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About what age range did you reach when the nagging (finally) stopped?


Trolley Girl

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This is arguably the first ever thread I've posted in the "Older Asexuals" forum. Seeing as I am only 23, I can said to be alot younger than most of the folks who post threads here, but I am posting this thread for reasonable cause.

For those of you who are long past the days of people telling you things like "it's a phase" or "you haven't mat the right person yet" or "you're a late bloomer" or "You're too young to know that" or the like, I am curious: About what age range did you have to reach before it finally stopped, and the naggers finally realized that you were right all along, and that they were just wasting their time throwing those lines of crap at you? Because I still get these from time to time, and it just makes me (sort of) anxious.

I know this may be difficult for some to answer, depending on how much you discuss these sort of matters with anyone else. This is definitely NOT a black and white concept. I expect the answers to this question to very considerably within an infinitely wide range. Plus, the dying-out of the days when people considered you to be too YOUNG to know or understand yourself doesn't just magically happen, it happens gradually, as we all know.

So, fire away with some answers if you have any. Tell me what age range you THINK may be the magical "older" that has to be reached before people finally quit it with the remarks that we younger aces still have to endure.

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Does it ever stop? Im 38 and I still have people telling me that. For the most part it stopped when my mom died 4 years ago. She was on me all the time. My family says it every once in a while. I typically get it from extended family members. Friends say it all the time. I really dont think it ever stops. I think for some people it's their way of showing "concern" for you - we're in a society that likes to pair us up and when we're not paired up that means there's something wrong with us.

My mom used to tell me that all the time "people keep asking me what's wrong with you! Why cant you be normal?!"

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mad_scientist

My Aunt is 45 and all indications suggest she's probably asexual (although she's never said as much). The general opinion is that she's a bit mentally ill.

Although that might be compounded by other life choices.

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In my experience the comments definitely declined when I was in my mid-forties. They became virtually nonexistent when I hit 50 (I’m 55 now). By then they (I assume) feel that you’re a hopeless case and it’s a waste of time trying anymore.

For women it probably never ends. Society for some reason feels that a woman isn’t complete unless there’s “a man in your life” no matter what their age.

So I hate to say it but you probably got about 25 more years of it to put up with.

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@Simona: (Caution: this may be VERY heated)

Holy shit! That's f**kin' ridiculous!!! People need to get their grip on reality!!!! Why can't people just STFU and realize that you don't have to be paired up with someone in order to be "complete"??? WHY do some people think that everyone is DYING to meet someone and that everyone wants/has to be part of a PAIR???

And last I checked, 21st century =/= Middle Ages

Sorry you have to endure all this nonsense. Your situation reminds me of the song "People = Shit" by the metal band Slipknot. Relax, you'll be fine. If you've managed to make it to your current age without letting it all get the better of you, I'd say you're golden. Just continue to be happy with your life. It's all you can do. 8)

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@mad_scientist: (WARNING: May also be very heated)

Anyone who thinks your aunt is mentally ill are probably mentally ill themselves, the slimeballs! Why don't people understand that being a part of a pair is a choice, and NOT A REQUIREMENT??? Such small-minded people! They just don't know s**t. Phew! :redface:

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@Hammerhead:

I see. Well, it's a good thing you don't have to put up with THAT nonsense anymore. That must be a relief after all those years.

And thanks for the tip about how much longer I have to go to put up with it. But then again, the time may be sooner for some than for others. I can hardly wait..... :rolleyes:

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@Simona: (Caution: this may be VERY heated)

Holy shit! That's f**kin' ridiculous!!! People need to get their grip on reality!!!! Why can't people just STFU and realize that you don't have to be paired up with someone in order to be "complete"??? WHY do some people think that everyone is DYING to meet someone and that everyone wants/has to be part of a PAIR???

And last I checked, 21st century =/= Middle Ages

Sorry you have to endure all this nonsense. Your situation reminds me of the song "People = Shit" by the metal band Slipknot. Relax, you'll be fine. If you've managed to make it to your current age without letting it all get the better of you, I'd say you're golden. Just continue to be happy with your life. It's all you can do. 8)

Im very thankful that my father who lives with me doesnt give me that nonsense. He'd always with my mom to leave me alone. She was prone to giving a good beating if you weren't in line and I never was according to her.

Im happy with who I am and that's all that matters to me now :)

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Im very thankful that my father who lives with me doesnt give me that nonsense. He'd always with my mom to leave me alone. She was prone to giving a good beating if you weren't in line and I never was according to her.

Im happy with who I am and that's all that matters to me now :)

Sounds like she was the one who was always out of line! Being happy with who you are is really the only thing that matters, plain and simple.

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mad_scientist

@mad_scientist: (WARNING: May also be very heated)

Anyone who thinks your aunt is mentally ill are probably mentally ill themselves, the slimeballs! Why don't people understand that being a part of a pair is a choice, and NOT A REQUIREMENT??? Such small-minded people! They just don't know s**t. Phew! :redface:

Well, my aunt did spend much of her life travelling around Australia on foot with pack donkeys and only stopping for itinerant work when she ran out of money or to try setting up New Age shops and suchlike. Since most of my family are... well... narrow-minded bogans (don't get me started on trying to explain asexuality to my father), they tend to assume bad things about anybody not just like them.

America has at least one activist group for lifelong unmarried and single people by choice (http://www.unmarriedamerica.org/), so maybe things are looking up.

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America has at least one activist group for lifelong unmarried and single people by choice (http://www.unmarriedamerica.org/), so maybe things are looking up.

Well this at least says something! About time society has come to recognize veriations as such somewhat. 8)

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I'm 27, I think I'm quite lucky as I don't tend to have a problem with people constantly nagging at me about it. My family are fine with it, it was always obvious since being a child that I was very different, fiercely independant and stubborn, not to mention quite solitary and private... So it hasn't been a big shock to them at all. (My family expect nothing but the opposite of normal from me!)

It tends to be newer people in my life that question my asexuality.

Friends etc don't say too much, it's almost as though they just accept it without question, as though it's natural for me to be this way. It's quite odd now that I think about it :blink:

Especially reading how everyone else is being nagged at!

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I'm 27, I think I'm quite lucky as I don't tend to have a problem with people constantly nagging at me about it. My family are fine with it, it was always obvious since being a child that I was very different, fiercely independant and stubborn, not to mention quite solitary and private... So it hasn't been a big shock to them at all. (My family expect nothing but the opposite of normal from me!)

Friends etc don't say too much, it's almost as though they just accept it without question, as though it's natural for me to be this way. It's quite odd now that I think about it :blink:

Especially reading how everyone else is being nagged at!

Geez, I wish I could have had it as easy as you have! It seems to me that I've actually had it a bit easier than alot of people here, and very few have had it easier than me. Seems like you're one of those few! :D

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It never stops, as far as people wondering what's wrong with you. Eventually they may shut up, but I haven't noticed that yet.

You can't really say "Why don't people..." or "People just need to..." because they're going to say/think what they want. You just have to develop some stuff to throw back at them, or develop a thicker skin.

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It never stops, as far as people wondering what's wrong with you. Eventually they may shut up, but I haven't noticed that yet.

You can't really say "Why don't people..." or "People just need to..." because they're going to say/think what they want. You just have to develop some stuff to throw back at them, or develop a thicker skin.

I'm just going to stand by what hammerhead said in his post. Plus, I've even said a few times that all one can do is just live life and be happy.

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I never had anyone say to me that I'd change my mind about being asexual ... I've had more people up in arms with me stating that I'm Childfree then anyone even making a blip about my being asexual

Though I've had a few strangers on other boards (marriage boards only actually) who said it wasn't possible to be asexual and married to a sexual - just not possible at all that I was an out right lier for saying that i was asexual married to a sexual. Funny thing is they got so pissy about it the name calling was rather funny to degrees but some of the crap they tried pulling wasn't great at all (ended up deleting my account and leaving the site for a while).

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I expect the answers to this question to very considerably within an infinitely wide range.

So far, it looks like I was right about this prediction! 8)

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I'm 50.

Most of the hassle stopped when my hair went grey. It was like magic.

Grey hair seems to equal non-sexual and that suits me just fine.

I wish I'd thought to dye it grey when I was 14. I would have had a much happier adolescence.

Also, I'm very reclusive and give out signals that I like my own company and prefer to be alone.

I refuse all invitations to social events and people rarely ask a third time.

Sometimes in extreme situations I invent a girlfriend.

"My girlfriend wouldn't want me to do that..." etc.

I've sometimes been referred to as a 'confirmed bachelor' which I think might be code for gay.

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I went through that for years, but the comments really slowed down when I passed the childbearing age, thank God. They still have not stopped completely, even now that I'm 56. I had a woman at work the other day tell me she wanted to introduce me to a nice man from her church. "It's not too late you know. You are still a nice looking woman, and he already has kids from his first marriage." I had to bite my tongue to keep from telling her that I was so glad she wanted to set me up with someone else's leftovers, who would be willing to date me because I wasn't ugly and covered in warts!

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Moondragon007

It wasw only recently, when I told my sister I was ace, that she finally stopped nagging me about seeing a doctor about my lack of libido. :P

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It wasw only recently, when I told my sister I was ace, that she finally stopped nagging me about seeing a doctor about my lack of libido. :P

WOW! From alot of the other posts I've seen on this website, it usually isn't as easy as THIS! :blink:

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mad_scientist

I never had anyone say to me that I'd change my mind about being asexual ... I've had more people up in arms with me stating that I'm Childfree then anyone even making a blip about my being asexual

People give you crap about that? Really? Being childfree is the responsible option for people who don't have a strong, persistent interest in raising children (adoption being the responsible option for such people). It's like being really green -- so long as you're not being preachy and trying to convert everyone else, you'd imagine that people would be happy about it. You're lessening the burden on their children by not filling the world with your own.

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I never had anyone say to me that I'd change my mind about being asexual ... I've had more people up in arms with me stating that I'm Childfree then anyone even making a blip about my being asexual

People give you crap about that? Really? Being childfree is the responsible option for people who don't have a strong, persistent interest in raising children (adoption being the responsible option for such people). It's like being really green -- so long as you're not being preachy and trying to convert everyone else, you'd imagine that people would be happy about it. You're lessening the burden on their children by not filling the world with your own.

I know, right? WAY too many times, I have snapped at people, "Do the words 'IT'S NOT FOR EVERYONE' mean anything to you?" I hate the people who act like it is a hate crime when I say I never want to be a parent. Even worse is when they tell I would be "missing out" whereas in reality, I get to experience MORE.

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Not wanting to have children does seem to come in a close second, if not a tie, to not wanting to have sex when it comes to shocking people. They just can’t understand why. To them it’s supposed to be such a natural thing. And yes I’ve gotten that ‘You’ll regret not having kids when you’re older’ speech. Well I’m older and still no regrets.

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Not wanting to have children does seem to come in a close second, if not a tie, to not wanting to have sex when it comes to shocking people. They just can’t understand why. To them it’s supposed to be such a natural thing. And yes I’ve gotten that ‘You’ll regret not having kids when you’re older’ speech. Well I’m older and still no regrets.

I have mentioned this elsewhere, but I have an uncle who is 47, and whom I believe is an aromantic-asexual like myself. I am pretty sure people have given him this sort of stupid nonsense when he was younger, but I can name a number of things that can overpower any potential regret of remaining single his whole life. For one thing, he is at the age where alot of the people with whom he went to school now have kids who are now teenagers, out of high school, or even already in college, so I can name quite a few off the top of my head:

1. Not having to pay big bucks for prom or college expenses.

2. Not having to deal with kids' significant others of whom would not be approved.

3. Not having to get into COUNTLESS arguements with rebellious adolescents.

4. Not having to have attended all those painful parent-teacher conferences.

These are some off the top of my head, but I am sure that others can add more. :P

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I used to get some flack about not wanting to have kids, but I had a true answer that seemed to shut up most of the busybodies:

I was the oldest child in my family, and from the time I was in kindergarden I had to help take care of my younger siblings. I changed so many diapers that I NEVER wanted to see another one. I had (still have) a hair-trigger stomach when it comes to any vomit-like substance, and every time I had to burp a baby I gagged and almost joined in. I paid my dues before I ever reached puberty. 'Been there, done that.

NEVER AGAIN!

('Course, the grey hair helps a lot, too. :))

-GB

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I used to get some flack about not wanting to have kids, but I had a true answer that seemed to shut up most of the busybodies:

I was the oldest child in my family, and from the time I was in kindergarden I had to help take care of my younger siblings. I changed so many diapers that I NEVER wanted to see another one. I had (still have) a hair-trigger stomach when it comes to any vomit-like substance, and every time I had to burp a baby I gagged and almost joined in. I paid my dues before I ever reached puberty. 'Been there, done that.

NEVER AGAIN!

('Course, the grey hair helps a lot, too. :))

-GB

OMG, I'm so sorry you've had to endure all that nonsense!

But I guess bad experiences can be used as good arguments in the long run!

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CrazyCatLover

I used to get some flack about not wanting to have kids, but I had a true answer that seemed to shut up most of the busybodies:

I was the oldest child in my family, and from the time I was in kindergarden I had to help take care of my younger siblings. I changed so many diapers that I NEVER wanted to see another one. I had (still have) a hair-trigger stomach when it comes to any vomit-like substance, and every time I had to burp a baby I gagged and almost joined in. I paid my dues before I ever reached puberty. 'Been there, done that.

NEVER AGAIN!

('Course, the grey hair helps a lot, too. :))

-GB

My story is essentially the same. I've found the quickest way to pair things down to the essentials is to say "before my youngest sister was born, I wanted to have two kids close together in age so that they could amuse each other. By the time she was a year old, I knew kids were NOT for me." I've done the whole mommy thing, and I don't like it one bit.

To any other CFBCers (childfree by choice), if someone tells you that you'll change your mind when you have an "accident," don't tell them you're asexual. Saying "that's what abortions are for!" yields a much more amusing response (in my experience).

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Wow, reading all your experiences is really bringing home to me how unusual my family is...

That have never bugged me about not dating, though I'm pretty sure they've wondered. My few friends also don't push me about that. I guess I give off a strong "that's private" vibe.

As to children, my oldest sister started young, and produced enough of them for all of us. It is just really her thing. Fortunately, it's also her husband's thing, and they are good at it. That's how I think it should ideally be - only people with a real vocation having children, not just everyone doing it without thinking because they think they should. If I had reproduced, I wouldn't have been nearly as good a parent. So my hypothetical children really lucked out that I had no interest in having them. '-)

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That's how I think it should ideally be - only people with a real vocation having children, not just everyone doing it without thinking because they think they should. If I had reproduced, I wouldn't have been nearly as good a parent. So my hypothetical children really lucked out that I had no interest in having them. '-)

I completely agree with this to the fullest! I have said this many times before, but there are ALOT of people out there who are reproducing like crazy, but SHOULDN'T be reproducing! It's great to know that there are people out there who know themselves from the inside out to a great enough extent to know that they would not be good parents, and so they according never become parents! Way to go! 8)

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