand the problem better. How to solve it once and for all, on the other hand...

Yes, being able to solve the problem versus merely understanding the problem is a whole different ball game. I want to say that the only thing that can REALLY solve it is TIME. In time, as we get more visibility, the rest of the world will soon catch up to where we are now.

I have said this a number of times on this forum in the past, but it was only a half a century ago that HOMOSEXUALITY was ultimately dismissed as a mental illness that could be treated, and knowing what I know about the current overall perceptions of ASEXUALITY, I can make the hypothesis that it will not at all be long before it gains the recognition it deserves as a legit orientation.

It's a matter of time. Change is inevitable, so awareness will spread. That leads me to believe that asexuals will eventually have to go through the period that homosexuals are going through now to be truly accepted.

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It's certainly helped me understand the problem better. How to solve it once and for all, on the other hand...

Yes, being able to solve the problem versus merely understanding the problem is a whole different ball game. I want to say that the only thing that can REALLY solve it is TIME. In time, as we get more visibility, the rest of the world will soon catch up to where we are now.

I have said this a number of times on this forum in the past, but it was only a half a century ago that HOMOSEXUALITY was ultimately dismissed as a mental illness that could be treated, and knowing what I know about the current overall perceptions of ASEXUALITY, I can make the hypothesis that it will not at all be long before it gains the recognition it deserves as a legit orientation.

Yes, homosexuality wasn't accepted as widely as it's accepted today. Still, half a century ago homosexuality was not only unaccepted, but even in some countries criminalized. It was illegal to be a homosexual, and if it was found out that you're gay, you could even be sentented to pay huge fines or to serve time in prison.

However, homosexuality and asexuality differ somewhat significantly in that homosexuality has always had visibility: everyone has always heard that some people might be gay. Without a doubt, most people have never even heard of asexuality today. This means that in order for asexuality to be accepted, it must first gain a great deal of visibility after which it might have to go through the phases of discrimination, just like homosexuality did in the past. After the discrimination phase, ie. when the masses have wrapped their heads around the concept and stopped being in denial, then it might have the chance to gain real recognition and accceptance.

I'd say more than a half a century is needed for this: the denial phase alone might last that long. I'd say around a century or so would be needed :)

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I guess another thing that others find hard to believe asexuals really do exist is that the concept of not feeling sexual attraction is sort of foreign to them. While some people may not understand feeling sexual attraction for someone of the same sex, they still know how it is to feel the attracted. But they can't really relate to not feeling that at all, only if you are a little kid.

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WhenSummersGone

Good news! This guy is opened to learning more about Asexuality. I'm glad to hear it because I thought he wouldn't be just based on the response I posted. Wheither he understand or not at least he will know about it

Also he said he always thought Asexuality was within plants. It's just too bad that people don't realize that that is asexual reproduction not orientation

With the Homosexuality thing, it sucks that some people still believe that it can be cured. Not to mention that Religion is a big part of why Homosexuality can't move forward faster than it is now. I'm not saying Religion is bad but when it affects others then it is crossing a line. I support Gay marriage and I don't think it's anyones responsibility to stop that from happening, especially when it doesn't even affect you

Hopefully one day everyone will be treated as people (not based sexual orientation, gender, sex, or what they believe in)

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Yes, homosexuality wasn't accepted as widely as it's accepted today. Still, half a century ago homosexuality was not only unaccepted, but even in some countries criminalized. It was illegal to be a homosexual, and if it was found out that you're gay, you could even be sentented to pay huge fines or to serve time in prison.

However, homosexuality and asexuality differ somewhat significantly in that homosexuality has always had visibility: everyone has always heard that some people might be gay. Without a doubt, most people have never even heard of asexuality today. This means that in order for asexuality to be accepted, it must first gain a great deal of visibility after which it might have to go through the phases of discrimination, just like homosexuality did in the past. After the discrimination phase, ie. when the masses have wrapped their heads around the concept and stopped being in denial, then it might have the chance to gain real recognition and accceptance.

I'd say more than a half a century is needed for this: the denial phase alone might last that long. I'd say around a century or so would be needed :)

I totally agree with this. Things like this takes time. But I think it might be easier for people to accept it once the visibility is out there. Seeing that people are more accepting to gay and bisexuals, I think people will be a bit more open to other kind of sexualities too...

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I guess another thing that others find hard to believe asexuals really do exist is that the concept of not feeling sexual attraction is sort of foreign to them. While some people may not understand feeling sexual attraction for someone of the same sex, they still know how it is to feel the attracted. But they can't really relate to not feeling that at all, only if you are a little kid.

That makes me wonder how sexuality can be so rooted in some people's identities... so much that it is anchored into their perception of others. I suppose that would be coming back to the Nietzche quote though. There is difficulty in even recognizing that there is an illusion in the first place- as far as the way they view others, it seems.

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Shortass Lady

It sounds like this guy is trying to make an effort to understand. Ignorance I don't mind, as long as it's coupled with open-mindedness. Which seems to be the case here. What I despise is people who tell you you're wrong and refuse to accept a new concept into their little minds

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For example if you put 100 straight men on an island they won't be sexually attracted to each other but they will still get horny.

That is an awesome analogy, i may use that.

Yeah, i've found some people don't understand not wanting sex. Sometimes it seems to me like even if people are repulsed by homosexuality at least the response validates the attraction. But try and explain to someone that you just plain don't want to have sex with anyone ever is so far out of their scope they can't deal with it.

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WhenSummersGone

But try and explain to someone that you just plain don't want to have sex with anyone ever is so far out of their scope they can't deal with it.

I know right? Just because the majority of people have sex that must mean everyone does it <_<

I'm even more surprised that Doctors, Sex Therapist's, etc., have never heard of Asexuality, or if they have they haven't tried to understand it. I mean I can understand others not knowing about it but those who work directly in that area should have heard something by now

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