Asexual vs. Sexual Aversion Disorder?

[InkedElephant]

Hey guys, 'sup.

So I am on the fence about a possible relationship with a sexual guy. I've been weighing my options and considering any plans of action and thought to myself, what is my true attitude towards sex? I never think about it at all as I prefer a person's company and a bit of romance. So recently, I've been forcing myself to think about being intimate with someone and I get scared/freaked out at the idea of an approaching penis. I always either imagine myself pushing/kicking this person away from me and running away or curling up in a very small ball. I can barely bring myself to think about anything beyond that. (And, uh, please respect what I'm saying here. Thanks. ^_^ )

I'm not about to diagnose myself with any disorder because I'm far from being a doctor, but I'm still curious. I am dandy with being asexual, but this attitude towards sex slightly frustrates me.

I know that many asexuals don't have a problem with sex, but for those who do, what is your true attitude? Is it fear? or hatred?

some readin':

http://web4health.info/en/answers/sex-dislike-what.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_aversion_disorder (automatically redirects)

and, definitely,

[Pandoren]

Hmm... I wouldn't have said hatred... maybe there is an element of fear... but it's mainly the fact that I plain don't want it and would find anything like that an invasion of my personal space, a violation of my body and something that I know is going to be hideously boring and/or painful (assuming we are talking hetero sex especially).

[Sally]

I don't fear or hate the type of foods I don't like. I simply don't like them, and I simply don't like sex. That dislike has been borne out by much experience with it.

[Lord Happy Toast]

As far as I can tell, Sexual Aversion Disorder is a classified as a sexual dysfunction because there was one very influential sex therapist (Hellen Singer Kaplan) who thought it would be a disorder, and so it became a disorder. Now she's dead, and the plan is for this diagnosis to get the axe in the next version of the DSM. You can read about the research on the subject and the reasons for this proposal here: The DSM Diagnostic Criteria for Sexual Aversion Disorder. It may be a bit technical, but I don't think it should be too hard to follow. (Also, the paper is short.)

[Sciatrix]

What mandrewliter said.

Also, there isn't anything pathological about being grossed out by sex. There are repulsed asexual posters here--I hope no one is going to suggest that they're broken in any way for that.

[ily]

Well...that doesn't sound unusual for an asexual. Some asexuals don't mind having sex, and some do. If you're one that minds, then yeah, it makes sense that sex would freak you out. I think unwanted sex would freak out anyone though, be you asexual or not.

[annesleyefriendo]

I am generally disgusted by sex, and I am definitely an asexual. The idea of intercourse in any way grosses me out and makes me uncomfortable, but I certainly don't think there is anything wrong with that.

[Sally]

As far as I can tell, Sexual Aversion Disorder is a classified as a sexual dysfunction because there was one very influential sex therapist (Hellen Singer Kaplan) who thought it would be a disorder, and so it became a disorder. Now she's dead, and the plan is for this diagnosis to get the axe in the next version of the DSM.

Another loveable thing about psychiatry: someone has to die for a group of people to be non-classified as being pathological.

[Kalea]

I'm not about to diagnose myself with any disorder because I'm far from being a doctor, but I'm still curious. I am dandy with being asexual, but this attitude towards sex slightly frustrates me.

I know that many asexuals don't have a problem with sex, but for those who do, what is your true attitude? Is it fear? or hatred?

I'm in a similar boat, I think. I'm somewhat frustrated by my attitudes towards sex (involving me, not others), since even though I am at least somewhat repulsed by the idea of having sex, I would love to get married and have (biological) children one day. And being repulsed by sex makes things waaaay difficult to meet those desires. So yeah, it frustrates me, especially not knowing if I could even tolerate sex for the sole purpose of procreation. I'd say for me, my attitude at least in part stems from fear - of being vulnerable, of not being good enough, etc. I'm (usually) OK with my asexuality, but like the OP my repulsed attitude towards sex frustrates me.

Not that this helps at all... just commiseration, I suppose!

[InkedElephant]

thanks guys! and a special thanks to mandrewliter for the link.

[Amedot]

Let's put it this way... If I offered you a tall glass full of cow's blood, would you be disgusted at the idea of drinking it? It's not fear, it's not hatred, it's simply being repulsed by something you do not want to do. You sound like you are repulsed by sex, and while I can understand that being annoying (especially if you wish to pursue a romantic relationship), I don't think it's anything you can control.

If it makes you feel any better, I used to be insanely repulsed and now I'm more disinterested than anything. I suppose everything can change, though we cannot really force them to.