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  2. I would care too. It's never too late.
  3. I'm late and I couldn't even post from day 5 because life happened. T-T But oh well, it's still Friday so I'll post this anyway. Day 5: Some of my relationships were kind of hard because of this and knowing that what happens to me is normal helped me to validate myself so I could deal with them. Sadly, things ended up in a bad way but I think I did the best I could do in the situation. At least I learned something and now I have a way to describe what I feel and something to back it up (even though I think anybody should feel invalid for what they feel but... society and stuff happens) and to stand for. I've always appreciated more friendships and this reinforced it. There's a whole new world of things I'm allowed to feel or not to feel and that's just great. They think I'm just making things up but you know what? I don't need that kind of negativity in my life. Right now I don't want to come out again or to more people though. :/ Day 6: Yesterday this whole problem I've been talking about came closer to the end (but not yet T-T) and it was a hard day. Amatonormativity is just so awful and has forced me to do so many things and has made people surrounding me believe hurtful things and it's just... I hate it. I mean, I know it's not just that, I know that some attitudes and personalities (including mine) affect many things too, but amatonormativity just makes them worse. I don't want to think about this anymore but I guess this sums it all up. Day 7: This week had a lot of good and bad things (it's good to have variety, I guess ._.). This week helped me to love myself more and to stand for a part of my identity that is important for me. It also made me realize there's a lot I need to learn about the different arospec identities and I love that. I don't know what I would like, this was pretty cool. Maybe some thing to make suggestions about movies/books/series/etc that don't include romance. This is a whole trip I haven’t finished (and probably never will and that’s cool for me) and I’m glad there’s such a supportive community to lean on, learn from and to share things with. It’s a nice and fulfilling thing that anything else would ever give me. Thank you so much for that and I love you. <3 (no romo )
  4. Bear
  5. 205
  6. It's hard not to deal with strangers, but I'll take that as a good luck. lol
  7. How can one tell if they're asexual/graysexual or simply sex-averted/repulsed?
  8. I don't think that's a worry. I've been going to the beach for several years now. The first time I went, I thought someone was acting a bit strange towards me. Nothing was said, so it may have just been a newbie reaction. No other issues since that day. Talking to a regular nude visitor there last season and he was filling me in on a beachgoer that was sitting near me. Apparently my 'neighbour' had made a nuisance of himself in the past by trying to chat up some of the female visitors.
  9. yeah I kind of agree with Rallion. tbh there's really no way of knowing. you don't have to know for sure anyway. if someone asks your orientation/if you like boys or girls etc etc you can just say "eh neither" or "i dont really care for that" and if they keep pestering you/asking why just say something like "yea idk w/e man"
  10. A friend of mine who was a member here linked me to the site, and it made sense with who I was at the time... but... well, I posted the following in another thread but I think it fits perfectly here, so I'll just copy paste: "My advice to you is this: Don't worry about it. Don't let a word define who you are. Does it really matter if you're asexual or not? Personally I like to just think of myself as.... me. I had considered myself asexual, but I quickly found that the term is at once too broad and too strict to fit me perfectly. Much easier to just be me and not worry about what words might be used to describe me. I don't tell my girlfriend I'm asexual, instead I discuss what I feel and don't feel under difference circumstances - that way she understands much more precisely than if I'd used what is effectively an umbrella term for a chunk of a spectrum. "
  11. My advice to you is this: Don't worry about it. Don't let a word define who you are. Does it really matter if you're asexual or not? Personally I like to just think of myself as.... me. I had considered myself asexual, but I quickly found that the term is at once too broad and too strict to fit me perfectly. Much easier to just be me and not worry about what words might be used to describe me. I don't tell my girlfriend I'm asexual, instead I discuss what I feel and don't feel under difference circumstances - that way she understands much more precisely than if I'd used what is effectively an umbrella term for a chunk of a spectrum.
  12. I'm so against human contact, I will watch people from a distance & vet an entire aisle in a grocery store to make sure somebody doesn't trip & bump into me. I woke up this morning feeling that way. I barely wanted to touch my family when they came up for a cook out; but they are my family. I hugged them accordingly. Then my nephew left his sock on my bed, I've been working out a lot more lately. I picked him up by an arm & a leg because he didn't come here when I asked him to. Dropped him on my bed then he said that hurt, didn't apologize but I need to be aware that I can't be rough with eight year olds anymore. I saw him hug his brother when I went to pick him up earlier; all I thought was, he better not try to hug me tomorrow when I take him home. :| Sometimes at rugby practice, I will be like; "FULL CONTACT!" As I put on my goggles, then some days; I be like, "I'm out." Not a good day for contact. It takes me about a hour to talk myself out of being a grumpy pants to participate in a contact practice. The bad thing about it all; I have magical hands & my hugs are like hurricanes of love. :|
  13. Hi and welcome! I'm cake, nice to meet you. I dunno, for me I figured it out as soon as I found out what asexual was. And I don't really fear anyone around me not accepting it, as most of my friends and all of my family already know. If any other friends of mine found out and didn't like it well...bye I guess. lol
  14. It's definitely possible to be agender and dysphoric--the determining factor between agender and neutrois is generally considered to be whether you feel like you just plain don't have a gender (agender) or if you feel like you have a gender, but it's a neutral one (neutrois). If you're thinking of gender as colors, for instance, where red is female and blue is male, neutrois could be the gray in between, while agender would just be no color at all. Also, your presentation doesn't have any bearing on your identity--it's still possible to be agender or neutrois and present in a way that most people would read as cis, if that's what you're comfortable with. Hope that helps!
  15. Sounds good to me; I doubt I'll go to a nude beach any time soon, but I'm not a stickler for sexual attention. It already hurts to verbally talk, it hurts doubly to have to fend off someone who's into me. lol I just hope there's not too many people there tomorrow.
  16. My beard is occasionally dyed horribly wrong; especially once I reset it & go back black. The first bleaching takes forever because my hair is jet black; but not to digress too much, you can be as big of a part of the LGBTQIA as much as you want, you just have to get involved in ways that you are good at. I suck at being a people person, but I'm excellent at being a protector. Sometimes my presence alone is enough luck to keep people from acting out too much. Besides that, I'm a handy man, I keep a gerber on me, I can carry a lot of weight & I don't mind doing physical labor. I could pass as hetero to the point that my lavender beard wouldn't make anyone triple guess. It's my favorite color & my brooding personality just says to leave me alone. I'm on an LGBTQIA rugby team, they appreciate me coming around when I can; I actually just helped them with a Beer Pong Tournament. They were wild'n & after that; I stayed home to myself the rest of the weekend, was way too many people for my taste. My asexuality isn't the only uncomfortable thing about me. I'm awkwardly silent in person, I have no sense of humor, I'm anti everything, against the grain because I can be & I am never the first person to say hi unless I'm walking up on a group of people. Everyone doesn't know my sexual orientation; they just assume because I was on growlr for three years that I'm gay or bi because of my masculinity. A lot of the guys that are on growlr who are on the rugby team even looked at my profile & didn't say anything to me on growlr. I only got involved with the rugby team because of one of the sponsors; I was talking to his boyfriend because his boyfriend is into me. Then I started talking to Kerry because he's more interesting. I came out to a practice because of him & because I liked everyone's energy who was at that practice; I kept coming around. Now I'm on the team for sure. :| Biggest mistake of my life because there are a lot of tempting energies on that team & on the friendly teams that play us routinely. I don't mix recreation & pleasure; I'm safe in that sense. Let me not digress; just like anyone that asks you directly about your dating life, just let them know you're asexual & how you roll. They'll understand, it's very easy to get to people if you answer straight forward & don't give them in false hope. Because of the team, I have attended two pride parades & festivals; held a candle at the vigil for the Orlando gay club shooting, bought my first asexual flag, been supporting LGBTQIA stores around Charlotte & online. This year will be the first time since my child hood, where I'll be willing to wear a dress. For a prom match for Time Out Youth in my city; an organization for LGBTQIA youth. But with me being 6'3"; I doubt finding a dress is going to be easy for me. |:
  17. Hiring a handyman is waaay cheaper than having a spouse.
  18. You know the old saying, "Try it, you might like it." I guess naked yoga would be similar to going to a nude beach. Before I had forgot my swimsuit during that 'fateful' camping trip, I had gotten naked for a few minutes each morning during our camping trips, but I was alone. My 'soon to be' nudist friend was off on his morning fishing excursion while I had a quick dip to clean up. The trip I forgot the suit, I enjoyed just hanging out on our little beach watching the cloudes go by and chatting with my friend.
  19. Me too. Additional issues: What could make "abstinence only, till drinking age!" a concept to live in a guy guy relationship of similar aged participants? I absolutely don't get that. - I heard: starting out with guy friends or at their side before one gets into straight stuff was considered a somewhat normal sexual development. "Abstinence till #", is an idea that seems almost entirely straight to me. - While I felt fine living it, I understood: Contraception is not absolutely safe.& parenthood might have a huge impact on the girlfriend's life + even worse a lethal one on my monthly allowance. There was and probably still is: Handed down homophobia. PDA / romantic touching seem unthinkable among straight guys and coming out at that age is maybe not really preferable. Keeping relationships closeted isn't easy. - Maybe that 's why homoromantic stuff never crossed my mind. I guess girl girl welcome / goodbye hugging etc. seems way easier to imagine / more tolerated by society? To answer the foreplay limit question: Hands don't belong under (into) others' pants. No nude touching / making out. But once again: Long term procrastinating sex suits straight teens much better.
  20. I look constantly look forward to not being sexualized. A lot of people don't understand me when I say, "I wish I was unattractive." Being tall, with an average seemingly good build; the kind of build people want that isn't ripped like models but good enough to show that I take care of myself. With a full beard, a properly shaped giant head, giant hands with a bulge that peaks out no matter what on top of having a high ass; I get way too much attention that I never want. That's always the reason why guys get butt hurt when I tell them that I'm asexual & I won't be changing for them because if I haven't been in a relationship now; the chances are for anyone is zilch. Yet, they are always like, "You are so fine, you are so hot. Plow me." Deleting my growlr profile was such a relief, with out the blogging feature; I had no reason to keep it. Now I don't have to deal with randoms hitting me up for a late night creep that'll never happen. I even have an over & an under bite but people will over look that cause of my attraction factor. It's so bad, when I go to bars to hang out with my peeps or the rugby team; I have to pray the entire night that no one grabs my but or bumps into me on purpose. :| I would very much love for somebody to say, "That mind tho!" Then grab my head & kiss my forehead; I may forever want that, but I feel like that'll never happen...
  21. So I'm an adult and have just realized I'm asexual and I don't really have any resources available to be to talk about it/figure out how knowing this new thing about myself affects my life so here I am on a forum that I know very little about I guess I'm just wondering how you guys figured yourselves out and what you did about it. I know that's vague, but I'm kind of in vague confusion land so hopefully that's alright. I also fear how some of my peers feel about asexuality and its legitimacy. How do you guys deal with not knowing if the people around you are on board?
  22. I'm writing an essay on asexuality, and so have to make decisions about terminology and spelling. I've noticed that a number of asexual spectrum terms are commonly written in a few different ways, and occasionally people attach differences in meaning to these spellings. People write: 1. Gray-asexual or Gray-sexual, with some people omitting the hyphen (especially for the second variation). 2. Gray-aromantic or Gray-romantic, with some people omitting the hyphen (especially for the second variation). 3. Self-sexual, with a split between those who hyphenate and those who do not. I would argue that people should be consistent. For example, if you write gray-asexual, then you should write gray-aromantic rather than gray-romantic or grayromantic. Besides that, on a few occasions I've encountered people who make a distinction between terms like gray-asexual and gray-sexual. They use gray-asexual to refer to people who experience some sexual attraction but who feel that they have more in common with asexuality, would prefer to date asexuals, etc. And they use gray-sexual to refer to people whose experience of sexual attraction is on the low end of the scale for sexual people, but who still think that they have more in common with the sexual spectrum, would like to form sexual relationships with sexual people, etc. They make a similar distinction between gray-aromantic and gray-romantic. This distinction is not in wide use. Most people use these terms interchangeably. But it strikes me as a useful one for capturing differences for people who are on the borderline between asexual/sexual and aromantic/romantic, particularly with respect to communicating their preferences to others. For example, if I say that I'm gray-asexual it puts emphasis on the "asexual" part and people outside the asexual community (most of whom don't know much about asexuality) are more likely to recognize the term and at least have some slight idea of what I'm talking about. I'd appreciate other people's opinions, particularly with regard to whether anyone else follows the distinction that I've described above?
  23. Okay, reviving this thread! YUCK! Wavy potato chips with cool ranch dip?
  24. I don't know if this is a good idea or nah; but I literally come from a shit talking family with no bad blood between much of us. We just had a cook out today with some Woo Woo, liquor, vodka & other things; everyone left with plates & it was all good. My love life didn't come up; which is normal, because I have never brought anyone around that I've dated. My mother has only met one dude I was dating & I ended that before the relationship was determined. My mother & I go to his Charlotte Pride Band concerts every now & then. Just depends on her work schedule & my rugby schedule. But I have recently found out that he cheats on his boyfriend & I'm not sure if he actually tells him; so once again, I've dodged a bullet. So any time anyone asks me in my family or tries to tell me that somebody they know is interested in me; I laugh & say whatever is on my mind. One time I said, "I'd rather cosplay as a christmas ornament & hang myself." Since I'm literally the only nerd in my family, no one got that; but I killed myself laughing cause earlier that morning, I posted on social media; this pic of a puppet hanging from a tree limb with a noose. I thought I was a comedian for a few too many minutes. "I be cracking myself up, I be cracking myself...up!" They hate it when I say that... XD
  25. Hey there, I haven't yet posted an introduction about myself. Still trying to decide how to word it, and how much to put on there. But I have a little bit of an emotional/identity crisis. A few days ago I had sex for the first time, and it was like, whatever. I sort of knew I was ace, just trying to have new experiences (-and, I hate to admit it but like, to catch up with my friends who all have sex lives, but people have had sex for worse reasons). But I feel weird about it. I'm not here to talk about the experience itself, it's how I feel now that I'm having trouble with. I think, because I'm ace, I've never though about my own sex life much, and so I never really had to make any conclusions about it. But now that I did this, I feel like I have to rush to catch up, because all this new information is here in front of me. Like, I just didn't think about it. And now I feel kind of bad. Both because I don't like that I sort of forced myself and because I didn't enjoy it and I really hoped I would. Mostly though I hate the idea of my entire sexual experience being defined by one event, but I feel like until I have sex with another person it has to be. Like when you only have one thing to compare something to, until I have another experience there's not even an in-between to consider (if that makes sense) but man I don't know how long it'll be until I have another chance. And even then I don't know how I feel about being a person who is willing to have sex with strangers, which is what I did. I've never felt like there was anything wrong with sex with strangers at all, I'm all for it, do what makes you happy. But now that I did it, I don't know what it means for me. I just feel out of balance. Like my life is changed now because of this - and not for the better, and I know there's probably another way to think about it, but I don't know what that way is, and that's what advice I'm looking for. Like, how do I frame this so I don't feel bad about it anymore? I know I shouldn't, I just wanted to have the experience and nothing bad happened, it was just boring and awkward, but not really bad or anything, but I still feel kind of awful and I can't seem to get back to my regular self. I'm scared I never will. I'm not sure if this makes sense, but I'm just really worried. I don't know how to get back to who I am, even if I get back to feeling normal there's still always this singular event that happened that isn't a mystery anymore. I really don't know what to do or how to feel about it. I just feel messed up and I can't shake it. Do I just need time? Is it worth it to try it again with someone new, even a stranger? I know everyone feels weird after their first time, but why am I feeling this particular way in the first place? If you have any advice for me, especially from an asexual point of view, I'd be incredibly grateful to hear it. Thanks for reading! (I couldn't find anything about not talking about sex, though as this is a network about sexuality it would be pretty strange if it wasn't allowed, but I apologize if this isn't tolerated and will delete it.)
  26. Is it bad being on both sides of the fence? I have a nudist friend who invited me to naked yoga & I plan on going tomorrow; but normally I would be against that if a friend wasn't the one inviting me.
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