Hyposexuals, semisexuals, demisexuals, pseudosexuals UNITE!

[Hallucigenia]

All our hyposexual, demisexual, semisexual, pseudosexual, kinda sorta sexual, and just plain confused people should represent. (I'm going to use "hyposexual" as an umbrella term throughout, because it seems to be the most widely recognized one, but if anyone has a term that they prefer, then please post and use/explain it!)

In all our study of asexuality vs. sexuality, you see, we've been neglecting the nice squishy gray areas in between. It is all too easy to fall into a mentality of "Most people are sexuals, and they think and behave like this. A few people are not sexuals, and they hang out on AVEN. The end." But - just like when people like DJ and ghosts try to fit themselves into the romantic vs. aromantic dichotomy - the either/or framework of sexuality doesn't work for everyone. And this isn't a glitch in the model (or in the individuals in question). It is the KEY to the model.

What do we mean when we say hyposexual, anyway? Well, as I said, I'm using it as an umbrella term. Off the top of my head, here are some sorts of people who might fall into the grey area:

- A person who experiences low levels of sexual attraction. (This is the most obvious one - but how does one go about measuring attraction?)

- A person who experiences sexual attraction, but has a low sex drive causing them not to want sexual stimulation very much despite their attraction.

- A person who experiences some parts of sexual attraction, but not others, according to one of our theories such as Rabger's model.

- A person who experiences sexual attraction and drive, but disidentifies from sexuality for some other reason, such as a nonsexual lifestyle or set of beliefs.

- A person who doesn't experience sexual attraction, but identifies with sexuality for some other reason, such as greatly enjoying sex (for whatever reason) when it happens.

- A person who isn't sure if they experience sexual attraction or not.

There are probably other ways to identify with the gray area, depending on how you define it.

In fact, I would be so bold as to suggest that, once we get used to the idea that the gray area exists, it is going to grow up and envelop a LOT more people on both sides than originally thought.

So where are my hyposexuals at? What are your stories? How do you handle the either/ors? Do you feel that you can kind of ease your way into both the sexual and asexual worlds, or do you feel alienated from both? How do you define your sexuality?

[Porcelain]

What's pseudosexual....?

Like an asexual who denies his or her asexuality?

[TheOtherDibbler]

Yeah, I was wondering about that too. :?

[HelloToYou]

What's "pseudosexual"??? Yeah, I'm in the grey area. that was part of my problem when I was trying to label myself and is also the reason I have "None of your business" marked in my profile. I don't feel comfortable with either the label asexual or sexual although asexual does seem to describe me a good deal of the time. And I'm not questioning. That leaves me with "None of your business" as my only option. I really wish there was the option of "no label" or something like that. I think I might be somewhere between "worlds," when it comes to the asexual and sexual "worlds," but I don't feel terribly alienated. I don't really define my sexuality any particular way... when it comes to most people I know, I'm just heterosexual, but when it comes to Owen and me, I don't have a label.

[ewallace]

I think I fall in that rather large category.

Since discovering AVEN, I've been really excited to learn that there's something that describes the way I've been feeling for a long time. But I've decided not to identify as asexual (though according to Rabger's model, I might be). I know the I certainly fall toawrd that end of the spectrum, but not right at it.

I like the term low sexual intensity. I think it sums up how I feel. I don't usually desire sex, but I am physically attracted to people, and even enjoy some aspects of sex under certain conditions. Sitting somewhere in the middle is likely the reason why I didn't figure this out much sooner.

To me the term asexual seems like a complete rejection/denial/exclusion of sexual things and I don't feel like that's how I am, or how I want to be.

I've found that my patch of nice squishy grey area is a good place to be. Understanding my own low sexual intensity made me embrace sex more than I have before. Odd, possibly, but I sorted out what was discomfort with the concept, and what was discomfort for other less permanent reasons. It's made that topic much less scary, and I'm feeling more and more comfortable being in a sexual relationship.

I don't know if that would be a possibility if I fell into the category I see as asexuality. I don't know if I would be comfortable with many of the things that I am (even if I don't necessarily desire them, I don't mind them and can enjoy them some). To me it feels like where I'm at is probably an easier place to be overall.

At the same time I can strongly identify with a lot of things I read here, so I've felt quite welcome and included. I think maybe I've got the best of both worlds.

[PollyB]

You know, this has landed more or less EXACTLY on a confusion I've been having - somebody (Yam) has started a thread in the Older forum about how we define sexuality. This is towards clarifying ideas, for a study project, about what it is asexuality might be the opposite of (I hope that's a fair representation). And I responded automatically with stuff which comes more from my years of identifying as lesbian and feminist, stuff about sexuality being a huge area of who you are, not what you do. Later I started to wonder (not on the thread, just very quietly while lying in bed) if I actually agree with books that say sexuality is a major area of being human for everyone, and think asexuality is a thread within sexuality, not its opposite. Then I realised how heretical it might be to say this on Aven, and my brain exploded. Still picking up the pieces and unsure what I think yet..

[Apophyllite]

What's pseudosexual....?

Like an asexual who denies his or her asexuality?

someone who acts like a sexual but really isn't??

[Hallucigenia]

What's pseudosexual....?

Like an asexual who denies his or her asexuality?

someone who acts like a sexual but really isn't??

I find it instructive that, in a thread dedicated to the squishy gray areas, several of you are still trying to assign them either to the black category or the white one.

(I don't know what "pseudosexual" means either, but I heard an AVENite using it to describe themselves, so I stuck it in there.)

[LL Cool R]

I put myself in the gray area! I think that many of use are.

[spinneret]

I've just taken to describing myself as queer.

I'm attracted to people across the sex/gender spectrum. I don't think I experience sexual attraction, but, like, WordWitch said, I don't really know how I'd define "sexual attraction." And I guess if I can't wrap my head around it, even to have an internal nonverbal understanding, then I probably don't experience it. I do feel pretty far down on the AVEN triangle, but I also have a cyclical sex drive and experience various types of aesthetic and emotional attraction. I certainly don't experience Rabger's "primary sexual desire."

So. I tend to identify as asexual, but I fully support my hyposexual, semisexual, demisexual, pseudosexual brethren, however they choose to identify. *hugs Hallu tight*

Hooray for grey areas. We need

[ibicella]

What are your stories?

I've had a real mess trying to get my actual sexuality straight from sociatal perception. I've never been a straight anything and it just gets more confusing as time goes on.

How do you handle the either/ors?

I'm either a very low end sexual or a high end asexual. Banging my head on the desk works sometimes, but I don't recommend it without a lot of asprin nearby. :lol: Truthfully, I just have to wait and see and let my mind stay open. I don't know what's ahead on the road for me, so I don't want to label myself into a corner.

Do you feel that you can kind of ease your way into both the sexual and asexual worlds, or do you feel alienated from both?

I feel kind of alienated from both worlds, really. I have a high desire for sex and have sexual attraction to unattainable people and things like actors or cartoons. In real life, I have never met anybody that I've ever wanted to wrap my legs around or ever found sex with another person to be anything other than really boring and frustrating. If I ever meet somebody I experiance sexual desire with or ever have an orgasm during sex with another person, I'll be really surprised.

My sexuality is really annoying. Having a high libido really sucks when you can't find anybody you want to share it with.

How do you define your sexuality?

Everytime I think I know what I am in terms of my orientation, it gets redefined. First I was bisexual, then I was bi-asexual, then I was pan-asexual because I have dated crossdressers and transexuals. I agree with what you're saying about the huge grey area of sexuality. I dunno what I am anymore and honestly, I kind of wish I knew because I dread the idea of trying to explain this to anybody in the future.

[Philip]

I regard myself as hyposexual in Hallucigenia's grey area.

I would very much like to have a sexual relationship with a woman within a committed loving relationship/marriage, but if I see an attractive woman I don't think "Cor! I want to **** her." To me sex is not separate from love. I would be somewhat sad, in the sense of regretting a joy and a pleasure I never shared with a woman I love, if I never have a sexual relationship.

I only know the degree of sexual desire/attraction I experience, not what other people experience. I don't identify as asexual - though I'm totally supportive of asexuality - because I have sexual desire.

[Nalle Neversure]

I'm attracted to people across the sex/gender spectrum. I don't think I experience sexual attraction, but, like, WordWitch said, I don't really know how I'd define "sexual attraction." And I guess if I can't wrap my head around it, even to have an internal nonverbal understanding, then I probably don't experience it. I do feel pretty far down on the AVEN triangle, but I also have a cyclical sex drive and experience various types of aesthetic and emotional attraction. I certainly don't experience Rabger's "primary sexual desire."

So. I tend to identify as asexual, but I fully support my hyposexual, semisexual, demisexual, pseudosexual brethren, however they choose to identify. *hugs Hallu tight*

Hooray for grey areas. We need

I totally agree with you, Spinneret! :P

I just haven't found a word to describe myself. So i don't describe, i'm just the crazy little ME!

[Philip]

Here are my ideas for alternative terms to hyposexual:

Sort of sexual; low-key sexual; nearly sexual; not quite sexual; halfway sexual.

[Placebo]

Here are my ideas for alternative terms to hyposexual:

Sort of sexual; low-key sexual; nearly sexual; not quite sexual; halfway sexual.

or . . . asexual-ish?

(or, sexual-ish)

or "kinda almost but not quite interested"?

"middling"-

"skosh"-

"dash"-

or "almost"- sexual (or asexual)

[Hallucigenia]

I like the idea of "low-key sexual". That seems a better label for me than most of the others I've been looking that. (And certainly less of a mouthful than "sexual but not very sexual"...)

[AotoSora]

I'm in the grey too, I guess.

I've never heard of Rabger's model but it definately makes sense. I have some primary sexual attraction but not the others. I have a sex drive too, which makes things confusing. I'd still like to call myself asexual though...

[spinneret]

I'm in the grey too, I guess.

I've never heard of Rabger's model but it definately makes sense. I have some primary sexual attraction but not the others. I have a sex drive too, which makes things confusing. I'd still like to call myself asexual though...

Rabger's model on the wiki ;)

[KSpaz]

Yay for being in the middle!

I tried to explain my feelings on this months ago...

http://www.asexuality.org/discussion/viewt...;highlight=gray

I'm glad to see the idea hasn't petered out!

But yes, I've taken to jokingly calling myself gray-a.

I have a boyfriend...we have sex. We do other sexual things (he's sexual).

This all started AFTER I discovered my asexuality, and AFTER he knew about it for months. He's very good about not trying to "change" me or anything like that, and very good at checking when I'm comfortable.

The deep emotional connection I feel has pushed me to enjoy things far beyond what I thought I would ever. Not saying that other asexuals just "need to find the right guy(EDIT: or girl, of course)" - we all know that's a rather ridiculous suggestion. But for me, it seems that the right balance of emotions and trust allow me to dip closer to sexual than I previous would have measured myself.

But yes, intimately, I don't initiate too much, but a lot of the time it is nice.

Since I can enjoy things like that, I feel incorrect in grouping myself as absolutely asexual.

I still, however, can not even IMAGINE doing anything with anybody else, and still am not sexually attracted to people. (STILL don't understand what hot is...)

I suppose I have a small sex drive that is existent basically just with my boyfriend. It is too small, though, I feel, to disregard the asexuality of my life. It is very apparent to me that I am different in viewing the male world than my other female friends in the attractiveness realm at least.

What to call myself?

I don't know.

I like gray-a.

I am very socially asexual, you might say. It makes it easier to go with that than to explain just how fuzzy I am when around my boyfriend, and how it changes depending on my "time of month", etc...

Hyposexual could work, I suppose, though would require more explanation if talking about it with people.

Being so close to the fuzzy zone between asexual and sexual, and having a sexual boyfriend that I love and want to please, that could work as a term for me.

Maybe the rule for me is, when single, I'm asexual; when in love (or rather, around the boy that I love, because when I'm not, I am very A), I'm "low-key" sexual.

Oh, the confusion! :lol:

[bharani108]

This is the craziest bunch of people I've ever been around. I LOVE IT!!!!! Hmmm, what am I? Bi- hyposexual sounds good. My idea of sensible is Ursala LeGuinn's Left Hand of Darkness(I think). One would go into estrus turn into male OR female, bear young then out of estrus and into non gender. The species gets replicated, everyone sees everyone else's side of life and most of the time sex isn't an issue. I get SOOOOOOOOOOO bored with the whole thing. It is on this forum that I first heard people state that they were no gender. That's interesting and I'm ashamed that it hadn't occurred to me that that is possible. :oops: So I'm learning tons on this site.

Completely off subject------- how do you get an avatar? I tried to get one from the gallary but it wouldn't load.

I love how unique people on this forum are. It's seems like asexuality allows so much more diversity of personality.

[Steel]

Hmm,I need sex the way salmon need trousers-no grey area there. :D

[Shockwave]

*represents*

W00t!

[artemisbrowndeer]

I HATE labels and try to avoid them whenever possible...

But yes, I've taken to jokingly calling myself gray-a.

That's a pretty good description of me; I do not initiate activity, ever. I don't have much of a sex drive and don't know what it feels like to have one. Sometimes I click with someone, and after the first flush of lust is over, I'm back to 'please leave me alone'. If I were to be alone again, I wouldn't have a problem with it.

Most times I think sex is nothing but a pain and relationships are too. But as I am not independently wealthy, having a partner at this time in my life helps. But if I won the lottery...!