Asexual Perspectives
The Big, Meaningless Questions
It happens sometimes when you come out to a friend or some group you belong to. If you are lucky (or unlucky, depending on your point of view) enough to be interviewed by a member of the press, you’re as likely as not to get it there, too: The big meaningless questions.
“Have you ever had sex?”
“Do you masturbate?”
Now, as a big meaningless rhetoric exercise, read each phrase aloud repeatedly, emphasizing the first word the first time, next time the second, and so on.
….[ro-o-o-sebu-u-ud]….
Over the last two years and a bit that I’ve been hanging out at AVEN and polluting the fora (and the flauna????) , there have been more than a few threads about lonliness. A few have mentioned lonliness in their titles, and two such threads at least have had new posts this week. Problems with lonliness, how to deal with it, why it happens, etc. And how many threads have there been about avenisti who have been abandoned by their closest friends when said friend finds a regular sex partner? Well, I’m not going to say anything new, necessarily, but I might parse it a little differently.
My Funny Valentine
And February blows in, bringing with it that certain sense of love in the air. Hallmark commercials go into overtime, perhaps attempting to sell us on plush toy bears that kiss each other whilst electronically beeping an Al Green tune. Shop shelves fill with cheap chocolates in heart-shaped boxes covered in bright red, embossed foil. Restaurants fill to overflowing with couples out to celebrate their special connections. And all of it is supposed to have a sweet and more-or-less innocent feel about it — and I suppose that it does, providing, of course, that you accept the definition of love in the Western world: love is money. Just as, at different times of the year, money becomes the birth of a Savior, or the birth of a loved one. But just at this time of the year, money becomes love and love is that most wonderful and personal of chores that drives people collectively mad.
A Beginner’s Guide to “The Talk”
More confessions: I’m not that big a fan of the phrase “coming out.” Perhaps it’s the melodrama of it all- volcanically bursting from a place of confined safety to the free-and-judging light of day. There does not reside in us some secret asexual being which will, as illustrated by the movie “Alien,” suddenly burst forth to dramatically alter our standing and role among our immediate social network. Still everyone keeps blogging about it, so I might as well jump in.
I’m…Coming…OUT!!
I’ve decided to do an interview about asexuality that may end up on the radio. I’m not going to use a pseudonym so if it airs there will be no denying it. I’ve done interviews for magazines and newspapers by phone and email and calmly answered questions that would make me turn aubergine if asked by a personal acquaintance. I’ve no problem being out to people all over the planet, but telling those I see every day is a different thing altogether. I know I’m not alone in feeling this way because several members on the site have said they’d do publicity as long as no one they knew would be likely to see it or as long as they could use a pseudonym and not be photographed. And I wonder: Why? Why are we so scared to say, ‘Hey! I’m not interested in sex!’ Is having no desire to touch another person’s genitals so taboo?
Confessions of an Asexual Slut
I’ve come to the realization recently that I got ho tendencies. I mean this in all but the classic sense, having been literally (if nonpenatratively) in bed over the course of the past month with more individuals than I care to grow enough fingers to count. If, as we have been wont to posit from time to time, one can get just as intimate without sex as with it, then hot damn do I get around.
Really though.
To be out, or not to be out? An asexual dilemma…
Well, it’s been a heck of a week for me and for many other members who have been involved in the ongoing media interest in asexuality. The interview requests keep pouring in to us by e-mail and on the forums themselves from newspapers, magazines, radio stations and TV production companies. Whilst we may have expected SOME media interest after the fantastic New Scientist article, I don’t think that many of us ever really expected the amount we actually got! In terms of public awareness of our orientation this has been incredible, but as individuals a lot of us have had to think hard about just HOW public we want our lives to be.
How Things Change
Wow.
A week ago I was excited about the New Scientist article, but I had no idea the response we’d receive. 72 new members in the first day was overwhelming and wonderful. Whilst we had prepared for a bit of an influx of people after the article was released—it’s apparent now that we should have begun preparing several weeks earlier. And, while I’m pleased with the way it’s turning out, in a few weeks asexuality will be old news so we’ll have to keep working toward awareness in other ways. It’s odd to think that we’re going from ‘Asexuality—what’s that?,’ to, ‘Oh, please, that was all over the papers last week!’ I suppose that means we’re jumping the shark as I type this.
The Movement
I decided to put together this blog because things have gotten a bit hectic. The AVEN forum has far, far too many posts to keep up with, and with the recent media attention that our community has been getting I wanted a digestible way for passersby to access a more in-depth discussion on asexuality.
If you happen to be one of those passersby, welcome to the busiest hub of the tiny little world of asexuality. Any questions you may have about asexuality can be conveniently answered in the information area. I’m the site’s founder and webmaster, we don’t like sex here. Make yourself at home.