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apositive.org


bard of aven

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A while ago in another thread, I suggested facetiously that AVEN had outlived it's usefulness (I don't believe that, and I regret that a couple of people took it more seriously than I intended), and that the time had come for people to start forming new asexual communities online (I do believe that.

www.apositive.org is one such community, put together by AVEN members who are interested in pushing the borders of theory and practice in sexuality in general and asexuality in particular. It's a community that intends to be asex-positive and sex-positive, a place where sexuals and asexuals can explore what it means to be sexual or asexual, alone or with each other.

apositive.org[/url]]Apositive.org is for those who have been through Asexuality 101, and are ready to start digging for deeper levels on which to discuss ourselves and our relationships. Our ultimate aim is not just to introduce newcomers to the basics — AVEN is doing a grand job of that already — but to push the great asexual discourse forward.

We promote acceptance, not just of ourselves and asexuality, but of the whole world around us, including sexuality. We’ll come out and say it: we’re very anti-’anti-sexual’ here. Dedicated virgins or otherwise, we’re not people who are easily squicked out by the mere idea of sex. We welcome members and visitors of all orientations, but this is probably not the best place for people who are easily offended by frank discussion and naughty words.

Check it out.

boa

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Cool site. But I think there is a script problem with Internet Explorer. The image is over the text...

150223tapositive.jpeg

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If you increase the resolution of your screen you should be able to see it - or you could select all and paste it into word and read it there...

Tis a very good site! *membered*

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A while ago in another thread, I suggested facetiously that AVEN had outlived it's usefulness (I don't believe that, and I regret that a couple of people took it more seriously than I intended), and that the time had come for people to start forming new asexual communities online (I do believe that.

www.apositive.org is one such community, put together by AVEN members who are interested in pushing the borders of theory and practice in sexuality in general and asexuality in particular. It's a community that intends to be asex-positive and sex-positive, a place where sexuals and asexuals can explore what it means to be sexual or asexual, alone or with each other.

apositive.org[/url]]Apositive.org is for those who have been through Asexuality 101, and are ready to start digging for deeper levels on which to discuss ourselves and our relationships. Our ultimate aim is not just to introduce newcomers to the basics — AVEN is doing a grand job of that already — but to push the great asexual discourse forward.

We promote acceptance, not just of ourselves and asexuality, but of the whole world around us, including sexuality. We’ll come out and say it: we’re very anti-’anti-sexual’ here. Dedicated virgins or otherwise, we’re not people who are easily squicked out by the mere idea of sex. We welcome members and visitors of all orientations, but this is probably not the best place for people who are easily offended by frank discussion and naughty words.

Check it out.

boa

Best of luck with your mission, although I can't help but wonder why we need a sex-positive asexual forum when the rest of the world is already sex-positive. It looks like we're apologizing for our orientation or, at the very least, being excessively politically-correct. Or, to put it another way, if a gay forum started talking about how great it was to be straight, there might be a few raised eyebrows.

Besides, it looks like you're trying to drive away the repulsed-A's, and I think they're the ones most in need of community support. It's hard to function when you have a phobia of/aversion to something so ubiquitous.

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sounds like a lovely place.

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Best of luck with your mission, although I can't help but wonder why we need a sex-positive asexual forum when the rest of the world is already sex-positive. It looks like we're apologizing for our orientation or, at the very least, being excessively politically-correct. Or, to put it another way, if a gay forum started talking about how great it was to be straight, there might be a few raised eyebrows.

That would be one way to look at it. But I don't think there is a whole lot of apologizing or political correctness going on over there.

Besides, it looks like you're trying to drive away the repulsed-A's, and I think they're the ones most in need of community support. It's hard to function when you have a phobia of/aversion to something so ubiquitous.

Well, we'll always have Par....., I mean, AVEN. If that's how it looks to you, that's how it looks to you. I would suggest that the ones most in need of community support not only still have it here, but would benefit greatly fom forming their own safe cyberneighborhood. An increasing number of smaller communities exploring the aspects of asexuality they are most drawn to/interested in can't be a bad thing.....and we can all still meet in civil concord here on the mother of all asexual sites.

boa

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Very very interesting ... I will read through it some other time when I'm not half asleep. Yes...

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Best of luck with your mission, although I can't help but wonder why we need a sex-positive asexual forum when the rest of the world is already sex-positive. It looks like we're apologizing for our orientation or, at the very least, being excessively politically-correct. Or, to put it another way, if a gay forum started talking about how great it was to be straight, there might be a few raised eyebrows.

Many, many gay organisations go out of their way to stress that they are straight-friendly. While the world may already be sex-positive, very little of it is asexual AND sex-positive. Rather than being politically correct, I think for those of that mindset, it would be nice to discuss sexuality without every time having to confront the anti-sex/pro-sex debate, and instead just take it as something they've moved on from (or never been interested in).

Besides, it looks like you're trying to drive away the repulsed-A's, and I think they're the ones most in need of community support. It's hard to function when you have a phobia of/aversion to something so ubiquitous.

Who's driving anyone away? I'm sure apositive have no plans to usurp AVEN as the sole web forum for asexuals - they even say as much on their homepage.

As for being most in need of community support, that's a debatable call. On one hand I think it's important that there IS a place for everyone to feel welcomed. For repulsed-A's there is AVEN and, as boa said, any other website repulsed-A's decide to start for the purpose. On the other hand, perhaps sex-positive and sexually active A's are the ones most in need of support. Some have said they feel on the outer at AVEN as well as in the wider sexual world, and then there are attitudes like this (posted a few days ago):

In my defence: I think the problem is I'm finding it rather hard to fight for asexuality (a cause I felt strongly about) as being attacked by the evil sexual media, after having found out there are people who identify as asexual actually doing the deed...

That post was made in the context of a debate on whether the idea of sex-positive asexuality might just be too counterintuitive for anyone to get their head around, and as such sink any education and visibility efforts for asexuals. To have a site like apositive.org going can only help put that sort of thing to rest.

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I'll check it out. I totally support as many asexual sites as we can handle! :) To paraphrase my favorite philosopher, "there's no monopoly on [asexual sites], and plenty left for future generations, too. " :wink:

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Ha. I'm more of a "US Patent office, year 1899" type person.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

(Incidentally this is an urban legend, No one in the patent office said that, well not officially anyway).

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I think it's a great idea. A forum about sex for Asexuals, Right up there with fly screen doors for submarines.

It's not a forum about sex. It's sex positive - so we can talk about the nitty gritty without being told that "Ooh, because you have sex you're not asexual".

At the moment, topics of debate include how we classify our relationships, masturbation, how/why people fall in love, the boundaries we have within relationships.

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Ha. I'm more of a "US Patent office, year 1899" type person.

Everything that can be invented has been invented.

(Incidentally this is an urban legend, No one in the patent office said that, well not officially anyway).

Nooooo!! There goes another favorite factoid :(

It's not a forum about sex. It's sex positive - so we can talk about the nitty gritty without being told that "Ooh, because you have sex you're not asexual".

It's the term "sex positive" that offends me. It reminds me of being a little kid and being told over and over that I'd like something if I just thought about it positively. Or my friend who recently told me I would enjoy having my period if I just stopped thinking about it patriarchally (whatever the hell that means). "Sex positive" implies that a) sex is universally good, and B) if you don't like sex, you're not trying hard enough to like it.

I'm certainly not against there being another forum. I'm wary of one that shuts out people who haven't found the "positivity" switch yet.

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"Sex positive" implies that a) sex is universally good, and B) if you don't like sex, you're not trying hard enough to like it.

I think the problem with that statement is the word "universal". No-one is implying that sex is universally good, or even that all people (or all asexuals) should feel that it is. It's just a forum for those who do - no more, and no less.

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May be it is time to start that forum for the true asexuals!! Maybe we could have a war and build bombs and stuff.

Seriously though, a forum for asexuals to talk about exploring sex.... Think about that for a few seconds.

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I don't know what's giving people the idea that it's a forum "about sex." There are four main boards: Asexuality, Relationships, Sexuality, and General. The third one contains a couple of threads aiming at intellectual understandings of sexuality, because we think it's interesting. By and large this is a minor component and there's a lot more going on. In general what we want to foster is integrated discussion of asexual theory, queer theory, relationship theory, sexuality, gender, and all the rest, because these are all interrelated concepts.

It's not a clubhouse for asexuals who have sex or like sex or want to explore sex. Have a look at the site before you start commenting, or you're just making a fool of yourself. It's just a place for comprehensive, open-minded, and innovative discussion about all of the issues surrounding asexuality, taking an explicitly tolerant stance towards sexual people and what they do.

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Well I did have a look at it before I commented obviously. My favourite was the long discussion about masturbation, and with topics on "Enjoying Sexuallity Asexily well, I don't know but for me they both really go beyond the bounds of asexuality.

Each to their own how ever I just think it's a little strange. For me it's plain to see that the apositive board will develop in to asexuals exploration of sex but for others it may not be so obvious. I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing, it's just not for me and not what I would consider asexual but I'm sure many people would consider it asexual.

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My favourite was the long discussion about masturbation, and with topics on "Enjoying Sexuallity Asexily well, I don't know but for me they both really go beyond the bounds of asexuality.

Iunno. I'm speaking as someone who doesn't get aroused or masturbate, and will probably never compromise on the issue of sex, but even I fail to see how this board is going beyond asexual bounds. The discussion is the kind of discussion I had hoped to find on AVEN when I joined. Instead, the sentiment here is much more antisexual, which isn't my view, and keeps me from participating as much as I'd normally like.

Like you said, to each their own... I doubt I'll join, on the basis of "not enough time", but I am pleased to see those discussions happening somewhere.

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Well I did have a look at it before I commented obviously. My favourite was the long discussion about masturbation, and with topics on "Enjoying Sexuallity Asexily well, I don't know but for me they both really go beyond the bounds of asexuality.

It is precisely this kind of thinking which has lead to the development of this site. The elitist attitude that some asexuals are more "pure" than others, BASED ONLY ON BEHAVIOR, has become more and more pervasive at AVEN. What kind of "bounds" can or should be imposed on a person's innermost desires?

A-Positive isn't about promoting sex, obviously, since the founders and the members, for the most part, ARE asexual. It's about promoting tolerance and discouraging the notion that those who masturbate (or are willing to engage in sex for the sake of a relationship) are somehow LESS asexual than those who choose to remain celibate. It's about looking for positive methods of integrating asexuality into the wider spectrum of human sexuality.

We maintain that asexuality is a sexual orientation defined by lack of sexual attraction, NOT by behavior.

In this regard, we are much like what AVEN used to be when it was first founded.

As the site develops, this focus will become more evident. It is, after all, a brand new site and only has a few threads so far.

We are also seeking as much asexuality-related scientific research as possible, with the ultimate goal of accumulating it in one place for easy access.

-GB

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Best of luck with your mission, although I can't help but wonder why we need a sex-positive asexual forum when the rest of the world is already sex-positive. It looks like we're apologizing for our orientation or, at the very least, being excessively politically-correct. Or, to put it another way, if a gay forum started talking about how great it was to be straight, there might be a few raised eyebrows.

Besides, it looks like you're trying to drive away the repulsed-A's, and I think they're the ones most in need of community support. It's hard to function when you have a phobia of/aversion to something so ubiquitous.

No, the rest of the world isn't sex-positive and I've read enough anti-sexualism here to speak for that. The repulsed aces and anti-sexuals can still frolic and play here, no biggie. Not everyone is going to be included in every site.

May be it is time to start that forum for the true asexuals!! Maybe we could have a war and build bombs and stuff.

Seriously though, a forum for asexuals to talk about exploring sex.... Think about that for a few seconds.

I'd join that one, too. I'm as "true" of an asexual as the next asexual (I put "true" in quotes just to use the context, it's not a term I support). The only one I wouldn't join would be anything elitest or anti-sexual...but nor would I throw a hairy canary fit that someone started the site. I just happen to support my sexual counterparts. I don't plan on participating in the sex topics there, like I don't participate in the ones here but I'm cool with them happening around me. I'm quite comfortable and secure with my own orientation and boundaries.

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My favourite was the long discussion about masturbation, and with topics on "Enjoying Sexuallity Asexily well, I don't know but for me they both really go beyond the bounds of asexuality.

Iunno. I'm speaking as someone who doesn't get aroused or masturbate, and will probably never compromise on the issue of sex, but even I fail to see how this board is going beyond asexual bounds.

Ok, how can an asexual enjoy sexuality asexily is beyond me... Tolerate, maybe, but enjoy it?! :shock:

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My favourite was the long discussion about masturbation, and with topics on "Enjoying Sexuallity Asexily well, I don't know but for me they both really go beyond the bounds of asexuality.

Iunno. I'm speaking as someone who doesn't get aroused or masturbate, and will probably never compromise on the issue of sex, but even I fail to see how this board is going beyond asexual bounds.

Ok, how can an asexual enjoy sexuality asexily is beyond me... Tolerate, maybe, but enjoy it?! :shock:

Well, to borrow a term from elsewhere - I guess a "pure" asexual knows the difference between sexual attraction and biological messages in a person's body and is able to understand how some asexuals enjoy sex. Perhaps anything "less than a pure asexual" still has a problem differentiating the two? (I'm talking through my ass of course because I have NO idea what the difference between a pure and impure one is.)

I have no use/time for sex and find the topic boring but I can understand that if it feels good people may want to engage. Don't know, never been through it but some people enjoy eating live shrimp too. As a "pure" seafood lover, it's not something I would enjoy but say 'bon apetitie' to those who do.

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Again, perspective. At the moment there are five-ish members out of 43 on the site who are in relationships with sexual people and are understandably interested in finding middle ground -- if possible, middle ground that does not merely involve compromise, but provides some manifestation of enjoyment for both parties. This is a fascinating and absolutely necessary discussion, but it's just one among many.

I'm a mod and the second most frequently posting member, and I'm married to another asexual, we're both virgins, and we don't want it any other way. I don't share a need or an interest in personally exploring sex. What I do share with all of our members is an interest in making the most of what I've got and the world I live in, and in intellectually exploring its parameters. We're trying to provide a non-judgemental forum in which to do that.

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My favourite was the long discussion about masturbation, and with topics on "Enjoying Sexuallity Asexily well, I don't know but for me they both really go beyond the bounds of asexuality.

Iunno. I'm speaking as someone who doesn't get aroused or masturbate, and will probably never compromise on the issue of sex, but even I fail to see how this board is going beyond asexual bounds.

Ok, how can an asexual enjoy sexuality asexily is beyond me... Tolerate, maybe, but enjoy it?! :shock:

Hu said it best. Identifying as asexual means that you experience no sexual attraction. To the best of my knowledge, this is a problem in mixed relationships, where the sexual partner needs sex and the asexual partner is willing to compromise. How would they do that in a way that both parties would come to enjoy? For the sexual, again, to the best of my knowledge, an unresponsive and docile bed partner is worse than no partner at all, and sucks the enjoyment right out of sex. The asexual partner is having sex to make their partner happy. If the partner is not happy, they just had unenjoyable sex with no reward. How can you solve that?

That's the kind of discussion I imagine would take place in a thread like that, and quite honestly, I wish it was happening here, too.

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My favourite was the long discussion about masturbation, and with topics on "Enjoying Sexuallity Asexily well, I don't know but for me they both really go beyond the bounds of asexuality.

Iunno. I'm speaking as someone who doesn't get aroused or masturbate, and will probably never compromise on the issue of sex, but even I fail to see how this board is going beyond asexual bounds.

Ok, how can an asexual enjoy sexuality asexily is beyond me... Tolerate, maybe, but enjoy it?! :shock:

Hu said it best. Identifying as asexual means that you experience no sexual attraction. To the best of my knowledge, this is a problem in mixed relationships, where the sexual partner needs sex and the asexual partner is willing to compromise. How would they do that in a way that both parties would come to enjoy? For the sexual, again, to the best of my knowledge, an unresponsive and docile bed partner is worse than no partner at all, and sucks the enjoyment right out of sex. The asexual partner is having sex to make their partner happy. If the partner is not happy, they just had unenjoyable sex with no reward. How can you solve that?

That's not enjoying sexuality and it certainly isn't enjoying sexuality asexily. That's enjoying the fact that your partner is enjoying himself/herself while you're trying to do your best to cope with your partner's enjoyment source, source which is, simultaneously, your source of reluctance. So, having the fact that you are experiencing another person's enjoyment and, in the same time, your own unpleasant experience, you're not actually enjoying something, but tolerating that something... which is what I said before.

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