Do you think not coming out hurts the community?

[henrik]

"Coming out" is usually covered a lot in these sorts of podcasts and is universally hailed as a good thing for everybody. But what if you just want to stay in and not deal with the hassle or repercussions of coming out. Is it as respectable and if it is, what are the ways to stay in without blowing your cover? These questions and a lot of tangential sidelines are at the core of this episode of A Life.

Please do add your thoughts about the subject, but I urge you to listen to the show first. It will considerably clarify the poll and give tons of thought-provoking entertainment. You can find the show here:

http://alifepodcast.wordpress.com/

[TheChronicWanderer]

(I voted the second answer)

I do think coming out is the best way to raise awareness about asexuality, but I understand not everyone lives in a community that is open-minded and accepting.

I haven't come out to everyone because I live in the south... and you aren't really considered a person unless you are a white, married, heterosexual male or female (none of the neither/both/other "nonsense" would fly down here.) who works a full time job, is a college grad, and owns at least 4 or so American flags. This makes coming out to people really hard. So Instead, I pose as an ally for the asexual and LGBT community, and raise awareness by posting lots of PostSecret and Hot Pieces of Ace videos on my facebook, which makes me a 'flamer enabler' down here.

[GreenMouse]

I think coming out is a choice that everybody should make independently, based on their current circumstances. It is a good idea to get visibility, and I'm all in favour of visibility projects led by those who are comfortable promoting it, but nobody should be forced to come out if it sacrifices their comfort or security.

[rosa_vescida]

The community is made by people with almost the same opinions ,there is strenght in number-in this context "coming out" builds faith in the every ones choices!Speaking loud by your own is one thing but 100 voices are more convincing!

I will not blame the ones that are scared to talk about themselves-the greatest battle is inside them!one the "war" is over everything will be more lucid!

[Selk]

I think people should come out because the best way for people to accept us is if they see that asexuals are all over the place and it isn't just a phase. On a large scale, 1% is quite a fair number of people overall. I voted the second option because if people decided they do have a reason to keep it secret, it is their life and thus, their choice.

[Zardoz]

But what if you just want to stay in and not deal with the hassle or repercussions of coming out. Is it as respectable and if it is, what are the ways to stay in without blowing your cover?

Its easy to not come out and easy to hide from the repercussions but nothing worthwhile is easy. We need to come out and we need to make our presence known in and among our communities. The LGBT community has come as far as they have because of making themselves known in great numbers in many communities. There is great strength in numbers, but first we must have the courage to come out and endure what is thrown at us. This is the only way Asexuality will ever become more accepted, more widely. Without what the LGBT community went through they would not have the recognition, rights and acceptance they have today.

[Blerdivor]

I voted other. I'm kind of out; it's not really a secret, but I don't care about visibility.

[ily]

I think people should come out because the best way for people to accept us is if they see that asexuals are all over the place and it isn't just a phase. On a large scale, 1% is quite a fair number of people overall. I voted the second option because if people decided they do have a reason to keep it secret, it is their life and thus, their choice.

I agree with this. People need to know that asexuals are all around them. I think most visibility really takes place in person-to-person interactions. But of course, it's not safe for everyone to come out to everyone at any time, and it's important to be wary of that.

[oneofthesun]

It depends on what you mean by coming out. Explaining to people that you don't want sex is good, but I don't like using the word asexual because I think we need to stop trying to put human sexuality into boxes. No matter how many boxes we make, not everyone will fit. Better to promote the belief that everyone's sexuality should be respected no matter what it is.

[InfiniteConciousness]

It depends on what you mean by coming out. Explaining to people that you don't want sex is good, but I don't like using the word asexual because I think we need to stop trying to put human sexuality into boxes. No matter how many boxes we make, not everyone will fit. Better to promote the belief that everyone's sexuality should be respected no matter what it is.

Yes you just have 2 or more boxes. Calling youself and aromantic asexual is just as valid as calling yourself asexual on its own.

[Pandora's Fox]

I voted it's a choice.

[Moon Thief]

I wouldn't necessarily consider it bad that not everyone is proud to come out. I feel that everyone has a choice whether they want to come out or not. The more important fact is for individuals to be happy and accept themselves.

[Sally]

The gay/lesbian community didn't have much of a choice: they could either live an obvious lie (which is really damaging to a person) or come out. There was something publically visible involved: partners/dates of the same gender. Asexuals don't have that situation; whether we come out or not is pretty much up to us. I think it should be, unless someone asks, in which case we explain, and don't get upset if they don't understand the first time.

Re coming out, my opinion (only my opinion; others may differ) is that it's a mistake to come out to your parents. If you're young, they're going to say you're too young to know and you'll be upset. If you're older and they're even older, THEY'RE going to be upset (probably). I don't think coming out to family helps visibility; it's just an attempt to get approval and often as not it doesn't get the reaction you hope for, and you feel worse.

[PiF]

I still stand by the fact that you cannot moan about people being ignorant of asexuality if you yourself won't disclose yours

given however..most of our members are 3-6 monthers looking for discovery so are unsure of thier asexuality or if they are at all...I would generally be more understanding of those not declaring..in that position

[Member 35376]

I voted "other" so here goes the explanation.

If I exclude really intimate situations where I have to tell the person I am with... I do not see any reason why I should tell anyone straight out who and what I am. IF people CARE to listen and actually THINK.. they will actually come quite far in understanding me because I always speak "between the lines" and give quite a few "hints" now and then. Sometimes I am quite annoyed by peoples.. "laziness".. I have walked through this life and often had the capability to explain EXACTLY what I do and why but others either seem to not care that much about sharing their "version" of their life OR they do not have the capability (of course I cannot know the ultimate answer). But it is clear for me.. I have spent too much time and energy on explaining who I am in this life.. in my own very subjective POV it's time for others to explain why they act and behave the way they do.

As for the whole "community-question".. I once chose to not "represent" or "be part" of.. anything. That decision is probably final due to very strong personal reasons which I simply do not discuss at all. Though I see AVEN as a very good community "in all logic aspects".