Do you feel comfortable as an asexual in your religious community?

[The A Life Team]

Does asexuality have a place in religion? The team discuses this, celibacy and religion itself in the latest episode of A Life.

Please do add your thoughts about the subject, but I urge you to listen to the show first. It will considerably clarify the poll and give tons of thought-provoking entertainment. You can find the show here:

http://alifepodcast.wordpress.com/

[Question?]

:) I think that all the people at my church that know seem to have been really ok with it, i think because it is almost like celibacy that they don't see it as an issue, much less than my bi/pan romanticness anyway :)

[Gothwarrior]

In my case, being Christian, being asexual isn't bad at all as long as you are not practicing the act of fornication which, evidently, asexuals do not take part in a regular basis. As long as I'm not having sex my religious community is exceptionally fine with it. Staying away from "immoral" acts is a very important part of being a "true" Christian. So yes, I feel comfortable enough, insecurites aside.

[TheChronicWanderer]

I only go to church because that is part of "the deal" with my parents. <_<

This is a great topic because a few weeks ago, my pastor preached against having a celibate marriage. Apparently that's a sin? So I just say I have "the gift of singleness" which is Bible-speak for aromantic asexual, and people don't mind. (I am actually panromantic, but that is kind of frowned upon so I don't tell anyone at my church.)

[Sally]

My rabbis have performed commitment ceremonies for gays and lesbians in my Jewish synagogue. We also have member couples who live together without marriage. I doubt if anyone would be upset if they knew an asexual was a member, which I haven't felt it necessary to announce.

[Ace of Swords]

The church I go to is Mormon. They are trying to set me up with a mate to get married and have sex with. I do not feel accepted.

[The7thSage]

Yes, very much. It's certainly more comfortable than hiding the fact that my primary interest is in women when I am a female, even if it's romantic versus sexual attraction, really.

[LoserArtJunkie]

I'm an atheist, but I live in a very religious community. The two most common responses that I get when discussing asexuality with religious folks around here are:

1) It's bad because humans are meant to go forth and multiply. Basically the same argument that many people use against homosexuality: if you are not pairing off with another human of the opposite gender and making lots of little humans, you are disobeying god.

2) It's good because a nature lack of sexual desire makes us sinless, pure, and innocent. Priests, nuns, and other religious followers often choose a life of celibacy to focus more closely on god, so we are lucky and blessed to not have been born with the 'dirty' urges of normal humans, which may allow us to attain a closer relationship with god.

Both of those responses tend to make me choke on whatever I'm drinking.

[Jingo]

I only go to church because that is part of "the deal" with my parents. <_<

This is a great topic because a few weeks ago, my pastor preached against having a celibate marriage. Apparently that's a sin? So I just say I have "the gift of singleness" which is Bible-speak for aromantic asexual, and people don't mind. (I am actually panromantic, but that is kind of frowned upon so I don't tell anyone at my church.)

So I went and researched a little on celibate marriage and it being a sin, and most of what I saw was that it was a sin because that means you're holding out on your partner? There was a little bit about it not being healthy to not have sex but then again you have people that remain celibate and single for religious reasons and that's fine. As far as I can see, if you married an asexual it shouldn't be a problem because neither of you are denying your partner sex, you just don't want it to begin with.

I'm currently only vaguely associated with a religious community, and I don't think it's ever made me uncomfortable on an asexuality front (except once where the pastor said that a woman has no right to withhold sex from her husband and I assume vice-versa). I've never told anyone at church besides my mother that I'm asexual so I haven't met any direct opposition about it.

[Sally]

2) It's good because a nature lack of sexual desire makes us sinless, pure, and innocent.

Wow. So you can do any other awful stuff and still be "sinless" as long as you don't desire sex.

Both of those responses tend to make me choke on whatever I'm drinking.

:P

[Amputation Defenestration]

I marked other because while I'm part of a religious community, I'm not part of a..religion, and I sometimes do and sometimes don't, depending on the topic of conversation, who's speaking, and countless other variables. When the topic turns to lust or purity or some such nonsense, I get both uncomfortable in my aceness and righteously angry in my feminism.

[Baroness Peron]

I'm a Christian, and though my church doesn't know about my asexual-ness I sincerely doubt that they would care. I can't think of any reason that it would bug them and they're not the pushy kind of church that thinks it means I was destined to be a missionary or something like that.

[P is for...]

i was a Catholic convert for over 15 years, but ending up ceasing to practice, not because they would not have accepted my asexuality--i believe that's pretty much a non-issue in the Catholic church as a whole, for a variety of reasons--but because they would not accept my status as transgender. i have since downgraded (heh) to the Episcopal church, specifically to a parish which has pledged its support to the local queer community. it fully accepts and celebrates anyone who chooses to worship there, no matter who or what they are, which i find quite liberating and refreshing and, truthfully, much more in keeping with my understanding of the love of God. plus they've got the high liturgy thing going on, which is pretty much what drew me to the Catholic church in the first place. mmm, smells & bells. gotta love it.

[GooberPeaAndMe]

I don't belong to a religion, but you could say that I belong to the atheist community. If we're going by the community model, then I would have no reason to feel uncomfortable as an asexual in my religious community. That's the beauty of atheism.

[Guest]

I don't live in a religious area but I do belong to a religious family. I haven't told anyone in my church but I've told my mom, who believes it's low hormones and the prescriptions I take. (I haven't told her I stopped taking them months ago.)

I think if I told anyone in my church I'd get a stern talking-to, probably because they'd think I was seeking attention.

[Rhaenys]

No not at all.

In my country and society the church has a big role and I don't feel like coming out to anyone in my religious community because they are rather traditional and set in their Christian ways especially the older generation. I tried to explain to one lady what asexuality and she refused to accept it and kept ranting about " God made women to be companion of man and it's not ethical for a young woman to stay single all her life cause that is not what God intended "

[Sally]

i was a Catholic convert for over 15 years, but ending up ceasing to practice, not because they would not have accepted my asexuality--i believe that's pretty much a non-issue in the Catholic church as a whole, for a variety of reasons--but because they would not accept my status as transgender. i have since downgraded (heh) to the Episcopal church, specifically to a parish which has pledged its support to the local queer community. it fully accepts and celebrates anyone who chooses to worship there, no matter who or what they are, which i find quite liberating and refreshing and, truthfully, much more in keeping with my understanding of the love of God. plus they've got the high liturgy thing going on, which is pretty much what drew me to the Catholic church in the first place. mmm, smells & bells. gotta love it.

to your community for raising up gay Gene Robinson as bishop and a gay woman (don't know her name) as bishop.

[Dylan-Michael]

Yup.

I'm Catholic and we're prudish when it comes to sex.

(Which I don't mind, being Asexual and all.)

mmm, smells & bells. gotta love it.

My Parish no longer does smells. :(

We do have electronic bells before and after mass. :D

[~Salem~]

No not at all.

I'm forced to go to a bad church. They degrade women and are very sexist. They already say I'm extremely violent because I'm goth (I practically cry my eyes out when I accidentally kill a gnat by the way). If they knew, I can only imagine how I would be in trouble. I can only imagine them saying on how I Need to get married, Need to have children, and Need to always submit to them. I can only imagine all the other things they would say

[LoserArtJunkie]

No not at all.

I'm forced to go to a bad church. They degrade women and are very sexist. They already say I'm extremely violent because I'm goth (I practically cry my eyes out when I accidentally kill a gnat by the way). If they knew, I can only imagine how I would be in trouble. I can only imagine them saying on how I Need to get married, Need to have children, and Need to always submit to them. I can only imagine all the other things they would say

Serious sympathy from my corner, that's absolutely horrible... is it your family forcing you to go? Is there any way you can tell them you aren't comfortable and safely GTFO of that environment?

Awesome display pic, by the way. :D

[~Salem~]

No not at all.

I'm forced to go to a bad church. They degrade women and are very sexist. They already say I'm extremely violent because I'm goth (I practically cry my eyes out when I accidentally kill a gnat by the way). If they knew, I can only imagine how I would be in trouble. I can only imagine them saying on how I Need to get married, Need to have children, and Need to always submit to them. I can only imagine all the other things they would say

Serious sympathy from my corner, that's absolutely horrible... is it your family forcing you to go? Is there any way you can tell them you aren't comfortable and safely GTFO of that environment?

Awesome display pic, by the way. :D

My family forces me to go. I'm soon going to talk to them about allowing me to go else where.

Thank you. Your's is cool too

[annwyl_cariad]

I'm Catholic. In general I feel pretty comfortable since I'm single, so not having sex is a good thing. If I were to marry an asexual guy and live in a sexless marriage, though, that would certainly be frowned upon (despite the fact that according to doctrine Mary and Joseph had a sexless marriage...oh, contradictions). So I just would probably let them assume that we were having sex and not worry about it. Although it would be annoying, especially when the issue of children inevitably started to come up. After a while we'd probably either get pity if they assumed we were infertile or (more likely) judgment because they'd assume we were using birth control.

Of course, if I eventually marry a woman that certainly won't go over well, even if we're both asexual and aren't actually having girlsex. And I'm pretty sure they wouldn't even know what to think if I ended up with someone non-binary, hahaha. But for now, since I'm single, the worst reaction I get is pity. Which is still annoying but I can usually convince them that I'm happy being single while I focus on my career.

On a different note...Jesus as a Time Lord? OH MY GOD IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE WHY DID I NEVER THINK OF THAT? :lol:

[Wendy London]

Hi all!

I am a Buddhist and mainly study the Theravada tradition (enjoyed the podcast comments on Zen). It is difficult to say too much about my asexuality and Buddhism as whether you have sex or not, and what your orientation is, isn’t really an issue.

As far as sex goes, there are 5 (for lay people) precepts which Buddha recommends, amongst these is the precept to ‘refrain from sexual misconduct’. In a nutshell this means refraining from sexual activity which causes others to suffer.

Sex is seen as any other worldly desire. It is encouraged that you understand your attachments, aversions and desires so you can have a healthy relationship with things that doesn’t disturb the mind, (the ‘Middle Way’)

I often feel really lucky in my practice to be asexual. There are so many attachments, aversions and desires I fight with in my meditation and on retreats (that make me laugh and make me cry) that having one less is great!

Individual practice is key to Buddhism, but sharing your progress is also encouraged. When I have spoken to my teacher and other students about sex it becomes ever more apparent that me working with having no sexual desire is part of my path and has taught me many valuable insights. Others have worked with stronger sexual desires, and this has been as beneficial to them as my experiences.

Obviously I can’t say this is the cause for all Buddhists, but I have only experienced being accepted within my religion which has in turn reinforced that I accept others.

:D

[Sam(MadiLee)]

Absolutely. I'm a Jehovahs Witness, and sex before marriage is banned. As I have no interest in sex, the elders are perfectly happy to accept me the way I am.

[livengood]

I am a protestant Christian and I seriously doubt my church would have an issue with it. I have not discussed it with them, nor will I as I am comfortable in my faith. The bible does say be fruitful and multiply but it does not say "Thou shalt have sex or be condemned!". Infact, marriage is frowned upon in the bible as it takes away from serving God. It depends on how you view it, but in my view...I'm comfortable. :)

[StoryWitch]

It's interesting--I voted "Totally" even though Paganism has a strong emphasis on the sanctity of sexuality. The sexual union of the Goddess and the God, which produces a child (who grows up to be the God himself--mind-boggling, I know) is a major part of the Wheel of the Year. (The Wheel is marked by eight annual holidays, or Sabbats, and the eight Sabbat rituals are the only public religious gatherings I currently attend.) However, although the religion focuses heavily on this heterosexual union, my Pagan group is full of LGBT folks who are clearly fully welcome and accepted, and I just can't imagine that I wouldn't get the same cheerful non-reaction if I were to come out as ace one day. In my view, at least, the Lady and Lord are just metaphors for the inherent divinity in all of us--it's basically pantheism disguised as duotheism--and so whatever balance or total lack of feminity or masculinity we have within us, whatever sexuality or lack thereof, we're still divine, cosmic, part of the human race and all of nature and the endless cycle of birth/life/death/rebirth.

In short, I think my fellow Pagans have bigger things to ponder than whether I want to get laid, and they're happy to ponder those things alongside me. :)

[Ignotus]

I really don't care.

I'm a muslim , though my parents are conservative one's . The strictly forbids me to talk about sex cuz it's taboo, soo somehow i'm feeling comfortable being Asexual. No need to worry about that one.

But once i started to talk about not getting marriage hm.. they don't seem happy about that, but that's another thing.

<_<