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      AVENues Holiday Special Edition is now live   08/17/17

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      Ace Community Census   11/06/17

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      Help fund AVEN's servers!   11/06/17

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  1. Past hour
  2. #AsexualProblems

    I once sat in a bus and people next to me started making out and the guy twisted her nipples so hard, I was like: OH MY GOD DOESN'T THAT HURT LIKE HELL?!
  3. #AsexualProblems

    oh my last two years of high school (my two fellow classmates) *cringing* his hand untied something under her shirt.
  4. For Those Who Are Asexual and Have a Libido?

    Thanks ficto... I've put bits of your story together but I don't recall reading it as a single narrative before. Out of interest, how do you think you'd feel if your partner found they could no longer do anything sexual with them?
  5. Starbrite

    We all make mistakes learning and growing as we go along!.

    we are all students of life ;)

  6. For Those Who Are Asexual and Have a Libido?

    That is an amazing story.
  7. So, what does sexual attraction even feel like?

    Well first off, I'm in total and complete agreement that sexual attraction needs to be stricken from the asexuality definition. It's far too subjective, ambiguous, and completely unreliable to be used as any sort of defining standard, and I've been arguing against it for some time as well so if that was all directed at me, you're preaching to the choir. Good info to have in this thread regardless, though! (To clarify, I still believe in the, "asexuals do not experience sexual attraction," definition in the way it was originally intended, meaning an asexual person is sexually attracted to no one and hence desires sex with no one. Because that has become so warped out of control, though - like the people who somehow still claim to be asexual even though they 'love sex, just aren't attracted to their partners' - I now stand by the, "asexuals lack the innate desire for partnered sex," definition instead.) All that aside, I guess I interpreted the Logically Explained definition a little differently. I didn't read it as leaving out love/bonding/emotional factors as motivators for sexual attraction - which, yes, is extremely common. To me, it reads more as, 'sexual attraction is whatever internal motivation you have for desiring sex with another specific person.' This includes literally any reason a person could feel that way - physical attraction, love, desire for intimacy, finding someone funny or smart - maybe they parallel parked like a boss and it got you hot, haha. It could be anything, so I like that the definition (in my interpretation of it) doesn't limit or specify what counts or not. Also, I interpreted 'drawn to' as simply wanting to be close/intimate with someone, which could apply to a married couple of twenty years coming together in their own bed as much as two strangers feeling sparks across a room, lol. "Deep-seated" is an odd choice to use though, I agree. I feel like this definition is trying to define 'sexual attraction' and 'sexual orientation' as being one and the same and that's where it goes a little awry. I still think it's loads better than the, 'sexual attraction is when you look at someone and get horny,' definition that runs rampant on AVEN.
  8. Fcc vs Net Neutrality

    Meet the man who's going to kill the internet. Ajiit Pai.
  9. Too young

    I started identifying as ace at 15. It's not like you're stuck with a lable forever if it turns out not to be the right one.
  10. Prom Problems, or “Promblems” if you will

    I was in a similar situation for my prom, had almost all the same worries. I actually only went because a friend wanted to go and didn't want to be alone, and I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. Unless you don't want to go at all and are just feeling pressured into it (in which case don't go), I'd advise the following: - Going with a group of friends is ideal, because then even if the prom sucks you're having a night out with them. Find out for definite if your friends are taking dates or not, so long as there's a few of you just going with friends, you shouldn't feel too out of place for not having a date. - You don't have to drink if you don't want to, since your friends won't pressure you, best stick with them. Remember it's perfectly normal not to drink for all sorts of reasons, so don't let anyone make you feel weird or 'boring' for not drinking. - With regards to preperation, it personally didn't take me that long, just a day shopping for something to wear and an hour or so on the night getting ready, but others take longer. Some people I knew had spray tans done and booked appointments to get hair and nails done professionally and stuff, but it isn't necessary imo. If you think your mother might try to force you into dressing up more than you want to, it would be worth having a talk with her about it beforehand. If you feel pretty certain you're going to be forced into something you don't feel comfortable in, reconsider if you'd still want to go like that or not. Also when choosing something remember that you might end up dancing so something you can move about in properly is a good idea. - Do not go to the "prom cottage". - If possible, have some way you can get home if you decide that you've had enough. My prom was pretty far from home and since I was very sure whether I'd like it or not, I asked my dad (who drove me there) if he'd be ok coming to get me if I wanted to leave. Bear in mind though that my prom was for a Northern England high school, so it may be completely different to how yours will be. It might be worth finding out everything you can about your prom before making a decision. I hope you enjoy it if you end up going.
  11. Today
  12. TransWhatevers of AVEN

    I like the transfeminine and transmasculine labels a lot. They leave some space, but tell how you feel at the same time or the direction of your "trans vector" . At least this is how I see them. The very definitive labels don't leave the room for some details not following the scheme. The descriptions are so detailed and the details are so complicated for many people! I can't say I ever could do it. Puberty came early to me and one of the first things it did was giving me an alto voice. Well, I can hardly reach soprano if I put a lot of effort in it, and it doesn't feel too healthy for my larynx. Well, I can reach parts of base too, if I put a lot of strain into it... for comparison. Lol, in the last karate training, there were some pubescent boys. We had to do some exercises and each member of the group had to count ten repetitions and lead the group. And my voice was so much lower than theirs xD Especially when I have to shout, it turns out what my natural range is, and it's raaather androgynous. I think it's that a different mixture of pitches gives the same pitch. In the case of a guy, you can often hear some low sound resonating in the background or mixing in.
  13. I'm surprised no one is talling about this net neutrality is very important for everyone, if we want the internet to continue to be open and free
  14. Steps out of the shadows and goofily waves

    WELCOME TO THE PARTY It seems like you fit right in already..
  15. #AsexualProblems

    great to know !! Has been a long time since I took the bus
  16. #AsexualProblems

    I'll live. XD Thankfully I was sitting next to the window so I could avert my gaze to the passing cars instead. (Although I was very tempted to yell, "Get a room!")
    • arekathevampyre
    • Autumn Sunrise

    Thanks for the follow !! :)

    1. Autumn Sunrise

      Autumn Sunrise

      You're welcome :)

    2. arekathevampyre


  17. #AsexualProblems

    wow that is intense for a first time !! *hugs* I hope your eyes are okay . Mine burn when I see these stuff
  18. #AsexualProblems

    For all the times I've ridden the bus, this was a first for me. x.x
  19. What are you thinking: Gender Edition :)

    I don't feel male (*waves agender flag*), but the lack of neutral ways to address someone in my native language makes me so happy when this happens (which is like never, but whatever).
  20. #AsexualProblems

    happens everyday when I take the train (eww)
  21. #AsexualProblems

    Riding the bus, and the two people in front of me start making out. First it was all smoochy smooch, his hand goes under her shirt, cuddle, lovey dovey, gag-inducing wub-wub. Guys, really?! Was I happy to get off at my stop, before it escalated any more.
  22. Prom Problems, or “Promblems” if you will

    Don't go. If it's something you feel like you're not gonna like, why bother torture yourself with an event you wont enjoy? That's how I felt towards my prom and I was dumb enough to attend it.
  23. #Trans + non-binary problems

    When I go to medical places that aren't for my gender, I've been trying to act cis, as in accentuate my feminine habits and talk in a higher voice. I think all I did was sound "gay", like the higher voiced guy that gets stereotyped as gay.
  24. #AsexualProblems

    Why even bother asking..?
  25. For Those Who Are Asexual and Have a Libido?

    Did you know my experience on this Tele? I'm pretty sure you've read my explanations in the past, but I'll explain it in case anyone else is interested Before: despite having a libido, I had no desire to actually have sex, and had no enjoyment of it when I did have it. It was like this distasteful chore that I had to get out of the way . This no matter how in love I thought I was at the time. I had sex with both men and women, and even though I found the women nicer to be with (beautiful, curvy, soft, etc) I still didn't enjoy the sex and couldn't get aroused during it or anything. When I eventually was able to 'give it up' (by vowing I'd remain single forever lol) I was happier than I'd ever been before, knowing I was free from the pressure of having sex even though it meant giving up romantic love. I did secretly dream of someday having a sexless romantic relationship but didn't think that was possible as I assumed I was the only person out there like me. Finally in 2013 I discovered the term 'asexuality' in a current affairs show on NZ TV , and at the same time learned that asexuals can desire sexless romantic intimacy with each other. I was so happy that I cried, and kept crying every time I thought about it for aaaaages afterwards (like, months, haha). I eventually joined AVEN, met my asexual ex, and had an 18 month long asexual relationship which eventually ended due to differences that had nothing to do with intimate incompatibility. It was nice to learn that asexuals can be very romantically intimate, even 'kinky' without any actual genitals or sexual pleasure being involved After: At 28 (after 6 years of celibacy, and about 6 years of having sex I didn't enjoy or desire before that) I met someone who was identifying as asexual when I met him, but he was so willing and open to explore all sorts of extreme kink and fetish without there being any expectation of actual sex happening that I slowly began to realize I can actively desire and enjoy certain sexual activities, even really extreme ones From there it got to a point where I would actively choose to have sex for pleasure under certain circumstances, and now it's so natural and casual that it's like I was never any other way!! The feelings themselves aren't exactly different though, the bond feels the same (a deep friendship along with a stronger emotional bond than what I have with anyone else) but the things I want have changed a lot. I actively think about sexual acts with him when I'm aroused (even when I'm not aroused lol) and know I'd enjoy orgasm more with him than without him.. Plus I can want sex with him even if I'm not aroused. I'm still not someone who wants to have sex with randoms or anything, I need that bond first and the comfort of knowing that person won't ever expect sex from me.. but I'm also pretty hypersexual and want to suck ...ahem... like 24/7 as long as it's attached to the person I love So it's a huge turn-around, but the difference is in the things that I desire more-so than any particular 'feeling', if that makes sense? haha I've never actually got 'turned on' from movies like that. My partner and I (who are actually both highly sexual people with each other, it turns out) actually sometimes watch clips from that movie (and read quotes from the book) just so we can mock and ridicule it and laugh at how silly it all is. I actually get this deep cringe feeling inside my stomach just thinking about it!! So yeah, definitely feeling you on the cringed out bit, despite the fact that I'm a bit of a kinky sex maniac now (oh and, 50 Shades of Grey is tame compared to the stuff I'm into now, which is probably another reason why it's so cringe to me.. Though, I think it would be tame by a lot of people standards ''he spanked me.. six times!'' hehe) Anyway, to sum it all up - the difference between being sexual and 'asexual' (for me anyway) is that I'm a dirty fiend now who just loves the idea of all sorts of dirty filthy sexy things with the person I love, regardless of whether or not I'm aroused, and would actively choose to have those things for pleasure and for fun, probably at least once a day if he wasn't on the other side of the world right now!! Whereas before no matter how aroused I was I really wasn't at all interested in sex, preferred not to have it, and just found it this really uncomfortable unnecessary chore that I wanted to get over and done with as fast as possible I'd also like to add that my assumption now is that I used to only be 'asexual-seeming'. For whatever reason, I needed to wait for the right person to wake up my innate sexuality.. and if he hadn't come along I'd still be 100% functionally asexual I imagine. I'm not a big believer in 'sexual fluidity' but that's just me. Each to their own!
  26. TransWhatevers of AVEN

    I sing in different voices for fun. I think I still have some three octaves so I got low (masculine guy), middle (masculine girl or feminine guy), and high ("normal" girl). But of course nothing is inherently gendered. I haven't exactly figured out how to change between the feminine guy and masculine girl voice since it's the same pitches, but I have heard myself differently. Maybe it's the vibes or something. T isn't letting me scream into the heavens with ultra high shrieks anymore.
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