[herdthinner]

I'm in my early 40's, so it'd be damned odd to be told that I'm a late bloomer and/or going through a phase. I just went through a good chunk of my life not knowing what to call my lack of libido (other than "lack of libido"), so... thank you, founders of AVEN.


I'd say things like "I wouldn't know what to do with a boyfriend if I had one!"
Most people's response: "Ohhhh, you wiiiillll"
Then they'd do that nudging-and-clicking thing people do when they're trying to be sly. Nudge-Nudge-"Kch!-Kch!"


Mom more or less figured it out on her own, but for many years, I was kinda-sorta-maybe hoping to find a "companion,' which was our code for "Boyfriend who won't want sex, either." But what bugs me about her is that she's dead certain that the cause is physical in my case. A congenital medical condition caused me to be born with an enlarged clit, and the fine physicians of 40 decades ago simply removed it, sometime between infancy and toddlerdom. The medical condition I have involves messed-up hormones, so... well. I hate to concede that Mom could have... {{sigh}}... a point, but I'd prefer thinking that it's all in my head!

My BFF once lamented that I wasn't the sort of friend she could trade S.O. stories with. She's the most sexual person I've ever known, so I can only imagine what sort of S.O. stories she wanted to share. She knows of my ace-ness, but I can't help but think that, deep down, she thinks I just need a good lay. But whatever.


Man, I can't get over the "Not a sin if you don't act on it" line from an earlier post. It means that we have to have sex to avoid sinning. Right??

[stephanato]

jaybird721, on Jul 23 2006, 04:23 PM, said:

"*wide eyed* You can reproduce asexually?"

...Yes. Yes I can.

I got that too! I was outraged by the statement at first, but now that I look back on it, it's somewhat funny.

[MsMistoffelees]

"I know there are asexual people. You just aren't one of them."
This from one of the stagehands at the theatre I worked at for a while. He's the same guy who also repeatedly asked me if I was sexually abused (which I was not)...

[Ginni]

"It's confidence"

"You have a lot of issues"

"You can't be asexual"

It goes on and on and these are from the same friend who coincidentally likes to think of himself as liberal and accepting.

[YnotBme]

lillyankh, on Sep 28 2009, 03:53 PM, said:

For those of you who have been told you might have low testosterone, I might know something that could assuade those doubts.

I'm not entirely sure exactly how scientifically accurate this is, but I watched this programme about homosexuality a few months ago where they were trying to prove that being gay is nature and not nurture. One of the points they brought up was the "low testosterone" argument, which they explored.

Look at your hands. If your ring finger is longer than your forefinger, then you have an overabundance of testosterone. I can tell you that my ring finger is waaay longer, and thus I do not have low testosterone.

As I say, I don't know how accurate this is, but it's still interesting.

Yeah, I've heard that too...but another thing that will put an end to the "low testosterone" argument...I have a VERY high level of testosterone in my body because of my PCOS but I STILL have no sex drive. Testosterone CAN effect a person's sex drive, but doesn't ALWAYS effect it.

As for the worst response, this response started out being the funniest, then turned quickly to the worst i've had yet...though i haven't told very many people...

Her: Why won't you have sex with me? don't you think I'm pretty enough?
Me: I didn't even know you wanted to have sex. No, it's not that you're un-attractive or anything, I'm just Asexual.
Her: WHAT?
Me: I'm Asexual. I'm not interested in sex. at all.
Her: Are you saying you're straight?
Me: LOL! NO!!! I Like women, I just don't like having sex.
Her: Ok. So you just don't like sex?
Me: Yup, that's right. I'm just not into it.
Her: OH THANK GOD, I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME!
Me: :laughs: ....um, ok, Why would you think there was something wrong with you?
Her: Well, we've been dating for half the year and you haven't asked me to spend the night yet.
Me: You've spent the night at my house over a dozen times, what are you talking about?
Her: Yeah, but you never joined me in the shower, or watched me change, or touched me in any more intimate way than a hug or cuddling on the couch.
Me: Had you expressed an interest in doing anything more, I would have told you that I'm just not into it. I never meant for you to think that I was shunning your affection or anything.
Her: oh, ok....i think I understand.
Me: So you're ok with it?
Her: Yeah, at least it's not that there is something wrong with me!
Me: Oh, good. I was worried that you would react badly.
Her: No, not at all...so long as i know it's not me....i get it... you're just a freak of nature.

[EllieZel]

I guess I've been lucky...I haven't really had a "bad" response yet. Though my ex-boyfriend had a really hard time accepting the possibility. I actually think he was being intentionally obstinate, but whatever.

He said that asexuality goes against everything he believes in. He claims to be a "romantic" person (read "melodramatic") but he said that he views sex as a romanticized form of love. I'm thinking he sees love as a romanticized form of sex.

[ExeCUTE]

Here's a funny one:
Her: So....You are asexual.
Me: Yup!
Her: Well, I'm not.
Me: No, I do know that... ~_~
Her: So yeah, um...
....
Her: I like penis.
___
She now interjects all my ramblings about asexuality with 'But I like penis/cock/men now'

The most annoying:
Why do you think that your are asexual? YOU'RE WRONG! You'll change. You are just saying that. You know that when you're older you are going to want to have sex and kids, right (uh, wrong.)?
*descends in rant
___
The saddest:
Ah, don't worry. I'm sure one day you'll fall in love. I know that it won't BE love for you, but it'll be some sort of companionship or friendship...right?

[Jillianimal]

YnotBme, on Oct 13 2009, 07:47 AM, said:

lillyankh, on Sep 28 2009, 03:53 PM, said:

For those of you who have been told you might have low testosterone, I might know something that could assuade those doubts.

I'm not entirely sure exactly how scientifically accurate this is, but I watched this programme about homosexuality a few months ago where they were trying to prove that being gay is nature and not nurture. One of the points they brought up was the "low testosterone" argument, which they explored.

Look at your hands. If your ring finger is longer than your forefinger, then you have an overabundance of testosterone. I can tell you that my ring finger is waaay longer, and thus I do not have low testosterone.

As I say, I don't know how accurate this is, but it's still interesting.

Yeah, I've heard that too...but another thing that will put an end to the "low testosterone" argument...I have a VERY high level of testosterone in my body because of my PCOS but I STILL have no sex drive. Testosterone CAN effect a person's sex drive, but doesn't ALWAYS effect it.

As for the worst response, this response started out being the funniest, then turned quickly to the worst i've had yet...though i haven't told very many people...

Her: Why won't you have sex with me? don't you think I'm pretty enough?
Me: I didn't even know you wanted to have sex. No, it's not that you're un-attractive or anything, I'm just Asexual.
Her: WHAT?
Me: I'm Asexual. I'm not interested in sex. at all.
Her: Are you saying you're straight?
Me: LOL! NO!!! I Like women, I just don't like having sex.
Her: Ok. So you just don't like sex?
Me: Yup, that's right. I'm just not into it.
Her: OH THANK GOD, I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME!
Me: :laughs: ....um, ok, Why would you think there was something wrong with you?
Her: Well, we've been dating for half the year and you haven't asked me to spend the night yet.
Me: You've spent the night at my house over a dozen times, what are you talking about?
Her: Yeah, but you never joined me in the shower, or watched me change, or touched me in any more intimate way than a hug or cuddling on the couch.
Me: Had you expressed an interest in doing anything more, I would have told you that I'm just not into it. I never meant for you to think that I was shunning your affection or anything.
Her: oh, ok....i think I understand.
Me: So you're ok with it?
Her: Yeah, at least it's not that there is something wrong with me!
Me: Oh, good. I was worried that you would react badly.
Her: No, not at all...so long as i know it's not me....i get it... you're just a freak of nature.

Woah, she just had to ruin it. I felt the sting just reading the last line....and I don't care if/that I am a freak.

[Mechanism Unknown]

"Even if there is such a thing as asexuality, no guy is asexual. If they say they are, they're really just gay."

Thanks, mom. This is after I showed her AVEN.

And, for the record, a gay man would be fine with me.

[Typical Power - Flying Ace]

Mechanism Unknown, on Oct 14 2009, 09:24 PM, said:

"Even if there is such a thing as asexuality, no guy is asexual. If they say they are, they're really just gay."

Thanks, mom. This is after I showed her AVEN.

And, for the record, a gay man would be fine with me.

What is with guys not being able to be Ace? Seriously... what the shit..

[AVENCakes]

typicalpower, on Oct 14 2009, 04:39 PM, said:

Mechanism Unknown, on Oct 14 2009, 09:24 PM, said:

"Even if there is such a thing as asexuality, no guy is asexual. If they say they are, they're really just gay."

Thanks, mom. This is after I showed her AVEN.

And, for the record, a gay man would be fine with me.

What is with guys not being able to be Ace? Seriously... what the shit..

There was a topic about it on AVEN a few years back, too. Guys are stereotypes as being sex-obsessed so nobody can believe they wouldn't want it at all.

[YnotBme]

Jillianimal, on Oct 14 2009, 12:50 PM, said:

YnotBme, on Oct 13 2009, 07:47 AM, said:

lillyankh, on Sep 28 2009, 03:53 PM, said:

For those of you who have been told you might have low testosterone, I might know something that could assuade those doubts.

I'm not entirely sure exactly how scientifically accurate this is, but I watched this programme about homosexuality a few months ago where they were trying to prove that being gay is nature and not nurture. One of the points they brought up was the "low testosterone" argument, which they explored.

Look at your hands. If your ring finger is longer than your forefinger, then you have an overabundance of testosterone. I can tell you that my ring finger is waaay longer, and thus I do not have low testosterone.

As I say, I don't know how accurate this is, but it's still interesting.

Yeah, I've heard that too...but another thing that will put an end to the "low testosterone" argument...I have a VERY high level of testosterone in my body because of my PCOS but I STILL have no sex drive. Testosterone CAN effect a person's sex drive, but doesn't ALWAYS effect it.

As for the worst response, this response started out being the funniest, then turned quickly to the worst i've had yet...though i haven't told very many people...

Her: Why won't you have sex with me? don't you think I'm pretty enough?
Me: I didn't even know you wanted to have sex. No, it's not that you're un-attractive or anything, I'm just Asexual.
Her: WHAT?
Me: I'm Asexual. I'm not interested in sex. at all.
Her: Are you saying you're straight?
Me: LOL! NO!!! I Like women, I just don't like having sex.
Her: Ok. So you just don't like sex?
Me: Yup, that's right. I'm just not into it.
Her: OH THANK GOD, I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME!
Me: :laughs: ....um, ok, Why would you think there was something wrong with you?
Her: Well, we've been dating for half the year and you haven't asked me to spend the night yet.
Me: You've spent the night at my house over a dozen times, what are you talking about?
Her: Yeah, but you never joined me in the shower, or watched me change, or touched me in any more intimate way than a hug or cuddling on the couch.
Me: Had you expressed an interest in doing anything more, I would have told you that I'm just not into it. I never meant for you to think that I was shunning your affection or anything.
Her: oh, ok....i think I understand.
Me: So you're ok with it?
Her: Yeah, at least it's not that there is something wrong with me!
Me: Oh, good. I was worried that you would react badly.
Her: No, not at all...so long as i know it's not me....i get it... you're just a freak of nature.

Woah, she just had to ruin it. I felt the sting just reading the last line....and I don't care if/that I am a freak.

Yeah, it was great up until the last part...i reacted by just looking at her and saying "ouch...really?"
and she went on to tell me that she was fine with me being a freak of nature, and that she could "help" me change....that's when i left.

[Axxidous]

Let's see, I don't consider them as "BAD" as I do... let's say "stupid". It's very common in the world for many subjects.

Back in middle school-
Friend: So who do you like in this school?
Me: N one.
Friend: come on dude you gotta like someone.
Me: No, I don't find anyone here interesting.
Friend: Dude that's impossible.
Me: How's that impossible? Why should I CARE? Besides, if I liked someone what if it were someone not within our little school world?
Friend: Whatever you're weird.

Common reactions as I got older-

(from someone who found out I didn't like girls) "Wait... you're gay?"

(from an elder or adult who found out I didn't like girls) "you haven't reached that stage yet huh?"

(from an elder who found out I didn't like sex) "Just wait, you will"

(from someone who found out I didn't want kids) "It's not something that you plan", "I don't believe you won't have kids. I believe you will, you're just too young right now to know it"

(from someone who knows I don't like anyone) "I play basket ball and talk to girls like a normal person", "come on dude, you gotta at least have sex when you're older" (this one was particularly followed by me wondering why my straight male friend was so concerned about my sexual life)

(from a drunk lady outside my home who wanted to molest me) "You never had sex? You're 17 and you're a freakin virgin?! ...you'd better get out of here before I molest you. heh heh...aahh your mom would be mad if I did anyways I'd have to owe her like 12 cigarettes teh heh..." (yeah I know what you're thinking haha)

(by my mom) "I believe you'll give me grand kids when you're older and decide to settle", "you can't really say you don't like sex because you've never tried it", "you're still just a kid, you just haven't reached that stage yet" [even though I'm about to enter adulthood... I may be young but I'm old enough by now right?]

Other things I don't like is people assuming any girl I talk to is a girl I like... now when someone asks who I'm talking to as says "is it a girl?" with a grin I have to say yes! Like people very commonly telling me what I should modify about myself to get the ladies and their attention and do for them and blah blah if it's that much work they're only convincing me to be asexual/aromantic even MORE. I have a girlfriend NOW and she's sounding pretty asexual too (I think the words "I never wanna have sex" fits the bill) and the good thing is it's mutual AND I now have an excuse to get people to leave me alone about the girlfriend thing! (now we just gotta get our moms to stop trying to teach us life lessons about our future and sex!)

Ohhh sorry for rambling. (considering no one even knows me

[FelineHuggles]

'Wait, you are an Asexual, so don't like boys or girls? Then why do you want to transition?'

[you*hear*but*do*you*listen]

Oh wait, I remembered one. Said by a kid I went on a pity date with because he asked me out right after his mom died.

"If you're asexual, why do we cuddle so much?"

Because I like to cuddle. Idiot.

[lillyankh]

I was talking to my parents about the internet in general and I mentioned AVEN as being one of the sites I go on.

My lovely mother then made a remark that effectively said that asexuality is like anorexia and AVEN is like a pro ana site.

[~Acer~]

Anorexic? With all this cake??

[lillyankh]

Orianna, on Oct 15 2009, 08:52 PM, said:

Anorexic? With all this cake??

You, my friend, are awesome.

[Shuusui]

lillyankh, on Oct 15 2009, 04:20 PM, said:

Orianna, on Oct 15 2009, 08:52 PM, said:

Anorexic? With all this cake??

You, my friend, are awesome.

You both just made my day.


Also, this hasn't happened yet but...for creative writing class we're writing short stories and I'm planning to feature asexuality in mine. It's relatively new source material to me, my inner muse has been drooling over the idea for a while...anyway, I just KNOW that my teacher is going to tell me that this 'asexuality' thing is an 'interesting idea.' I've gotten to know him a bit by now, he's going to come out with something creatively great, and by that I mean it will inspire me to think up newly creative ways to hurt people...wow, I've got a vicious streak tonight. Anyway, calling it now.

[purplebutterfly]

Male Friend: You're only asexual as you've not slept with the right guy....say me!

Me: I'm actually really insulted by that. *rages*

Male Friend: *cowering* I'm sorry....I'm only saying it because...Um...I'm actually a virgin...it's embarassing, I'm 22.

Me: *eyeroll*

[little_miss]

" You're just frigid."

[ExPostFacto]

StarGazed, on Oct 15 2009, 02:57 AM, said:

typicalpower, on Oct 14 2009, 04:39 PM, said:

Mechanism Unknown, on Oct 14 2009, 09:24 PM, said:

"Even if there is such a thing as asexuality, no guy is asexual. If they say they are, they're really just gay."

Thanks, mom. This is after I showed her AVEN.

And, for the record, a gay man would be fine with me.

What is with guys not being able to be Ace? Seriously... what the shit..

There was a topic about it on AVEN a few years back, too. Guys are stereotypes as being sex-obsessed so nobody can believe they wouldn't want it at all.

We're stigmatized to be non-virigns as well apparently.

I was talking with some friends last year and people were surprised that I was a virgin when it came up in conversation.

Why are they shocked? Because I'm confident and decently funny, and obviously as a adequately charming human being I must have had sex.

As I say, "I don't have a problem getting laid. I don't get laid and that's not a problem."

[AVENCakes]

YnotBme, on Oct 15 2009, 03:17 AM, said:

Yeah, it was great up until the last part...i reacted by just looking at her and saying "ouch...really?"
and she went on to tell me that she was fine with me being a freak of nature, and that she could "help" me change....that's when i left.

Eugh, I would've left then, too. Although I wouldn't mind adding "well, I'm fine with you being an ignorant bitch, but I don't think that's something you can change, so let's just part ways". That really was a sucky response.

Howloween, on Oct 15 2009, 08:21 AM, said:

'Wait, you are an Asexual, so don't like boys or girls? Then why do you want to transition?'

>_< Blarghle, yes! Because my entire desire to transition is based on the fact that I'm not happy enouhg with my sex life! There is no other reason for me to have a problem wiht my current body!

[cutiecupcake]

I mentioned to one of my friends that my ex probably dumped me because I'm asexual.

First he said, "It would be hard dating someone who wasn't attracted to you. I mean, don't you think it would be weird? If you were dating someone who wasn't attracted to you in any way?"
I started going on about how I was romantically attracted, but I just didn't have the same intentions when it came to sex.
So then he goes on to say how sex is "everyone's main purpose in life", that he finds it interesting that I would rebel against it, and that romance naturally leads to sex.
Even though he's more open-minded than most people I know, I couldn't help but go off on a tangent about relationships and friendships and blurring the lines, and of course I had to add that asexuality isn't choice.

I think I kind of weirded him out.

[Nano]

I had a bad one the other day:

"Don't argue biology with me."

What.
In other words, not only does he think I'm BSing because it's 'biologically imprombable', he also thinks I'm not smart enough to have a biological discussion with him. I don't need to know biology to know how I feel, thanks.

[chipmunkgirl]

Don't worry, I've got some other friends with sexual deviancies.

[camurro]

Me: "Well i'm asexual..."
Friend: "Maybe I'm asexual too....Cool! I could have sex with whoever I wanted and they'd never be any consequences!"
::facepalm::

[you*hear*but*do*you*listen]

God this is a depressing thread. We should have a "best responses to your asexuality" to balance this one out.

[sunshine-sky]

Worst Response:

"Wow. No wonder your ex cheated on you."

>:

[chipmunkgirl]

sunshine-sky, on Oct 29 2009, 11:41 AM, said:

Worst Response:

"Wow. No wonder your ex cheated on you."

>:

Ouch